Secret LoveTwo old friends get together for dinner after a long time apart. One of them is secretly in love with the other one.
While riding the elevator up to the 27th floor my phone started ringing in my pocket. Despite carrying two briefcases, three files and a full cup of coffee, I managed to answer my phone before it went to voice mail. I considered that a win for the morning; it took so little to please me these days.
"Hello?" I answered just as the elevators opened up to my floor.
"Becky, hey," Lance's voice echoed through the phone and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face or the sadness that etched it way into my heart.
Lance had been a friend of mine for almost twenty years; we'd grown up together. His parents lived on the opposite corner from my parent's house and even as kids, we'd hit it off. Actually, he'd thrown a rock at me one day while we were both playing at the nearby park and in an act of revenge, I'd dumped a whole bucket of sand on him. We'd just clicked from that moment on and were inseparable almost every day through elementary school, middle school and high school. We'd even tried to go to the same college except, he'd been given an opportunity he couldn't pass up. His father was an alumni from UCLA and put in a good word for his son and they'd offered him a spot in their marine biology program. Meanwhile, I went off to the east coast to study history at the University of Maine.
Our friendship had fallen to the wayside quickly and it had broken my heart. So much so that I had failed most of my classes in the first semester and had been put on Academic Probation for nearly three semesters until my GPA improved enough to be taken off of the list. Sometimes we'd email each other and every once in awhile we'd managed to be home on break at the same time and could catch a dinner but mostly it just seemed our friendship had run it's course and came to an end.
We'd graduated by now and both had successful jobs although only he'd managed to find one in his field while I had to find employment anywhere I could, I guess people just weren't in need of historians right now.
"Hey Lance, how are you," I asked happily. Every time we talked, I always felt the same way; overjoyed and sad.
"I'm good, in fact, I'm really good," he answered, I could hear a lot of voices in the background.
"Where are you," I asked curiously as I set everything in my hands on my desk and sat down in my office chair. The person in the opposite cubicle waved to me and I silently waved back.
"You'll never guess," he said.
"Probably not," I laughed lightly. "My mom told me a couple months ago that your mom told her you were in Hawaii digging up coral reefs or something," I started up my computer and glanced at the clock. As much as I wanted to talk to Lance, I also had a meeting at 9:30 that I needed to prepare for and the minutes were ticking by quickly.
"I'm in Maine," he said.
"What," I asked and completely forgot what I was suppose to be doing. I was taken aback, in fact, he'd never actually come to Maine before, at least not to my knowledge so this was very surprising.
"I'm in Maine," he said into the phone thinking I hadn't heard him.
"Are you here for work," I asked.
"Yes and no, I've got something important but it's not work related," he said vaguely.
"Oh...okay, um, did you want to meet up," I asked nervously. Years ago, it wouldn't have even been a question, of course we would have met up, but now, such was our friendship that I couldn't predict his intentions.
"Of course," he said almost arrogantly into the phone. "Why else would I be calling," he actually scoffed into the phone.
"Rebecca, it's almost time for the meeting, do you have the files ready?" My neighbor pointed at her watch and looked at me expectantly.
I nodded at her, "Hey Lance, I gotta go. I have a meeting but let me give you a call after work, is-will that be okay?"
"Definitely, I'll be waiting for your call," He said teasingly.
"Okay," I smiled. "I'll call you."
"Bye Becky," Lance said into the phone before hanging up.
I looked at the phone after he hung up for another few seconds. He had something important going on but it wasn't work related? I wonder what it was. I shrugged and concentrated on my upcoming meeting.
***
8 Years Ago...
Our friendship had taken a sharp left turn since Lance received the acceptance letter from UCLA in the mail. The day before I'd received my acceptance letter from the University of Maine and had called him ecstatically. He hadn't gotten his yet but I hadn't lost hope that he'd get his soon so when he called me the next day, naturally I assumed he'd gotten in.
