Nae Chingu (M Friends) Chapter Nineteen

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Nineteen

Jong Hwa...

When Ji Soo hung up, I just stared at the phone in confusion. 'Something's come up'? What could possible have come up that made Ji Soo feel the need to call him at, I glanced at the clock on my phone, a little after four a.m.? A slither of worry inched it's way into my head as I got up to get dressed. I dressed in a pair of jeans and a simple shirt rather than my school uniform since I didn't know what to expect but to be on the safe side, I packed it in my backpack just in case.

When I left my bedroom I shut it as softly as I could so I didn't wake my mother up, who had ears of a hawk--she'd raised three boys, she had a lot of experience in picking up the smallest of sounds. I did, however, leave her a note explaining that I needed to leave earlier than expected and that I'd call her later to explain.

By the time I walked out my front door, Ji Soo's dad was just pulling in front of the house. Ji Soo didn't look at me as I climbed into the backseat. His father was busy speaking into the phone to even glance at me.

    "No," his father said. "She doesn't have a history of that, at least nothing's been noted," he listened to the response. "We are en route to the hospital," some more listening.

Hospital? I wanted to ask what was going on but I waited until his father hung up the phone to ask any questions. My palms started to sweat as we drove farther and farther into Seoul.

    "Please do and call me back," Abeonim said and hung up. I guess I expected someone to say something once the phone call ended but after a couple of minutes of silence, it was clear neither of them was going to offer any information.

    "What's going on," I asked cautiously. The silence dragged on and each second that ticked by, I got more and more worried.  "Ji Soo--"

    "At 3:45 this morning, Lily was taken to Wusoo Hospital from an apparent head injury," Abeonim stated matter of factly.

My chest seized up and it hurt to breath. I wanted to ask what had happened but I couldn't get my lungs to release any air. I looked between Abeonim and Ji Soo but Abeonim never took his eyes off the road and Ji Soo kept his silent stare out the window.

    "She's being taken for an CT now and then she'll get an MRI," Abeonim continued after a few silent moments. "It seems she fell down some stairs but we won't know much more until her labs come back."

    "She fell down--did she slip?" My head swam with all sorts of possibilities of what could have happened but my head kept coming back to the time. What was she doing at 3:45 in the morning that she fell down some stairs? Had she been going to the bathroom?

    "I don't know," Abeonim said honestly. "We'll know more once we get to the hospital."

Realizing that I wasn't going to get any more information, I stayed silent while we drove to the hospital. Scenarios kept bouncing around my head and with each passing moment, they got worse and worse. It seemed like forever by the time we pulled into a parking spot outside of Wusoo Hospital and I had to refrain from jumping out and racing to the front doors. Instead, I walked side by side with Ji Soo behind Abeonim as we entered the hospital.

Abeonim spoke with the receptionist in clipped, professional tones and it was all I could do not to scream at the lady to hurry up and find out where Lily was. I crossed my arms and uncrossed them multiple times before opting to put my hands in my pockets in an attempt to keep my worry and panic contained.

The woman directed us to the fourth floor and we quickly left. There was another receptionist desk on the fourth floor and by then, my patience was all but spent.

    "I'm Dr. Lee Kang Bo, I'm here to see Lily Smith," Abeonim said in the same clipped and professional tone from downstairs and it was beginning to grate on my nerves, was I the only one that was worried here? Maybe I was blowing this out of proportion, I told myself. I'd once fallen down the stairs after my younger brother pushed me and I'd gotten back up and was fine. Maybe it was the same for Lily, maybe she'd just fallen and she'd panicked and came to the hospital. Rationally, I knew that wasn't the case because Lily would never make a fuss like this over nothing but maybe she'd had no choice. Maybe the hospital hadn't been her idea, I thought. I tried to calm down as we walked towards Lily's hospital room but I just couldn't shake the thought that something else had gone wrong.

Ji Soo had yet to say anything to me since I'd walked out of the car, in fact, he hadn't said anything since I got in the car either but I tried not to let his silence bother me.

We walked into Lily's room and found it completely empty. There was no bed, no machines and especially no Lily.

    "Where's--"

    "She's getting her scans done now, she should be back relatively soon," Abeonim anticipated my question. Because there were only two chairs in the room, I let Ji Soo and Abeonim take them since I didn't think I'd be able to sit still while we waited for Lily to come back.

'Relatively soon' turned out to be almost an hour and it was just enough time to frazzle my already frayed nerves but as soon as the door opened, we all looked at it anxiously.

They wheeled Lily in on a mobile bed and once the bed was maneuvered into the room, in came the rest of the machines that she was hooked up too. There was a bag full of clear liquid and a machine that rhythmically beeped in time with her heart. However, all of these things barely registered when I saw Lily's face; my stomach bottomed out and fell to my feet.

Lily was pale, about as pale as someone with naturally tan skin can get, which only made the dark circles under her eyes stand out that much more. Then there were the bruises; along the right side of Lily's face were a series of bruises  that all merged into a larger and darker purple bruise along her right jawline. Her head was wrapped in white gauze and I think that's when I forgot how to breath.

Abeonim stayed utterly silent as he took in Lily's appearance but I heard Ji Soo take in a sharp breath, it seemed even he hadn't been prepared for the way Lily would look. This, I thought silently, this was more than just falling down the stairs. I didn't wait to be given permission, I just walked to Lily's side and as soon as they positioned the bed and put the breaks on it, I was sitting by her side with her hand in mine.

    "Lily," I whispered, thinking maybe she had just fallen asleep on her way back to the room.

    "She hasn't woken up yet," the nurse told me before turning to Abeonim. "Are you her guardian," she asked him.

    "Yes, I am," he nodded.

    "The doctor is on his way up to brief you," she said before leaving the room and shutting the door behind her.

It was like it had been choreographed, as soon as the door was closed we all collectively looked back at Lily.

    "What does it mean that she hasn't woken up yet," I asked Abeonim quietly.

    "I don't know," he said.

    "But you are a doctor," my voice sounded harsh even to myself.

    "Ya," Ji Soo finally spoke to me, even if it was to scold me for my impoliteness.

    "It's alright, Ji Soo," Abeonim patted him on the shoulder. "He's worried just like we all are," he turned to me next. "I may be a doctor but without test results, I can't give you any answers. The doctor will be here soon, let's wait to hear from him before we panic," he said.

Too late, I thought. I had gone beyond panic now and was firmly in the 'scared' column. I turned back to Lily and if I hadn't known it was her, I'd say she didn't look anything like the Lily I knew. Or, I thought, like the Lily from two weeks ago when I'd last seen her. Had she been avoiding me because of this? She looked ill. She'd known I would notice and she'd purposefully been avoiding not only me but Mae Ri as well. Even Mae Ri had caught on to the sudden distance Lily had put between us. At the time, I'd assumed it was because of what had happened between us that night but now--now I wasn't so sure.

The doctor arrived a little while later and the grim look on his face said he didn't bring good news.

    "Are you the guardian," he asked Abeonim.

    "I'm Dr. Lee Kang Bo, yes," Abeonim said.

The doctor looked pointedly at Ji Soo and I before addressing Abeonim again, "Would you like to discuss this in private?"

    "No," Abeonim said and I released the air in my lungs I hadn't known I'd been holding. "What did the tests say," he asked.

    "Well, her MRI is clear and the CT doesn't show any structural damage although she does have a hairline fracture on her jaw that will heal on it's own as long as she doesn't do any more damage to her face," the doctor said as he pulled a tablet out of his pocket. I assumed he was bringing up her chart or something because Abeonim bent down to look at the screen closely.

    "Must have been from a stair," Abeonim muttered thoughtfully.

    "That is my thinking as well," the doctor concurred. "However, none of this is the problem," he adjusted his hold on the tablet and brought up a new chart with the s-pen. "I believe this to be the problem."

I felt like screaming because he wasn't saying out loud what the problem was and only Abeonim could see the tablet so Ji Soo and I were left sitting in the dark trying to discern a problem from Abeonim's face.

Abeonim's eyes narrowed as he took a closer look at the screen, "This can't be right," he said.

What couldn't be right?

    "I thought so too so I had her blood retested and the results were the same," he said. "As of right now, we've started her on fluids and once we feel like she's been hydrated enough we will start her on the basic nutrients starting with her potassium. This is all assuming, of course, that she hasn't woken up before then." The doctor finished and I had to dig my nails into my palm just to keep my mouth shut and not ask one of the million questions that were floating around in my head right now.

    "Thank you, Doctor," Abeonim said and bowed slightly. "However, if her numbers have gotten this low, shouldn't there have been signs before this?"

    "Yes, there should have been any number of them although it's different for everyone. I would suggest having her living quarters investigated to see if she hasn't been," he paused looking for the right words. "Hiding anything," he finished.

    "I will definitely look into that," Abeonim nodded. "How is she overall," he asked.

    "I suspect she'll make a full recovery once we've gotten her some of the vitamins and minerals she'd been starving herself of," the doctor nodded.

I jerked my head around so I was looking at Lily. Starving herself? Now that he mentioned it, Lily had lost considerable weight in her face. I couldn't tell about the rest of her body because she was covered up by thick blankets but without the shadow of a doubt, I knew that she must have lost weight everywhere else too.

By the time I turned back into the conversation, the doctor was just saying his goodbyes and taking his leave. This time, however, I didn't have to ask any of the questions myself, Ji Soo jumped in for me.

    "What did you see, Abeoji," Ji Soo asked as soon as the we were alone again.

    "All of Lily's essential nutrient levels are low," Abeonim said and he rubbed his face again.  "Things like her potassium, iron, vitamin C, D, A, all of them are low. Low enough that," he sighed and shook his head. "Low enough to indicate that Lily was severely malnourished. The kind that looks like Anorexia Nervosa."

