Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Eighteen

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Eighteen

The days following the night Mae Ri, Ji Soo and Jong Hwa visited me seemed to blur by. I continued the same routine; I'd get up, clean, go to school, come back to the dorms, do homework and sleep only to get up and clean again. After another week passed by, I came to the startling conclusion that I'd managed to put myself on autopilot. I hardly registered the actions my hands were taking or the words that were coming out of my mouth whenever I spoke to someone. I did what I needed to do and moved on to the next step, whatever that was at that moment.

I had started to buy cheap packs of tissues to keep with me at all times because of the frequent nosebleeds I was getting. I used to laugh at the Korean dramas that often showed a student having nosebleeds while studying and hadn't realized that it was a real thing. I kept my waste basket under my desk and tucked behind my chair. Not because I didn't want people, most especially my roommate, to see that all my efforts were beginning to take a toll on my body but because it was gross and no one needed to see it. At least that was what I had convinced myself was the reason, deep down I think I knew I was overworking myself.

My eating habits had changed as well. I was rarely ever free enough to grab dinner and on the days when I worked in the morning, I never stopped to get breakfast so lunch was now my main--if not my only--meal of the day. It was kind of a good thing, I discovered, when I'd realized I'd lost some weight. Enough that I now had to use a zip tie I'd found at work to cinch two belt loops together so my pants didn't hang halfway down my hips. Just you wait, Mae Ri, I'll be your size yet, I thought when I realized how much weight I'd truly worked off.

In the interim since my conversation with Brian on the bus I had done some serious reflection on what I wanted and I had decided what I wanted was to no longer be afraid of failing. I had begun stock piling my weekly earnings into little baggies that I carried around with me and didn't spend any of it unless it was absolutely necessary. Of course, I spared the few bucks it took to replenish my shampoo and conditioner but I'd convinced myself I didn't need the measly things like bed sheets or socks. I continued to sleep with my jacket, despite the warmer weather that said Spring was on it's way and I washed my only pair of socks every night before bed.

If anyone had seen a change in my demeanor, no one said anything and that was exactly how I preferred it. I kept up the minimal contact to keep up appearances but never did more than was required. This seemed to appease Mae Ri but only proved to upset Jong Hwa whenever I sent him reply messages that were only a few words long. It seemed he'd reached his limit two weeks after the last time I'd seen him.

I'm coming to see you tomorrow. We need to talk.

I read the text and felt a small amount of panic flit through me. I didn't want to see him, I'd finally gotten used to not having him around and I knew that if I saw him tomorrow, it'd rip down all the defenses I'd spent the last two weeks building.

Can't. I have a study group until late. Another time? 

It was a lie because tomorrow was Thursday and we'd had our study group today but he didn't know that.

Lily, I know you're avoiding me. I need to see you.

I glanced at the clock and noted that it was nearly ten at night and I had only manged to complete about two-thirds of the homework that was due tomorrow.

I'm not avoiding you. I'm just busy. I'm tired so I'm going to bed. We'll talk later.

I thought he'd push the issue but instead his reply was only one word:

Fine.

I put my phone down and ignored the pain that always seemed to prick at my heart whenever I thought of Jong Hwa.

I worked on my homework until I just couldn't any more, my eyes had started to burn and it was late enough that I knew getting up at two-thirty in the morning was going to be difficult so I took out the small piece of tissue I'd shoved up my left nostril to block my latest nosebleed and went to bed.

Per usual, I zipped up my jacket and ascended the first step of my bunk bed ladder when a wave of dizziness had me reaching backwards to catch myself on the closet door. I managed to stop myself from falling to the floor but my closet door, which hadn't been all the way shut, slammed closed and left a resounding crash that instantly woke up Emily.

    "Wha-" she looked around until she saw me awkwardly standing on one leg with my other leg still on the first rung and shaking my head to try and stop the dizziness. "What are you doing," she shrieked which only made me wince in pain at the volume.

    "Sorry, I slipped," I muttered and tried the first step again.

    "Oh my god," she huffed angrily and laid back down.

You little brat, I thought to myself. Couldn't even ask if I was okay? This time I was able to get to my bed without another dizzy spell and felt all my tension drain away as soon as I put my head on my makeshift pillow.

All too soon my alarm was going off again and I dismissed it quickly in fear of waking Emily up again. Lord only knew what'd she do to me the next time I jolted her out of sleep and I didn't have enough energy to waste on dealing with her.

I was careful as I descending the steps and realized I'd forgotten to pack my bag the previous night. So I gathered my books, my uniform and checked to make sure my money was in my bag before I left.

The walk to work wasn't nearly as bad now that the weather had started to get better, in fact, the spring air was refreshing and made me a little lightheaded. When I got to the club, my mood had taken a drastic upturn and I felt a little floaty. I checked in with the night time security guy and as per usual, started on the upstairs. It seemed like business had been slow the previous night because only four of the eight karaoke rooms had been used. It was always nice when I had less work, maybe, if I finished with work in time, I could even run by the cafeteria at the dorms and pick up something for breakfast.

I had just finished the last karaoke room when I picked up the small bucket of water and the mop I'd used to wash the floors and went to take them downstairs. I only got down three steps when another wave of dizziness overtook me but this time, with my hands full, I didn't have anything to stop me from falling. Everything had gone black by the time I reached the bottom of the stairs.

***

One Week Ago...

I had set up an appointment with the Director since he'd wanted me to come see him. I just got off of school and the only thing really on my mind was to get home and get some homework tonight and sleep but I gathered up the courage to come see him despite all that. I felt like I was tired all the time and since today was a Monday, I didn't have to work in the morning so it was my day to catch up on sleep.

The receptionist waved me towards the seating area and said it would be a few minutes before the Director came to get me. So I sat and waited. True to her word, the Director hadn't made me sit long before he came out of the side door and greeted me with a wide smile. He hadn't changed much in the month since I'd last seen him.

    "Ah, thank you Lily for coming to see me," I stood up and bowed to him respectfully.

    "Hello, Director," I said but left it at that because I didn't really now what else to say.

    "Are you hungry? I'm hungry, let's get something to eat," he didn't even wait for a reply before he started walking towards the front door and out onto the street. "Spring," he said while he took a deep breath in through his nose. "It's close, I can smell it."

    "Yes, Director," I followed a little behind him, unsure of what this was all leading too. If he was going to scold me for having a job, this seemed an odd way of doing it.

    "Do you like fish cakes," He asked me when he stopped at the corner of street and looked left and right.

    "Yes," I told him.

    "Me too, I know a place that sells really good fish cakes," he took an immediate left and steered us towards a street vendor that sold food.

    "I'm sorry, Sir, but what is this about," I asked as I followed behind him.

    "We'll get to it, don't worry," he said which only caused me to worry more. It had to be serious if he wasn't willing to even give me a hint.

He ordered the food and even I had to admit that it smelled delicious and when it arrived, I dug into the fish ball soup with fervor.

    "I was going to say it looked like you'd lost weight since I last saw you but it seems that you have a healthy appetite," the Director said jovially and he continued to eat his soup at a leisurely pace. "Do you like tteokbokki?"

    "You don't have--"

    "Ajumma*," the Director called to the woman behind the small kitchenette. "Tteokbokki juseyo*," he ordered a round of spicy rice cakes before I could decline his offer.

    "Ah, Ye," she called back and brought us the food and gave us each a toothpick to eat it with.

The Director speared a rice noodle and swirled it around the sauce before putting it in his mouth. I did the same because it would be rude to decline the food after he'd ordered it.

    "So I hear you are all by yourself now," the Director said without preamble and had me nearly choking on my own noodle.

    "Yes, sir," I confirmed as I wiped a little sauce from my lip.

    "Is that why you got a job," he asked before he spooned more soup into his mouth.

    "To make money, yes," I answered and put down my toothpick.

    "Ani, meogeo*," he gestured for me to take another bite of noodle.

I picked up another piece of noodle and put it in my mouth and waited to see what he said next.

    "How is the job going," he asked me after another moment.

    "Good, sir," I said simply. There was no way I was going to tell him how tired working actually made me.

    "What do you do," I could tell he was getting to his point because he'd stopped eating his soup and seemed to keep looking off into the distance, anywhere but at me and it made me feel like at any moment the other shoe was going to drop.

    "I clean, sir," I said and put down my toothpick again.

    "Where," he asked.

    "Do I have to tell you," I was getting tired of this interrogation and I wish he'd just tell me what he wanted to tell me already. However I knew better than to be rude, so I made sure my tone stayed even.

    "Did you know I'm well within my rights to remove you from the program," he said nonchalantly like he hadn't just potentially upended my world.

    "What," I asked loudly and the Ajumma turned to look at us.

    "Don't worry, I'm not threatening you," he said quietly and looked back at me. "But I will if I find out this job is causing issues with school." He let his words sink in and I felt he'd just slapped me on the hands with a ruler. "In this world, education is the only constant. Things are always changing and evolving and people are constantly learning just to keep up with it."

    "You're special, Lily," he said and once again looked away as he spoke. "I've seen older people than you cave to lesser struggles. Chan Min saw it in you the first time you came to his office and I saw it in you the day I interviewed you. You're special and you've got something about you that makes people want to protect you," he said.