"You got in, right? That's why you're calling? Oh my god, I can't believe we're moving to Maine! My parents want me to live in a dorm first, you know, get the dorm-life feel but I told them I needed to talk to you first. I'm totally cool with living in the dorms, but if you want to get a place of our own, I'm sure I could convince--"
"Becks," Lance cut me off, which hadn't been unusual since I had a tendency to go on tangents but this time, his voice was all wrong.
"Am I getting ahead of myself, I know we still have time before we have to start making decisions but I don't want to waste too much time going over our options 'cause if we're going to get into the same dormitories, we need to apply relatively soon otherwise we'll probably end up in different dormitories. See, the more I think about it, we should just get an apartment because when winter comes and if we're in separate dormitories I don't want to walk--"
"I'm not going to the University of Maine," he said when I'd taken a second to breathe. I shouldn't have sucked in so much air because his last words sucked it all out of me again and left me reeling with a head rush.
I didn't even have the breath to ask him to clarify his words, because surely I'd heard them wrong and the silence dragged on.
"My father got me into UCLA," his words were quiet and each one was like a sucker punch. "UCLA is like the second best school for Marine Biology, I can't--"
"Don't go," I whispered. "I know this is selfish of me. I know it is but....don't go," my chest hurt and I sat down abruptly on my bed just to keep myself from falling to the floor.
"Becks, I have too. My father, he--"
"Rebecca, I need your help with--oh, you're on the phone," my mother breezed into my bedroom but stopped when she saw my face. "Rebecca, what's wr--"
I shook my head quickly to cut her off. "I gotta go Lance, my mom needs me."
"Becks," he said quickly. "Becky wait," I heard him call me again as I pulled the phone away from my ear and hung up.
"Rebecca, what's wrong? Your face is--" My mother came into the room and sat down on the bed beside me and I just crumbled. I laid my head on her shoulder and cried as I told her everything he'd said in our very short conversation. "Oh baby, I'm sorry."
"Is it wrong for me to ask him not to go," I asked her, silently pleading for her to side with me on this one.
My mother sighed and I already knew what she was going to say, "It is. I know you two had plans to go to college together but you have to ask yourself, what's best for him?"
I struggled with that question for almost two days before I'd finally come up with an answer--he needed to go to UCLA. Lance had come by a few times during those two days but my mom had known I wasn't ready to face the reality of the situation and had steered him away for me. He'd called several times but I ignored each one.
He finally broke down and sent me a text message: "If you don't come out of hiding tonight, then I'm storming your house and I don't care what your mother says."
For the first time since he called me two days ago, I was able to smile. It was like a serene peace had fallen over my mood. In hindsight, I think it was because I had this unrealistic fantasy that our friendship would prevail despite being on opposite sides of the country.
After that day we'd hung out almost everyday until it was time for us to take our separate paths. Because we'd always done everything together, we even planned our flights together. We left on the same day and almost the same time although my flight took off nearly an hour after his.
"Okay, my gate is over this way," he said and pointed in the opposite direction of my gate.
"I guess this is where we say goodbye," I said quietly and honestly tried to keep the tears out of my eyes although I could easily blame it on the fact that we'd just said our goodbyes to our families a mere ten minutes before.
"You'll call me when you land," he asked sternly and even his voice had grown thick.
I nodded because I didn't trust me voice anymore.
"Okay, come here," he pulled me into his arms and we hugged. The hug lasted considerably longer than our usual hugs but it was like we both hadn't been able to let go.
"You promise you'll keep in touch, right," I asked him even though my words were slightly muffled by his jacket.
"Of course I will," he said and I could feel him nod.
"And you'll study hard, right? And become a badass Marine Biologist?"
"You know it," he said and hugged me tighter. "I know I won't be there but don't become a introverted bookworm, make some friends, okay? I'll expect introductions when I visit."
I could no longer keep my tears from falling and hugged him back just as tight and simply nodded.
It was another couple of minutes before Lance finally pulled away and helped me wipe my tears away. "Have a safe flight and call me when you land."