    "You think Lily was starving herself," Ji Soo asked and a sudden memory was triggered in my brain.

...she eats her food so fast that she looks like she's starving every day...

I had forgotten all about Derek's words that night two weeks ago, especially after what had transpired between Lily and I after I'd spoken to him but they all came back with startling clarity now. Derek had warned me that Lily wasn't eating normally. She'd been eating at lunch but he hadn't seen her eat anywhere else, at the time he'd said it had been happening since she started at the new school. That was, I did a quick calculation in my head, almost a month ago.

    "I'm telling you Dad, Lily would never do such a thing," Ji Soo was saying to Abeonim when I finally started to speak up.

    "This is my fault," I cut in. And, without the shadow of a doubt, I knew those words to be true. This was my fault, if I hadn't been jealous of Derek, of the fact that he'd been watching her, or worried about what had happened afterwards, I would have paid more attention to Lily. I wouldn't have waited two weeks for Lily to come to me, I would have gone to her.

   "What do you mean," Ji Soo asked.

    "This isn't your fault, Jong Hwa, we all--" Abeonim tried to reassure me but I cut him off.

    "No, it is my fault. Derek tried to warn me but I didn't," I turned back to face them, "I didn't even think this was a possibility, I didn't even--"

    "Wait, Derek, as in that guy from her dorm?" Ji Soo asked for clarification.

    "Yeah," I nodded.

    "So Derek told you that Lily wasn't eating and you did what," Ji Soo's face become contorted in anger and for the first time in our ten years of friendship, Ji Soo was actually livid with me. I could see it in his eyes. "You decided to not tell anyone about it?"

    "He didn't say she wasn't eating, he just said that he'd only saw her eat at lunch," I said lamely. Ji Soo had every right to be angry with me, I'd completely messed up and Lily was paying the price.

    "How could you not say something," Ji Soo's voice, which rarely ever raised in anger, raised now.

    "I didn't think--"

    "You're damn right you didn--"

    "Stop," Abeonim's voice bellowed inside the small room and we both instantly stopped talking. Much like his son, Lee Kang Bo didn't get angry very often and when he did, well, you did what he asked you to do. "Do you two think bickering like children will help Lily? Do you think that she is so incompetent that she is helpless without you guys standing next to her?" He cleared his throat and then continued, "Lily is a big girl and can make her own decisions--even bad ones. Yes, Jong Hwa you should have said something when you heard that she wasn't eating but do not think so little of Lily that she can't be held accountable for her actions." He sighed audibly before muttering, "And I thought Mae Ri would be difficult."

Ji Soo and I exchanged a look and I could see the anger slide out of his shoulders, "Abeoji's right."

I couldn't deny that Abeonim had a point but I still couldn't shake the feeling that if I had been paying better attention, we wouldn't be sitting here right now. A knock sounded at the door and a nurse walked in carrying what looked to be Lily's backpack. "This was left in the Emergency Room," she said and Ji Soo walked over to grab it.

I hadn't moved from my spot next to Lily and I had no intention of moving until she woke up. She'd cried out for me when she fainted before and I wanted to make sure I was there in case she cried out for me again. Although I hated it, I was hoping she would so that I wouldn't feel so useless.

    "Lily," I whispered to her, thinking maybe I could coax her into waking up. "Chagiya*, ireona*," the words left my mouth and surprised even me. I glanced quickly at Ji Soo. I had whispered the words but apparently not quietly enough because he gave me a calculating stare. He may not be as angry as he was a few minutes ago but it was clear he was still upset. We would handle it later when we were alone so until then, I decided to focus on Lily. I brushed my thumb down her uninjured cheek and her face didn't move at all, she must have been very deeply asleep. "The doctor said there was no brain damage, right?"

    "None that show up on the MRI," Abeonim said. He must have known where I was going with this because he answered my next question without me having to ask it. "She'll wake up after she's rested some," he said.

Abeonim's phone went off after that and he stood up and walked to the other side of the room to answer it, not that he should have bothered because we could still hear him. "Yeobeoseyo?"

There was silence as whoever on the other line spoke to him. "Her core levels are way too low," Abeonim answered a question we didn't hear. It must have been someone who knew Lily, but who? "No internal damage," he said to whoever was listening. It was silent on Abeonim's side for a long time while he listened, "she what?"

I jerked my head around to look at Abeonim and I could tell by the shocked look on his face that it wasn't good.

    "No, she never--," he told the person to hold on and turned to Ji Soo and I. "Did you guys know Lily had a job?"

I looked and Ji Soo and we both shook our heads. Lily had a job? Since when? I looked back at her and not for the first time, wished she'd wake up so I could ask her questions.

    "That's it?" Abeonim asked and then more silence. "No, I never saw a list, I didn't even know she needed--no, I didn't know," Abeonim's shoulders sagged as he said the last part. "In the trash?" A lot of them?" More silence, I didn't think I had enough energy to be more worried or scared than I already was but I was wrong. Everything Abeonim was saying didn't sound good, in fact, I was willing to bet my soul that there was more that Lily had been keeping from us, aside from having a job, apparently. A quick glance at Ji Soo told me he was assuming the same as he held two fingers to his left temple, like he had a headache.

A new emotion was beginning to slither into my consciousness and it shocked even me; I realized aside from the worry and fear, I was also angry. It felt like betrayal and no matter how much I tried to temper down the anger, I couldn't. Certainly, I was worried about her and I most definitely was afraid for Lily but I was also furious with her, how could she have let this happen to herself?

I was so busy trying to gain control over my emotions that I hadn't heard Abeonim hang up the phone.

    "What now," Ji Soo asked in a voice that sounded as tired as he looked.

    "I think we are going to need to wait until Lily wakes up to get more answers," Abeonim said and he returned to his seat. "There were bloody tissues in her trash, enough of them that it's, well, it's no surprise she ended up in the hospital."

    "Who was that," I asked numbly. With each bit of news, my chest had begun to hurt more and more and I didn't know how much more I could take.

    "Soo Chan Min, her program adviser," Abeonim told me.

    "What else did he say," Ji Soo asked.

    "Just that Lily didn't have much in her room," Abeonim said and looked as confused as the rest of us.

    "What does that have to do with anything," Ji Soo asked before I could.

    "Well, it sounded like it shocked Chan Min, he said he'd given Lily a list of items she could bring," Abeonim said. "He assumed that when she started working she'd start buying stuff for her room but all he found were bathing supplies and some detergent."

    "That's it," I asked.

    "I guess so, she didn't even have bedsheets, he said," Abeonim leaned back in his chair and rested his head against the wall behind him.

    "No bedsheets? What has she been been sleeping with," Ji Soo asked, sounding astonished.

    "Chan Min said he was going to get a hold of her roommate and see what she knew," Abeonim shrugged, he sounded tired.

Abruptly, Ji Soo stood up and reached down for Lily's backpack and placed it on his now empty seat. Before anyone could ask what he was doing, he unzipped the big pocket and started pulling out items.

    "What are you doing," I asked him.

    "Seeing what else Lily's been hiding," Ji Soo said matter-of-factly.

    "Wait, stop, that's her priva--"

    "Oh my god," Ji Soo's words burst out of his mouth and he shoved the backpack into the chair, like he couldn't hold back any more. "Look around you, Jong Hwa! We are in a hospital."

    "I know--"

    "No, I don't think you understand," Ji Soo said angrily and he just stared at me disbelievingly. "Take a look at her face," and unwittingly I did. "This is not okay, Jong Hwa. None of this is okay. She is not okay," he said and took a deep breath and his voice lowered for his next words. "She doesn't get privacy anymore," he went back to pulling things out of her backpack and I couldn't find it within me to try and stop him. I just stared at her face and knew he was right, this wasn't okay.

    "What is that," I heard Abeonim say and I was able to pull my eyes off Lily's face, but only barely.

    "What--"

    "Is that money," Abeonim asked. I couldn't see what he was talking about since Ji Soo's back was blocking my view and I tried to crane my neck around to see what they were looking at.

    "It is," Ji Soo said and he sounded distant. "And a lot of it."

    "Let me see," I said and Ji Soo turned around.

In his hands he held two medium sized baggies with wads of cash in each. He set one down and started to open the one he held but a voice stopped him before he could.

    "Please don't touch my money," Lily's hushed voice said from behind me.

At once, all three of us stared at her. Lily had finally woken up.

To Be Continued...

***

*Chagiya:  "Baby" it's a term of endearment for couples and used most commonly only within a couple dynamic

*Ireona: "Wake up"

Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Fourteen

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Fourteen

Three Years Ago...

Well what the hell was I going to do now? I thought as I looked around at the buildings near me. I had absolutely no idea where I was. I contemplated going into one of the buildings and asking someone where I was but my Korean wasn't nearly proficient enough for me to ask, let alone understand the answer. How could I have been stupid enough to get on the wrong bus? Why had I gotten off even after I noticed I'd taken the wrong one? Surely the bus would have eventually taken me back to my original stop. I'd panicked, that's why, I told myself. Plain and simple, I panicked and now I was somewhere in Seoul without a clue as to where I was or how I got back. I could have taken a taxi but I didn't have much left of my allowance and I sure and heck wasn't going to call my dad.

I sat on a park bench and tried to think of how I could get myself out of this. Jong Hwa! Jong Hwa would know how to get me home and he spoke English so all I had to do was...was call him, I finished lamely. Call him on a cellphone I didn't know the number too. That was so...so...unhelpful, I smacked my forehead with my hand. Ah! But I knew where he was...

I pulled out my cellphone and found the SFLHS number and waited for the receptionist to pick up.

    "Hello. This is Seoul Foreign Language High School. How may I direct your call," the receptionist chirped into the phone.

    "I need to speak with Kim Jong Hwa in classroom A-2136," I stuttered into the phone with shabby Korean.

    "I'm sorry, that class is currently--:

    "It's an emergency," I cut in.

