Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Eighteen

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Eighteen

The days following the night Mae Ri, Ji Soo and Jong Hwa visited me seemed to blur by. I continued the same routine; I'd get up, clean, go to school, come back to the dorms, do homework and sleep only to get up and clean again. After another week passed by, I came to the startling conclusion that I'd managed to put myself on autopilot. I hardly registered the actions my hands were taking or the words that were coming out of my mouth whenever I spoke to someone. I did what I needed to do and moved on to the next step, whatever that was at that moment.

I had started to buy cheap packs of tissues to keep with me at all times because of the frequent nosebleeds I was getting. I used to laugh at the Korean dramas that often showed a student having nosebleeds while studying and hadn't realized that it was a real thing. I kept my waste basket under my desk and tucked behind my chair. Not because I didn't want people, most especially my roommate, to see that all my efforts were beginning to take a toll on my body but because it was gross and no one needed to see it. At least that was what I had convinced myself was the reason, deep down I think I knew I was overworking myself.

My eating habits had changed as well. I was rarely ever free enough to grab dinner and on the days when I worked in the morning, I never stopped to get breakfast so lunch was now my main--if not my only--meal of the day. It was kind of a good thing, I discovered, when I'd realized I'd lost some weight. Enough that I now had to use a zip tie I'd found at work to cinch two belt loops together so my pants didn't hang halfway down my hips. Just you wait, Mae Ri, I'll be your size yet, I thought when I realized how much weight I'd truly worked off.

In the interim since my conversation with Brian on the bus I had done some serious reflection on what I wanted and I had decided what I wanted was to no longer be afraid of failing. I had begun stock piling my weekly earnings into little baggies that I carried around with me and didn't spend any of it unless it was absolutely necessary. Of course, I spared the few bucks it took to replenish my shampoo and conditioner but I'd convinced myself I didn't need the measly things like bed sheets or socks. I continued to sleep with my jacket, despite the warmer weather that said Spring was on it's way and I washed my only pair of socks every night before bed.

If anyone had seen a change in my demeanor, no one said anything and that was exactly how I preferred it. I kept up the minimal contact to keep up appearances but never did more than was required. This seemed to appease Mae Ri but only proved to upset Jong Hwa whenever I sent him reply messages that were only a few words long. It seemed he'd reached his limit two weeks after the last time I'd seen him.

I'm coming to see you tomorrow. We need to talk.

I read the text and felt a small amount of panic flit through me. I didn't want to see him, I'd finally gotten used to not having him around and I knew that if I saw him tomorrow, it'd rip down all the defenses I'd spent the last two weeks building.

Can't. I have a study group until late. Another time? 

It was a lie because tomorrow was Thursday and we'd had our study group today but he didn't know that.

Lily, I know you're avoiding me. I need to see you.

I glanced at the clock and noted that it was nearly ten at night and I had only manged to complete about two-thirds of the homework that was due tomorrow.

I'm not avoiding you. I'm just busy. I'm tired so I'm going to bed. We'll talk later.

I thought he'd push the issue but instead his reply was only one word:

Fine.

I put my phone down and ignored the pain that always seemed to prick at my heart whenever I thought of Jong Hwa.

I worked on my homework until I just couldn't any more, my eyes had started to burn and it was late enough that I knew getting up at two-thirty in the morning was going to be difficult so I took out the small piece of tissue I'd shoved up my left nostril to block my latest nosebleed and went to bed.

Per usual, I zipped up my jacket and ascended the first step of my bunk bed ladder when a wave of dizziness had me reaching backwards to catch myself on the closet door. I managed to stop myself from falling to the floor but my closet door, which hadn't been all the way shut, slammed closed and left a resounding crash that instantly woke up Emily.

    "Wha-" she looked around until she saw me awkwardly standing on one leg with my other leg still on the first rung and shaking my head to try and stop the dizziness. "What are you doing," she shrieked which only made me wince in pain at the volume.

    "Sorry, I slipped," I muttered and tried the first step again.

    "Oh my god," she huffed angrily and laid back down.

You little brat, I thought to myself. Couldn't even ask if I was okay? This time I was able to get to my bed without another dizzy spell and felt all my tension drain away as soon as I put my head on my makeshift pillow.

All too soon my alarm was going off again and I dismissed it quickly in fear of waking Emily up again. Lord only knew what'd she do to me the next time I jolted her out of sleep and I didn't have enough energy to waste on dealing with her.

I was careful as I descending the steps and realized I'd forgotten to pack my bag the previous night. So I gathered my books, my uniform and checked to make sure my money was in my bag before I left.

The walk to work wasn't nearly as bad now that the weather had started to get better, in fact, the spring air was refreshing and made me a little lightheaded. When I got to the club, my mood had taken a drastic upturn and I felt a little floaty. I checked in with the night time security guy and as per usual, started on the upstairs. It seemed like business had been slow the previous night because only four of the eight karaoke rooms had been used. It was always nice when I had less work, maybe, if I finished with work in time, I could even run by the cafeteria at the dorms and pick up something for breakfast.

I had just finished the last karaoke room when I picked up the small bucket of water and the mop I'd used to wash the floors and went to take them downstairs. I only got down three steps when another wave of dizziness overtook me but this time, with my hands full, I didn't have anything to stop me from falling. Everything had gone black by the time I reached the bottom of the stairs.

***

One Week Ago...

I had set up an appointment with the Director since he'd wanted me to come see him. I just got off of school and the only thing really on my mind was to get home and get some homework tonight and sleep but I gathered up the courage to come see him despite all that. I felt like I was tired all the time and since today was a Monday, I didn't have to work in the morning so it was my day to catch up on sleep.

The receptionist waved me towards the seating area and said it would be a few minutes before the Director came to get me. So I sat and waited. True to her word, the Director hadn't made me sit long before he came out of the side door and greeted me with a wide smile. He hadn't changed much in the month since I'd last seen him.

    "Ah, thank you Lily for coming to see me," I stood up and bowed to him respectfully.

    "Hello, Director," I said but left it at that because I didn't really now what else to say.

    "Are you hungry? I'm hungry, let's get something to eat," he didn't even wait for a reply before he started walking towards the front door and out onto the street. "Spring," he said while he took a deep breath in through his nose. "It's close, I can smell it."

    "Yes, Director," I followed a little behind him, unsure of what this was all leading too. If he was going to scold me for having a job, this seemed an odd way of doing it.

    "Do you like fish cakes," He asked me when he stopped at the corner of street and looked left and right.

    "Yes," I told him.

    "Me too, I know a place that sells really good fish cakes," he took an immediate left and steered us towards a street vendor that sold food.

    "I'm sorry, Sir, but what is this about," I asked as I followed behind him.

    "We'll get to it, don't worry," he said which only caused me to worry more. It had to be serious if he wasn't willing to even give me a hint.

He ordered the food and even I had to admit that it smelled delicious and when it arrived, I dug into the fish ball soup with fervor.

    "I was going to say it looked like you'd lost weight since I last saw you but it seems that you have a healthy appetite," the Director said jovially and he continued to eat his soup at a leisurely pace. "Do you like tteokbokki?"

    "You don't have--"

    "Ajumma*," the Director called to the woman behind the small kitchenette. "Tteokbokki juseyo*," he ordered a round of spicy rice cakes before I could decline his offer.

    "Ah, Ye," she called back and brought us the food and gave us each a toothpick to eat it with.

The Director speared a rice noodle and swirled it around the sauce before putting it in his mouth. I did the same because it would be rude to decline the food after he'd ordered it.

    "So I hear you are all by yourself now," the Director said without preamble and had me nearly choking on my own noodle.

    "Yes, sir," I confirmed as I wiped a little sauce from my lip.

    "Is that why you got a job," he asked before he spooned more soup into his mouth.

    "To make money, yes," I answered and put down my toothpick.

    "Ani, meogeo*," he gestured for me to take another bite of noodle.

I picked up another piece of noodle and put it in my mouth and waited to see what he said next.

    "How is the job going," he asked me after another moment.

    "Good, sir," I said simply. There was no way I was going to tell him how tired working actually made me.

    "What do you do," I could tell he was getting to his point because he'd stopped eating his soup and seemed to keep looking off into the distance, anywhere but at me and it made me feel like at any moment the other shoe was going to drop.

    "I clean, sir," I said and put down my toothpick again.

    "Where," he asked.

    "Do I have to tell you," I was getting tired of this interrogation and I wish he'd just tell me what he wanted to tell me already. However I knew better than to be rude, so I made sure my tone stayed even.

    "Did you know I'm well within my rights to remove you from the program," he said nonchalantly like he hadn't just potentially upended my world.

    "What," I asked loudly and the Ajumma turned to look at us.

    "Don't worry, I'm not threatening you," he said quietly and looked back at me. "But I will if I find out this job is causing issues with school." He let his words sink in and I felt he'd just slapped me on the hands with a ruler. "In this world, education is the only constant. Things are always changing and evolving and people are constantly learning just to keep up with it."

    "You're special, Lily," he said and once again looked away as he spoke. "I've seen older people than you cave to lesser struggles. Chan Min saw it in you the first time you came to his office and I saw it in you the day I interviewed you. You're special and you've got something about you that makes people want to protect you," he said.

    "I don't need--"

    "You're tough, I'll give you that but even the strongest can fall," he said easily as his gaze came back to mine. "History is proof of that," he finished. "I want to see you excel and I'm willing to jump through all kinds of hoops to make sure my students have all that they need to succeed in this program but it all starts with you."

For the second time in week, I felt like I had just been scolded. First by Brian, and now the Director. What, were the words 'troubled kid' tattooed on my forehead or something? With nothing else I could say I simply nodded and waited in silence until he finished the rest of his soup.

    "Hmm, masissda*," he put a few won on the table and stood up and I followed suit. He waved to the Ajumma who smiled and waved back as she continued to work on another group's order and we headed back in the direction of the ESE building.

    "Thank you for the food," I told him once we reached the building. I hadn't planned on going back inside but he waved me towards the door anyway.