I nodded and watched as he turned around and walked way from me.
As promised, I had finally met some people and made friends after that first rough semester but Lance had never come to visit me and we'd grown apart almost every day since then.
***
Present Day...
I drove home after work and completely forgot to call Lance back; the day had been hectic due to deadlines and it didn't look to be any better the next day. I took off my heels as soon as I walked into my small apartment and nearly melted to the floor in relief. I loved wearing high heels but I loved coming home and taking them off almost as much. I set my purse on my kitchen table and lazily plodded my way to the couch before keeling over backwards and flopping onto it's cushions.
"Man, I could stay like this for--"
The sound of my phone ringing from the side pocket of my purse had me groaning. Ugh, let it go to voice mail, it was probably my co-worker wondering about some work-related crap I didn't want to deal with right now. I curled on my side facing the cushions and debated on taking a nap right then and there when I heard a knock on my door. What the--
I got up slowly, not wanting to make too much noise and give away the fact that I was home and quietly made my way to the door. I looked through the peephole only to see nothing but darkness. Someone was covering the peephole. The person knocked again, more loudly this time and I jumped back.
Who was at my door but more importantly, why didn't they want me to see them? I picked one of the high heels I'd just been wearing and held it like a weapon when I asked loudly, "Who's there?"
There was silence and then another ominous three knocks.
"Look, I don't have time for games, who's there?" I asked in my best no-nonsense voice I could muster.
"Open the door," a gruff voice said that immediately made me uncomfortable.
"Hell no. Who do you think you are? Get away from my door before I call the police," I said indignantly. Just who the hell was this?
A burst of laughter came from the other side, a very familiar laugh, I might add.
"L-Lance?" I quickly unlocked the door and swung it open only to see my friend nearly keeled over in laughter. "What is wrong with you? I almost called the police!"
He looked up and saw the shoe in my hand and pointed it at that, "Is that suppose to be a weapon?"
I quickly threw it back into my entryway and crossed my arms without answering him.
"Channeling your best "Single White Female" impersonation, eh?" He was still chuckling but he'd finally straightened up and I finally got a good look at him after nearly four years.
He's always looked the same, at least to me he did because we'd grown up together except, gone were the pimples and braces and instead, here stood a man. His light brown hair had always been kept short even though I was convinced he'd look good with longer hair--he'd never bothered to listen to me. He had bright brown eyes, the color of caramel but now he had glasses, they made him look slightly older but every bit as smart as I knew him to be. Although he'd been tall when we'd left for college, he'd grown at least another inch or so since then and the thin-as-rails boy had now filled out and became a man.
The only thing that hadn't changed about him, well two things actually, was his sense of style which was still lazy-boy plain t-shirt and jeans and his contagious smile. All in all, he was very handsome.
The silence dragged on awkwardly as we both just analyzed each other.
"Can I come in or is it there a no-man policy?"
I chuckled slightly, "No, yeah come in," I backed up and allowed him to pass the threshold. I shut the door behind him and locked it per usual and just let him peruse my place. Thankfully I kept it relatively clean, although the biggest clutter that could be accounted for was the various books I had around the entire place--it seemed like they were everywhere but where they should be which was the four, completely full, bookshelves in the living room.
"You never seem to have enough room for all your books," he muttered as he picked up a stray book from my desk and read the title.
"Yeah, I keep meaning to put up another bookshelf but," I waved my hand around my living room where most of my belongings already didn't fit. "As you can see, I don't have a lot of room for another one."
"I see that," he said nodded and then the inevitable awkwardness set in. This had happened several times throughout the last eight years and I hated it. We'd never been awkward towards each other before but then again, times had changed a lot since then.
"How did you know where I lived," I asked, suddenly realizing I'd never actually told him my address.
"I called your mom while you were at work and asked, I thought I'd surprise you." He said and finally put the book down again. "So, where do you want to go to eat?"
"I don't know," I shrugged. "What are you hungry for?"