    "Ah," she sounded confused.

Please, lady, just do it, I silently begged.

    "Hold for a moment," she said before putting me on hold.

I hoped she was getting him. If not then my only other option was to hail a cab and get a ride to the military base and pray that my father wouldn't kill me afterwards. He hated being inconvenienced and I knew he would be furious.

After I'd been on hold for five minutes, I almost gave in and hung up but then Jong Hwa picked up.

    "Yeobeoseyo," he said hesitantly into the phone.

    "Jong Hwa," I nearly cried in relief.

    "Lily," he asked in English. "Is that you?"

    "Yes," the weight on my chest disappeared and for some odd reason, I knew it would be ok. No matter how I got home, I'd be ok and I felt like laughing at my earlier panic.

    "Why are you--what's going on," he asked.

    "I'm completely lost and I don't know how to get back, I just--I don't know," now that I had him on the phone I could see the holes in my plan. How would he even help me, he was in school--where ever that was at this point.

    "Where are you?"

    "Um..I don't know," I answered honestly. I stood up and started looking for the nearest cross section or a sign that would give me some sort of an indication of my location. "I see a sign that says Bukhansan National Park, ahh," I kept looking. "Oh, oh, Deongneung-ro and Samyang-ro, does that help?"

     "I know where you are. Stay there," he said.

    "Wait, no, don't leave school! Just tell me how to get home from here, I think I should be able to figure it out after that," I rushed. I didn't want him to get into trouble.

    "Stay there," he said simply and hung up.

It took a little more than an hour but Jong Hwa finally found me and took me back to school. I felt bad for dragging him out of school but he'd acted like it was nothing. He was just glad he'd found me. As it turned out, Deongneung-ro was the same street our school was on just a few miles east of where I was. The next day, Jong Hwa brought a map to school and gave it to me during lunch. On it was a color coded list of buses that ran by my house and where in Seoul they would take me. He said he gave it to me to help me from getting lost the next time I got on the wrong bus. On the back of the map was a list of taxi companies that had English translations available at the behest of the caller. I had carried that map with me for a year before I no longer needed it.

***

Present Day

The night had passed relatively uneventful and I think that was due to everyone being so tired. It gave me time to think over my options and if I was being honest with myself, time to wallow in my own self-pity...again.

The next morning I made breakfast again, mostly because I was up before everyone else and had nothing else to do. I was feeling overly hyper and antsy; I was more than ready to leave the house and seclude myself at the dorms. I changed from my SFLHS gym clothes to the extra pair of clothes I had, thankfully, packed before I'd left my apartment that last time. I was going to have to figure out what I was going to do about clothes because not only would I not be able to afford the new school's uniform, but I was down to one pair of underwear and I couldn't even begin to think about how I was going to fix that particular problem. I didn't know when my ESE allowance would begin but maybe I could explain my circumstances to Chan Min and he could give me an advance. I thought that when I was accepted into the program, I wouldn't need to work a part-time job but now, I would need to start looking almost immediately if I was going to pay for new clothes and necessities. While the porridge cooled and I waited for the household to start waking up, I made a list of all the things I would need in the coming days, starting with the most important first.

I pulled out my smart phone to see if I could find any salvation army type stores only to find out I no longer had internet access despite my phone's 4g network capabilities. A sinking feeling set in and I hoped I was wrong. I dialed Mae Ri's number and got a loud beeping tone before my phone ended the call. I had to suppress the urge to not throw it against the wall. My father had disconnected my cell phone service and left me without a way to communicate with...well...anyone. Instead of throwing it, I gripped it and squeezed my eyes shut to stop the tears from falling.

    "Why are you doing this," I muttered to myself and wiped away the tears that wouldn't be stopped. This seemed extra cruel of my father. What, did he want to prove that I wouldn't last without him? Well, he'd be sorrily mistaken, I thought to myself.

It took me awhile to pull myself together but when I did, I immediately wrote Phone on top of the priority item list. I began having an insane internal debate on which was more important underwear or a phone when Dr. Lee walked into the kitchen.

    "Joheun Achim*, Abeonim," I stood up immediately and slipped the piece of paper into my jeans pocket.

    "Ah, morning, Lily," he said while he rubbed his stubbled chin. "Did you make breakfast again?"

    "Yes, I-ah-couldn't sleep and had nothing else to do," I admitted.

    "It looks good," he said. "What time are you suppose to be at the dorms?"

    "Actually," I thought about it. I wasn't suppose to meet Chan Min until this afternoon but I needed to get a head start on my list of priorities and I needed to do it fast. "I'm suppose to meet him at nine," I lied. I felt bad about lying to Dr. Lee but if I told him what I was thinking, he would either try to help me or stop me and I didn't need either so lying was my only option.

He checked the clock and I knew I'd only given him about forty-five minutes before I had to "meet" Chan Min. "Just let me get dressed and we'll head out," he said and started to walk out of the kitchen. "Did you want me to wake up Jong Hwa?"

    "No!" I shouted before I could stop it. I immediately put a hand over my mouth, "I'm sorry, no, he needs to sleep."

Dr. Lee just looked at me for another moment before he nodded and headed out of the kitchen. I hurried to the back bedroom to get my backpack. I looked down at Mae Ri's sleeping form wondering if I should wake her up or not and decided against it. If I woke her up to say goodbye she'd want to talk and she'd be loud and probably wake up the boys and that I definitely didn't want. I settled for leaving her a note from a page I'd ripped out of a notebook in my backpack:

Mae Ri-ya, I'm heading to the dorms. Don't be mad for not waking you up, I know you must be tired. Take care of the boys. Don't get into fights at school either. Graduate so you can get into college. Take care.

I put the piece of paper on the nightstand where I knew she'd see it when she woke up and left the room. Dr. Lee was waiting for me in the living room when I came out.

The drive wasn't too bad since it was early on a Sunday morning but it did surprise me just how far the dorms were from where I had lived previously. The dorm itself was a four story red brick building. In fact, it didn't stand out at all, it looked to nondescript.

    "Are you sure this is it?" Dr. Lee asked me while he both looked at the building.

    "Let me go see," I started to get out of the car.

    "I'll go with you--"

    "No, no," he stopped unbuckling his seat belt. "It's okay, I'll just go see if Chan Min is inside," I smiled a bright smile. If he came in now and Chan Min wasn't there, he'd insist on waiting with me and I knew very well Chan Min wasn't in there. "I'll be right back."

    "You sure," he asked dubiously.

    "Of course," I nodded and got out of the car. I hoped he stay put.

I opened the front doors and walked into a small foyer. There was a small wooden bench on the right side with a miserable looking bush sitting next to it. Straight ahead was a glass windows with small opening for passing things across the barrier and a disheveled looking man sitting behind it wearing a gray t-shirt. If his red hair wasn't a dead give away, the very English "Good Morning" he said  told me he wasn't Korean. He had thick glasses on and looked to be in his thirties. I walked up to the barrier and gave the guy a smile.

    "Good morning," he smiled back. "Are these the dorms for the Educational Student Exchange?"

    "Sure is, how can I help you," he asked me nicely.

    "Let me tell my driver that we found the place, I'll be right back," I told him and went back to Dr. Lee who'd gotten out of the car and was leaning against it waiting for me.

   "Is this the place," he asked me.

    "Yes, thank you for the ride Dr-Abeonim!" I bowed to him and hoped he took the hint and left.

    "Will you be ok, Lily," he asked as he walked around the car and towards me. I had to hide my disappointment.

    "Of course, Abeonim." I lied but nevertheless I kept the bright smile on my face. "They give me an allowance and school starts on tomorrow, I'll be taken care of here." Did I sound reassuring enough?

    "You just remember that our house is always open," he clapped me on the shoulder and waited until I nodded before he got back into his car and drove away.

My shoulders slumped and I felt relieved. This was the first time I was alone in two days and some unknown tension I didn't even realize I was carrying just flowed out of me. I took my first big breath in as many days and went back inside.

    "Sorry about that, I'm Lily Smith, I know I'm early but I'm moving into the dorms today. I'm meeting Chan Min at one," I told the guy behind the window.

     "Ahh, yeah I recognize the name. It's nice to meet you Lily, I'm Ryan. Do you want me to call Chan Min and tell him you're here?" He already started reaching for the phone and I stopped him.

    "No, I'll be back at the scheduled time, I have some errands to run before then anyway. Um, do you know where the nearest cellular service store is?" I asked thinking about my list of priorities.

     "Unfortunately, I do not. I'm sorry," and he genuinely looked apologetic.

    "That's alright," I said. "I'll be back."

    "Ok, I'm only scheduled until noon, after that Derek will be here," he informed me.