    "I don't need--"

    "You're tough, I'll give you that but even the strongest can fall," he said easily as his gaze came back to mine. "History is proof of that," he finished. "I want to see you excel and I'm willing to jump through all kinds of hoops to make sure my students have all that they need to succeed in this program but it all starts with you."

For the second time in week, I felt like I had just been scolded. First by Brian, and now the Director. What, were the words 'troubled kid' tattooed on my forehead or something? With nothing else I could say I simply nodded and waited in silence until he finished the rest of his soup.

    "Hmm, masissda*," he put a few won on the table and stood up and I followed suit. He waved to the Ajumma who smiled and waved back as she continued to work on another group's order and we headed back in the direction of the ESE building.

    "Thank you for the food," I told him once we reached the building. I hadn't planned on going back inside but he waved me towards the door anyway.

    "Chan Min wanted to see you before you headed back to the dorms," he said.

    "Why," I asked carefully.

    "You'll need to ask him," he said with a smile and waved to me as he continued to talk past the building and down the opposite way we'd come.

I reluctantly reentered the building and told the receptionist to let Chan Min know I was here to see him now. Rather than waiting, she ushered me straight back to him and I walked to his desk without an escort.

He was clicking away at his computer when I knocked lightly on the plastic lining of his cubicle to get his attention. "Ah, Lily, you're here." He hit save on whatever document he was working on and spun around on his chair to give me a smile.

    "You wanted to see me," I said and sat down in the visitor's chair.

    "Yeah, I was going through your file to make sure I had everything for your graduation in a few months and noticed that the form you previously filled out for your emergency contact information listed your father as your emergency contact. Did you," he looked a little sheepish and he carefully chose his next few words. "Did you want to update that information?"

He handed me the paper I'd filled out a month ago. Had it really already been almost a month since I'd been on my own in Korea? I'd say time really flew by when you were having fun except the last four weeks had been anything but fun.

    "I suppose I should," I said and reached for a pen on his desk. I hesitated when it came to crossing out my father's name out but knew I had no other choice. I hadn't heard a peep from him since he'd left and I hadn't even gotten a hold of my mother. I wonder what he'd told her when she realized I hadn't come home with him. Had she even tried to get a hold of me? I wouldn't know since my phone was turned off but I suspected she'd at least tried once. I stared at the blank line and wondered who I'd put, I had no one else in the country that could put on that line.

    "If you don't have anyone else to put, you could just put me," Chan Min said after a minute of struggling to think of someone. "I mean, it doesn't have to be your parent. It could be anyone you would trust to make decisions for you if you ever unable to make them for yourself."

Who did I trust enough to make decisions for me? The first person to pop up in my head had been Jong Hwa. He was still a high school student though so he wasn't eligible to be my working guardian. His mother maybe? No, I couldn't put that kind of pressure on her.

    "Do you maybe have a doctor you trust on the base that you would feel comfortable being your emergency contact," Chan Min suggested and it clicked. No, I didn't have a doctor on base, but I did have a doctor.

I put Ji Soo's father's name on the line. The only problem was I didn't have his cell number. "I'm going to put down a number but it's not his. It's his son's, you'll just have to ask to speak to Lee Kang Bo. But I honestly don't think you'll ever have to use this," I laughed lightly. Or at least, I hoped not.

Chan Min nodded and took the sheet when handed it back to him and put it in my file. "Glad that's taken care of," he said and turned around and just looked at me. "How are you, Lily," he asked.

    "I'm-I'm good," I said and managed to keep most of the tension out of my voice.

    "Dahaengida*," he said and leaned back in his chair. "I don't want to keep you, I know you must have homework but you'll call if you need anything, right?" He made the universal sign for a phone and held it up to his ear.

    "Yes," I affirmed and stood up.

It wouldn't be until later that the importance that meeting with Chan Min would be until I found myself in the hospital.

***

Present Day...
Ji Soo...

My phone rang shrilly by my bedside and woke me out of a deep sleep instantly. I picked it up and noted the time as well as the fact that it was a number I'd never seen before. I debated on whether or not to answer it. I decided that it must be important for someone to call at four in the morning and put the phone to my ear.

    "Yeobeoseyo," I said sleepily into the phone.

    "Is this Lee Kang Bo," a man's voice said on the other end.

I pulled the phone away from my face to make sure it truly was mine and hadn't gotten mixed up with my father's. "Aniyo, jjamkkanmanyo," I got up from bed and slowly made my way to my father's room and opened the door. My father's snores almost instantly stopped the second I called his name. He may not work in the hospital any more but he still maintained the hospital mindset and could wake up instantly and be alert no matter what. I dropped onto the side of the bed he didn't use and passed the phone over even as I swung an arm over my eyes.

    "What is it," he said as he rubbed his eyes.

    "I don't know, someone called for you," I said. "Here," I said, shaking the phone so he'd grab it.

    "Yeobeoseyo," I heard my father say into the phone.

There was silence and then my father shot up in bed and nearly dislodged me from my side when he pulled the covers. "Mworigo*," he said loudly into the phone. I sat up next to him and could tell by the look on his face and the sound of his voice that whatever it was, it was serious. But why would they be calling on my phone, whoever it was.

    "I'm on my way," he said briskly and hung up. He wasted no time in getting out of bed and threw clothes on haphazardly.

    "Abeoji, mwoya," I asked him as he finished putting on clothes. "Who was it," I asked.

    "Ji Soo, follow me," he said and left the bedroom. I got up from the bed and followed my father to his office where he pulled out his medical bag and started filling it with items from his desk.

    "What's going on," I asked again, now I was started to get worried. I glanced at the number again on my phone and struggled to see if anything about it rang any bells.

    "Ji Soo, listen to me," my father said in a commanding tone. "Ji Soo," he said again to get my attention and I looked at him. "It was about Lily. There was an accident, they don't know much but she's at the hospital."

It took a moment for his words to sink in and then I turned around to go back to my room to get dressed but my father stopped me, "No, there's no point in you going to the hospital until we know more."

    "But Abeoji," I said faintly.

    "I will call you if anything happens," my father said as if that was the end of the discussion but it wasn't. I had never raised my voice to my father but I raised it now.

    "Abeoji," I said loudly and brought my father to a halting stop. "She's my friend, I'm going."

My father looked at me and must have seen something on my face because he nodded and went back to packing. "Fine, go get dressed. Call Jong Hwa as well," he said. "Don't," he added loudly. "Don't tell him what it's about. Just tell him to get dressed. We'll swing by and pick him up on our way."

    "What about Mae Ri," I asked. My father thought about it and ultimately shook his head.

    "No, she'll panic," he said and I had to admit that he was right. She would panic and no good would come out of telling her anything before we had more answers. "Okay, go," my father said and shooed me out the door.

I was calling Jong Hwa before I even changed out of my pajamas, "Ji Soo-ya, why are you calling so early?"

    "Something's come up, Jong Hwa. Get dressed, I'm on my way to come get you," I told him.

    "What," he asked in a less sleepy voice.

    "I don't have time to explain but you need to get up and get dressed. We'll be there in ten minutes, okay?"

    "Okay but--"

    "See you soon," I cut off his next question and hung up. He'd get dressed and we'd tell him once he got in the car.

For the first time in a long time, I prayed. I prayed that Lily was alright. It had to have been something major for her to be taken to the hospital but what she could have been doing that would cause her to go to the hospital at four in the morning was beyond me.

To Be Continued...

***

*Juseyo; "Please"

*Meogeo: "Eat"

*Ahjumma: Ahjumma refers to a sometimes older woman, but it could also be used for a woman who is married, doesn't necessarily have to be older. It's just a respectful term for older/married woman.  (On the flip side, you have Ajusshi--older/married man). Word of caution, this word is NEVER used for someone who is younger or unmarried, it's an insult otherwise. You're basically calling them "Old man" or "Old woman" before their time.

*Massida: "Delicious"

*Dahaengida: "I'm relieved", "I'm glad" or "That's good"-as in "That's good that you are doing well".

*Mworigo: "What did you say?"

Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Sixteen

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Sixteen

The next couple of days flew by quickly; I felt like I blinked and already it was the end of the school day on Wednesday. Where had the time gone? I packed my backpack and headed straight out the door without looking back. I had a lot of homework I needed to finish before I could go to bed and I needed to get to bed early because tonight was my first day on the job. I had just gotten down the stairs to the main floor when someone yelled my name. It was Annabeth and she was calling for me from the top of the stairs with a wide smile on her face.

I liked Annabeth, I really did. To a certain extent she reminded me a bit of Mae Ri--the life a the party kind of personality--but sometimes, she was just too happy to be around. It seemed she was always in a good mood, she was always peppy, happy-go-lucky, life was good for her and I hated it.

Nevertheless, I headed back up the stairs in her direction anyway..

    "Derek said you were coming to our study session today, I figure we could walk together," Annabeth told me.