    "Chan Min wanted to see you before you headed back to the dorms," he said.

    "Why," I asked carefully.

    "You'll need to ask him," he said with a smile and waved to me as he continued to talk past the building and down the opposite way we'd come.

I reluctantly reentered the building and told the receptionist to let Chan Min know I was here to see him now. Rather than waiting, she ushered me straight back to him and I walked to his desk without an escort.

He was clicking away at his computer when I knocked lightly on the plastic lining of his cubicle to get his attention. "Ah, Lily, you're here." He hit save on whatever document he was working on and spun around on his chair to give me a smile.

    "You wanted to see me," I said and sat down in the visitor's chair.

    "Yeah, I was going through your file to make sure I had everything for your graduation in a few months and noticed that the form you previously filled out for your emergency contact information listed your father as your emergency contact. Did you," he looked a little sheepish and he carefully chose his next few words. "Did you want to update that information?"

He handed me the paper I'd filled out a month ago. Had it really already been almost a month since I'd been on my own in Korea? I'd say time really flew by when you were having fun except the last four weeks had been anything but fun.

    "I suppose I should," I said and reached for a pen on his desk. I hesitated when it came to crossing out my father's name out but knew I had no other choice. I hadn't heard a peep from him since he'd left and I hadn't even gotten a hold of my mother. I wonder what he'd told her when she realized I hadn't come home with him. Had she even tried to get a hold of me? I wouldn't know since my phone was turned off but I suspected she'd at least tried once. I stared at the blank line and wondered who I'd put, I had no one else in the country that could put on that line.

    "If you don't have anyone else to put, you could just put me," Chan Min said after a minute of struggling to think of someone. "I mean, it doesn't have to be your parent. It could be anyone you would trust to make decisions for you if you ever unable to make them for yourself."

Who did I trust enough to make decisions for me? The first person to pop up in my head had been Jong Hwa. He was still a high school student though so he wasn't eligible to be my working guardian. His mother maybe? No, I couldn't put that kind of pressure on her.

    "Do you maybe have a doctor you trust on the base that you would feel comfortable being your emergency contact," Chan Min suggested and it clicked. No, I didn't have a doctor on base, but I did have a doctor.

I put Ji Soo's father's name on the line. The only problem was I didn't have his cell number. "I'm going to put down a number but it's not his. It's his son's, you'll just have to ask to speak to Lee Kang Bo. But I honestly don't think you'll ever have to use this," I laughed lightly. Or at least, I hoped not.

Chan Min nodded and took the sheet when handed it back to him and put it in my file. "Glad that's taken care of," he said and turned around and just looked at me. "How are you, Lily," he asked.

    "I'm-I'm good," I said and managed to keep most of the tension out of my voice.

    "Dahaengida*," he said and leaned back in his chair. "I don't want to keep you, I know you must have homework but you'll call if you need anything, right?" He made the universal sign for a phone and held it up to his ear.

    "Yes," I affirmed and stood up.

It wouldn't be until later that the importance that meeting with Chan Min would be until I found myself in the hospital.

***

Present Day...
Ji Soo...

My phone rang shrilly by my bedside and woke me out of a deep sleep instantly. I picked it up and noted the time as well as the fact that it was a number I'd never seen before. I debated on whether or not to answer it. I decided that it must be important for someone to call at four in the morning and put the phone to my ear.

    "Yeobeoseyo," I said sleepily into the phone.

    "Is this Lee Kang Bo," a man's voice said on the other end.

I pulled the phone away from my face to make sure it truly was mine and hadn't gotten mixed up with my father's. "Aniyo, jjamkkanmanyo," I got up from bed and slowly made my way to my father's room and opened the door. My father's snores almost instantly stopped the second I called his name. He may not work in the hospital any more but he still maintained the hospital mindset and could wake up instantly and be alert no matter what. I dropped onto the side of the bed he didn't use and passed the phone over even as I swung an arm over my eyes.

    "What is it," he said as he rubbed his eyes.

    "I don't know, someone called for you," I said. "Here," I said, shaking the phone so he'd grab it.

    "Yeobeoseyo," I heard my father say into the phone.

There was silence and then my father shot up in bed and nearly dislodged me from my side when he pulled the covers. "Mworigo*," he said loudly into the phone. I sat up next to him and could tell by the look on his face and the sound of his voice that whatever it was, it was serious. But why would they be calling on my phone, whoever it was.

    "I'm on my way," he said briskly and hung up. He wasted no time in getting out of bed and threw clothes on haphazardly.

    "Abeoji, mwoya," I asked him as he finished putting on clothes. "Who was it," I asked.

    "Ji Soo, follow me," he said and left the bedroom. I got up from the bed and followed my father to his office where he pulled out his medical bag and started filling it with items from his desk.

    "What's going on," I asked again, now I was started to get worried. I glanced at the number again on my phone and struggled to see if anything about it rang any bells.

    "Ji Soo, listen to me," my father said in a commanding tone. "Ji Soo," he said again to get my attention and I looked at him. "It was about Lily. There was an accident, they don't know much but she's at the hospital."

It took a moment for his words to sink in and then I turned around to go back to my room to get dressed but my father stopped me, "No, there's no point in you going to the hospital until we know more."

    "But Abeoji," I said faintly.

    "I will call you if anything happens," my father said as if that was the end of the discussion but it wasn't. I had never raised my voice to my father but I raised it now.

    "Abeoji," I said loudly and brought my father to a halting stop. "She's my friend, I'm going."

My father looked at me and must have seen something on my face because he nodded and went back to packing. "Fine, go get dressed. Call Jong Hwa as well," he said. "Don't," he added loudly. "Don't tell him what it's about. Just tell him to get dressed. We'll swing by and pick him up on our way."

    "What about Mae Ri," I asked. My father thought about it and ultimately shook his head.

    "No, she'll panic," he said and I had to admit that he was right. She would panic and no good would come out of telling her anything before we had more answers. "Okay, go," my father said and shooed me out the door.

I was calling Jong Hwa before I even changed out of my pajamas, "Ji Soo-ya, why are you calling so early?"

    "Something's come up, Jong Hwa. Get dressed, I'm on my way to come get you," I told him.

    "What," he asked in a less sleepy voice.

    "I don't have time to explain but you need to get up and get dressed. We'll be there in ten minutes, okay?"

    "Okay but--"

    "See you soon," I cut off his next question and hung up. He'd get dressed and we'd tell him once he got in the car.

For the first time in a long time, I prayed. I prayed that Lily was alright. It had to have been something major for her to be taken to the hospital but what she could have been doing that would cause her to go to the hospital at four in the morning was beyond me.

To Be Continued...

***

*Juseyo; "Please"

*Meogeo: "Eat"

*Ahjumma: Ahjumma refers to a sometimes older woman, but it could also be used for a woman who is married, doesn't necessarily have to be older. It's just a respectful term for older/married woman.  (On the flip side, you have Ajusshi--older/married man). Word of caution, this word is NEVER used for someone who is younger or unmarried, it's an insult otherwise. You're basically calling them "Old man" or "Old woman" before their time.

*Massida: "Delicious"

*Dahaengida: "I'm relieved", "I'm glad" or "That's good"-as in "That's good that you are doing well".

*Mworigo: "What did you say?"

Avoiding The Bullsh*t

I was recently accused of maintaining friendships that are way beyond their expiration date--I find this to be completely untrue. (There will be another blog on this concept later) However, I have managed to maintain a few friendships that, in-eloquently put, are pretty awesome. One of them happens to be with an old high school teacher of mine; every once in a blue moon we send each other emails with updates on the course of our lives since graduation (some years ago, *sigh* I'm getting old) and I thoroughly enjoy this process. However, one our most recent email exchanges had a very strange twist; as he told me about a situation his youngest child found herself in, he said "...you seemed to have avoided all that bullshit in high school, if memory serves." Well, his memory didn't serve because I did not, in fact, avoid "all that bullshit". I was roped into the drama of my teens as much as anyone else, if not more so. I often tell people that my high school years were probably, by far, the worse years of my life--maybe only because at the time I hadn't acquired the knowledge I have today to make my life better.

Nonetheless, his words have swirled around my head for the past two months and I finally decided I would get my thoughts down and maybe they will help someone else.  I could probably write a book on how much my high school experience was absolutely the worst four years but I won't. Instead, I will simply say I have scars, both physical and mental, that will follow me the rest of my life and leave it at that. Let your imagination draw what it will...

I would look at people around me, people that were smarter, prettier, and infinitely better equipped than either myself or my friends were and be jealous. Friendships were being made and broken daily in my circle of rejects and going to school every morning was always a challenge because I didn't know what I would be walking into. It wasn't all bad; I don't want to leave the impression that I have no happy memories from those four years, I have plenty, but it was a challenge--one that I caved too more times than I'd ever willingly admit to. 

However, seven years later, I am able to objectively look back and realize the mistakes I'd made and, of course, would change if that were possible. I have a few pieces of advice that I'd like to pass on to anyone who is maybe experiencing the same things as I had.

I've learned that although it may not look like it, all high school students experience the same things in high school. They experience loss, they experience pain, they experience anger, jealousy, hatred but they also experience happiness, love, and friendship. These experiences are almost, if not more so, important as what the teachers are trying to drill into your head such as math, English, economics, etc. Everyone, at one point or another, will experience these emotions so the phrase "You are not alone" is not simply something people tell suicidal teenagers; it is a statement of fact. You. Are. Not. Alone in your pain. It's how we cope with it that makes us different. Some wear it on their shoulder like a badge of honor--others bury it deep until it morphs our view on the world and makes it harder to bear. 

How can you avoid the bullshit? It's way easier said than done, that's for sure. Even now, I find myself occasionally getting roped into the BS and it's hard to extract yourself from the tangled webbing once it starts closing in on you. However, if you remember the following phrase, you'll be halfway there. Ready? Here it is...Never underestimate the power of "No". Seems too simple, right? It's really not... It's not easy, it's the hardest thing you'll learn in your life. "No, I am not doing this" is a scary thing to say to your friend. It's a scary thing to say to your parent! I know this because I've had to say it in both instances. 