    "Thanks!"

~~~

Three hours later and I still hadn't found a cellular service store but I did find a few places that were looking for workers. Just menial work but two of the three places required day hours and the third place, well it wasn't a job I relished. It was at a gentlemen's after hours bar but luckily the position was for maintenance so I'd most likely be a janitor that cleaned after closing. I told them I was interested and they told me to stop by tomorrow when the boss was in to see about the job. I kept looking but either no one wanted a high school student working for them or a high school foreigner working for them which made being my situation even more difficult.

As far as getting the necessities, I found a convenience store that sold travel sized toothbrushes and toothpaste for relatively cheap. I also bought a travel-size bottle of detergent so I could at least wash the clothes I already had. I walked back to the dorms and sat on the bench while waiting for Chan Min to show up. It was about twenty minutes later when a brown haired kid walked up to me.

    "Are you Lily Smith?" He asked.

    "Ah, yeah," I admitted hesitantly.

    "Hi, I'm Derek. I'm the Educational Service's student representative. Chan Min called and said he'd be late. He said I should show you to your room," he said. He was tall, I thought, as I crinked my neck to look at him. He was tall and had bright blue eyes. His hair was long enough to cover his forehead and be pushed behind his ears. I stood up and took a step back.

     "Ah, thanks," I said lamely. He was wearing a black, long-sleeved shirt and jeans and...hot pink sneakers? I couldn't contain a chuckle.

     "Dormitory prank, don't worry, these aren't mine." He laughed with me and wiggled his toes which made the top of the shoe ripple.

     "Too bad, I thought they matched your pants nicely," I teased

     "Well I do like to be stylish," he said and then gestured with his hand to follow him. We headed towards a door I hadn't noticed earlier. "I'll show you around the building before taking you to your room, ok?"

     "Sure," I shrugged, as we walked up a flight of stairs.

    "Well you saw the foyer, looks grand, I know. The second floor is the commons area," he said while he pulled open the second floor door. "Here you'll find the vending machines, a pool table, ping-pong, and a table soccer that no one plays," he pointed to a decrepit looking foosetable sitting in the corner that looked like it had seen better days. The room itself was fairly large and open; there were a few couches stationed around a small TV and the vending machines were strewn around the room.  There was one student laying on her stomach on the couch reading from some sort of a textbook.  "That's Anna, she's our resident over-achiever. She's from Sweden. She's a good kid."

    "Kid? Why do you say it like you're so much older than the rest of us," I asked him.

    "Well I'm one of three seniors here, everyone else is either a freshman or a sophmore. Anna, over there, is a freshman. Oh, we do have one junior," he tacked on idly. "Speaking of, what are you?"

    "I guess I'm your fourth senior," I told him.

    "Ahhh, another senior in the house, the dorm might not be large enough for the four of us," he joked.

    "Better watch your back then," another guy said from behind Derek has he nudged Derek's shoulder as he walked past.

    "Same to you, Bromo," Derek said back to him.

    "Who's this lass?" Bromo turned his icy gray eyes on me. He was relatively large but not in the sense that he was fat. He was solid muscle, the kind of muscle that makes you think he's compensating for something. His hair was cut short, too long to be called a buzz cut but close. He had an diamond stud in one ear and a chain around his neck that was tucked into his sleeveless tank.

    "This is Lily, she's our newest senior. Lily this is Bromo," Derek introduced us.

    "Not really, the name is Brian but this dude started called me Bromo--short for Brother from another Mother," Brian chuckled.

    "Hello," I bowed out of habit which earned me an all out laugh from Brian.

    "No need to do that Korean shit here," Brian waved it off and I had to hold back my annoyance. I could already tell that Brian was an arrogant person and earned him no points with me.

    "By the way, when did you get here," Derek asked and I'm sure my face showed my confusion. "Korea, I mean."

    "Three years ago," I told him.

    "What?" Brian and Derek asked in unison and I would have laughed except Brian's arrogant attitude had put me in a not-so-joking mood.

    "Yeah, I moved to Korea three years ago. Could you show me to my room now," I asked as pointedly as I could. I just wanted to be alone and Brian's presence made me uncomfortable.

    "Ah, yeah, sure," Derek waved to Brian and we started walking away. "Hey, don't let Brian get to you, he's a good guy. Not always subtle though," Derek said as he took me through a door and down a hallway that eventually lead to what looked to be the kitchen area. It was relatively small for a cafeteria and held only four tables that sat 12 people at max. There was a small buffet like serving area and a few trash bins around the room. The bottom half of the room was designed with baby yellow tiles while the top half of the room was painted a plain white. It kind of gave the room a sickly look and I hated it.

    “This is where we eat, it serves breakfast and dinner, lunch on the weekends when we’re not in school but,” he made a pained face. “Don’t expect gourmet. The food is edible but not by much.”

I only nodded because I just wanted out of the room. The sickly glow was making my stomach clench uncomfortably. He nodded and we left after that. He led us back through the commons area to a door on the opposite end.

    “The buses pick us up at the front doors around six forty-five in the morning, don’t miss them because the administration will have your ass otherwise. Attendance is very important to the program directors, I wouldn’t mess with it.” Derek warned.

We walked two more flights of stairs until we reached the top level. "The third floor is reserved for the boys and this," he pulled on the handle of the door to open it. "Is this girls's floor." 

Because I had never seen the inside of a dorm before I had no idea what to expect but somehow the sheer lack of noise was somewhat unsettling. I had seen movies with dorms and they always seemed so active but when we reached the fourth floor landing, there was just…nothing. We went out into a small entry way where there were two cabinets. One cabinet held small holes for shoes which were labeled by name and the other cabinet held slippers that were also labeled by names. A majority of the slippers remained in their cubby holes while the cabinet for street shoes was fairly empty.

    “This is where you’d leave your shoes and switch to slippers but no one ever really does,” Derek informed me as he took a step towards the sliding door that lead out of the entry way.

    “Why not,” I asked as I slipped my shoes off and purposefully put them in an empty cubby hole with no name to it. I also pulled out a pair of slippers and put them on. It was obvious from the first moment that these slippers had rarely been used, if at all. I hadn’t liked Brian’s attitude from downstairs and it made me defensive of Korea’s culture.

    “I guess people just aren’t used to the idea, I mean. It’s not really normal for us,” Derek scratched the back of his neck and looked a little sheepish.

    “Well I would think that people who are hoping to teach in this country would be a little more open to experiencing the new culture,” I said and even to my own ears I knew I sounded snobby.

    “Look, I’m sorry for what Bromo said downstairs,” Derek’s shoulders slumped and I felt bad. “He doesn’t mean anything by it.”

    “No, I’m sorry,” Derek was just trying to be polite and I was chewing him to bits. “It’s been a rough couple of days for me, I’m sorry.”

    “So, can I ask you something?” Derek asked hesitantly.

    “You mean besides that question,” I teased and it earned me a chuckle.

    “Why do they wear slippers?” As he asked, he took off his shoes and replaced them with slippers.

    “Let me ask you a better question,” I hooked hands in my backpack straps because I didn’t know what else to do with them. “Do you wear shoes inside your home?”

    “Well no, but—“

    “It’s pretty much as simple as that. Koreans don’t necessarily always wear slippers but the point is, you don’t bring dirty shoes inside a clean house. They sometimes wear slippers just to keep their feet warm. Most Korean houses don’t have carpet so feet can get quite chilly,” I said.

    “That makes sense,” He nodded and actually looked like he was thinking about the simplicity of the slippers.

    “How long have you been here,” I asked, thinking maybe he’d only been here for a semester.

    “I’ve been here for about five months,” he smiled and looked like he was proud of that. I, on the other hand, was flabbergasted that he didn’t know the significance of the slippers, something that was very common.

    “Five months,” I repeated, still shocked. “Do you not have any Korean friends?”

    “I mean, I talk to people at school but I guess not really. I mostly hang out with people at the dorms,” he admitted.

    “That’s a shame,” I didn’t want to sound pompous and I was already well on my way to sounding like a know-it-all so I decided to keep my mouth shut after that. I really just wanted to get to my room and shut everyone out.

Derek nervously chuckled after that and immediately showed me the rest of the dorm. The floor was built like a rectangle with the bathrooms in the center and the rooms surrounding it. The bathroom itself was fairly large with several toilets and six showers and although it was empty at the moment, I wondered how busy it got in the mornings. I’d have to carve out a scheduled time to shower when no one was really around. The floor itself held 12 rooms with two people in each room and in one of the corner rooms was the floor captain. Derek said he’d introduce me to her a little later, she could get quite grumpy if woken up before her alarm on the weekends.

    “Normally, if she’s not sleeping or studying, she’ll have her door open so anyone can enter if there are issues but when the door is shut, it’s best to leave her alone,” he turned around and walked a little ways down the hall. “And here is your room, number 412.”

He knocked on the door and waited. It was only a few seconds before a quiet “come in” came from the other side. Derek took out a key from his pocket and opened the door.

The first thing I noticed was that the room was small, claustrophically small, in fact. There were two bunk beds that were lined up against the walls across from each other. Under one bed was a futon and the other held a very small, portable TV. There were two built-in desks that sat across from each other and opposite the door was a window. At first I didn’t see anyone inside but finally a saw the comforter on the bed to my left move slightly and I knew that the person must have been up here.

    “Emily, your new roommate is here,” Derek announced and leaned against the door jam.

    “Yeah, and?” A voice said from beneath the comforter. “I’m trying to sleep.”

    “Emily, Lily, Lily, Emily,” Derek said half-heartedly. The girl beneath the covers sighed rather obnoxiously and sat up in bed. She had long blond hair that seemed to move like silk so it had to have been very fine. Just by her face I could tell she was slim despite the bulking sweater she was wearing. She was pretty, I thought, but that was before she opened her mouth.

    “Hi, Lily, I’m Emily. It’s nice to meet you, there are two rules in this room,” She said without preamble. “First, you and me, we’re not friends. Second, you and me, we’ll never be friends. Got it?”

Whoa! What I wouldn’t give to have Mae Ri here, she would have—I stopped that train of thought. Mae Ri wasn’t here because I hadn’t wanted her to be here which reminded me that my phone was still shut off and I couldn’t even call her if I’d wanted too. Not…that I wanted too, I told myself.

    “Come on, Em, don’t be like that,” Derek said beside me and it brought me back to the present.

    “No, it’s alright. Hello Emily, I’m Lily. I think we’re going to get along just fine.” I told her in my sweetest voice.

    “What,” she looked taken aback.

    “I don’t want to be your friend and I don’t need to be your friend, I have friends of my own. So let’s just agree to mind our own business and get through this semester. Sound like a plan,” I asked confidently.

I think she wanted to smile because the corner of her mouth twitched but instead she nodded her head once and flounced back and went back to sleep.

    “Ok then,” Derek said and handed the key to me. “Talk about an uneasy tru—“

    “Ah, here you are Lily,” someone said from behind me. I turned around and saw Chan Min walking towards the room.

    “Oh, Annyeonghaseyo, Chan Min-ssi,” I said and bowed politely.

    “Thank you Derek for showing Lily around, Lily I’m sorry that I was late,” Chan Min said in English.

    “Animnida, gwanchanayo,” I replied in Korean, I didn’t care if it was rude to Derek or not. I had the sudden need to set myself apart from these people.

    “Have you met your roommate yet?” Chan Min asked me in Korean and pointedly looked into the room.

    “Yes, she seems great,” I lied.

    “Ah good, good,” He nodded happily. “Where’s your stuff, is it downstairs yet? Do you need help?”

    “Ahh, no, it’s-it’s just me and this,” I pulled on the strap of my backpack awkwardly.