Crap, that's right. I had said I would come today, I winced inwardly. Too late to back out now, I guess and resigned myself to my fate. At least I'd get homework done, I thought. "Awesome, I'll follow you." I kept my arms tight to my sides whenever I was near Annabeth, she had a bad habit of wanting to link arms whenever she was walking with someone. That was one thing I could say about Mae Ri; Mae Ri might be overly zealous when it came to her friends but she was never ridiculously touchy-feely and it made me miss her all the more.

Annabeth led the way to a classroom that, if the boxes and dust were anything to go by, looked abandoned. Light streamed through the windows and made the otherwise depressing room look somewhat less dreary but of all the classrooms to be studying in, this is the one they'd chose?

    "Hey guys, I brought Lily," Annabeth announced as soon as we stepped into the room

I was shocked to see how many people actually took part in this study group. There had to have been more than fifteen people here, I thought as I started counting heads. 18 to be exact. I had envisioned a group of maybe seven or eight but eighteen? And they were all students that were part of the program, did these guys never hang out with regular students?

    "Hey, Lily," a few people I recognized from the dorm said but otherwise I mostly just got curious glances.

Derek and Brian were already there sitting huddled over a book they were sharing, Derek waved earnestly while Brian just nodded his head in greeting before giving his attention back to the book.

    "Hey," I waved awkwardly, wishing all the more I'd been able to back out.

    "Come sit over here," Annabeth patted the floor next to where she was sitting. Only a few people actually used the rickety looking desks that the room had, otherwise most of everyone were either sitting on the floor with books in their laps or laying on the floor with the books in front of them.

I sat down next to her but didn't move to take out my books; I was too busy watching what everyone else was doing. I just observed the atmosphere for a few minutes and found it relatively pleasant. Once in a while someone would ask out a question and someone else would give an answer but mostly the room was quiet and everyone was busy doing their own homework.

Almost a full ten minutes after I arrived, I finally pulled out my books and laid down comfortably on the floor to start my own homework but I didn't get very far before Annabeth grumbled in frustration next to me. "What's up?"

    "It's nothing," she looked at me with a smile that was a little strained at the corners.

    "Maybe I can help, what is it?" I asked again wondering what could have possibly cracked her ever-so-happy mood.

    "I just--ugh, I don't know how you did it," she exclaimed with a loud sigh and pushed her book over to me. She must have been working on the Korean homework Mr. Do had assigned us today--an assignment I was going to put off until last because I knew it'd be the easiest homework for me. "I can learn the individual words but putting them together to form a sentence is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do!"

    "Believe it or not, it was for me too, don't worry," I told her and looked at some of the sample sentences the book offered. "Well first off, just remember that the sentences they use in these books are a bit over the top--no Korean ever speaks this--" I searched for the right word. "--precisely."

    "What do you mean," she asked me with genuine confusion.

    "Well, no sentence structure ever looks the same in Korean. With the amount of suffixes and prefixes in the Korean language, it is never a sure bet as to what will come out of the mouth. Actually, Koreans tend to omit of lot of information when speaking to each other because the information isn't required. So very rarely will you hear sentences structured like this."

    "Okay," she nodded like she understood but her tone said otherwise.

    "Okay, so as an example, in English, 'Sa-gwahn-neun ppal-gan-saeg' would be translated to "The apple is red" or "Apples are red" but in Korean is just means "Apple red". It's a statement of fact. Actually, the word "saeg" literally means color. So "ppal-gan" means..." I let it dangle.

    "Red," she said hesitantly.

    "Yup," I nodded. "And 'neun' is just a topic indicator. Ah," I thought of a better way of phrasing it. "It indicates that the apple is the subject of the sentence, it's what you're talking about. So 'sa-gwahn'  means apple, well actually," I backtracked. I knew I was making a complicated concept more complicated but I had the sudden urge to explain. "It could mean 'apology' too, which happens a lot in Korean. A lot of words sound exactly the same which is why you have to listen to the whole sentence. Anyway," I waved the air in front of my face in order to get back on topic. "so 'sa-gwahn neun', apple plus the topic particle 'neun' combined with 'ppal-gan' literally means 'apple red', the 'saeg', which indicates the color red as opposed to, lets say, a red 'dress'. This is what turns the English translation into 'apples are red'."

There was a moment of pause while Annabeth digested the information before she nodded once again and said, "Okay, I'm starting to get it."

    "They don't have words for 'the' or 'is', so when translations from Korean to English happen, those words have to be placed there in order for it to make sense to us. Do you get what I'm saying now?" She nodded. "So don't beat yourself up for having a hard time putting words together. It's different when you're actually speaking to a Korean and can hear how they put words together."

    "So how did you do it," she asked me curiously.

I thought about it for a moment. "Well, when I came to Korea I didn't have a program like this to fall back on. It was sink or swim," I told her honestly. "It's nice that you've got people," I gestured around and realized that almost everyone was looking at me. "--What?"

    "Nothing, we're just listening," Derek said while some of the students pretended like they hadn't been eavesdropping on our conversation.

    "It's weird because it's like you're from here except you aren't," Annabeth said although I felt like she was stating an obvious fact. "I mean, it's just nice to have insider information without feeling like you look down on us."

    "Look...down...on you, what do you mean?" I asked.

    "Well, it's hard to talk to the students here, you know," another girl I didn't know said.

    "Have you tried," I asked.

    "It's hard when you don't know the language," someone else said.

I understood what they were trying to tell me; they were scared to ask anyone for helping because they feared getting laughed at or rejected. I knew the feeling, probably better than most but I couldn't help feeling a little bit better about my own personal circumstances. I hadn't been so lucky as these students who had others who spoke their language to help support them. I'd been virtually alone; my mother hadn't been here long enough to help me learn anything about Korea and my dad had strictly wanted to keep it American inside the apartment so everything I'd learned had come from Jong Hwa or Mae Ri. Heck, even Ji Soo had helped a little. In some ways these students had been luckier than I but in others, I'd definitely gotten the better part of the deal.

    "Well, do any of you have questions," I asked tentatively, not expecting anyone to actually ask me anything. I was wrong, almost immediately I was accosted with questions about the Korean culture and language, I could hardly keep up with my answers.

    "What's with the whole "hyung"-"oppa" thing," a girl asked me a little while later, I think her name was Chelsea.

    "It's all part of the hierarchy, in Korea there is an order to everything and there are levels, these titles are all a part of that," I told them.

    "What do they mean," Chelsea asked.

    "Well, younger males call older males "Hyung" as a sign of respect--it's an indicator of their age. In Korean society, there are roles; elders help guide their juniors--sunbae's and hubae's--while the juniors show respect to their elders so 'hyung' really just shows a hubae acknowledging his place in the relationship," I told them. "It's the same for "oppa" just for girls addressing older males," I tried to keep it simple but that was the difficult in the Korean culture, one thing was always connected to someone else, there was a reason for everything, I'd learned.

It continued on like this until someone noted the time and we all had to rush to pack our bags to make it to the last pick-up bus that would take us to the dorms. There was a lot of chatter about the Korean culture when we all climbed the steps to board the bus and I couldn't help but feel a little excited that I'd been able to help someone else. Instead of being the one that didn't know anything, I had now become the knowledgeable and the idea made me feel good.

My happiness was short lived when we got back to the dorms and I realized tonight was my first night of work. I had to give Annabeth a quick goodbye so I could head up to my room to get my homework done as fast as possible. Although I got through most of it within a couple hours, Math always seemed to elude me, at least without the assistance of someone else. ...And that someone else was no longer by my side. I pulled out my phone and debated if I was really going to send a message to Jong Hwa in order to get help with my math homework.

We hadn't had any communication since the last time we were together. I'd pulled out my phone several times to text him but I'd resisted because I needed to get used to not having him around. That would make his eventual departure easier. Mae Ri, on the other than, had texted me several times throughout the day for the past two days. I'd texted her back when I could but Jong Hwa, so far, had been utterly silent.

It was because of that silence that I decided to not ask him for help and I put my phone away. I glanced at Emily's alarm clock and noted that is was already well past dinner time and I hadn't eaten anything since lunch. My stomach gurgled loudly but I ignored it. I needed to get to sleep and set my alarm for 2:30 so I could get a few hours of sleep before having to be at work.

I turned the light off at my desk and made my way to the closet where I'd hung my jacket. I still hadn't been able to convince myself that I needed bed sheets so I continued to sleep in my jacket, sweats and slippers. I knew eventually I'd have to break down to get them but I wanted to save my money where I could and right now, bed sheets were not an expense I could afford. I wrapped my jeans up in a shirt again and climbed the step ladder.

Because I was so used to falling asleep later a night, it was hard for me to sleep so early which is probably what accounted for me feeling miserably tired the next morning when my alarm went off at 2:30. Emily grumbled loudly but turned over and fell back asleep as soon as I shut off the alarm. Even though every fiber of my being wanted to stay in bed, I needed the job so I dragged myself out of bed anyway. I changed into my jeans and a plain white t-shirt and packed my school uniform into my backpack before quietly leaving the room. The bright, fluorescent lights in the hallway nearly blinded me as I made my way to the stairs and down to the common area.

As soon as I stepped outside the first door I was stopped by the security guy and I was surprised to find out he was Korean.