"Any good Mexican places around here," he asked.
I scoffed, "You don't even like Mexican." I thought he was joking.
"I, ah, well I do now," he said honestly and looked down at the floor and I assumed he was feeling the same way I was feeling. We didn't even know each other any more. I'd always loved Mexican food and getting him to eat it had been like pulling teeth and now he seemed to enjoy it just fine. I wonder when that had happened.
"Hmm, good, it's good food," I said awkwardly. "Um, there's a good Mexican place not too far from here actually, let me just to change and we can head out."
"Sure, sure," he said and watched me walked towards my bedroom.
As happy as I was that he was in town, I couldn't shake the feeling that this was going to be the most awkward dinner of my life. It was sad enough to even have me wondering if we shouldn't just stop trying to keep this depressing friendship alive. I'd had the same thought four years ago when I saw him last during the Christmas right before my graduation from the university. We'd been awkward then too, as I recalled. I sighed and decided to take his lazy approach and changed into jeans and a t-shirt. It was still summer even though the weatherman kept saying that fall was on it's way but just to be safe, I threw on a loose over shirt just in case it got chilly later.
I finger combed my hair and fixed my eye shadow before going back out to the living room. "I'm ready, you ready?"
Lance had been fiddling with something on my coffee table and looked up rather guiltily when I walked back into the room. "I'm ready," he said too enthusiastically.
"What were you--"
"Nothing, let's go."
I narrowed my eyes at him but shrugged anyway, "Okay," I grabbed my purse, slipped on my tennis shoes and we were off.
***
We decided to walk the few blocks because it was so nice out.
"It must be nice to be close to everything like this," he said to start off the conversation.
"It is," I agreed and stepped aside as a group of teenagers came bolting down the sidewalk. "Except on the weekends. It gets pretty loud. Between the teenagers," I cocked my head behind us to indicate the group that had just run past, "and the drunk-partiers, it can get pretty loud."
"I bet. It was like that at UCLA too except it was every night," he laughed lightly. "Its a shock that UCLA even has the graduation rates it does and the dorms," he blew out a puff of air and shook his head in mock-dismay. "The horror stories I could tell you."
"Well, if it's anything like "Van Wilder", then I can imagine," I laughed too.
"Okay, maybe not that bad but it's close, it-it's close," he nodded. "How was it here?"
It surprised me that we'd never actually talked about our school experiences. We'd always asked how the other one was but never really talked about our college life outside of academics.
"It was good. Um, not a lot of partying but it's still college so there were a few times people got out of control. I guess it doesn't help that I wasn't really a part of the whole "college party" scene, I guess." This was a blatant lie. After my first semester of moping the loss of my best friend, I spent the second semester in a drunken haze. I'd make sure I finished all my homework during the week and on the weekends I partied with my new friends. It wasn't until my second year that I realized I couldn't drown my sorrows in alcohol and decided to leave the booze behind and focus solely on my academics. Most of the friends I'd made fell to the wayside after I gave up the partying and although I'd accumulated a handful of friends since, none of them could replace the one friend I'd lost.
"You always were more of a homebody," he nudged me with his shoulder.
"T'is true, I was," I nodded in agreement and looked embarrassingly towards the ground. There had been a time when the thought of withholding information from him had been inconceivable. "But I did have my moments." I don't know why I felt the need to say this but knowing Lance, he'd probably gone out and had a lot of fun while he was in California and I didn't want to make it seem like I hadn't moved on.
"Oh really, please," he gave me the same "oogly" eyes as he had in the past when he thought I was hiding something interesting.
"Ah, actually, it was nothing really," I tried to backtrack. In all honesty, the first time I drank my roommate at the time had dragged me to a sorority party where I'd gotten drunk way to fast and puked all over the front lawn. I had been so out of it that I'd almost fallen asleep on the grass before my roommate's boyfriend at the time took me back to our dorm room. He laid me out on the futon with a bottle of water, aspirin and the trash bin. It still gave me the creeps when I think about what could have happened had Bruce not been so Johnny-on-the-spot.