Chan Min looked at me and the backpack solemnly, “Ah, geuroguna*.”

    “Actually, Chin Min-ssi, I have a question,” I said but I looked pointedly at Derek. I doubt he’d understood a word we’d said by the utter confusion on his face as he’d looked between Chan Min and I but I still didn’t feel like asking for money in front of him either.

    “Why don’t we head downstairs first, you can leave your bag up here, if you’d like. “ Chan Min said. I thought about it for two seconds before I opted to take the bag with me because one: I wasn’t entirely sure Emily wouldn’t look through my stuff and two: since I had no reason to go back to that room other than to sleep tonight, I decided it should stay with me anyway.

    “Thanks for showing me around,” I told Derek and followed Chan Min towards the stairway.

***

I was dreading this conversation the whole way down the stairs and I honestly didn’t know how Chan Min would take it. If I’d had any other choice, I would never have asked for money at all but my father had left me with nothing and I’d already used most of what I had on the necessities I’d bought earlier. We reached the common area which had filled with a few more students but was still relatively empty. Chan Min ushered me towards the quietest area of the lounge which garnered us a few curious looks but everyone stayed away, thankfully.

    “What did you want to ask me?” Chan Min asked once I sat down.

    “I know this is going to sound bad but, I honestly have no other choice,” I started. “The allowance that is given to the students in the program, is—is there anyway I could get it now?”

    “What happened, Lily?” Chan Min asked me quietly.

    “What—what do you mean,” I asked even though I knew what he was asking.

    “What I mean is, you don’t seem to have any of the items on the list of things you could bring to the dorms, so what happened? Did you just not want to take them on the bus?” He asked me gently.

    “No,” I looked down at my hands that kept twisting in my lap. “There was a situation with my dad and—and I don’t have any of it.”

He was quiet for a few moments before he responded, “Do you have clothes?”

    “No,” I thought I couldn’t feel any more shame than I had yesterday but apparently I was wrong. This spiraling descent into shame and embarrassment seemed to be never-ending.

    “So it’s safe to assume since you’re asking me for money, that you have none, right?”

    “Yes,” I admitted.

    “You don’t have your uniform for tomorrow, do you?”

    “No,” I felt like someone had carved out my insides and left me hollow.

    “Do you want to tell me what happened?” Chan Min asked me kindly but I certainly didn’t want his kindness.

    “No,” I answered.

He nodded as if he expected that and when I looked up he didn’t seem angry. “Well, let’s get going then.”

This took me by surprise, “What?”

    “You can’t go to school without the uniform and if I’m going to give you that allowance, I need to stop by an ATM,” he stood up abruptly and started towards the door. When I still hadn’t moved he turned back around. “Are you not coming?”

    “Yes,” I jolted upright. “I’m coming.”

***

Jong Hwa…

My body felt stiff when I woke up but that didn’t surprise me after the restless night I’d had. It’d taken me hours to finally get to sleep and even then I could barely get comfortable. When I finally admitted it was time to wake up, I’d noticed that Ji Soo was no longer in the bedroom.

I got up and made my way towards the kitchen but the voices had me stopping in my tracks.

    “'Take care', what does that mean? Is that a good bye?” Mae Ri asked tearfully from the kitchen.

    “I don’t know,” Ji Soo said quietly. “Have you tried calling her?”

    “Her phone is disconnected,” Mae Ri said.

This last bit of news had me running into the kitchen. Ji Soo and Mae Ri jumped back in surprise; Mae Ri had a slip of paper in her hand that she tried unsuccessfully to hide behind her back.

    “What is that,” I demanded.

    “Jong Hwa,” Ji Soo tried to distract me.

    “No, what is that,” I demanded again and held my hand out for Mae Ri to give it to me.

    “Mae Ri,” Ji Soo nodded towards my hand to indicate she should give me the paper and she did after a moments hesitation.

I read it twice and it still didn’t make sense. Was Lily really saying good bye? “Where’s Lily?”

    “I called Dad at the clinic, he said he’d taken Lily to the dorms this morning to meet someone,” Ji Soo told me.

    “She wasn’t suppose to meet him until this afternoon, why did she leave so early or wake any of us up?”

    “I don’t know,” Ji Soo said and clamped a hand down on my shoulder. “But I think maybe its best that she went alone. She needs time to think about things.”

    “No, she shouldn’t be alone, she should—“

    “Jong Hwa, listen to me. She’s fine,” he said. “She’s probably embarrassed, she’s tired, and she needs time so let her have her time.”

    “Ji Soo’s right, Jong Hwa,” Mae Ri spoke up.

    “You said her phone was disconnected,” I remembered.

    “Well I can’t be sure but it doesn’t bring me to voicemail any more like it used too,” Mae Ri informed me and dialed Lily’s number and put it on speaker phone.

    “The number you are trying to reach is no longer available, please hang up and—“

Mae Ri hung up the phone and the room was quiet.

    “You don’t think her father would disconnect her phone do you,” I looked at the two of them.

    “Her father shut the door in her face and left her with no money, clothes or even her toothbrush, I don’t think he’d have any problems disconnecting her phone if it meant punishing her.” Ji Soo admitted.

    “So what are we going to do,” Mae Ri asked desperately.

I could feel Lily slipping between my fingers and I didn’t know how to stop it.

    “We ride out the storm,” Ji Soo said. “Isn’t that the saying? ‘Ride out the storm’ and we help her in any way we can but first, we give her space to figure things out. She’s safe, that’s all we can do for now.”

Not for the first time, I was glad that Ji Soo was my friend because without him I’d be going crazy right now looking for Lily. And to a certain extent, Ji Soo was right. She had a place to live, she started school tomorrow, she’d be taken care of long enough for the rest of us to figure out what to do. In the meantime, I needed to calm myself down because otherwise I’d be no help to Lily and right now, she needed all the help she could get.  

To Be Continued...

***

*Joheun Achim: Literal Terms - Joheun = Good, Achim = Morning so "Good Morning"

*Geuroguna: "I see"

Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Thirteen

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Thirteen

One Year Ago...

Ji Soo...

The scores for the last quarter's exams had been posted and as usual a large crowd gathered around the posting board to check scores. I usually stood back from the group because I didn't need to look to know I did well. I never actually needed to check the posting for any other reason than to find out if I had done better than Jong Hwa. We were always the top of our class but we consistently battled for first place, not that we cared much. It just encouraged us to work hard for the next exam.

    "Ugh, I'm so tired of them getting first place," a girl said from within the crowd.

    "I know, its like they want us to look bad," someone responded.

I knew they were talking about Jong Hwa and I. People complained about our scores so often that it no longer fazed me. If they wanted to be upset about Jong Hwa and I doing well then let them, I couldn't stop them and I sure wasn't going to stop doing well just to appease them so I just let it go.

    "You don't need help looking bad, you do just fine on your own," a voice I would recognize anywhere rang through the crowd and suddenly the low buzz of conversation died down almost immediately. "Why are you getting mad because you didn't do well? That isn't new," Mae Ri said to whoever had spoken.

I raised my head to look at the crowd and the only way I could tell where Mae Ri was standing was because of her ridiculous "Hello Kitty" hair pins. I had teased her about them earlier because it was actually a small "Hello Kitty" standing on stop of a pin but she said she liked them because when she aligned them with her pony tails it looked like the little cat figurine was "surfing the waves of her mane" as she'd so adeptly explained.

    "They do it just to make the rest of us look bad," there was a round of anonymous people agreeing with the statement. "And they only get good grades because they have connections. We all know Jong Hwa's mom works on the school board." Another round of agreements.

    "They get good grades because they study hard," Mae Ri's said pointedly. "Harder than you or I do and they get the grades they deserve," she continued. "I think you're just jealous because you can't stand the fact that they're smarter than you."

    "And the only reason you're defending them is because you're friends with them," the girl said. "Word is, you're more than friends with them. I heard you're exchanging favors with Ji Soo to get him to help you study."

    "What did you say," Mae Ri asked in a low voice. Uh-oh, whenever her voice got low, it meant she was about to explode. As much as I was enjoying watching Mae Ri defend me and Jong Hwa's honor, I needed to step in before she hit this girl.

    "I hear that you guys spend a lot of time at Lily's house "studying"," The stupid girl emphasized the word studying so we all knew what was she was implying. I started fighting my way through the crowed to get to Mae Ri. "I would expect it from Lily because she's American but don't you have any pride?"

Ok, time was up, I thought as I snatched the back of Mae Ri's backpack before she had time to lunge at the girl which was a good thing because not two seconds later Mae Ri was already straining against my grip to get at--Ok Min Joo. Ahh, it made sense now, she'd always been a sore loser.

    "Let go," Mae Ri said over her shoulder but I don't think she realized it was me. "Look here, you little--"

    "Mae Ri-ya," I cut her off before she could finish her sentence. She was persistent though so I gave one good tug and had her falling backwards into my arms so I could get a good grip on her and steer her away from a situation that would most likely end in her expulsion.

The crowed dispersed enough that I could pull her away from Min Joo and forcibly steer her down the hallway but Mae Ri kept shouting over shoulder as we walked away.

    "Better watch your back, Ok Min Joo," Mae Ri shouted. "Just you wait!"

    "Ya, Mae Ri-ya," I winced because that last declaration had been said directly into my ear.

    "Oh, mianhae," she said and I could feel the anger slid out of her rigid shoulders so I loosened my grip.

    "Why do you rise the bait," I asked her when we'd gotten far enough away that I felt safe letting her go. "You're lucky I was there otherwise you'd be expelled by now and probably missing half of your hair."

    "I could take her," Mae Ri said defiantly, like she was shocked I would doubt her fighting skills.

    "I don't doubt that," I admitted and it was true. I'd lay money on Mae Ri any time.

    "She's needs to be taught a lesson," Mae Ri grumbled. "Talking about people behind their back like that."

 My stomach did a flip. "Don't let it bother you, she does it every time scores are released," I said, ignoring my stomach.

    "But it shouldn't be that way, just because you did better than the rest of us doesn't give her the right to be a bitch," Mae Ri said.

    "Don't swear," I said even though I agreed. "Besides, how did I do?" We needed to change the subject otherwise Mae Ri would just get more worked up about it and who knew if I'd be there to stop her the next time she came across Min Joo.

She smiled, "You beat Jong Hwa this time around but only by four points so you better keep studying or he'll pass you again next quarter!" We stopped walking and she pointed her finger at me as if she was giving me a command.

    "Ye, Seonsaengnim*," I mocked and bowed to her.

    "Not funny," she said and smiled. I never noticed how pretty she was when she blushed, I mean, Mae Ri was obviously pretty but I'd never noticed or cared until now.

    "What did you rank," I had to stop looking at her or she'd notice I was staring.

    "Fifth," she said in a pouting voice.

    "That's pretty good," I said encouragingly.

    "Lily got fourth," she added begrudgingly. Ahh, she'd lost to Lily this time.

    "Guess we'll have to keep up those "study" sessions," I said and jogged the rest of the way to my classroom to avoid getting hit by Mae Ri.

That was the first time I noticed Mae Ri had become more than a friend. From that point on, I made sure I kept an eye on her so she wouldn't get into trouble because I couldn't think of anything worse than not seeing Mae Ri every day at school. Of course, what had I really known about "worse things" at that time? Nothing. I had known nothing.

***

Present Day...

Ji Soo...

I left my dad's office with a whole new outlook on my friend Lily. As soon as she woke up, he was going to start her on the pills, I just hoped they kicked in fast. I walked into the living room and found Mae Ri sitting at the end of the couch looking out the window.

    "Mae Ri-ya," I called for her quietly since I was fairly sure Jong Hwa and Lily were still sleeping.  She looked over at me with sad eyes and it hit me-I'd been so worried about Jong Hwa that I never even thought about the toll this was taking on Mae Ri.

    "Ji Soo," her voice was quiet. My usually loud and obnoxious Mae Ri was actually being quiet for once and it didn't sit well with me.