    "Omo, where are you going," He asked me in severely broken English so I decided to just respond in Korean.

    "I work in the mornings," I told him.

    "You need to have a special waiver form in order to leave the dormitories this early in the morning," he told me.

    "Oh," I hadn't known that, well now what the heck was I gonna do? "Can you let me go for today and I will call Chan Min about the waiver," I asked him with pleading eyes. "It's just, I really need the job."

He hesitated for a moment, not sure what would get him into trouble but eventually he nodded, "Just for today."

I bowed and thanked him before I headed out into the cold, March morning. I didn't know when Spring was finally going to come to Korea but it couldn't come soon enough, I thought as I bit down on my lip to avoid shivering. I fast-walked the eight blocks and was almost out of breath when I finally reached the club. I entered the passcode and introduced myself to the over-night security guy. He seemed nice and showed me where I could find the cleaning supplies before leaving me to my work.

***

The club had two floors; upstairs held the karaoke rooms and downstairs was where the bar was located. I couldn't tell which floor was the worse to clean up. Downstairs, probably, I decided since there were no walls to keep the mess enclosed.

After nearly three hours of sweaty, grueling work, I finished my work day by cleaning the bathrooms. I checked back in with the security officer and he ran through the checklist before giving me the thumbs up which left me with about thirty minutes before the buses would arrive. I used that time to wash up in the bathroom at the club before heading out.

I arrived ten minutes before the bus got there and I silently patted myself on the back. That wasn't so bad, I thought. I even felt somewhat refreshed after working so much before school, I didn't feel tired at all.

Of course, that was before I reached third period and nearly slammed my forehead onto my desk after almost falling asleep. The student next to me must have saw me struggling because she asked me if I was ok when the teacher's back was turned.

    "Gwanchana," I whispered back and hoped I was telling the truth. I had to keep shifting in my desk to keep myself awake but no one was more happy than I was when the lunch bell rang. My stomach had been gurgling since the first hour as if to remind me that I hadn't had dinner or breakfast. Not that I needed the reminder, I thought.

Which is how I found myself arm-in-arm with Annabeth walking at a clipped pace to the lunchroom. Once I'd gotten through the lunch line and sat down, I didn't even wait for the others before I started shoveling rice into my mouth.

    "You're a hungry little lass today, aren't'cha?" Brian asked a few moments later while he openly stared at me. His fork dangling in his hand.

    "Hmm," was all I said as I continued to eat quickly.

    "You do realize we have a total of thirty minutes to eat, there's no rush," Brian said teasingly as he finally started on his own food.

    "So, whats up," Derek asked as he carefully chewed his food.

    "Nothing, I was just hungry," I began to feel a little self conscious. I had just piled a whole bunch of food into my face like Ms. Piggy, I thought silently.

    "I didn't see you at dinner last night," Derek hinted once again. "Or at breakfast this morning," he finished.

I decided that actively ignoring him was my only way out of this situation, "Hmm, hey Annabeth, did you ever figure out your Korean homework," I asked her and only felt a little guilty about using her. I knew she'd perk up and ramble on about her homework which would effectively shut Derek up and I was right, it was a useful strategy.

She kept talking until it was time to get back to class and for once, I didn't mind her cheerful happiness.

***

Because there was no study hall after school I snagged a spot on the first pick-up bus and headed back to the dorms after school. During the ride I checked my phone for new messages and found five new messages from Mae Ri alone.

    "Aish, Mae Ri-ya," I chided and read each one thoroughly. She wanted to come by the dorms to see me after school today but I quickly sent a reply saying I had too much homework but that she could come by tomorrow. That would work because I'd have the whole weekend to do my homework. Tonight I needed to do the minimal amount of homework and get some sleep.

She sent back a cheery response--I could tell by the smiling cat emoticon she used--and I put my phone away. I just wanted to go home and sleep, I was so tired. I leaned my head up against the window of the bus and closed my eyes.

The next thing I knew Derek was sitting in the spot in front of me, staring. "Kkamjjakiya," I jumped back as far as the seat would allow.

    "Sorry, sorry," Derek raised his hands. "I tried to wake you up by calling your name, then I was going to shake you but," he made an "X" with his fingers and reminded me that I'd told him to never touch me. I had to give him kudos for following orders, even to such extremes as this.

    "No, it's fine. Look, forget what I said the other day, I don't like being manhandled, that's all," I told him and he looked confused. "Just don't, you know, jerk me around abruptly."

He nodded his head fervently, "You got it."

I looked around and realized the bus had stopped moving, "Are-are we at the dorms," I asked.

    "Yup, got here about ten minutes ago, I was trying to wake you up to tell you we were here," Derek told me.

    "Oh, thank you," I picked up my backpack and slid out of the seat. Derek followed me off the bus and walked side by side with me towards the dorms.

    "So, ah, you know, I meant to apologize for walking in on you and your, ah, friend the other night," Derek said with a lot of hesitation.

    "It's ok," was what I settled on. He chuckled nervously, waiting for more of a response but I had none to give him.

    "So, is he-is he your boyfriend," Derek asked.

We had reached the front entrance to the dorms when I stopped to consider his question and how much information I was willing to share. I guess I had nothing to lose by being honest and saying we were best friends. However, something didn't feel right about making it look like Jong Hwa was only a good friend when he was so much more than that. "He's--someone I'm interested in."

    "So you two aren't dating," he questioned.

    "It's complicated," I told him.

    "Complicated how," He kept pushing for an answer.

    "Why do you want to know," I asked, letting my annoyance leak through my voice. Couldn't he take a hint?

    "Because I don't want to be attracted to another man's girl," he said exasperatedly.

I had been taken by complete surprise and I was unsure of what to say to that. "Are-are you always this honest" is what I settled on.

    "I try to be," he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. I had to look away because it reminded me so much of Jong Hwa. "I didn't mean to make things uncomfortable, but I've been thinking about that moment...and," he took  deep breath. "Nevermind, I'm sorry I brought it up," he pulled open the door as if to leave but I stopped him.

    "He isn't my boyfriend," I told him quickly. "He--I love him," saying the words to someone who wasn't Jong Hwa hurt more than I thought it would. "I love him, a lot actually, but it's complicated right now."

    "Because you switched schools," Derek asked as he let the door slide shut.

    "No, because--look, he's a good guy, he's kind and gentle, he's honest and hardworking," I hadn't meant to spill everything to Derek and yet here it was all coming out of my mouth. "He's the kind of guy every girl wants as her boyfriend but," how could I explain so he'd understand. "I'm not--he doesn't love me, I mean, not like that anyway."

    "Didn't look that way the other night," Derek said quietly. He was right and deep down, I knew he was right but I had spent the last three days telling myself that what had happened in the front foyer didn't mean anything and I had done all I could to make that memory seem less important. It wasn't working very well, but I was trying.

    "Maybe not but all the same, we're just friends," I said.

    "So I'm confused, are you telling me it's okay for me to like you or are you telling me you're unavailable," he asked me, point blank.

I didn't want to hurt this man's feelings but I also didn't want to lead him on. "I'm unavailable." I didn't apologize because I wasn't sorry and I didn't belittle either of us by saying 'we can still be friends'. Yeah, there was no way around this ensuing awkwardness that was bound to sprout up between us. Why couldn't he have just not said anything at all?

    "I"m glad we got that all cleared up," he said and nodded briskly and opened the door. "Let's go in, it's cold out here."

I nodded and followed him in, I just needed to escape to my bedroom as soon as possible.

    "By the way, when does spring usually hit Korea, 'cause man, I really want to throw around a baseball," Derek said and effectively broke the awkwardness all on his own.

We spent another ten minutes chatting about the normal weather patterns in Korea before I finally disengaged to go to my room. He seemed absolutely normal, despite our previous conversation and I thought, maybe things wouldn't be so uncomfortable after all. I could pretend like that conversation never happened.

When I reached my room, I felt lighter somehow and the feeling wasn't entirely unpleasant. I pulled out my backpack and attacked my homework with more motivation than I'd had previously. It wasn't until almost an hour later when I remembered that I needed to get a waiver from Chan Min.

    "Aish," I muttered as I searched for my phone and started to put in the passcode that when remembered that I didn't have service. "Aish," I said more loudly as I headed for the door. I was heading for the front desk when I passed by Brian in the stairway. "Hey, Brian could I--" I'd been going down the stairs at such a fast pace that I missed the fact that Brian had actually been using his phone.  "Oh, sorry, never--"

    "Baby, hold on," Brian said into the phone and put his hand over the receiver. "What'd you need," he asked me.

    "I was going to ask to use your phone but you're on it," I told him and waved off my request.

    "One sec," he said before moving his hand away from the phone. "Baby, go take your shower and call me back afterwards." He was silent as he listened to whoever 'Baby' was. "Nah, it's okay. Okay, love you too." He hung up the phone and passed it to me.

    "You didn't have to do that," I said humbly.

    "Nah, she had to get ready for school anyway, she just had a late start this morning," he explained.