Choosing not to get roped into the BS is as simple as saying "No, I'm not going to get roped in" and walking away. We fear losing our friends because life would be harder to bear without people by our side to help us stay upright. It was this very fear that kept me from realizing how dangerous my willingness to keep these friendships had become. I would say "Yes" even though my mind would scream "No"--and I'm not talking about anything sexual, I'm simply saying that my friends wanted to and did things that I felt were unacceptable. I followed their footsteps because I felt I had no other choice. It was either follow them or lose them.

In high school, I felt like my friends were the only sane thing in my life; losing friends nearly crushed me which is why I went out of my way to maintain my tenuous friendships. We hear adults say "If they were truly your friend, they would understand" and much like the bratty, little snots we are(...or were, in my case 0.o) we ignored their advice and said "They don't understand" but there is one thing to remember: friends are only as important if they feel the same way you do. Our parents, much to my dismay, were 100% right.  

As an example, I have a friend (I shall use her nickname), Firnlambe. We met only a few years ago but even now it seems that if I lost her as a friend, I would be broken. Luckily for me, she feels the same way. We've agreed, however, that we have no idea how or why we are friends. Her views on love, life and religion, are completely different than mine! But we make it work because we are choosing to be friends. We're not friends simply because we fear losing each other. We don't always get along. Sometimes she's annoyed with me and vice versa however, there is strength behind our friendship because I choose to be her friend and she chooses to be mine. Friendship is not something that just happens--or at least, not very often--a friendship, much like a relationship, must be maintained with conscious care and love just like any other relationship you'll ever have in your life. 

As far as avoiding the bullshit, it all comes down to the same concept. Nothing ever just happens to someone--we always have a choice. We are our own beings, our own consciousness and we don't owe a damn thing to anyone else but ourselves. Cheating yourself out of something you want does nothing but a disservice to you. Man, had I known that, I would have, hands down, been one of the most awesome people in my high school! I would look at other people and think "I wish I was like them..." and now, that very phrase makes my skin crawl. 

I used to hate myself, I didn't like anything about myself but I assumed that was just how I was built, how God had made me and I couldn't change it except..."who you are" is a concept that is molded by our own hands. I would blame my parents or my situation for the terrible things happening to me except I needed to look no further than the mirror to realize who was really to blame. This all comes back to what I said before--everyone experiences the same happiness and sadness in high school, how we deal with it is what separates us. Instead of wishing you could be someone else, make yourself into someone you like--or, if it sounds better--make yourself into someone to be jealous of. Make yourself into someone even you would look at and say "Man, I wish I was like that!" 

You will, inevitably, lose friends somewhere along the way. It is not something to be feared but something everyone learns to embrace. Some are more difficult than others, I'll admit. The idea of losing a friend, most especially in high school, is terrifying. Someone once told me that I will get more and better friends after high school and I believe I responded with "I don't want those friends, I want these friends" and let me tell you...I most definitely did not want these friends. I feared that future friends wouldn't be as great as the friends I had then but now, I can freely admit, I have great friends now. New friends will come along, the really great friends will take time but they will come. Nothing is free and if it is, it should be questioned (which is actually a really great rule of thumb, FYI) and this includes friendship. Great friendships must be earned and, more often than not, the price is time. So sit tight, kiddies, because great friends are on their way to you even as you read this.

If who you become is not someone your friends want to be friends with, then that is their sincere loss because you are awesome. If that means you dye your hair blue and wear funky knee-high socks that in no way match your outfit, then so be it. You'll be exactly like...well...me! My sister dresses like she head dives into a pile of clothing each morning and grabs the first things her hands touch--I'm talking different colored socks, tie-dyed leggings, a tutu and more often than not, she has hair ties that are--quite literally--bought directly from the kid's section at Target. Even me, with blue hair, had a moment of pause whenever I walked around with her in public but you know what...if she's comfortable in whatever she's wearing on any particular day, then why do I care? Not gonna lie, however, some of our outfits are a bit much for even our parents to swallow and yet they proudly walk beside us no matter who happens to be staring.

Of course, if you prefer button down shirts with jeans, then that's just as perfectly fine--if what sets you apart is your unwillingness to conform to what is expected of you, then you are just as "far out there" as I am with the blue hair. My point is, enjoy who you are, don't think of yourself as someone you have to be because if you do...you will be miserable for the rest of your life and that is unfair. Unfair to your parents who made you, unfair to your friends but more important unfair to the person you could be. 

My sincerest hope is that someone who is unhappy in their life will read this and realize their potential and come full circle into themselves. I hope that my words can touch at least one person because then I will feel like my hardships in high school will have been worth it, if for no other reason then to share my experience and knowledge and use it to make someone else's life better. 

Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Six

Nae Chingu (My Friends) 

Chapter Six

I wasn’t sure how it happened. Or rather, when it happened, I just knew that three years ago my life changed dramatically and even after all this time, I still didn’t know what to do about it…

Three Years Earlier…

I didn’t notice her until her first attempt at getting the crowd’s attention. I stopped Ji Soo mid sentence and just watched.

    “Sheel-lay-ha—“she stuttered.

    “Who is she?” Ji Soo asked me once as he saw her.

     “I don’t know,” I answered but didn’t listen to what he said after that. She stood there attempting to recite whatever it was on the paper she was holding but it was obvious that she was embarrassed by the way her knees kept buckling. She was dressed in the SFLHS standard uniform and her short hair was pulled up into a small ponytail. I was surprised she could even get it into a ponytail, it was so short. She was foreign, that much was apparent just by the color of her skin. No one native to Korea was that tan but oddly enough, it went well with the tan color of our uniforms.

After a few more moments of trying to get people’s attention she made a sudden outburst. It sounded like she had been trying to say shilahamnida but what came out was quite possibly the most broken Korean I had ever heard. I couldn’t contain my chuckle but the humor of the situation quickly faded when I saw just how frustrated she truly was. Her face looked angry but her eyes were shiny as if she was holding back tears. While everyone else laughed at her and pointed, I took pity on her and walked towards her.

    “Jong Hwa—“ Ji Soo said from behind me but I didn’t stop.

That was the first time I met Lily and from that moment on, she was forever imprinted in my memory.

***

Last week at the convenient store...

    “Thank you Lily,” Mae Ri said to Lily sweetly. “I’ll just go where you go so you decide where we’re going.”

Mae Ri was my friend but sometimes she was too much. I rolled my eyes and looked at Lily expecting to see a smile on her face but instead I saw terror. Her eyes were wide and she stopped mid-chew on her ramyeon noodles. Her eyes met mine for a split second before she smiled and teased Mae Ri but the moment hadn’t been lost on me. Mae Ri and Ji Sook bickered back in forth before being interrupted by Lily again.

 Like usual we were sitting at one of the tables at the convenient store and discussing what we wanted to do with our life. Our senior year had arrived and now, more than ever, we needed to solidify our plans for the future. College exams were coming up and soon we would be either picking colleges or taking national exams. I knew I wanted to follow my mom into education and was already studying hard for the national exam that I would be required to take in a few months. Due to my mother’s connections, I already knew I was going to Seoul National University for Education. She insisted I become a college professor because they made more money but after two years of debating the logistics, I won the argument and she gave in to me becoming an elementary school teacher. I liked being with children and wanted to set them up for success with a good education while they were young. I also told her I would go to graduate school for higher education so I guess I hadn’t really won as I had actually bought an extension. I had yet to tell the others about my plans, in fact I had yet to tell everyone a lot of things, I thought to myself.

    “It’s easy then, we’ll all just go to Seoul University,” Ji Soo piped in and my mind came back to the conversation.

He said it so nonchalantly that I had to look at his face to see if he was joking. He wasn’t. I swatted the brim of his black fedora and sent it flying onto the table.

For the rest of our conversation the smile Lily wore never reached her eyes and it wasn’t long before she was standing up to make her goodbyes. I had known Lily long enough to know something was up and if she wasn’t telling us then it was something serious.

    “I’ll come with you,” I said quickly and got up. I swung my backpack around and nodded my goodbyes to the other two before leaving the store before she could protest. What was I going to say to her?

It was another minute or so before she finally walked out. “You didn’t have to take me home, I’m taking the bus anyway,” she said while looking straight ahead.

She seemed out of sorts which was odd because this wasn’t the first time I had walked her home in the last three years. She had gotten lost in Seoul one time; on her way to school she had taken the wrong bus and had ended up in one of the southern districts of Seoul not anywhere near SFLHS. I skipped my first few classes to go get her. She was so apologetic back then, it was cute. She had changed so much in the three short years she’d been here.

    “What’s going on?” I asked her while we walked to the bus stop.

There was a short silence before she answered me, “There’s nothing wrong.”

I would be patient. However, my suspicions were confirmed when her eyes did their little flitting thing—whenever she was unsure of something her eyes would flit from one thing to another. It was her telltale sign that she was worried.

    “Lily, something is wrong, what is it?” I started to get worried because she was being almost too casual. I nudged her with my arm and kept my voice low. “I saw your face when we were talking about college, are you not going to apply?” Maybe it was as simple as she wasn’t going to college although she’d never given any indication she didn’t want too. She was silent for another moment before she finally spilled the beans.

Despite her lack of enunciation, I understood her next words. In a rush she discussed her father’s plans to possibly move her again and I was glad my hands were in my pockets so she couldn’t see my fingers flex and unflex into fists. I knew how much it had hurt Lily to move from Germany even though I was incredibly happy that her father had done so. She was an amazing person and someone I was glad to call my friend. My life would have been so different without her and truth be told—I shook my head. There was no point in even going down that line of thinking, I told myself. My throat was dry but I spoke calmly.