    "Ya," I gestured for her to get up. "Make yourself useful and come help me."

    "Help you with what," she asked but stood up anyway. None of us had changed out of the clothes we'd been in yesterday which meant Mae Ri was still wearing her school uniform and I felt bad for not noticing earlier. Her normally stylish accessories didn't seem as bright today and the pony tails she'd had yesterday had at some point become one ponytail that as swept into a disheveled looking bun.

    "Stay here," I walked off to my bedroom and quietly opened the door only to find that Jong Hwa wasn't inside anyway. I glanced at the door  at the end of the hallway and sighed. He must not have been able to sleep, well that was his choice. I rummaged through my dresser until I found a t-shirt and some sweat pants that would most likely make Mae Ri look frumpier than she already did but it would serve it's purpose.

I walked back to the living room and tossed them in her direction and she caught them,"Go change." When she just continued to stare at me cluelessly, I smiled. "Go changed, we're gonna make breakfast for everyone and I don't think you want to stain your uniform."

    "We're making breakfast," she asked me but headed towards my bedroom anyway. Very rarely did Mae Ri take orders and the fact that she was now told me just how out of sorts this whole situation had made all of us.

    "I don't know about you but I'm hungry and I'm sure everyone else is too. It's better to be helpful than helpless, don't you think?" I knew she must be feeling the same helplessness that I was feeling so I figured we could be helpless together.

    "Yes," she finally smiled her usually bright smile and my heart skipped a beat. "I'm going to go change."

    "Do that," I said and watched her slip into my bedroom to change.

She still looked beautiful, frumpy clothes and all, when she came back and I had to tell myself to breath.

    "What're we making," she asked as we both headed in the direction of the kitchen.

    "No idea," I admitted. I had no idea what was in the kitchen to make and I certainly didn't know how to cook very well.

    "I guess we'll have to make it work," she said confidently as she opened the refrigerator door.

And we did.

***

Lily...

I don't know how long I stayed in the bathroom but by the time I got out Ji Soo and Mae Ri were in the kitchen making breakfast. Since Jong Hwa wasn't with them I assumed he was still in the bedroom, possibly waiting for me to come back. Rather than go back to the room and confront Jong Hwa I sat at the kitchen table and just watched Ji Soo and Mae Ri cook. Their backs were to me as they were looking into a pot on the stove and discussing the consistency of whatever they were cooking. I knew neither of them could cook which meant whatever they were cooking was going to come out terrible if they didn't get help. I got up and stood behind them looking over their shoulders.

    "It's suppose to be thicker," Mae Ri said. "At least I think my mom's is," she ladled up some of the watery liquid.

    "What're you making," I asked.

    "Kkamjjakiya," they both said in unison as they jump away from me.

    "Mian," I apologized and stepped back.

    "Lily," Mae Ri shrieked and hugged me. I had the same reaction as earlier, I hesitated as she wrapped her arms around me. I squeezed my eyes shut and repressed the urge to push her away. She was my friend, I told myself. I did hug her back but with considerably less enthusiasm than she was hugging me.

    "Mae Ri-ya," I did finally pull her back but I did so as gently as I could.

    "Lily how are you feeling, are you ok," she started looking me up and down as if I'd have a gaping wound somewhere she could check. The only gaping wound was the one in my heart, I thought miserably.

    "I'm ok," I said and tried to smile. "I'm ok," I repeated as if to convince not only her but myself as well.

    "I was so worried," Mae Ri's eyes started to water. Uh-oh...

    "Aniyo, hajima, hajima," I pointed my finger in her face which she looked at and her eyes went cross-eyed trying to see it. "No more crying, you cry and I'll cry and we're not doing that."

    "Geurae," she sniffled but was able to keep her eyes relatively dry.

    "Where's Jong Hwa," Ji Soo asked and it was the first time I looked at him. He had on no accessories, that was my first thought. No earrings or necklace, I looked down at his hands and they too, were accessory free. Man, Ji Soo must be really feeling out of sorts, I thought. His hair was pulled back in a ponytail, not that it was long enough to even have a "tail" but there you go.

    "We had--" No I wasn't going to tell Ji Soo what happened. Jong Hwa would do that for me anyway. "I think he's still in the guest bedroom." I looked away so I didn't have to see Ji Soo's accusatory eyes. I'd hurt Jong Hwa and Ji Soo was bound to take his side, as he should, I told myself. They were friends way before I came into the picture and it was only right.

    "Go check on him," Mae Ri said to Ji Soo and he didn't need to be told twice before he was gone from the kitchen.

I wanted to run, the need was so strong that I almost took a step towards the front door. I gripped my hands together and forced myself to stand still. I was making things worse for everyone and I should just leave them alone but I had nowhere to go. I couldn't even move into the dorms until tomorrow. I had nowhere--

    "Lily," Mae Ri's voice broke through my inner thoughts.

    "Hmm," I looked at her and attempted to relax my grip on my hands.

    "I asked if you wanted to help me cook breakfast," she said. She looked unsure of herself which was a new experience. Mae Ri was also confident, or at least she'd always been with me.

    "Sure," I nodded and smiled at her despite my anxiety. Cooking calmed me, I knew that, and it was exactly what I needed. "What're we making," I asked.

    "Ji Soo said we should make chicken porridge," she said and put the soup ladle back in the pot to stir.

    "Have you started the rice," I asked her and looked around the kitchen.

    "Umm," Mae Ri looked around too, probably hoping that maybe Ji Soo had done it.

I laughed at her expression and it felt good. Mae Ri relaxed enough to chuckle too.

    "Ok, let's pull out two cups of rice," I took the ladle from her and took stock of the soup itself. They'd at least started boiling the chicken in water but hadn't added anything else to the water.

In a matter of ten minutes, I'd had the food preparation back on track and I personally felt better. Dr. Lee came in after that and asked me to see him in his office. I left a few instructions with Mae Ri for the food and followed Dr. Lee into his office.

    "Here are the antidepressants," he said and handed me a bottle. "Take one with breakfast and," he looked at me. "Well, you know the drill." His attempt at being humorous fell flat but I gave him a smile anyway.

    "Dr. Lee," I started to say something but he groaned.

    "Please call me Abeonim, I don't want to feel like a doctor in my own home," he said.

I refrained from looking around his home office but I don't think the reality was lost on either of us. In fact, he laughed at my obvious attempt of staying quiet.

    "You know, Lily," his voice took on a serious note and he looked at me closely. "What your father did was terrible and it was wrong."

Once again, I had to fight the urge to run.

    "I just want you to know that. I also wanted to tell you that you always have a place to stay here, you are always welcome," he put his hands in his pockets and looked around his office. "I know you would probably feel more comfortable at Mae Ri's or even Jong Hwa's house but I just wanted to make sure you knew you had a place here too."

I nodded, eager to get out of the room that was starting to become too stuffy.

He sighed, "I hear you're suppose to move into a dormitory tomorrow," he said. I nodded. "What time, I can take you over there," he offered.

    "No, it's okay. I can take a bus," I said. Last thing I needed was to burden myself to Dr. Lee.

    "I insist," Dr. Lee said in a tone that meant no arguments and Korean etiquette had me silently accepting his offer even though I had no desire to take it.

    "Ne," I nodded.

    "Okay," he gave me a concerned look but didn't say anything else before waving me out of the room. I bowed to him respectfully and all but fled the tiny office.

It was another hour before the food was finished cooking. Mae Ri and I spooned the chicken and rice porridge into bowls and placed them on the table and then came the side dishes--which Mae Ri had actually done herself. She'd boasted saying she was an expert at making the side dishes because she did it all the time at home, she just never made the actual meal. I teased her about learning her future wifely duties and the bantering that ensued felt just like our normal selves.

    "You grab the boys and I'll get Abeonim," Mae Ri said and immediately headed towards Dr. Lee's office.

A shadow passed over my good mood as I walked towards the back bedroom. What would Jong Hwa be like? Would he push me away and not want to be my friend after the harsh things I'd said to him earlier? Isn't that what you want? No...Yes...ugh, I didn't know. I knocked gently on the door and pushed it open.

Ji Soo and Jong Hwa were lying on the bed together except Ji Soo was laying on his back and Jong Hwa was on his side facing the window--looking away from me. Ji Soo saw me walk in and instantly threw a finger in front of his lips and figuratively "shushed" me. Jong Hwa must have been asleep, thankfully, he'd looked terrible earlier.

Ji Soo slowly got up from the bed and tiptoed his way to the door. We backed up and shut the door quietly so as not to wake up Jong Hwa. "How-how is he?" I asked but I wasn't entirely sure I wanted the answer.

    "Why don't you ask him when he wakes up," Ji Soo said in a kind voice but I still felt like I was hit with cold water.

I followed behind Ji Soo as he walked back towards the kitchen. Mae Ri and Dr. Lee were both sitting at the table and talking about something excitedly.

    "But then I thought why not make them twins and he could fall in love with both the bad and the--" Mae Ri turned as we came into the room. "Where's Jong Hwa?"

    "He's sleeping," Ji Soo pulled out the chair across the way from Mae Ri which left me no other place to sit but either across from Dr. Lee or next to him. I chose the former. "This looks good," he said while looking at the food.

    "I just put together the side dishes, Lily made everything else," Mae Ri chimed in and pushed the kimchi dish towards Ji Soo who took a piece eagerly.

    "Hmm, baegopa*," he said and dug into his porridge.

    "Meogeojuseyo*," I nodded my head at Dr. Lee and waited to pick up my spoon until after he picked up his. Mae Ri had already started eating.

    "So what were you guys talking about," Ji Soo asked while looking between his father and Mae Ri.

    "My screenplay," Mae Ri said excitedly between bites.

    "Which one is this now," Ji Soo asked like he truly cared.

As Mae Ri talked about the current mini-drama she was writing, I picked at my food. I was hungry, I knew I was hungry but I also knew that my stomach was in so many knots that the idea of food only made me more queasy.

    "I'm going to bring Jong Hwa a bowl so he has something to eat when he wakes up," I announced timidly. All their heads turned in my direction and I wished I hadn't said anything at all.

    "Ok," Ji Soo said after a moment. "Here," he used his chopsticks to put some bean sprouts on top of the porridge. "He likes these," was all he said.

I nodded and took the bowl towards the back bedroom where Jong Hwa was sleeping. I wondered if they could tell I just wanted to be alone. Or rather, that I just wanted to be with Jong Hwa.

***

Jong Hwa...

I'd been awake for about ten minutes when the door quietly opened. Thinking it was Ji Soo again checking in on me I didn't even bother opening my eyes. I needed time to think about the things he'd told me about Lily's history before I confronted Lily herself and I wasn't really looking forward to company. Looking back on our argument this morning, it made perfect sense why Lily had seemed so confused, even her cold words made sense in retrospect. Even understanding what was going on I still had no idea how to help her other than to not allow her to push me away but at what expense? I just knew one thing; Lily could push me away all she wanted but I'd never leave her by herself. After what her father and mother did, it was what she expected me to do and I wouldn't do it.

I almost jerked upright when I felt something cool touch my hand but instead I stayed still and silent. I knew without even opening my eyes that it was Lily. No one else would touch me while I was "sleeping" and under normal circumstances, neither would Lily.

From the sound of her movements, I could hear her settle herself on the floor all the while holding my hand loosely in hers. I wanted so badly to open my eyes and look at her but figured if I did that, she'd run from the room faster than I'd have a chance to even see her face so I stayed silent.

    "Joesonghaeyo*," she whispered. She leaned forward and rested her forehead on the back of my hand and it almost killed me not to move. I don't know why she was apologizing but I wanted to tell her whatever it was, it didn't matter.

I would have stayed still for the rest of my life if I thought that it would help her but unfortunately the moment was over almost as soon as it began but it was all the encouragement I needed to build my resolve. I would bring Lily back to herself no matter what it took.

To Be Continued...