    "I'll just be a minute, I promise," I held up one finger for emphasis before taking the phone and dialing Chan Min's number. I prayed he was still in his office. He wasn't, the phone kicked me to the front desk where the receptionist answer the call.

    "Is-is Soo Chan Min-ssi still in the office," I asked her.

    "Aniyo," she said in clipped tones and I envisioned the snarky-looking receptionist that sometimes manned the front desk. "He's left for the day, would you like to leave a message?"

    "Um, do-do you have his cellphone number by chance, it's kind of an emergency," I said.

There was a pause on the other line before she responded, "Unfortunately I can't give out personal numbers, what kind of an emergency is it, I could connect you to the Director."

I had an intense internal debate on whether I wanted to ask this kind of a favor from the Director himself but I had no other choice otherwise I'd miss work tomorrow and I would lose the job. I was already starting to feel the panic rising in my chest. I squeezed my eyes shut to try and control the urge to hyperventilate. "Yes, please."

    "One moment," she said and a moment later a piano started playing in the background.

Oh please, oh please, I begged to whatever higher power was listening.

    "This is the Director speaking," the Director said after the piano cut out.

    "Oh, Annyeonghaseyo," I squeaked into the phone, I was so nervous. "Jeosonghaeyo, It's Lily Smith," I was even more scared of asking for a favor from him than I was of Chan Min, what had I been thinking when I asked to be transferred to him?

    "Oh. The receptionist said it was an emergency, what's going on," he asked but not like he was mad. He actually sounded worried.

    "It's not an, I mean, it kind of is, but--" my words came out jumbled.

    "Slow down, Lily," he said in a soothing voice and I took a deep breath.

    "I have a job but it requires that I leave earlier than allowed in the morning, so I need--"

    "A waiver," he finished for me when I stopped to take another deep breath.

    "Yes, sir," I confirmed.

    "When do you need it by," he asked gently into the phone.

    "Tomorrow morning, I know it's such short notice but I was caught doing homework and I--"

    "It's okay, it's okay, I'll have one faxed over," he said.

    "Kamsahamnida, jeongmal kamsahamnida," I was so relieved I actually bowed before I remembered that he couldn't see it.

    "Cheonmaneyo*," he said. "Hey, Lily, let's get together sometime next week."

And all my happiness evaporated in that moment. Why would he want to meet up with me? This whole call had been a mistake, it didn't matter if I didn't have a job if I was kicked out of the program. There went school, college, everything, I thought to myself and felt all the panic drain out of me as depression set in. The only reason he'd be calling me in to meet with him is if I'd made a fatal mistake in this phone call.

    "You still there," he asked and there was a muffled sound on the other side.

    "Yes," I reassured him.

    "So you'll come see me next week," he asked again.

    "Yes, sir," and we said our goodbyes and hung up. I handed the phone back to Brian and thanked him for letting me use it.

    "What was all that about," he asked as he pocketed the phone.

    "It's nothing," I told him as I started back up the stairs.

    "Well, it's obviously something," he said. "Hey, wait" Brian grabbed a hold of my wrist and effectively cut off my ascent. "What happened/"

    "It's none of your business," I shouted and yanked my wrist out of his hand. "It's-it's none of your concern," I repeated in a much milder tone.

    "You know, Lily, we're all going through the same stuff here," Brian gestured towards the common room door.

    "I doubt that Brian," I rolled my eyes and started back up the stairs.

    "We're all in a different country," he said through clenched teeth. "We all feel alone, it's an adjustment for all of us but we don't have to go through it alone, and neither do you. I know you want to be 'mysterious' but cut yourself a little slack. It might make the adjustments easier," he finished with a long sigh.

I had the sudden urge to scream but I refrained, just barely. "You don't know anything about my situation, I'm not like you guys. I was never like you guys, so don't force us all into the same category. It's an adjustment?"  I laughed condescendingly and took one step back down. "My father left me here! With nothing! No money, no clothes, I didn't even have a toothbrush! I had a pair of sweats in my backpack and what amounts to twenty dollars in my hand. We are not the same."

    "Lily--"

    "No, you want to know what we have in common? The only thing we have in common is that we are both in this program. That's it and this conversation is done." I waited to see if he'd say anything else and he looked like he was going to but his phone went off in his pocket. "It's probably your girlfriend, you should pick up."

I didn't wait around to see if he'd actually pick up his phone or not because I quickly ascending the stairs and was out of sight within moments. I locked myself in the dark room where I could breath a little. I hadn't meant to explode on Brian, and I also hadn't meant to give away so much information about myself. Knowing his big mouth, he'd probably tell the whole common room about the conversation he'd just had with the 'mysterious' newbie and I'd have to face all of them tomorrow.

I slapped myself on the forehead, how could I have been so thoughtless? I went back to my desk and packed up all my books and put my uniform in the backpack as well. It was only a little after five but I got ready for bed anyway. I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone for the rest of the night, I just wanted to escape into sleep.

A little while later the sound of knocking broke me out of my dreamless sleep but I ignored it. It was either for Emily and she wasn't here or it was someone wanting to talk to me and I didn't want to talk to anyone.

    "Lily, are you in there?" I heard Derek ask through the door. Yeah, I definitely didn't want to talk to him. I stayed  perfectly still until he left a few minutes later.

***

Derek...

Lily hadn't been at dinner tonight either, I thought to myself. Maybe she'd gotten so distracted by her homework that she'd forgotten when it was served. I snagged a dinner bun, a small milk carton and an apple to bring to her. It wasn't the best meal but it was all I could carry in my hands.

    "Yo, where you going with that," Brian called from the table he was sitting at with a few of the other students.

    "Ah, Lily didn't come for dinner and I thought she might be hungry," I said. I expected Brian to make some sort of innuendo but he didn't.

    "Ah, I see," Brian said. "Make sure she eats, eh?"

    "I'll try, I guess we'll see," I said. Brian seemed out of character tonight, I wondered if something happen with his girlfriend back home. I know he'd left on tense circumstances, maybe they'd broken up, I wondered.

I left the cafeteria and made my way up to Lily's room, I didn't see any light coming from under the door but I knocked anyway. After almost five minutes, I gave up. She was either already asleep or not even in her room. I debated on whether or not to leave the food lying outside her door but decided against it, no one wanted to eat an apple or a bun after it'd been sitting on the floor. There was also no guarantee that she'd come out tonight at all and see it.

But...what the hell was I gonna do with a bun, an apple and a carton of milk?

To Be Continued...

***

*Cheonmaneyo: "No problem" of "You're Welcome"

Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Fifteen

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Fifteen

Chan Min insisted on buying my uniform himself rather than letting me use what little allowance I was afforded on the uniform. I had to admit, I was grateful because the price of the uniform would have eaten all but a few won from my allowance and I would have been stuck with nothing until next month. That’s if I couldn’t find a job first, I told myself. I still held hope that someone would hire me but I needed to keep looking. Chan Min wanted to take me around to buy more stuff but I insisted that I needed to get back to the dorms and he reluctantly drove me back.

    “If you need anything, you will call me,” Chan Min said sternly which, admittedly, wasn’t very frightening, what with his glasses being slightly askew, but I gave him kudos for trying. The glasses reminded me of Jong Hwa and I idly wondered what he was doing. Had he left Ji Soo's house yet and gone home? Not for the first time I wished my father hadn't turned my phone off. Had it been on, I don't know if I would have called Jong Hwa but I knew that I wanted too.

I had been mean this morning by not leaving him a note or saying goodbye in person. At the time it had seemed like a good idea, a clean split if you will, after the last two terrible days but now I was only filled with regret. So much regret, I thought, as it settled like a lump in my throat.

    "Lily," Chan Min said my name questioningly and I was pulled back to reality. "Are you okay?"

    “Of course,” I said even though I knew it was a blatant lie. I had asked for help today because it was a matter of survival and I would most likely ask for help again under the same condition but as far as letting anyone get close to me any more, well...let's just say my father had killed that dream for me. 

He said goodbye and I waited until he’d driven out of sight before I headed down the street in the opposite direction than I’d taken earlier. I’d seen my options on the east side of the dorms but now I needed to scope the west side. As long as it was within walking distance, I would pretty much accept any job at this point, that’s how desperate I was. I was also hoping I could find a cellular store down this way as well.

It was only after two hours of searching that I realized how dismal my options truly were. I found a delivery place that was hiring but nothing else. I hadn't taken note of the neighborhood when I first arrived but now I had time to observe my surrounding streets and it was pretty. I assumed that when my mother talked about growing up in the 'ghetto' of Minnesota that it looked a lot like this. Of course, my idea of a ghetto was far different considering I'd had most of my education in Germany and there, well, history had a different description of the word.

The neighborhood looked like it was borderline impoverish with buildings that looked bleak and dirty. It bustled with the movement of people but there was a lot of idle people-watching from some very sketchy looking characters. Of course it was Sunday so most people didn't have to be at work so that might account for the lack of purpose in most people's movement but it still had made me uncomfortable. At least on the east side of town it hadn't been so bad or so...creepy. I was really questioning whether I wanted that delivery job or not.