     “Why can’t you stay? Aren’t you considered an adult in America,” I asked. One of the few things that bothered me about Lily was her pessimistic attitude, especially when it involved her family From the sound of it, her father had controlled the family for many years until Lily’s mother had finally broken free and moved back to the States. I even remembered there being a time when Lily had waited to for her mother to come back for her but she never had. Lily didn’t let any of us know how much it hurt her but we weren’t blind. Mae Ri had taken it upon herself to make Lily feel like she belonged, in fact it was one of the reasons Mae Ri was so obnoxious about involving Lily in everything. I went along with it because I had taken it upon myself to take care of her while she was in Korea.

She was speaking but I only caught the tail end, “—I’m sorry, can we not talk about this right now?”

    “Sure,” I said but I hadn’t given up. I wasn’t entirely sure I could say the same for Lily.

    “Thanks and don’t, you know, tell Mae Ri or Ji Soo,” she asked me but I all I could do was nod.

She turned and went inside but I stood there for a few minutes more. I realized that we had gotten comfortable both Lily and I. For the first year or so, Lily had seemed like she was always holding back no matter how close Mae Ri tried to get to her or me even. She always seemed like she was just out of reach but slowly she finally warmed up and return our affection. I watched her blossom and before I knew it, she was as much a part of the group as Mae Ri, Ji Soo and I had been before she arrived.

As I walked home I thought of ways I could help Lily but I didn't even know where to begin looking for a solution to this problem.

***

Lily never showed up to school on Tuesday. Although she had a pretty decent attendance record, it wasn't uncommon for her to miss some school days so I wasn't too worried. Mae Ri said she'd spoken to her last night and that she sounded fine. This didn't stop Mae Ri from calling Lily repeatedly throughout the day. But by nightfall, I was starting to get worried because it wasn't like Lily to not return phone calls or at the very least send a message. Around eight p.m. I finally broke down and sent her a message of my own asking if she was sick. It was ten p.m. now and I still hadn't received a message. Still, I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it, people who are sick are less likely to respond and there was a good chance she was already sleeping. No matter how logical I tried to be, I still couldn't completely alleviate the feeling that something was seriously wrong and every text message I received from Mae Ri only compounded the issue. I would wait until tomorrow, I was sure she'd be at school with a logical explanation for her absence.

IN the meantime I would keep researching alternatives options that would help her stay. My mother was the most help in that department.

    "Eomeoni*," I called to the kitchen from the desk in the living room. "Do you have to be a citizen of Korea to receive financial support?"

    "Why are you yelling," my mother said from right behind me.

    "Omo*,"I said and rubbed my chest over my heart. "Kkamjjakiya*," my mother was as silent as a mouse which accounted for half the trouble my siblings and I got into when we were children. "Make noise when you walk, will you?"

    "Why," she smiled and patted my head. "this is so much fun."

I tsked at her but playfully and repeated my question. She walked around me and rested a hip on the desk. "Well, I'm not sure. Why do you ask?"

    "It's nothing, I was just curious," I lied but my mother wasn't dumb. I didn't know why I thought I could fool her.

    "My son doesn't ask meaningless questions," she gave me her best mother stare and I caved.

    "It's for Lily," I confessed. "She's going through some stuff right now."

    "Lily? Isn't her father in the military?"

    "Yeah but he's thinking of moving again and she wants to stay here," I shrugged and let my mom figure out the rest. I suppose I should search the Department of Financial Services website for an answer or at the very least call them tomorrow after school.

    "What about an exchange program," my mother suggested.

    "I thought those were only for students who wanted to study abroad," I had never thought about an exchange program, but the idea had possibilities if I could find the right one, maybe?

    "Normally yes, but Korea has a program where we bring students here to study as long as they meet certain requirements," she said while pulling on her earlobe which she only did when she was thinking.

    "What kind of requirements," I asked her and attempted to not get too hopeful.

    "I don't know, you will have to look it up yourself," she said and let go of her earlobe. "The place is called, ah, Educational Exchange or something. My old brain doesn't work like it used too," she waved the air in front of her face as if she was waving away something hazy in front of her.

    "Omaaa*," I added a slight whine to the word. "You aren't old," my mother was stern at times but she always caved to compliments. "You're still pretty."

    "Look at you," she lightly slapped me on the shoulder in admonishment before returning to the kitchen.

As soon as she was gone, I started looking for references to the exchange program she mentioned. It was called the Educational Student Exchange and it specialized in training foreign students who wanted to keep residence in Korea after college graduation. The list of careers that a student was require to get an education in was a fairly small list but I didn't think it would be a problem because Lily had yet to decide what it was that she wanted to do. So maybe she could pick from the list...? I would have to ask.

The more and more I read about the program the more hopeful I got that this would work out, at least, until I read the part about it being for college students only. Just like that, all my hopes were dashed. It would mean that she would still have to return to America to graduate before she could come back. The thought made my chest feel tight. No, there had to be another way.

I was just about to exit the browser when a word caught my attention: high school. I clicked on the link  and it brought me to a new webpage. The Educational Student Exchange offered an elite program for qualifying high school students an opportunity to experience a high school setting first hand before attending college to become a teacher. The only requirement was they had to major in education once they reached college level. It didn't leave any room for compromise and if Lily chose to do this, it would mean she only had one option after high school and whatever career path she had hoped for would cease to be an option.

I printed out the documents for the program anyway but I continued to search for a program that would allow for high school students but my search came up empty even after two more hours of searching. It seemed Lily would only have two options: stay and become a teacher or go back to American for the time being.

Either way, I would support whatever decision she made, I told myself. The tightness in my chest never eased up. I rounded up the papers and put it in a folder so I could give it to her tomorrow.

***

Lily was gone the next day as well. That made two days of unexplained absences. I even broke down and asked my mother to check and see if either her father or Lily herself had maybe called her in sick. By lunch time my mother had no answer for me other than that it was an unexecused absense. I knew better than to tell Mae Ri but of course she had a right to know. I told her the truth and it only made her even more panicky.

    "Do you think she's in the hospital," Mae Ri asked frantically as she tried to call Lily's phone again which was turned off at this point.

    "She could be dead," Ji Soo said nonchalantly and if Mae Ri hadn't hit him, I would have myself. I was on edge as it was not knowing if she was sick or not, I couldn't even bring myself to contemplate if she had gotten into an accident.

    "Ya! It was only a joke," Ji Soo said to Mae Ri after she hit him. "It's not like she just up and left the country," Ji Soo grumbled.

His words struck a cord and suddenly I had a whole new thing to worry about. What if her father had move her already? What if he'd gotten the transfer sooner than Lily had thought and she was already gone?

    "Andwae*," I mumbled mostly to myself.

    "Wae," Mae Ri asked and my two bickering friends became silent.

No, she couldn't already be gone. Her father still had to sell the apartment, they would have to pack, there were logistics to think about. But then again her father worked for the military, the apartment complex they lived in was owned by the U.S. military so they could simply clean it up for the next person's occupation. The government could also have movers come in, pack their stuff up and send it off to their new residence in American without Lily or her father having to lift a finger... I was so lost in thought that I barely even heard Mae Ri's complaints about my silence until she snapped her fingers in my face.

    "Jong Hwa-ya!" She said loudly. "Museun iliya*?"

    "We need to go to Lily's after school," I said quickly.

    "Duh, way ahead of you," Mae Ri said snottily.

    "No, you don't understand," I stopped. Lily didn't want me to tell Mae Ri or Ji Soo about her possible departure and I knew that if I told them and she was still in Korea, she'd be angry. However, if I told them and she wasn't in Korea, at least they'd be prepared to see an empty apartment. "Lily's father was planning on moving her back to America."

    "Mwo!" Mae Ri shouted which caused several people to turn and look at us.

    "Shh, Mae Ri-ya!" I said. She could be so loud at times.

    "Shh? SHH?" Not only had her voice continued to raise but now she was standing looking down at me like I was a small child. "How long did you know about this? How could you have kept this from me? How could she have kept this from me?"

Mae Ri was close to tears, she'd always been emotional but in this instance I couldn't blame her for being upset. She picked up her phone once more on the small chance Lily had suddenly turned her phone back on and would answer it even though she hadn't replied to any calls or texts for almost two days. It was looking more and more like she was gone.

The thought made it hard to breathe and I felt the sudden need for fresh air. I made some sort of an excuse to Ji Soo and made my way to the front door that led outside. It wasn't against the rules to go outside but being that it was in the middle of February, there wasn't anyone outside. It was having troubling taking in air and it felt like my ribs had become a vise that was constricted my lungs. I made myself breathe slowly.

It wasn't like me at all to have this kind of reaction but I seemed unable to stop it. After a few minutes I was able to breath normally again and I sat down on the cold steps that lead to the entrance of the school. Once I had myself under control I reminded myself of a few facts. First, Lily would never just up and leave without telling someone, either Mae Ri or myself. Secondly, if she had gone back to America, she would have found a way to communicate with either Mae Ri or I. By phone or email, either way Lily would have let us know what happened. No, she was still in Korea, I was sure of it. I squeezed my eyes shut and found a small ray of peace in that thought.

    "So, what just happened," a voice said from behind me.

I jerked around and saw Ji Soo leaning against the front doors of the school, hands in his pockets as he looked at me. "I'm sorry?"

    "You ran out of the lunch room and you seemed to be having a panic attack," he said evenly and just continued to stare at me. "So, what just happened?"

    "I--" I stuttered. I didn't know how to answer that.

    "We've been friends since we were kids," he said and came to sit next to me on the stoop. "So why don't I tell you what I think just happened."

He was silent and I was about to ask him what he thought when he finally started talking again. "I think you're in love with Lily." he said it so calmly that I almost thought he was joking except he wasn't looking at me. He was staring out, at what I didn't know, but being as anti-confrontational as Ji Soo was, he was avoiding my eyes on purpose which told me he was serious.

    "Why would you think that," I asked finally and pretended to laugh to ease the tension in the air.