~~~
*Seonsaengnim: "Teacher"

*Baegopa: "I'm Hungry"

*Meogeojuseyo "Meogeo" means "Eat' and "Juseyo" is tacked on to infer the word "Please"

*Joesonghaeyo: The formal version of "Mianhaeyo" but it means "I"m Sorry" with implied importance

Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Twelve

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Twelve

Jong Hwa...

I hadn't slept for very long, about an hour or so. My mind was alert but my body felt like I had exhausted it to the brink and I knew I had. I sighed as quietly as I could as I leaned against the wall of the guest bedroom. I'd come in to see if Lily was awake but she was still sleeping. I hoped she stayed like that for awhile or at least long enough for me to figure out what to do.

How could her father just shut her out like that? The memory still made me angry. He had looked so cold and uncaring when he shut the door. I was glad I moved Lily at the last minute because her father would have broken her hand with he force he used to shut the door in her face. I squeezed my eyes shut and let that thought go, it wasn't going to help Lily now. I'd stayed up all night, worrying over her and even more so after she'd briefly woken up and screamed my name. I'd been afraid to sleep just in case she needed me again.

I touched my chest, the spot over my heart and rubbed it to help ease the pain. The second I mentioned the depression her face had closed down. A few minutes before she'd been touching my face and telling me how handsome I was and then she'd just...pulled away. For the first time I cursed myself for speaking English. If I'd known that one day I would have to translate something for her that could ultimately cost me her friendship, I would never have asked her to teach me in the first place.

I walked quietly over to the side of the bed and watched her sleep. She looked normal now; there was no evidence of the trauma she'd experienced or the after affects. I would do whatever it took to make her feel better. Abeonim said that it might take a few days or even a few weeks for the trauma to subside and for her recovery to begin, that was the problem with emotional trauma, it wasn't biological. Emotional trauma only worked itself through at the behest of the victim and their willingness to move on.

I didn't see any reason for Lily to not want to move on but then again, that was before I'd learned about her history with depression. It bothered me that she'd never told me; I'd always felt like she told me everything but it was very obvious from her reaction earlier that she'd had no intention of revealing this side of herself. Did she think it would make me change my opinion of her? Was she ashamed? Depression wasn't uncommon, I mean we all had depressing times in our lives, right? Maybe her's had been harder to bare than most. Scratch that, of course it had. She'd even told me once how hard it had been to move from Germany to Korea and I wasn't as blind as that I couldn't see the effect her mother's abandonment had had on her. And now her father...

I shook my head as all these thoughts swam around. I didn't even know where to begin to fix her. No, I told myself. She wasn't broken, just-just bruised a bit. Lily was strong, she had to be to come to Korea and made a life for herself. She'd become fluent in the Korean language in six months. She self taught herself how to use chopsticks during lunchtime and never hid her face if someone teased her for her nationality. She'd adapted, she was an adapter and I had no reason to think she wouldn't adapt now and it wasn't like she was alone. She had me. No, don't think like that, I told myself. She had us; Mae Ri, Ji Soo and I, she had all of us to help her.

I just needed to make sure she knew that when she woke up. I reached down and moved a stray strand of hair off her forehead. I nearly jumped back in shock when her eyes opened wide and stared straight up at me.

***

Lily...

I had been fighting against consciousness but could no longer ignore that I was slowly waking  up. Especially not when someone touched my forehead. My body froze but my eyes opened wide to see who was there.  Jong Hwa was staring down at me and looked pretty guilty.

I was so happy to see him but I couldn't let him know that. My hand tingled with the need to reach out and touch his skin. I tried to get angry about being so dependent upon his presence but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wasn't sure if that was because it was Jong Hwa or because I was just too exhausted to even make the attempt.

I sat up even though I felt like lying in bed all day. I couldn't have been asleep for every long based off the sun that was still streaming through the window. I looked back at Jong Hwa, who hadn't moved since I opened my eyes. He didn't look much better than he had before but his eyes weren't as red.

    "Did you get some sleep," I asked quietly, unsure of my own voice.

    "A little," he shrugged like it didn't matter but it mattered to me.

    "Stop worrying about me and go get some sleep," I blearily gestured towards the door. "I'm fine," I said without gumption.

    "Liar," he said. "You think I don't know you?" He pushed his hand through his hair and I finally realized why his hair was in such disarray. "I know you're not fine," he muttered.

    "You're right, my head--" I stopped. How could I possibly even describe how I was feeling to him? I didn't even understand it myself. "My head is all messed up and I'm feelings things I've never felt before, I just--" I shrugged and just stopped. There was no way I could describe the confusion I felt.

    "What are you feeling," he asked me.

    "It's nothing," I waved it off. I'd shown him enough of my dark side that I didn't feel like pulling him in any farther. I was lucky he was still here even after everything that happened earlier.

    "Stop pushing me away," he forced out. He let out a frustrated breath and only made me feel worse. I'd made him this way, it was my fault.