I walked back towards the dorms and by now it was already well past sundown and I was almost sure I had missed dinner so I stopped at a nearby gas station to pick up a couple snacks. I hadn’t noticed how hungry I was until I bit into the red bean bun I bought. Normally I wasn’t a huge fan of red beans but it tasted delicious today and it was gone within seconds. I took out my list of priorities and crossed off the few I’d been able to get today and decided I would run past the two places that were hiring tomorrow to see if one of them would give me a job. Of course, that would be after school, I sighed. I may not have switched countries this time but once again I was starting at a new school and dreaded it just the same.

I walked back to the dorms and bypassed everyone in lieu of getting to my room as soon as possible. I opened the door to my room and noticed it was empty, which I silently thanked the Gods for. I took the alone time to change back into my gym clothes and wrapped my jeans into my t-shirt and threw it on top of my bunk as a makeshift pillow since I denied the bed sheets Chan Min had suggested buying earlier. I put my jacket back on and carefully climbed the shaky stepladder in my slippers and curled up for the night.

I hadn’t realized I was asleep until I was woken up by the whispered mutterings of my roommate.

    “No, it’s weird. She doesn’t even have a blanket. She has her backpack and as far as I can see, that’s it,” Emily loudly whispered into her cellphone. She waited to hear the reply from whoever she was talking to on the other side of the line. “No, I didn’t ask her, why would I?” More silence, “Who cares?”

    “I can hear you, you know,” I muttered.

    “Look Jaina, I gotta go,” she said and hung up. “I thought you were sleeping.”

    “Kind of hard with you yapping away,” I said and was totally okay with how rude I sounded.

    “Excuse me,” she sounded affronted.

    “I don’t care if you talk about me, but at least have the decency to leave the room first,” I told her.

    “Whatever,” she responded and all I could do was roll my eyes. Yeah, because that was a staggeringly good response, I thought. It was hard to fall asleep after that but eventually, after Emily went to bed herself, I was finally able to sleep.

***

I felt like I’d only been asleep for a few minutes when Emily’s alarm went off in the morning and she grumbled as she descended to the ground level. She opened her small closet door and took out what looked to be a basket and left the room. Figuring she was going to shower, I took the time to descend and change into the uniform. I had to admit, these uniforms were much better than my old ones because at least they weren't tan. They were dark blue with a white border on the lapels. SFLHS hadn't required a tie or bow for the girls but this school did and because I hated the idea of something around my neck, I opted for a loose fitting tie style rather than a bow. The skirt hung a little longer on the legs and was pleated. The only bad part was I no longer had any nylons to go with the uniform so instead I had to bare-leg it. I mentally added nylons to my list of priorities. I checked my watch and realize I still had a little over an hour before the bus would be downstairs to pick us all up.

I  used that time to get breakfast and found it mostly empty of people. There were a few people sitting at one of the tables but I paid them no attention as I picked up a tray. The buffet offered things like eggs, bacon, and limpy looking pancakes, all of which I ignored in lieu of oatmeal and an apple. I snagged a small carton of orange juice and situated myself at the back of the cafeteria and away from everyone else.

I was about halfway through my oatmeal when a tray clattered to the table in front of me and I was broken out of my peaceful reverie. I glanced up only to find Brian sitting down in front of me.

    “Morning, Newbie,” he smiled and I barely refrained from cringing. I could see it now, by the end of the day everyone would be calling me Newbie. “Why are you sitting over here,” he asked me.

Because I’d like to be alone, I thought but said “No reason.”

    “You aren’t one of those girls are you,” he asked me with a cocked eyebrow as he stuffed a whole piece of bacon into his mouth.

    “’Those’ girls?” I regretted the question as soon as it was out of my mouth.

    “You know, loner types, the mysterious girl that everyone wonders about,” he wiggled his fingers when he said ‘mysterious’ and I couldn’t hold back my annoyance.

    “You mean the type that like to be left alone,” I asked.

    “Is he bothering you,” a newcomer asked and I looked over Brian’s shoulder to see Derek coming up from the buffet line.

This morning just got better and better, I thought bleakly to myself.

    “Nah, just getting to know the Newbie,” Brian said between bites of pancake and bacon.

    “Don’t call her that,” Derek scolded lightly.

    “Thank you,” I said in his direction and went back to eating. Aside from getting up and walking away from these two and leaving the cafeteria entirely, I wasn’t going to be able to avoid the stares that were already being directed my way from the other table of students so I might as well ride it out until I was done eating. Just because they were sitting here didn’t mean I had to talk, I told myself.

    “You ready for your first day,” Derek asked me while he started eating his own plate of food.

Of course, if I was asked a direct question, it would only be rude of me not to answer and even though I didn’t want to interact with these people, I didn’t want to be overtly rude either so I answered his question, “Sure.”

    “You don’t sound all that excited,” Brian commented.

    “It’s not my first time at a new school, or my second, or third for that matter. The excitement tends to lessen as times goes on,” I responded blandly and spooned the last bit of oatmeal into my mouth.

    “Yeah but you’re in a different country, doesn’t that make you nervous,” Derek asked.

    “Like I said yesterday,” I stood up, prepared to take my leave. “I’ve been living in Korea for three years. I think my first day will be infinitely less nerve-wracking than yours was,” out of habit I nodded my head in their direction and left the table. I’ll finish my apple in the commons area, I decided.

No one bothered me after that and I was able to board the bus in peace, except for the background noise. I would have given anything to have my iPod at the moment just to—wait a minute, I thought. I desperately grabbed at my backpack and opened the small pocket on the side. I wanted to cry as soon as I saw the white cord of the headphones, it was the best thing that had happened to me in as many days. I pulled out the iPod and slipped the ear buds in my ears. The sound of VIXX in my ears almost brought another wave of tears, I could drown everyone out now, or at least until my battery died, I remembered. My iPod cord had been plugged into my laptop back at the apartment which had assumingly been packed up and sent back to the States with my father. Well, that was great, I thought. I’d just have to pick up another one.

The bus ride was short, thankfully, and I was halfway to the front entrance when someone grabbed my elbow and swung me around hard enough to dislodge the earbuds from my ears and I took a quick step back from whoever had done it.

    “Don’t,” I said loudly enough for the people near me to look in my direction. Derek was standing opposite of me looking confused. “Don’t ever touch me again.”

    “I’m-I’m sorry, I just—“ he lowered his hand and did truly look sorry. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I needed to tell you that you need to go to the Administration’s Office before you come to class. I forgot to tell you that yesterday,” he finished lamely.

    “Thank you,” I said tensely and walked away from him and towards the entrance.

Unlike the first time I transferred to a Korean school, I no longer had problems reading the placards and found the Admin’s office fairly quickly. The woman registered my file, took a photo for my student I.D., walked me to the library to pick up my required text books and escorted me to class. When she knocked on the door, I prepared to give another introductory speech, one that would be better than my last attempt.

    “Students, this is our new student, Ms. Lily Smith,” The teacher said in perfect English despite her relatively thick accent. “Lily, won’t don’t you tell us a little about yourself.”

Here goes nothing, I thought. “Annyeonghaseyo Yeoreobun, Jeoneun Ril-Li-imnida,” I spoke the rest of my introduction in Korean and watched as the faces changed from idly curiosity to amazement as I spoke in clear and concise Korean. "I moved to Korea almost four years ago. I transferred here from Seoul Foreign Language High School and my only goal is to finish high school in Korea without incident. Thank you."

    The teacher let out a nervous chuckle, "Well, that is impressive, Lily but," she awkwardly patted my shoulder. "You might you want repeat that all in English. This classroom is English oriented so Korean is rarely used and only during the Korean teaching lesson."

Oh. I refrained from sighing and repeated everything I'd said in English. Here I'd been thinking I could avoid any awkwardness and not only had I just walked into an already awkward situation but then I'd compiled it by trying to avoid it. After I'd finished, the teacher ushered me to a desk that was near the back and effectively moved on with her lesson plan. 

For the first time since I’d left Ji Soo’s yesterday, I missed my friends. I could picture Mae Ri, clear as day, sitting in front of me twisting the end of her hair around her finger as she listened to the teacher talk. I could only imagine what her outfit looked like today. Ji Soo would be sitting in his classroom by now doing only God knew what. And Jong Hwa…if I closed my eyes, I could see him sitting at his desk looking intently at the teacher and taking in every word that the teacher spoke. Every once in a awhile he’d look down to hash out a few notes but then he’d be back to focusing on the teacher.

I didn’t notice I wasn’t paying attention until everyone began pulling out books from their backpacks and I had no idea what the teacher had said. I paid attention from that moment on and didn’t think about my friends after that. They were off doing their own thing at their own school and I was here and I couldn’t afford to waste time not paying attention, not when my entire livelihood was riding on my academic success.

***

The morning classes breezed by and I was happy to find out that my expensive education at SFLHS had paid off. We had been much farther ahead and although I felt like my final semester of high school would be a breeze, I didn’t want to get too cocky and let down my guard.

When the class was dismissed for lunch, I opted to head somewhere quiet rather than face my peer’s scrutiny. It seemed I wasn’t so lucky when Brian stopped me in the hallway, standing next to him was Derek and another girl I hadn’t met yet. She looked at me curiously. She had short brown hair that some how managed to be messy and cute at the same time. She looked rather small standing next to Brian and only reached about shoulder height. I hadn’t seen her around the dorm but then again, I hadn’t seen much of anyone really.