"Doesn't sound like nothing," Lance pressed for more information. I broke down and told him a much watered down version of my one night of partying.
"After that, I kind of stayed away from the whole drinking thing and just focused on my academics," I lied again and barely withheld a cringe. "I guess that makes me sound like an uber-nerd, huh?"
"To be honest, it's kind of a relief," he said without a trace of humor in his voice now.
"Why is that?"
"I was afraid that college would change you and that without me there to protect you, that you'd get hurt," he said honestly and I was at a complete loss for words. "So I'm glad you didn't do a lot of partying, who knows what kind of trouble you could have gotten into."
His words only made me feel guilty for lying. "Hey now, I can protect myself as my "heel-turned-weapon" illustrated earlier."
"Yes, burglar's beware, this woman has killer shoes," he said in mock-horror as he pointed at me.
"You're just lucky I didn't hit you with it, I almost did," I nodded in fake-consideration. "I could have killed you, you know."
"I'm sure you could," he said.
Our conversation ended as we reached the restaurant and were seated at a booth. The waitress took our drink order and then we were alone again. He didn't say anything right away so neither did I and the awkward silence dragged on once again. My mind kept circling the various things we could talk about but none of them came out of my mouth because I didn't know how to start the conversation. The silence finally became so loud that I couldn't take it and just blurted the first thing to come to mind, "So what happened that you all of a sudden like Mexican food now?"
...Okay, that came out way more forcefully than I had planned. It sounded like I wanted to pick a fight. Luckily for me, Lance only smiled and seemed to understand my intentions, "Well, it's hard not too when there are so many Mexican restaurants out there, plus there was a girl."
I ignored the small hitch in my chest and picked up my menu to try and hide my face from view. Of course he'd had a girlfriend, he was a great guy and very easy on the eyes, I couldn't resist rolling my eyes. Thankfully the menu blocked him from seeing. "Ah, there's always a girl." I said, cool and calmly.
"Well, there really was only ever one but," he shook his head as if to say it didn't matter. "Anyway, this girl, her parents were from Mexico and she invited a bunch of us to a get together at her parents house one night and it was just, incredible."
I couldn't ignore the pang of jealousy that hit after he said this, however. The impressed look on his face as he said these words only made the separation between us all the more bigger. We used to do everything together and I just couldn't pull myself out of the past so hearing all these things he'd done without me only made me hurt.
"Most of her family was there, and she had a big family, and everyone brought food and there was music and beer and the party lasted until the early morning. It was just incredible how close her entire family was and they made the rest of us feel welcome, of course I didn't understand much of what was said that night because it was all in Spanish but the feel of the atmosphere was great."
"That's...awesome," Okay, Rebecca, don't sound so damn depressed when you say that. "That's awesome, it sounds like a wonderful experience. Are you guys still dating?" Why would you ask that? I wanted to thump myself on the forehead with my menu, you don't even want to know.
"What? No, no, we were never dating. She was just a friend, it was our Christmas vacation at the time and it was one of the years I couldn't go home so she invited us over to her place so we wouldn't have to spend Christmas in the dorms."
I felt a little relieved that he'd never dated this girl but not much considering he'd all but confirmed he'd dated someone at some point during his college years. "That was nice of her, and her family, I guess, to let you all share in the holidays. That's great."
"Yeah it was," he nodded one last time at the memory and then focused back on me. "Anyway, I don't know if it was just the circumstances I was in or the taste of the food itself but ever since then, I've grown rather fond of Mexican food."
"Lucky for me then, huh," I smiled without sincerity.
"What about you, was there ever a boy in your life," he asked nonchalantly but I was lucky enough to not have to answer because the server brought our drinks and asked for our orders. She took our menus and thus, took my only line of defense against having to really look at him.
I thought I had gotten out of having to answer except Lance didn't let me forget, "So, any boyfriends I should know about?"