    "The way you look at her, for starters," he shrugged. "The fact that any time you hear good news you call her, I'm not the first person you call anymore," He added. "It's the little things you do for her and the way you act around her, the questions you ask her.

    "I don't know what you're talking about," I told him.

    "I believe that," he nodded and looked at me. "I believe that you don't notice the things you do or say but this," he gestured with his elbow towards where I had been standing a few minutes before. "I wasn't sure until this happened. The thought of losing her caused you to have a panic attack; it's kind of a big indicator." he smiled at me as if he pitied me.

    "I don't think--" I stopped. Ji Soo just let me think it through in silence. Did I love Lily? I knew I liked her, I'd liked her since almost the beginning and sure it had grown as the years and gone on but I hadn't even contemplated it turning into love. I suppose that liking someone long enough did turn into loving someone but I would have noticed the transition, wouldn't I? I thought back and nothing stood out in my memory of having actually fallen in love with her but yet here I was. Ji Soo was right, at some point I had started to love her. I loved her enough that the thought of losing her actually made it hard to breath.I couldn't ignore what had just transpired in the last twenty minutes.

My realization must have shown on my face because Ji Soo nodded, "Geurae*." He rubbed his face with his hands and smiled back at me in his usual casual way. "Geureom*," he said and stood up to walk back inside. "Are you coming back to class or just going to stay out here and freeze?"

Now that he mentioned it, it was pretty cold outside and all I had on was the SFLHS uniform to shield against the chill but it offered very little warmth. I stood up and followed him inside.

    "Smile buddy, it'll work out," Ji Soo patted me on the back. "Well, that is if you make it to the end of school."

    "What do you mean," I asked him.

    "I'm not the one who has to share a classroom with Mae Ri," my expression must have been funny because he laughed abruptly. "Ah, forgot about Mae Ri, huh? My poor Mae Ri."

His words caught me off guard, "your poor Mae Ri?"

    "What? Did you think you were the only one with a secret crush?" He winked at me and walked into his classroom

I guess today was the day for revelations, I thought. As I turned back to my classroom, I saw Mae Ri standing outside the door waiting for me with an angry expression.

    "Aish*," I grumbled, how could Ji Soo like a dragon like Mae Ri?

***

I was so anxious to get out of class that it seemed that four hours turned into fourteen. But when the bell rang, both Mae Ri and I were of like minds and we were the first out of the classroom. For once, Ji Soo didn't make us wait for him because he was already standing outside of his classroom when we swung by to pick him up.

    "Kaja*," he said annoyed, as if he had been standing there for awhile. Mae Ri and I exchanged looks and Mae Ri shrugged.

    "Wae geurae?" She asked him.

Ji Soo looked at her and for the first time I could see what he meant about looking at the person you liked and how much it changed a person's face. His annoyed expression vanished and he smiled. "I just want to make sure Lily hasn't run off to some far off land," he said. How did I not notice that he liked Mae Ri before now?

We made our way to the bus stop and although it couldn't have been more than twenty-five minutes, it felt like the longest bus ride of my life. By the time we reached her apartment door, I was more anxious than I was at school. Her apartment was on the ninth floor and we had all been there enough times to not get lost in the twists and turns of the maze-like hallways. There was only one problem, I didn't know the code for the door. I looked at Ji Soo who shrugged indicating he didn't know either.

    "Aish, get out of the way," Mae Ri pushed her way between the two of us and easily entered the code. The door dinged and Mae Ri opened it with ease. The first thing I noticed were the shoes in the entryway and the more we entered the apartment the more reassured I was that they hadn't left yet. Nothing was amiss in the living room or the hallway leading to Lily's bedroom. I had never seen her bedroom but I was following Mae Ri who surely had.

Mae Ri lead us to the second door on the left and burst through the door without knocking, I guess it was a good thing that the first thing we saw was Lily in bed. God forbid had she just gotten out of the shower or something just as embarrassing, not that I would have cared at that exact moment. I was just so relieve she was actually in the bedroom. As soon as we entered, Lily bolted up in bed and stared at us. Her hair was messily pulled back and had loose strands hanging out at weird places. She was in her favorite over-sized sweater, the one I saw her wearing almost every time we hung out at her place and she looked so pretty all disheveled. Mae Ri didn't wait for Lily to say anything before she lunched herself at Lily and almost toppled her off the bed entirely. Lily gave Mae Ri a hug while asking what was going on but instead of answering, Mae Ri started hitting any part of Lily she could.

    "Ya!" Mae Ri shouted at Lily.

    "Ya, Neo!" Lily said and pointed her finger in Mae Ri's face. "I'm older than you are!"

Ji Soo and I looked at each other and it was like the last two days never happened. I was so relieved that my legs felt weak. Lily was ok and despite being gone for two days, she was already bickering with Mae Ri as if nothing happened. Mae Ri disguised her relief with anger, much like she did with all her emotions but it was easy to see how happy she was as well. It was hard to tell who started laughing first but soon both Ji Soo and I were laughing hard.

    "Mwo-ya?" The two girls shouted at us and any pretense we had of trying to contain ourselves vanished and soon the girls joined us.

***

We discussed the option of cooking food only to find out Lily didn't have much food in her cupboard which worried me. Had she eaten the last two days? She looked thinner but I didn't know if that was my imagination or not. Ji Soo offered to order out but Lily quickly turned it down. She didn't like other people spending money on her, despite Ji Soo having plenty of it due to his father being a doctor. Instead, we opted for popcorn which Lily was currently making in the kitchen.

While we all sat and waited for Lily to come back, I pulled the folder of information out of my backpack and set it down on the floor for when she came back. Once she filled us in on what happened the last two days, I would broach the subject of the Educational Student Exchange program and see how she felt about it.

She came back in a few minutes later and placed the popcorn on the table and sat down on the floor next to Mae Ri and across from me. We all stared at her waiting for her explanation.

    "Mwo?" she asked defensively. Did she really not know why we were staring at her?

Per her usual self, Mae Ri jumped right in. "Why haven't you been in school and don't tell me it's because you're sick because you feel fine!" She crossed her arms angrily and waited for an answer.

Lily just gaped at her and seemed to be thinking of a good enough excuse to explain why she hadn't come to school. "Ahh..."

    "Does it have anything to do with you moving," Ji Soo asked and if Lily hadn't pegged me with a glare, I would have punched Ji Soo right then.

    "Don't blame me, you're the one who missed school for two days," I said and immediately regretted it. As a rule, Lily rarely started a fight but if the last three years had taught me anything, it was that she had no problem rising to the occasion. "What was I suppose to tell them?"

    "Are you serious," she asked me in English which only went to show just how angry she was. I sighed, it wasn't like I hadn't expected her to be angry, I told myself.

    "I'm sorry Lily, I wasn't going to tell them but then you were gone today too. What was I suppose to think? I thought your dad and moved you already." I replied back in English. I tried to calm myself but if I had to admit it, I was angry too. I had just as much right to be angry as she did. She tells me one day that she might have to leave and then she disappears for two days?

    "Ya! Look at you two," Ji Soo pointed at the two of us. "Why aren't you speaking in Korean? What aren't you telling us?"

Mae Ri was staying silent for once and I noticed her shaking her head slightly to shut Ji Soo up. I would have been curious if I didn't still have angry-Lily to contend with. She stared for only a moment more before she began to explain the situation to the others. Her voice sounded depressed and something else I didn't want to believe. She sounded resigned, as if her impending move was unavoidable. The anger I had tried to fight back surged back to the forefront.

    "So you're just going to give up, just like that," I asked her forcefully in English. The fact that the other two couldn't speak English wasn't lost on me, I wanted to know just where her mind was without the others interrupting us.

    "I'm not giving up Jong Hwa, I've been through this before," she sounded exasperated. "My dad doesn't listen, what am I suppose to do?"

    "Find another way, make it work," I said. Was it really that hard to try? Lily always just gave in whenever it came to her father, she'd done it countless times over the last three years but did she really have to concede so quickly with this?

    "It's not that easy, Jong Hwa!" She raised her voice, "I don't have money, I don't have a place to stay and by Korean law, I'm not even an adult yet!" Again her voice had become resigned. "Even if I could do all that stuff, Korean law requires I have a guardian."

I was at a complete loss. Is that what she'd be doing the last two days, preparing herself to leave? She'd made it seem like she didn't want to leave but what if she'd never planned to stay? My left hand, which had been laying on the folder of information, curled into a fist. "I guess it's a good thing you aren't Korean then, huh?"

I couldn't sit here any more, I rarely got angry and I was afraid of what might come out of my mouth next. It was quiet but I caught the next words out of Lily's mouth and I felt like I had been sucker punched. She called me a bastard. Ji Soo winced and Mae Ri looked surprised.

    "You can leave now," she said coldly and only added to the ice that had somehow found its way into my chest.

    "Wait, what?" Mae Ri asked questioningly. I was too busy trying to not feel hurt to bother with catching the other two up on the conversation. I knew, logically, that Lily only said that out of her own anger but that fact didn't make it hurt less.

    "Nevermind, let Lily figure it out," I said while grabbing my jacket.

Ji Soo made some sort of an excuse to leave and despite Mae Ri's protests, we were all out the door within a few minutes.

    "Jong Hwa, what--" Mae Ri started to say but Ji Soo jerked her back by her arm and shook his head silently. Luckily for Mae Ri's sake she listened to Ji Soo's warning. We rode the bus to Mae Ri's house in silence. After we dropped off Mae Ri, we caught the next bus to Ji Soo's neighborhood and from there I would walk home. I needed the fresh air, I decided.

Ji Soo spoke for the first time after we reached his front door. "Jong Hwa," he sighed. "I don't know what you two said to each other but just remember she's going through a rough time."

    "You think I don't know that," I asked him.

    "I also know you're going through a rough time," he said quietly. "Just don't hold it against her, you know she'll feel bad tomorrow. It's just how Lily is," he finished.

    "She just gave up, Ji Soo," I finally said.