    “Newbie, the lunch room is over here,” he called after me when I’d gone in the opposite direction.

    “I wasn’t planning on going to the lunch room,” I said as I turned around.

    “Why not,” Derek asked, looking concerned.

    “I was attempting to be ‘mysterious’,” I put emphasis on the word and looked pointedly at Brian. There was a moments silence before Brian’s loud guffaw echoed down the hall.

    “Touché, touché,” he nodded as he said it. “Well you’re welcome to join us if you feel like not being mysterious.”

    “Duly noted,” I said.

    “You’re not even going to introduce us,” the girl said from in between the two boys. “Fine, I’ll do it myself.” She took a few steps forward and very boldly stuck her hand out for a handshake, “I’m Annabeth and you must be the new kid on the block.”

I debated weather to take her hand and opted for not being completely rude so I took it and introduced myself, “What tipped you off?”

She laughed openly,“That was quite an impressive speech you gave earlier, not that I understood a word of of the first part, mind you.” She smiled sweetly at me and let go of my hand. “You must have picked up Korean really quickly."

    “Well, like I said, I’ve been living in Korea for three years, kind of had to learn it to survive.” I informed her. She didn’t seem so bad, I thought.

    “Really,” She sounded impressed and looked back at the two boys. “Looks like I found my new language tutor,” she looked back at me and sidled up next to me. “I struggle over the littlest pronunciations but you obviously have them down pat,” she hooked her arm with mine and started walking towards the lunch room and I had no choice but to go with her. I glanced at the boys after we walked past them, hoping they’d offer me some assistance but Brian simply waved at me and Derek looked like it was better me than him.

    “Careful, she’s sneaky,” Brian whispered at me as Annabeth kept prattling on about the Korean language.

Needless to stay I spent the entire lunch period sitting next to Annabeth as she talked at me about everything she experienced since coming to Korea. Rather than finding her annoying, I found her to be a pleasant distraction from missing my friends. In between her ramblings, I tried to imagine what my friends would be doing right now. I’m sure Mae Ri was doing her own bit of rambling to Ji Soo and Jong Hwa about what Kdrama she’d seen the night before and Ji Soo and Jong Hwa would make noncommittal comments just to appease her. I smiled at the thought.

    “What,” Annabeth asked innocently.

    “It’s nothing, keep going,” I told her and she happily complied.

When lunch was over, Annabeth and I walked back to the classroom arm-in-arm which I assumed she did because she knew I'd just as soon as walk away from her than stay glued to her side as I currently was. However, her luck ran out as soon as we hit the classroom because my desk was clear across the room from hers. I disengaged from her arm as soon as I was able and took refuge at my desk until the teacher announced the start of class.

***

I had learned from my previous experiences at every school I had ever attended that there were several universal truths and one of them was this: when the school bell rang, the students all vacated their desk as soon as it was possible. It didn't matter if it was Spain, Germany or Korea, every student wanted out of the confines of school as soon as they could. I was no different, except that when the school bell rang, my first order of business wasn't to get up and leave the classroom, it was to immediately put headphones in my ears to avoid the awkward after-school-chatter. Back at SFLHS, it wasn't never an issue because I'd been with Jong Hwa, Mae Ri and Ji Soo but here was a totally different circumstance.

With the sound of Infinite's "Before the Dawn" playing in my ears, I packed up my backpack and left for the bus that would take me back to the dorms. I needed to run by the delivery place that was hiring as well as the gentleman's after hours club; I hoped one of them hired me otherwise I'd have to go farther than a mile out to find a job and that would be a lot of walking since I didn't want to use whatever money I had left stored on my bus card on anything that wasn't borderline emergent.

I didn't notice that Derek had been trying to catch my attention until he jumped in front of me. Annoyed, I pulled out my earbuds, "What?"

    "Sorry, it's just that you, um, told me not to touch you this morning and I didn't want to make you angry so," he stopped midsentence.

    "Okay," I dragged out the word indicating I was waiting for him to continue.

    "Well, we have an after school study hall, um, I was--we were wondering if you wanted to join," he asked and ran a hand through his hair. The gesture reminded me of Jong Hwa because it was his usual habit and I unconsciously softened my tone for what I said next.

    "Thank you for the offer, really, I can't," I said. "It's just that I've got these errands that absolutely need to be taken care of today. Rain check?"

    "Sure, yeah, sure," he smiled widely and nodded. "We meet Mondays and Wednesdays, just, you know, so you know," he finished.

    "Great, um, count me in," I cringed inwardly. The words had left my mouth before I could think to change them and now it was too late. Crap!

    "Awesome," he said and walked away.

 Double crap! Ugh, did I really just join a study hall group, I asked myself. Yep, I nodded, sure did.  I decided to blame Jong Hwa and his endearing mannerism. I sighed and logged it as a problem for another day.

***
Nearly two hours later, I walked out of the gentleman's club feeling like I'd finally won the lottery but only to find out that it was only for $20. The delivery place required a mode of transportation so I couldn't even apply but the gentleman's club had no such requirements. In fact, I left the building with the job but the only problem was--I had very little time to work with. The manager hired me with the understanding that I could work whenever I wanted during the day as long as I got the job done by the start of the business night. In order to do that, I'd have to work at the wee-hours of predawn since I'd be in school all day. My only saving grace was that the club was closed on Mondays and Tuesdays. That meant Wednesday through Friday I'd have to wake up around three in the morning just to clean the whole building by the time I needed to be back at the dorms to catch the bus to school.

My inner child wanted to sit on the floor and complain except I couldn't and it wouldn't help me even if I did. So instead, I walked back to my dorm and all the while making a schedule in my head. I hadn't been paying attention to anything around me until I hit the common room and heard my name shouted clear across the room.

I looked up to see the source of the voice and was nearly floored when I saw Mae Ri jump off one of the couches and come towards me. Actually, I was pretty sure my mouth had been hanging open because when Mae Ri swung her arms over my shoulders in a tight hug, her shoulder gentle nudged my mouth close. As if seeing Mae Ri wasn't astonishing enough, watching as my other two friends stroll over at a much slower pace had me looking around the room in confusion just to make sure I was, in fact, actually at my dorms.

    "Mae Ri-ya," I gentle hugged her back.

    "Bogoshipeo*," she whined into my ear and pulled back. "Jeongmal*!"

    "Na du*," Ji Soo said once he'd gotten closer and he reached out and squeezed my shoulder in true Ji Soo fashion.

I looked at Jong Hwa who nodded and quietly whispered a "Na du" as well. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, I couldn't believe he was actually standing in front of me, especially in a place as foreign as this. It had only been a day since I'd last seen him but it had felt much longer. My fingers itched to touch him but I refrained, mostly because I knew everyone else in the room was watching the four of us. I could almost feel their beady little eyes staring and it was enough for me to be very conscious of my actions.

    "Yeo-yeogiseo*?" Even though I had been speaking Korean much longer than I'd been speaking English, I still had to consciously switch back to Korean after speaking in English for 99% of my day.  "Wae*?"

This obviously had not been what Mae Ri was waiting to hear because she looked at the boys questioningly before looking back at me and said in a much less excited voice, "We missed you and wanted to see how your first day went."

    "Oh, it was-it was fine," I said and nodded somewhat encouragingly but it was clear that I'd made a mistake just by the look on their faces. "What?"

    "'It was fine'," Ji Soo repeated. "That's all you can say about it?" I think he tried to make it funny except it wasn't funny to me. In fact, this whole situation was incredibly uncomfortable which was something new for me--for us, even. I'd never been uncomfortable with them but I was completely caught off guard.

    "Well, what do you want me to say Ji Soo? It was exactly like every other first day of school I've ever experienced," I said, maybe a little too coldly because his half-smile was completely wiped off his face after I was finished talking.

    "Hey, Lily," Brian walked up to my group and nudged me on the shoulder. "Who are these guys?"

Your timing couldn't be worse, I silently shouted at him. Ugh, I so didn't need this right now. "They are my friends from Seoul Foreign Language High School, my old school," I said after a moment. "Jong Hwa, Ji Soo, and Mae Ri." I pointed to each person individually and if Brian was smart he would see the tension that was etched on all of our faces and walk away.

He wasn't smart. He smiled and said "Nice to meet you" instead. If enunciating each word loudly as if my friends were deaf wasn't bad enough, he stuck his hand out for a handshake to top it off. First off, every Korean was taught basics of English and second, shaking hands was a very western custom and although Jong Hwa shook Brian's hand out of sheer politeness, Ji Soo wasn't feeling as generous. Actually, Ji Soo just stared at it as if the very act of touching it would give him AIDs and an already awkward situation just got more awkward. Wonderful.

    "I'm sorry, Ji Soo is moody, don't take it personally," I said to Brian which earned me a surprised looked from Ji Soo at the sound of me using his name.

    "What did you tell him," Ji Soo asked quickly. When I didn't answer, he looked at Jong Hwa, "What did she say?"