I wanted to lie and say I'd had plenty but he'd see right through that, considering I only had one boyfriend in high school and it hadn't last long because he couldn't stand the fact that I'd had a male best friend. "Well, between my lack of partying and academic dedication, I must admit that I did not have any takers." I tried not to sound bitter but it was very difficult. "Surprise, surprise," I said and tried to laugh it off. Okay, now that sounded bitter.
The conversation lulled after that and I prayed for the cooks to hurry up so we could get our food. The silence would seem infinitely less awkward if we were both eating.
"Are you okay, Becks? You seem unhappy," he asked me in a serious tone and it was not where I wanted to take this conversation.
"What? No, not at all, I'm just tired," I tried to sound earnest. "It was a long day with deadlines and tomorrow isn't going to be any better. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to drag down the conversation."
"You didn't, I'm just worried," he said and gave me a concerned look that I didn't waste time deciphering.
"It's been a long time since I've had you worry about me," I said casually and purposefully took a sip of my ice tea.
"I've never stopped worry about you," he admitted.
I wanted to roll my eyes. Yeah, it must have been crippling. Is that why I've only seen you a handful of times in the last eight years? Of course I didn't say any of this, and kept a smile pasted to my face even though my thoughts were dark. Our food arrived shortly after and besides asking each other how our food was, we didn't talk during the meal.
While we sat in silence, I took the time to get my head back to where it needed to be; Lance and I had grown apart, it's just what happens when two childhood friends grew up and became adults. I had been holding on the past for far too long and it was time to wake up and smell the reality. Lance and I were never going to be best friends again and it was as simple as that. I decided then and there I would just enjoy the time I had with Lance before he left again and continue on with my life.
"So, what are you doing in Maine anyway?" I asked as I forked more enchilada into my mouth.
"I'm giving a lecture for the University of Maine, as fate would have it," he chuckled and I nodded in interest. "They're trying to establish a good marine biology department and get people interested in the subject and one of my old professions gave them my name."
"Hey, look at you, Mr. Badass Marine Biologist," I nodded in approval.
"I made you a promise, didn't I," he said casually but his eyes looked a little to intense so I gave a small smile and looked down at my food.
"Ah yes, I guess you did," I shrugged to make it look like his words didn't bother me. "Are you nervous," I asked to get the subject back on track.
"A little, it'll be my first lecture but I feel pretty confident in the material so I think it'll go alright," he pulled at his earlobe while he said the last part. I knew that meant he was more nervous than he was letting on. I guess some things never changed.
"Well, whatever you do, don't do that during the lecture," I teased and pointed my fork at his hand which abruptly let go of his ear and disappeared under the table.
"You know me so well," he laughed shyly.
Well, I used too, I thought.
***
By the time we finished eating we had talked about his lecture, what he planned to say, his works overseas and I was happy the conversation never steered in my direction. It was easier if we just focused on him so every time the conversation lagged, I made sure to ask another question about him. He didn't seem to mind or even notice that I was averting all the attention in his direction and I was grateful. I think if I shared too much of myself, I'd feel empty when he left again.
"Well I had a good time tonight," I told him with hardly any inflection in my voice at all. "I'm glad you hammered out sometime for me."
The smile on his face seemed to fall just a little at my words, "I know I've been pretty terrible at that the last few years," he stuck his hands in his jeans and I just shrugged even though a thousand things wanted to come out of my mouth.
"Our lives changed and took us in different directions," I shrugged again to try and keep this particular time bomb from blowing. "That's life."
"It wasn't that easy for me," he said slowly and I wanted so bad to look at him but I was afraid he'd see all the pain in my heart in my eyes so I continued to stare at my keys in my hand. "I missed you."
"Let's not go there," I tried to chuckle but it ended on a small hitch that belayed my fake casualness.
"I missed you so much sometimes that I considered leaving UCLA and marine biology behind," his hand reached out and took the keys from my hand so I had nothing to look at besides the zig-zag pattern of carpet beneath my feet. "Will you look at me?"