    "I know," he clapped his hand on my shoulder and stooped down until we were eye to eye. "But between you and Mae Ri, do you really think Lily will be allowed to give up now?"

No, I thought. I could find some solace in that. No, now that everything was out in the open, she'd fight back now. Hopefully she had found the folder I left on the floor for her by now and she'd already be thinking about the possibilities. I'd given her a head start and I could be happy about that. Plus, Ji Soo was right. By tomorrow, Lily would feel terrible about what she'd said and that gave me something to look forward too. She'd have to apologize at some point.

    "Ji Soo," I looked up at him.

    "Eung*?"

    "Will Mae Ri and I be the only people who miss Lily," Ji Soo never really spoke about his feelings, he was an enigma but he'd answer a direct question.

    "I think our group would never be the same again if Lily were gone," he admitted. "I think she'd leave a hole that no one would ever be able to fill."

I left after that. I felt better after talking to Ji Soo and suddenly the walk home was much more refreshing. I wondered what tomorrow would bring...

To Be Continued...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Eomeoni: "Mother"

*Omo: Much like a surprised "Oh!" in English, it can also be an "Oh God" Or "Oh My"

*Kkamjjakiya: "You scared me" or rather just something Korean's say after being surprised.

*Oma: "Mom", it's an informal version of Eomeoni

*Andwae: It can be used as a simple "No" or "I won't", it just depends on the circumstances

*Museun iliya: "What is going on?"

*Geurae: "Yes" or "Sure", it's just an affirmative response

*Geureom: "Then" it's usually said as transition to leaving much like a "Well then"

*Aish: Koreans say this as a sign of frustration or as a curse although it's not the equivalent to the English curse words, more like the word "damn"

*Kaja: "Lets go"

*Eung: A lot like "Geurae", these two words are interchangeable but Eung is more informal

Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Five

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Five

Three Years Earlier...

Today was the day I joined the regular classrooms. If I was being honest with myself, I was terrified. Jong Hwa assured me I would be ok but lets be serious, what did he know? I was the only American at this school; being an outsider wasn't new to me. I had been to three other countries before Korea and I was always the odd one out but never had I stood out so...so...ethnically! With my naturally tan skin, which I inherited from my  mother's Native American side, I hadn't stood out too much in Spain. In fact, most Spaniards took me for being Spanish which resulted in many awkward conversations where I had to explain that I didn't actually speak Spanish. Even in Germany, my darker tone never really took anyone by surprise because there was a fair amount of people with darker complexions already there. Of course, Korea had their tourists of every shape and color but most Korean high school students didn't encounter other ethnicities within their walls very often--ok, almost never--so I would stick out like a sore thumb against their naturally pale skin. Even though I had already spent six months within their walls, I had been with other students that were new to Korea, mostly Chinese or Japanese which made me the only American but as a whole, we never mingled with the Korean students. It was like we were kept separate on purpose until we were ready.

I made my way through the halls until I reached room A-2136. I was late to class, I mean it was still the homeroom hour but the main office had me wait so the homeroom teacher could prepare the class for my arrival--like I was a disease they needed to be "prepared" for. This meant I would walk into class and all the students would have an opportunity to stare and speculate about me while the teacher introduced me. If I'd had a choice in the matter, I would have snuck into class before anyone got there and quietly sat in the back and prayed no one took any notice of me. But as my crappy luck would have it, I got to stand front and center, gah, just kill me now!

Because I had found my classroom faster than I wanted, I took another minute to myself to compose my stoic face before opening the door. Like anticipated, every head turned towards the door and stared at me. Choosing to ignore their curious looks, I faced the teacher and bowled while giving her my late slip from the office. Prior to merging with the rest of the school, I had met with the homeroom teacher and she was extremely nice. She had warned me, however, that she wouldn't treat me any different than the other students just because I was new--new, she had said. New, not foreign, which instantly made me like her because we both knew the truth of the situation

    "Annyeonghaseyo, Seonsaengnim," I bowed as a sign of respect.

    "Ah, our new student has arrived, " she wrapped her arm around my shoulders and gestured to the class. "Everyone, say hi to Ril-Li," She chirped. I had grown used to people pronouncing my name this way and I kind of liked the ring of it so I didn't bother correcting her.

There were a lot of "hello"s of varying enthusiasm that echoed around the room. I bowed to them as well and looked at no one in particular--mostly just the back of the room. God, was I sweating? I felt like I was sweating...

    "Why don't you tell us a little about yourself, I'm sure everyone is curious," she said, still smiling.

Yeah, I'm sure everyone was, I thought to myself. "Well, um, I moved to Korean eight months ago," I looked at the teacher to see if that was sufficient. Clearly it wasn't because she nodded and gestured for more. Crap... "My Korean isn't perfect so-so please don't take offense," I stopped talking abruptly. Maybe that would excuse me from having to say more.

    "We will help you as much as we can, won't we class?" The teacher said in what was suppose to be a reassuring tone but only made me feel more stupid. Again, there were various "ne"s from around the room before the class fell silent again. "Ok, why don't you go sit in the empty chair next to our class president and we'll get started. Class president, could you please stand up?"

I didn't really need the class president to stand up, I mean there was only one open chair and obviously it was mine, but as dutiful as a class president should be, he stood up. I nearly stumbled over a backpack in surprise as Jong Hwa stood up next to the empty desk. Before I could catch myself I said, "Jong Hwa-ya?" My surprise must have been what he was looking for because he laughed and nodded.

It was then that I finally took a deep breath and felt like maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. At best, I figured I'd be able to see Jong Hwa during lunch time but to be in his actual classroom was nothing short of a miracle.

It turned out Jong Hwa's mother was on the school board and he insisted repeatedly that she should give me a spot in his class when I finally transitioned into the regular classes. When he told me that I realized that me getting into his classroom wasn't the miracle but that Jong Hwa himself was my miracle.

***

Present Day

I spent the weekend studying for the entrance exams for the program but considering I wasn't given any idea of what to expect, I didn't know what I should be studying for in particular. I did a little bit of everything; between practicing my math, writing--in hangeul and English--I went over economics and statistics as well, but only briefly. The night before I was to take the exams, my father brought up the subject of our move.

    "Hey, Lily, good news," he called down the hall while I made dinner in the kitchen. I had gone shopping with Mal Nyeon earlier that day and was fully stocked on food.

    "Yeah, Dad?" I answered as I checked the chicken in the oven.

    "You might want to start packing up your stuff, it looks like we'll be moving by the end of next week," he shouted happily.

I dropped the tongs I had been using to turn the chicken and clutched at my abdomen. I shouldn't have been surprised, I mean I knew it was coming but it just seemed so quick--again, it always did, I thought. I took a few deep breaths and reminded myself that I was going to get into the program and I wouldn't have to leave--at least I hoped I did.

    "Hey, you ok?" My father poked his head into the kitchen, he must have heard the clang of the tongs hitting the stove.

    "Oh  yeah, I just--ah--burned myself," I grabbed the tongs out of the stove and turned towards the sink so my father couldn't see my face.

    "You know, Lily,"he said quietly. "I know you don't want to leave here but it is truly for the best."

I knew at this point I had two options: I could state my opinion on how much his last statement was complete bull or I could just simply agree and avoid an argument altogether. I took a deep breath and went with option two.

    "If you say so," Ok so I said it with a little attitude but knowing my father, he wouldn't rise to the bait. As expected, he only sighed and left the room.

My father no longer knew what was best for me and it was about time I did what I wanted to do. I strengthened my resolve and took another deep breath. Tomorrow I would take my tests and see where I stood. I was getting into that program!

***

The day dragged on and only added to my anxiety over the exams. Mae Ri had tried to cheer me up over lunch but nothing really helped. Our usual routine was to meet Ji Soo outisde of the school and go to the convenient store--our usual hangout spot--but today I said my goodbyes right after class.

    "I'll see you guys later, I gotta head to the ESE," I said as I slipped my winter hat on my head.

    "Are you sure you don't want us to come with you, we could wait," Mae Ri said sympathetically. Jong Hwa nodded readily in agreement.

    "No, I think it would just make me nervous," I smiled at her. "Besides, I don't know how long it'll take and I don't want you guys wasting your time."

Mae Ri let it go at that and I promised to call her afterwards. It took another twenty minutes before I reached the ESE and by then my anxiety was ready to consume me. The time had come and after checking in at the front desk, it wasn't long before Chan Min came and ushered to me his cubicle. He handed me a pencil, answer sheet and a booklet. He told me there would be two tests: math and literacy.

    "Only two? I'm surprised," I said but I felt somewhat relieved.

    "Different countries teach different things and although you were mostly schooled here, we're giving you the standardized test which is primarily used for people schooled outside of Korea," He informed me.

    "Ah," I nodded, I guess that made sense. "So I just take the two tests and I'm done?"

    "No, there is an essay portion," he grabbed three more sheets of paper and handed them over to me. "You're required to write two pages but no more than three, so write efficiently."

    "Jinjja? Why didn't you tell me there was an essay portion before?" Suddenly, any relieved feelings I'd had at finding out there were only two tests was gone. I hated writing spontaneous essays, I was way to OCD about my writing to submit something without a long review process.

    "We don't tell any of the incoming candidates, we want to see what you come up with in the spur of the moment." He told me this with a reassuring smile that wasn't very reassuring. Again, I couldn't dispute the reasoning behind the abrupt essay requirement but I still didn't have to like it.

    "Does it have to be in Korean or can I write it in English," I asked. If I could write it in English, it would go a long way to sounding more professional.

    "Of course, however--" he trailed off, subtly rearranging papers on his desk.

    "However?"

    "It would put you above the rest of the candidates if you showed you already understood the basics of Korean, rather than us having to put you in a separate program to learn it like we do with most of our incoming students," he told me truthfully.

    "Ok, Korean it is," I smiled at him. I could tell he liked me, not in a romantic way, but in a platonic "I want to help you" way and I could definitely use all the help I could get. "What happens after the essay? Any more tests?"