Jong Hwa and I just looked at each other and just like that the tension eased. We laughed freely at Ji Soo's expense. I didn't bother to explain the situation to either Brian of Mae Ri or even fill Ji Soo in on what I'd said.

    "Sorry," I said and wiped a humor-induced tear out of my eye. "They're my friends," I reiterated to Brian just as Derek came walking up to the group. We were creating quite a stir in the common area since no one had even bothered to hide the fact that they were all staring.

    "What's goin' on over here," Derek asked with a smile as he mosied up closely next to me but with Brian on my other side, I couldn't move and had to remain wedged between the two.

    "Lily here was just introducing me to her friends," Brian informed him.

    "Oh, it's nice to meet you," Derek also held his hand for a handshake although I had to give him kudos for not raising his voice like Brian had. Jong Hwa once again shook hands but did so out of politeness, I assumed. When Derek moved to shake hands with Ji Soo, Brian slapped his hand away.

    "Don't bother with that one," he said.

I looked at Jong Hwa and we both looked at Ji Soo at the same time before breaking out into fits of laughter again.

    "Ya! What did he say," Ji Soo asked indignantly while gripped Jong Hwa's shoulder to try and shake an answer out of him.

***

It was nearing the time for the last bus when I finally said good bye to my friends. I had showed them around my dormitory but I managed to steer them clear of my room. Mae Ri had asked repeatedly to see my room but I'd always been able to distract her with something else. The last thing I needed was for them to look at the room and realize I didn't even have bed sheets, not to mention that having my friends meet the venomous Emily would only end in disaster.

I was walking them to the front of the building when Mae Ri exclaimed loudly, "Oh, I almost forgot!"

    "What," I asked as we walked through the door that separated the dormitories from the main entrance.

    "Let me see your phone," she held out her hand as if me giving her my phone was a sure thing.

Which it was, I thought to myself as I reached for my phone automatically. I didn't even know why I still had the thing considering it didn't actually work outside of a zone with wifi but I handed it to her nonetheless.

    "You have wifi here right," she asked me while clicking on the touch screen.

    "Yeah," I said as I peeked to see what she was doing.

    "I know your phone is turned off, but," she left the rest of her sentence dangle and she waited for something to download.

    "Mae Ri what are you putting on my phone," I reached to pull it out of her hands but she stepped back quickly out of reach. "Ya, Mae Ri-ya," I warned.

    "There," she said and handed me back the phone. I looked at it and all I could see was a green screen with a speech bubble with the word "Line" in it. I'd heard of it but I'd never understood the use, as far as I knew it was a messaging system and that was all.

    "Mae Ri, I can't use my phone, it's disconnected," I told her but she kept smiling.

    "I know, but Line lets you use the text messaging feature as long as you have wifi," she said excitedly. "As long as the other person has it as well and today we all downloaded it onto our phones."

She pulled it up on her phone and showed me. I looked from her to each of the boys and they both nodded to confirm her words.

    "This way you can get a hold of us at any time," as if to prove her point she shot me a quick text with the word 'daebak*' in it. "As long as you have wifi, I mean."

My heart lurched in my chest uncomfortably and I had to rub the spot of my heart just to ease the tension, my voice sounded thick even to my own ears as I said, "Thank you."

    "No problem," she came in for a quick hug and I hugged her back graciously. "We better get going before my dad calls out the police," she joked.

    "You're right," I let her go and turned to the boys. "Make sure she gets home safe," I pointed at each of them in turn.

    "Of course," Ji Soo said and did something completely unexpected. He hugged me. In the past three years, all I'd ever gotten from Ji Soo was a shoulder nudge so to say I was completely taken aback was an understatement although I understood his reasoning as soon as he started whispering in my ear.

    "You are taking your pills, right," he whispered so only I could hear.

    "Yes," I whispered back and felt grateful that he had known I wouldn't have wanted him to ask me that in front of the other two, especially Jong Hwa.

    "Good girl," he teased and pulled back. He had such a look of concern on his face that I had to swallow hard to keep back the tears I knew wanted to spring into my eyes. He nodded at me as if he understood and patted my shoulder.

The moment was broken the second I looked at Jong Hwa though. He'd been exceptionally quiet all night but then again, it might have just been because Mae Ri had been doing most of the talking, as usual. Ji Soo must have sensed the difference in the air because he clapped Jong Hwa on the shoulder and said, "We'll head out first. See you at the bus stop." He took Mae Ri by the arm which was a good thing because she looked like she was about to protest. "Come on beautiful, let's get going."

    "But--" and they were gone.

Jong Hwa simply nodded and never took his eyes off mine. As soon as Ji Soo and Mae Ri walked through the doors we were in each other's arms. I'd wrapped my arms around Jong Hwa's waist and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and gently held the back of my head with the other. It felt like the most natural thing in the world even though we'd never hugged like this before.

Maybe Jong Hwa and I had always been headed towards this change in our friendship but I had never even considered it a possibility. How had he become my world? And so quickly. I breathed in his clean scent and realized I didn't care how we'd gotten here as long as we'd gotten here. I buried my head further into his neck and was unwilling to let him go until I absolutely needed too. Had it really only been two weeks ago when all we'd been was friends and now it seemed like we were so much more.

    "I miss you," I said into his neck and felt him hold me tighter. "Everything seems to hard now, I can't even control my emotions, I'm mad all the time. Sometimes I just feel like falling asleep and never waking up again, it's so hard."

    "I know," he said and pulled back just enough to see my face. "I know but you'll be okay."

The tears I'd held back with Ji Soo flowed freely now, "You can't leave me, okay?" I gripped the back of his jacket, not willing to let go until he'd promised me he'd never leave my side.

    "That will never happen," he said and kissed my forehead.

Which is the exact moment that Derek walked through the door behind us. "Hey Lily, it's last--oh," he stopped talking abruptly and just stared at us.

We didn't exactly jerk back from each other but we did drop our arms and stepped back from each other. My shoes looked really interesting all of a sudden, I thought, as I picked at something on the tiled floor with my toe.

Derek cleared his throat and said in a much more subdued tone, "It's, ah, it's last call. The security guy is going to lock the door so you better come back inside."

    "Alright," I said and nodded. Derek looked at Jong Hwa once more and nodded before walking back inside.

It seemed strange that we hadn't felt awkward moments ago but now, with Derek breaking us out of our reverie, we could barely manage eye contact. "I'll text you when we get Mae Ri home," Jong Hwa said and I bit the inside of my cheek and finally looked at him.

    "Thank you," I said. He reached up and gently stroked my cheek with his thumb before turning around and walking out the door. When the cold blast of night air hit my face I had a sinking feeling. He'd just promised to not leave me but experience had taught me that everyone left so it was only a matter of time before I would be forced to say goodbye to Jong Hwa. The thought hollowed out my chest and my heart ached.

I shook my head to shake the thought loose. It hadn't come to pass yet and I would deal with it when it did, I told myself. I walked back inside the dormitories and immediately headed for the stairs that would take me to my room. I hadn't changed out of my school uniform even though it had been several hours and I was dying to not only get into something comfy but take my mind off everything that had just transpired even though I knew when I closed my eyes for the night, all I would be able to see was Jong Hwa's face.

I saw Derek watching me out of the corner of his eyes but since I didn't want to answer the questions I knew he wanted to ask me, I pretended like I hadn't seen him and left without even uttering a goodbye. Emily was asleep by the time I got to my room and I quietly thanked the Gods above.

***

Jong Hwa...

At first I cursed at Derek for breaking in on the moment that Lily and I had shared but as I walked to meet up with Ji Soo and Mae Ri at the bus stop I chalked it up to being a blessing in disguise. I hadn't liked the fact that in only a day she'd somehow attracted the attention of two boys. I knew she hadn't done it on purpose, the look on her face when they had come over to us had all but confirmed that she'd felt anything but affection for them but the relief hadn't lasted very long when I realized that Derek obviously didn't feel the same. When she hadn't been looking, Derek would watch her and I felt the pangs of jealous deep in my stomach.

I decided he walked in at the right moment, at least he'd have no question about who I was in Lily's life. Hopefully he would take the hint. I'd never been a possessive person but I wanted to stake my claim on Lily even though she wasn't technically mine to claim. Yet, I hoped. Things had changed tonight whether Lily and I had expected it to or not and I couldn't help but feel a kind of exhilaration at the realization.

I felt like I had secretly like Lily for so long that I didn't know how to actually like her in the open, in front of our friends, much less strangers. Walking away from her had been the hardest thing, especially when I knew that Derek guy would be waiting for her beyond the door. I wished I could just take her hand and bring her home with me but that wasn't possible so I had done the only thing I could, I left. Mae Ri waved to me as I got closer and it broke me out of my train of thought.

To Be Continued...

***

*Bogoshipeo: Literal translation "I want to see you" but more accurately means "I miss you"

*Jeongmal: "Really" or "Seriously" it is interchangeable with Jinjja.

*Na Du: "Me too"

*Yeogiseo: "You're here?"

*Wae: "Why"

*Daebak: Korean slang for "Awesome"