    "I have too," I retaliated. My voice came out loud and I quickly looked at the door. I expected someone to come but no one did. "I have too," I told him in a quieter voice.

    "Why, why do you have too," he asked me eagerly. He was trying to understand, I could see that but my muddled brain kept telling me he'd never understand and honestly, how could he? Who would understand this? Even I didn't understand this, whatever 'this' was!

I clutched my temples just trying to get my brain to make sense. I needed Jong Hwa so why was I pushing him away? I needed him like I needed my next breath so why was I torturing myself? Because he didn't need me like I needed him. He'd never need me like I needed him and it wasn't fair to drag him down with me. That's right. I forced this upon him and Jong Hwa was just such a good person that he was allowing me to drag him with me. Just look what I'd done, I told myself. Look at his face, I did that, I thought. He was looking at me in confusion, waiting for me to answer, I supposed. He looked tired, so, so tired. He couldn't even sleep because of me.

    "Why do you have to push me away," he asked me again, pleading this time.

    "Because I need you too much," I looked down and told my hands. I couldn't bare to look at his face. "I feel like the world doesn't make sense if you're not in the same room as me. I feel like I'm never safe unless you're around. It isn't fair to you," I sucked in a breath, tears were already building in the back of my eyes. I felt shame, I felt so ashamed for saying this to him. "I've never been dependent on anyone, for any reason. Because of--" I took a breath. "Because of last night I have become so dependent on you and I can't help it. I know it's an effect of the shock but it doesn't mean it's okay."

    "It's ok to depend on people," Jong Hwa said and reached out to me but I shuffled away from his hand. I was afraid that if he touched me now, I'd give in and cling to him.

    "No, it's not." I shook my head and stood up on the other side of the bed so now the bed was between Jong Hwa and I. "They just leave," I whispered mostly to myself.

    "Lily--"

    "I don't want to depend on you," I said forcefully. "I hate myself for depending on you."

Jong Hwa sucked in a breath.

    "I'm sorry, Jong Hwa, but that's the truth," I said and looked away from his face.

    "Is it so bad to depend on me," he asked quietly.

No! I wanted to yell, I wanted to tell him that I loved that I could depend on him. I loved that he'd never let me down. But then I had the creeping thought: you never thought your mother would let you down either. And she had. She'd let me down so much. And now, with my father... I didn't think I'd live through it if Jong Hwa let me down. I wouldn't give him the chance...

    "Yes," I finally said. I turned around and left Jong Hwa standing in the bedroom by himself. I found the bathroom and locked myself in. I grabbed the hand towel off the counter and covered my mouth with it as I finally let the tears fall. I'd never cried so hard in my life.

***

Ji Soo...

I knocked on my dad's office door just in case he was on the phone with a patient. He called me in almost immediately and I pushed open the door to go inside. I always felt overwhelmed when I walked into my dad's home office. He had certificates and degrees on his wall along with all his academic achievements and I couldn't help being proud of all the work my father had accomplished in his fifty years of life.

I also felt overwhelmed because his office was cramped full of filing cabinets which accounted for the lack of space, well, that and the U-shaped desk he used. There was just enough space to walk comfortable around the desk but the filing cabinets had to be opened from the side since there was no more room.

    "Just one second while I finish this email," my father said as he clicked the keys on the keyboard. When he was done he turned to me and smiled, "What do you need?"

    "Abeoji," I had a fifty-fifty chance that my father would deny my request but I wanted to give it a try anyway. "What's going on with Lily," I asked him.

    "You know if I tell you it's a violation of doctor-patient confidentiality," he told me.

    "I know," I admitted. "Think you could tell me anyway?"

    "Ji Soo," he warned.

    "Think of it as training," I said quickly. "You could present it as a case study, you've done those with me before," I finished. It wasn't uncommon for my father to put a file on my desk and tell me my thoughts on it. He knew I wanted to become a doctor although I had no idea what field I'd enter so he habitually put different types of cases on my desk for me to look through and see what peaked my interest. They were just redacted copies of real patients.

    "My sneaky son," my father chuckled and I knew I'd won.

    "I just want to help, she's my friend," I admitted. I didn't know how much I'd be able to help but maybe if I had some insider knowledge, then maybe I could tell Jong Hwa what to do, he'd be the most help to her anyway.

    "I know, I know, I know," my father waved me off. He thought it over for a moment but eventually gestured for me to sit down. I did what I normally did when I came into this office and sat on the edge of his desk.  "What do you want to know," he asked me.

    "Well, first off, what happened?" I was still unclear on that whole subject. I'd been listening earlier when he explained it to Lily but I was still fuzzy on a few details.

    "It's called emotional trauma," my father took a breath and I could see him flipping through the encyclopedia that was his brain as he tried to find the words to describe the condition. "It's exactly what it sounds like. The patient suffers some traumatizing event that sends their system into chaos. It could be anything from a death of a family member, an accident, or, in Lily's case, the feeling of total abandonment."

I nodded to indicated I was following along.

    "It says in Lily's file that her mother left when she was sixteen, right after they moved to Korea," my father pinched the bridge of his nose. "That's when Lily's symptoms first started. She started to become more withdrawn, it says her father noticed that she rarely left her bedroom except to buy groceries. For awhile he assumed it was because she was in a foreign country but he realized it was something more when she stopped talking to him altogether. For all intents and purposes, she'd become a mute," the person my father was describing was completely unknown to me. It wasn't the Lily I'd met or the Lily I'd grown to know and befriend. "Eventually her father took her in to get evaluated and that's when she started seeing a therapist. He prescribed her antidepressants and she began to improve," my father continued.

    "When was that," I asked, curious. Lily rarely spoke about her first few months here. I knew she hadn't started school right away but that was all I knew about those early days.

    "Ah," my father turned around at his desk and picked up a file. He opened it and began paging through the information. "She came to Korea in November of 2010," he said and continued to peruse the sheet.

If Lily came to Korea at the end of 2010, then she'd been here a full four months before she started at SFLHS, and another six months before she joined the regular classes. Four months before she'd even met Jong Hwa, it made me wonder even more about how she'd spent those four months.

    "It says the therapist started noticing improvement around March and April," my dad said as he continued to look through her file.

So she'd started to improve right after she'd met Jong Hwa, it just further proved that Jong Hwa would be the one to help her now. For some reason, that news reassured me.

    "She had her last therapy appointment in October, 2011 and stopped taking the antidepressants in December of that same year," my father finished.

    "Ok, so she became depressed after her mom left and then she got better, right," I said trying to make sure I understood what he was saying.

    "It's not that simple, Ji Soo," my father said. "She'd felt abandoned; her mother left her with a father who was constantly disrupting her life by moving her and it sounds like he was pretty neglectful based off some of Lily's recorded statements. Her file states she felt "alone", "forgotten", "burdensome". She displayed emotions such as self-loathing and and guilt for the role she played in her parent's lives. She blamed herself for her mother's departure and attempted to make herself as invisible as possible," my father explained and I began to realize that Lily had had a harder time than we'd ever predicted. "On top of all that, she was in a new country with a completely new language and she felt even more isolated."

    "But it also says in her file that she'd met some friends," my father looked up at me. "I would imagine that was Jong Hwa, Mae Ri and yourself," he said. "She eventually showed signs of appreciating her self worth and the therapist saw her fit and able to stop taking the antidepressants. So, as you can imagine, if her mother's absence made her feel all that, what do you think her father's departure will do?"

    "Aish," I rubbed my face. Helping Lily was going to be harder than I'd thought.

    "Smart boy," my father sighed. "I would imagine Lily will go through exactly what she went through before but on a deeper level because now both her parent's are gone, she's more alone than ever. She's going to withdraw, she's going to have feelings of self-loathing and she is going to push everyone away but due to the emotional shock, it's going to pull her in two completely different directions."

    "What do you mean," I asked, confused.

    "In most cases, when someone loses someone and the end result is emotional shock, it causes that person to attach themselves to someone who is close to them. I believe this has already happened," my father said.

I thought about my father's words and understood almost immediately, "Jong Hwa."

    "Exactly," my father confirmed. "I believe Lily has emotionally anchored herself to Jong Hwa and will want to be with him at all times in order to feel safe, in order to feel like she's not alone but her father's actions have compounded the issues of abandonment that Lily already harbored from three years ago."

    "So she's going to want to push Jong Hwa away," I said. "Push him away and still want him near." Oh man, this just got messier and messier by the minute.

    "Take it a step further, Ji Soo," my father prompted.

Take it a step further? I thought over everything we'd talked about. "She's going to push everyone away, she's going to seclude herself. She's going to feel guilty," at this point I was just speculating until I came to the conclusion my father had already reached. "She'll think it's her fault that her father and mother left, she's going to think everyone will leave her eventually but at the same time, she's going to want to stay near people, or at least Jong Hwa, that'll be the shock. She's going to be pulled in both directions," I kept going back and forth, it was enough to make anyone... "Crazy," I said out loud.

My father nodded, "I wouldn't be surprised if Lily had a complete mental break unless we're able to pull her out of her trauma as soon as we can. It's why I wanted to start her on the antidepressants as soon as possible, maybe if we can get the medication into her system before the emotional shock wears off, we can nip this in the bud before she breaks down."

    "How long until the emotional shock wears off," I asked but not entirely sure I wanted the answer.

    "It could be a few weeks, a couple of months," he said. "Or it could be days."

    "Days?" That, I thought to myself, was hardly any time at all. I thought back to another case study my father had me read awhile back about a patient suffering from depression.  I knew that antidepressants could take anywhere from four to six weeks to start to work and that was only if they'd found an antidepressant that worked. Sometimes antidepressants backfired and made the patient feel worse, even suicidal.

    "I'm afraid so," my father admitted after a beat.

To Be Continued...