"Look, Lance, it's in the past and we're still friends so there's no point in rehashing it," I reached for my keys but his hand gripped mine.
"You were my best friend, are my best friend," he corrected. "Seeing you now only makes me realize how lonely I've been without you for the last eight years. I thought about you all the time, and when I did see you on holidays or during the summer months, it only made me miss you more. Becks, will you please look at me?"
"No," I ripped the keys out of his hand and expertly found the right key and unlocked my apartment quickly. The only problem was I had to turn my back to him to do it and the movement gave him the opportunity to wrap his arms around my waist and give me a tight back hug.
"But when I would see you during those times, you were so distant," he muttered into the hair behind my right ear. "You seemed so far away that all I could do was give you the space I thought you wanted. Your mom would tell me you missed me but your actions told me otherwise. I thought she was just assuming you missed me."
My strength began to fail me and I leaned my forehead against my door and just tried not to cry. "I did miss you. Not being able to talk to you every day and see you," I took a deep breath. "It was the hardest time in my life. But you never called, never came to visit me, we just drifted farther apart so I knew you had moved on."
He gripped me tighter and pressed his face deeper into my neck like he couldn't get close enough to me. "I never moved on. I didn't call because I didn't want to hold you back. I was so afraid you would seclude yourself from everyone so I didn't want to be the reason you didn't make other friends."
"Did you ever consider what I would do if you didn't call me?" I pushed away from the door abruptly and caused him to trip over his own feet and he had to let me go so he could catch himself on the opposite wall. "I did seclude myself. I failed almost every class that first semester until I realized that our friendship wouldn't withstand the length of a whole country," a stray tear slid from my eye and I dashed it away angrily.
"Becks--"
"I made friends my second semester and I no longer cared about anything. I drank all the time and mourned your loss until I woke up and smelled the destruction!" I barely stopped my voice from rising and told him in a furiously calm voice.
"I thought you said you didn't drink much," he looked perplexed.
"I lied! God," I ran a hand through my hair. "I didn't want to admit to anyone how pathetic I had become without you."
"Becks--"
"Stop calling me that," I dashed another stray tear away and all the fight when out of me. My little burst of anger washed away with the utter sadness of the situation and I took a deep breath. "Like I said, it's in the past and it's over. We'll never be what we were."
Lance, lightening fast, gripped my arm and stopped me from turning around to go inside and pulled me into his arms. He gripped me tightly, "It's not over for me and I don't want to go back to being your friend."
I had been trying to pull away but his words shot a lance through my heart and I stopped moving.
"I love you Rebecca," he said my whole name which meant he was being serious. "I don't want to be without you anymore. I came here for a lecture, yes, but I'm also interviewing for a teaching position for the new marine biology department. I'm moving here," he said and huffed out a breath like he'd been holding that in all night.
"What are you saying," I asked in a whisper.
"I'm saying the last eight years have been the hardest of my life and I can't do it any more, I can't be without you any more. I don't know when it happened, when friendship turned into love but I love you," he pulled back and lifted my chin gently so I was looking at him. "I love you."
He pulled me into a hug and suddenly I felt like I was back at the airport but instead of saying goodbye, we were saying hello to each other. I hugged him back with everything I had. I couldn't repeat the words back to him even though I'd felt those words for as long as I could remember but I still had so much pain in my heart that I felt if I gave him that last part of me, I'd break down into nothingness. So we just hugged each other with everything we couldn't give each other for the eight years we were apart.
***
Lance interviewed and got the job a few days later. He moved into a separate apartment in the same building as me and we officially dated for six months before he proposed. Of course, I said yes.
That was three years ago and we've been happy ever since. In fact, I didn't think I'd ever be this happy again, not since Lance walked out of my life eleven years ago. It didn't take long for us to get over the hurt and the bitterness we felt over what had happened during those eight years and we soon found ourselves enjoying the same easiness from before our college years except now it was different, we were in love rather than just being friends.
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