    "After the essay is the interview," he said and I had to suppress a groan. I figured there would be an interview but I had hoped there wouldn't be. "But that won't be set up until after we've reviewed your tests scores and the essay. If you prove to be a strong candidate, we'll set up the interview which is normally done by phone but since you're already here in Korea, our Director agreed to meet with you in person."

    "Wonderful," I said. I attempted to sound cheerful but I think I failed because Chan Min chuckled.

    "Our Director is nice, I think you'll do fine but priority one is to pass the tests so take a deep breath and lets get you into a room," he clapped my shoulder reassuringly and brought me to a small soundproof room.

It took about an hour and a half to complete both tests. The literacy wasn't all that difficult but the math gave me a little worry. Math was never my strong suit but I always maintained decent grades, even at SFLHS. The essay wasn't nearly as difficult as I thought it was going to be. The question we had to answer was why we deserved to be accepted into the program. It wasn't hard for me to come up with two pages worth of reasons but stopping on the third page was the most difficult. I read and re-read the essay multiple times to check for spelling errors in my hangeul and after determining that it was acceptable, I stepped out of the room and returned the documents to Chan Min.

Chan Min checked the test scantron to make sure I had answered all the questions and quickly scanned my essay but didn't say anything in particular about it other than to say "it looked good." He scooted me out of his office shortly thereafter and assured me that he would call me in the next few days to let me know the results. "I'm sure you did fine, I'll make you priority number one, ok?" He nodded and walked me to the door that would lead me to the lobby.

    "Soo Chan Min-ssi?"

    "Ye*?" He turned around and faced me.

    "Kamsahamnida," I thanked him. I could feel my throat close up a bit but I forced the tears back. "For everything, even if I don't make it in, I appreciate everything you've done for me."

    "I'll call you in a couple of days," he nodded and disappeared around the corner.

Because I was too busy digging through my backpack for my iPod, I didn't even notice that my three best friends were sitting in the lobby waiting for me until they were in my face asking me question after question.

    "What--how?" I stared at my friends with an open mouth.

    "We're here for moral support, of course! We wouldn't leave you alone to take the tests by yourself, how did they go?" Mae Ri said into my face, she was the closest and quite honestly her sudden nearness made me feel slightly claustrophobic. Almost as close to me to my right was Ji Soo. I felt very crowded but resisted the urge to tell them to back off because their intentions were pure.  Mae Ri must have misinterpreted my sudden silence because she pushed Ji Soo back and said "Ji Soo, back up, you're crowding her!"

    "I'm crowding her?  You're closer to her than I am! You back up," Ji soo pushed Mae Ri lightly which only fueled her irritation and soon they were fighting amongst themselves which earned a dirty look from the receptionist--a different receptionist from my previous visit. Eventually Jong Hwa hit both of them on the back of the heads to shut them up and got evil glares from both for his efforts.

    "Seriously, you two--" he shook his head in exasperation. "How did it go, Lily?"

    "I think it went ok," I told them about the tests as we walked out of the building towards the bus stop. "What I'm really worried about is the essay, you know written hangeul still gives me a bit of trouble."

    "Well I'm sure you did fine besides, they'll know Korean isn't your first language and they'll be impressed by your efforts," he told me. The other two were still batting at each other in annoyance to really take part in the conversation and I had to hide my grin. Jong Hwa looked in their direction and rolled his eyes. "I wish they would start dating already and be done with it," he whispered to me.

I could only stare in shock. First, I completely agreed and thought they should start dating as well but I was more surprised because I had always thought Jong Hwa had a thing for Mae Ri himself. I mean, she was beautiful, smart and she stood out in everyone's eyes. She could be kind of a handful sometimes but that was what made her so charming.

    "What?" He asked after I failed to say anything and only stared.

    "I agree, that's all," I covered up my shock by averting my gaze and looking at the other two. Mae Ri had her finger in Ji Soo's face and was saying something in Japanese while Ji Soo was saying something to Mae Ri in French. I looked back at Jong Hwa and our eyes met for a split second before we were lost in the hilarity of the situation before us.

I resigned myself to understanding that I had done my best and that what will happen will happen at this point. I pushed away any depressing thoughts and focused on what came next and what came next was homework and stalling my father until my results came back. It wouldn't be too hard, right?

***

Wrong. It was hard. For the next two days, my father kept pushing me to start packing and I finally gave in for two reasons: firstly, if I was accepted into the program, I would need to be ready to move into the dormitory the program provided for their students. Secondly, if I didn't get accepted into the program, I would need to be ready to move any how. Not to move back to the States but hopefully to move in with Mae Ri, who was suppose to be asking her parents tonight if I could possibly live with them temporarily. I assured her that it would only be for a little bit but she said not to worry. Knowing Mae Ri, she would threaten to run away if her father didn't agree to let me stay. I just hoped her father didn't stroke out at the news, I honestly adored her parents.

Jong Hwa had told me not to worry because even if Mae Ri's parents were against the idea of me moving in temporarily, he would figure something out which made me feel unexpectedly uncomfortable. I needed to stop depending on Jong Hwa for help and begin helping myself so I told him I had a plan B but I don't think I was convincing. The truth was, I had no plan B or at least no plan B that he would agree too anyway. My plan B consisted of checking out relatively cheap hostels and by relatively cheap, I meant cockroach-infested cheap but I would deal with it if it was my only option. I prayed Mae Ri's parents let me move in because honestly, my plan B sucked. I still had this weeks allowance and next week's allowance which would easily cover a two week stay at a hostel but it wouldn't leave much for food. Although it wasn't like I hadn't dealt with worse, I thought. I would go to school for as long as the school let me, maybe they would take pity on me and let me pay them back for the last quarter tuition after I graduated. Maybe...? I made a mental note to check the next morning.

I was in the process of figuring out how to broach the subject with the school administration when my phone pinged indicating I had a message. It was from Jong Hwa, "Any news yet?"

    "Not yet," I replied.

    "You'll call me first, right?" He asked a few minutes later.

    "Sure," I typed and added a smiley emoticon.

It wouldn't be until Thursday night when Chan Min would finally call me back with my results...

To Be Continued...

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*Ye: Informal "yes" usually used in question form such as "Yes?"

Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Four

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Four

When my alarm clock went off the next morning, I almost regretted promising Mae Ri that I'd go to school but even if I only admitted it to myself, it was more than my promise that made me go to school. I owed Jong Hwa a huge apology and I wasn't quite sure how to go about it. Or rather, the problem was I didn't know how Jong Hwa would react to my presence. I took another glance at the packet on my desk before leaving my bedroom.

While I had been throwing my little pity-party, Jong Hwa had taken it upon himself to find ways to keep me in Korea. I felt ashamed that I hadn't taken the initiative to do it myself and then called Jong Hwa a bastard for his efforts. I just hoped he would forgive me.

I always seemed to arrive at school before everyone else. I didn't know if it was due to my short commute to school or if the other students just hung out somewhere else before class but it was always quiet when I got there. I sat at my desk and listened to my iPod just waiting for my friends to show up. I was halfway through Super Junior's "Bonamona" when Mae Ri came bouncing into the room.

    "Oh good, you're here," she said. Today underneath the tan uniform she had on royal purple knee high stockings complete with a small white bow at the top. Honestly, how she found some of these items I didn't even know. Her hair was pulled into two pony tails that hung down to her shoulders and flounced with every move she made. These too, were accompanied by two white bows. "So what happened last night, what did Jong Hwa say?"

    "Actually--"

    "It's good to see you back, it's been so boring in the morning without you to razz Mae Ri," Ji Soo sauntered in looking relatively plain for his standards, if you didn't count the tight pony tail he sported which made his hair spurt out like short, spiky grass on the back of his head.

Behind him came in Jong Hwa, who didn't even glance in my direction and made me feel even worse. I stood up, "Jong Hwa, could I speak to you for a minute?" I asked in English, which only gained me an eye roll from Ji Soo.

    "There she goes speaking English again," he said before muttering something in French which, of course, I didn't understand and neither did Mae Ri because she learned Japanese instead.

    "It's okay, we don't--" Jong Hwa started to say but I jumped ahead.

    "It'll only take a minute....please Jong Hwa," I pleaded and he sighed. He was still upset from last night. He was usually never this resistant to talking to me but he nodded and followed me out the door anyway. The hallway had a few people but not so many that we couldn't talk privately.

    "Jong Hwa," I spoke in English to reduce the amount of eavesdroppers. "I found the packet you left for me and I'm so sorry!"

    "It's not a big deal," he still wouldn't look at me and instead looked at the floor.

    "No, it is a big deal!" I corrected him and I meant it. "It is a big deal, you went out of your way for me and I-I called you--"

    "Can I just ask you something," he finally looked up at me.

    "Ah, sure," suddenly I was the one looking at the floor and avoiding eye contact.

    "Do you even want to stay here, I mean I know your mom is back in the States and you don't talk about her but I know you miss her," he ran his hand through his hair which gave him a rugged look. "You may not think so, but you just gave up. Does he scare you that much?"

Whoa, invasive much? Jong Hwa was always the one who kept the coolest head so why all of a sudden was he being so...so...hot headed! Whatever the reason, I decided I would answer him honestly, "Yeah, of course, I miss her but-but she left me here so I guess I don't miss her as much as I should. Not enough to move back to the States anyway," I let out a relieved breath. I had never admitted that to anyone, I didn't hold it against my mom that she left but I guess it didn't quite endear her to me either because she just...left. She announced she wanted a divorce and within two weeks she'd went back to the States with the promise to bring me with her when she could. The divorce had been finalized shortly thereafter and due to her lack of economic stability, my father had been granted temporary custody. We knew because we had gotten a letter in the mail, she hadn't even bothered to tell us the news.

    "So, do you want to stay?" Jong Hwa asked patiently. This was the Jong Hwa I was used to, calm and collected and it made me feel a little more settled.

    "More than you could possibly know," I admitted without hesitation. "I couldn't even imagine not being with Mae Ri or Ji Soo or...you every day," suddenly this conversation had taken an awkward turn. "Umm," I picked at an invisible spot on my jacket, still avoiding eye contact.

    "Good, because I-we want you to stay too," he cleared his throat. "Take a look at what I left for you," he said, sounding much more normal than he had when we first came out into the hallway.

    "I will-am looking at it," I nodded.

    "Ok, let's go back in, I fear Mae Ri will break her neck if she sticks her head out of the window any longer," he teased and pointed at the window between the classroom and the hallway.

I turned around just in time to see Mae Ri jerk her head back into the classroom but not before her hair got caught and she smacked her forehead on the windowpane. I nearly passed out from laughter. It was good to know we were all back on an even keel and I felt even lighter knowing that I may not have to leave after all, not if what those papers Jong Hwa had given me meant anything.

***

School went by fast despite being somewhat behind due to the two days I missed. During our lunch period I informed Ji Soo and Mae Ri about what Jong Hwa had found out. It was an foreign student exchange program that provided scholarships to incoming foreigners to study at a Korean school. Normally the program required a guardian's consent but Jong Hwa thought they might make an exception if the student was already of age according to their country's laws. The program provided dorms to the students as well as a small allowance as long as the student's grades were maintained. There were a few other requirements but there wasn't a lot of information in the packet so I was going to stop by the headquarters after school. Jong Hwa and Mae Ri both insisted they wanted to go with me but I declined. If this wasn't going to work out, and I had my serious doubts, then I wanted to find out by myself before telling them the bad news.

Knowing my luck, this wouldn't work, I thought as I stood outside he front doors of the Educational Student Exchange, which I dubbed the ESE for short. The building was somewhat nondescript with simple block hangeul above the rotating doors but I still felt nervous. I took a deep breath and walked in.

Behind the front desk sat a woman wearing a small headset. Her fingers cruised over the keyboard in front of her as she set up an appointment for the person on the phone. I waited patiently and looked around the lobby. It was small with furnishings that seemed bland and melded with the tan moldings and wasn't all together impressive. However the open space around the lobby was impressive, it was so open which more than made up for the suffocating neutral tones. Across from the sitting area was a glass elevator but other than that, there was only one other door that led to I didn't know where. The woman finished the call and turned to me with a sweet smile. It made me feel slightly better.

    "How can I help you," she asked in English. Most Koreans that knew English didn't talk to me in Korean because they assumed I didn't know any. Under normal circumstances it annoyed me but in this situation, I was sure she spoke English to most of her clients and it was just part of her job to switch back and forth between the two languages.

    "Ah, I wanted to speak with someone about the foreign exchange program," I said.

    "Do you have an appointment with someone," she clicked a few buttons on her keyboard again, in an attempt to look for an appointment.

    "No, um, do I need one?" I asked. I hadn't even considered the fact that I might need an appointment.

    "No, I can have someone come out to meet you but it might take a little bit, go ahead and have a seat and someone will be out to see you," she gestured to the tan chairs.

I thanked her and set off towards the sitting area. It didn't take very long, maybe twenty minutes, before the one door opened up and out walked a man who looked to be in his mid-twenties. It was hard to tell how old some Koreans were because they always seemed so ageless. He wore a suit without a tie and somehow managed to remind me of Jong Hwa. It might have been the glasses he was wearing but I felt somewhat better after seeing him. He stopped at the desk and had a short conversation with the woman, asking about me, I assumed before walking towards me with a hand stretched out for a handshake.

    "Hello, my name is Soo Chan Min," He spoke in English as well. "How can I help you?"

Deciding to set things straight right off the bat, I ignored his hand and gave him a deep bow. "Annyeonghaseyo, Soo Chan Min-ssi," I straightened up. "Cheoum boepgetssumnida*, jeoneun Ril-Li imnida.*"

    "Hangugmal hae?*" He asked me in Korean, he looked impressed.

    "Ne," I gave him a small smile. He chuckled and put down his hand sheepishly. "I have questions about the program."

    "Sure, why don't we head back to my desk, I'd be more than happy to answer your questions." he gestured towards the door and showed me the way to his cubical. It was small but very neat, there was a singular photo with him and some woman, I assumed it was his girlfriend because he wasn't wearing a ring.  "So what questions do you have?"

    "Well for starters, what are you acceptance requirements, the informational packet wasn't very informative," I said trying not to sound mean.

    "I agree, I've been trying to get the company to release a new, updated version." He laughed and nodded his head in agreement, "Well, for starters the candidate must be foreign, we don't accept any Koreans into the program. You aren't Korean, right?"

    "Ne, I was born in the United States but I've been living in Korea for a little over three years now," I informed him. He nodded and pulled out a note pad and started taking notes. "Why don't I just tell you whats going on, it might make it easier?"

    "Sure," he said and sat patiently as I explained my situation to him.

When I was done, he picked up his phone and asked whoever was on the other end if they had a moment to talk. After a few words he hung up and told me to sit tight while he checked a few things. His tone was neutral but judging by his face, I shouldn't get my hopes up. I nodded and sighed. If this didn't work, I had two options: head back to the States or stay here and get a job. Mae Ri's parents would probably let me live with them but I would still have to pay my tuition which was laughably expensive. Of course, if I went to a regular high school I could probably do it except my choices for colleges would be considerably different.

Either way I would figure out because Jong Hwa was right, I had given up but not anymore.

It was another few minutes before Soo Chan Min came back and faced me. "Honestly, your situation is a little unconventional but I think we can work with it." His face split into a smile and it took everything I had not to launch myself into his arms and hug him.

    "Jeongmalyo*?"Jinjja!" I could feel the tears coming and I couldn't stop them.

    "Yes, really," he patted my shoulder. "You are an adult by American standards and therefore you are you own legal guardian. There are a few requirements such as your GPA, and you'll have to complete a few tests for the standard subjects such as math, reading, writing, things like that but pending any bad scores, we should be able to get you in."

He handed me a few tissues and we hammered out the details; the first step would be to take the tests and get my transcripts from my current school which wouldn't be too hard. He gave me a few tips on what to expect from the tests but he told me not to worry about them. He scheduled my tests for the following Monday after school and sent me on my way with another pat on my shoulder and an encouraging smile. I wanted to talk about what happened after I was accepted into the program but he said we could save that conversation for when I got into the program.

I tried to get a hold on my crying before I left the building but it just didn't seem possible. I was so happy; the first thing I wanted to do was call Jong Hwa but I settled for Mae Ri instead, I wouldn't be embarrassed to cry in front of Mae Ri.

I called Mae Ri as soon as I got to the bus stop, "Lily! How did it-" she didn't finish her sentence because I burst out into tears again. Normally I wasn't this emotional but I felt the happiest I had ever felt in my entire life and I couldn't handle it. "Oh no, no Lily don't cry!"

That's when I heard the voices in the background and I didn't have to ask who they were. "Those bastards," Ji Soo's voice carried clear as day through the line. Jong Hwa was asking for the phone but it seemed like Mae Ri was trying to push him away because her voice came across loud but jumbled as if she was fighting with someone.

    "Jjamkkan man*! Lily talk to me," another round of tussling came across the line. "Ya, jugeul-lae*?"

I laughed because I didn't know what else to do. I had to get myself under control but listening to my friends fighting on the other side made me almost hysterical. I laughed so loud the other people in the bus stop actually backed away from me. I waved at them and apologized but it was enough to get me under control. "Mae Ri-ya, Mae Ri-ya!" It took a few tries but I got through to her eventually. "They say I'm a candidate!"

    "Mwo!" Another round of fumbling, "Ya! Jong Hwa! I can't hear her, what did you say Lily?"

    "They say I'm a candidate, meet me at the convenient store, I'm on my way there now," rather than wait for an answer, I hung up and waited for the bus.

It took me another twenty minutes before I got to the store but everyone was already there waiting. Mae Ri sat cross legged on one of the benches and actively ignored the other two boys. Ji Soo was talking to Jong Hwa but it didn't look like Jong Hwa was listening either. As soon as I walked through the doors all three of them were up and asking me questions about the meeting.

    "Sit down, sit down," I told them and went to grab something to drink for myself. They sat impatiently while I had terrible enjoyment watching them squirm, waiting for answers. As soon as I sat down, Mae Ri jumped right in.

    "So what happened? Why were you crying earlier? They said you are a candidate, what does that mean?" I held up my hand to quiet her.

    "This is what happened..."

***

Mae Ri cried herself so I didn't feel so bad about my little episode. Jong Hwa didn't say much, he just listened and let Mae Ri do all the talking. After I told them everything I knew, we discussed how hard the entrance exams were going to be and what I should do to prepare which eventually lead us into talking about the entrance exams for SFLHS and how scary those were. We hung out for nearly three hours before we each went our separate ways.

I didn't get the text message from Jong Hwa until I got home. It read, "I'm glad you're not giving up."

I didn't know what else to say so I simply replied with, "Me too."

I felt the familiar pang in my chest after reading his message for the second time and I knew what it meant. No matter how hard I tried to ignore it, I knew it was useless. I was starting to fall in love with one of my best friends and I didn't know how to stop...

To Be Continued...

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*Cheoum Boepgetssumnida: Literal translation is "This is our first time meeting" but for English speakers, it's the equivalent to "Nice to meet you". It's used usually only when two people meet for the first time.

*Jeoneun Ril-Li-imnida: Formal level of "I am Lily" because Koreans have a hard time distinguishing between R's and L's, a word that usually starts with an "L" sounds like an "R" so Ril-Li actually means "Lily" if said by a native English speaker.

*Hangugmal hae: Informal for "Do you speak Korean?"

*Jeongmalyo: Formal for "Really?"

*Jjamkkan man: Informal "Just a minute"

*Juguel-lae: "Do you want to die?" or "Do you want me to kill you?" Quite honestly, I never understood the direct translation of this phrase so I don't try, I just know the meaning of the phrase. It's used as a threat in an argument but never as an actual intent to kill someone.