You learn a lot a out yourself when you think about hurting yourself. I can laugh at it nowadays even though at the time, it felt terrible.
Here's an example: Whats the difference between someone purposefully burning themselves and those who purposefully cutting themselves? The end result is the same right? Pain.
Well any woman who has given birth will tell you there are different levels of pain. Hell, I suppose a man who has ever been kicked in the testicles, will tell you there are different levels of pain. To me, this is fact--unless you are one of the people with the rare disorder Congenital Insensitivity to Pain w/anhidrosis, or CIPA. Then...obviously you dont feel pain.
Its not very different with Burning or Cutting--it brings on pain as a way of--for some people like me--releasing built up emotion that is otherwise unable to find an outlet.
But burning lasts longer and hurts more than cutting. Cutting is a sharp pain--fire leaves more of a duller, slow pain. But not even just the pain that goes intobconsideration. There's the aftercare!
If we are discussing those who do not cut with the intention of killing themselves, cutting is the easier way to go. Its a sharp, quick pain that merely hurts for a few hours. Burns are not quite so easy. Burns automatically sends the "area of damage" into lockdown, crisis mode in the sense that it enlists the immune system into helping take care of the burned skin. The healing starts immediately but takes days to finish. Burns are also more susceptible to infection. At any moment, necrotizing fascitiis (or skin eating bacteria) could be on our skin and if you get that little guy in your burned area--well you might as well say goodbye to your appendage and if you dont catch it in time, you might just say goodbye to your life.
Because the body is having to regrow several milimeters of new skin, which has 5 layers in and of itself , the spot becomes tender for much longer than that of a razor cut.
Most people choose to have a quicker healing process. I, for example, needed to heal quickly so I could hide it better. Not to mention, I didnt want to deal with the medicinal care that burns require. Nope, slice and dice, get my emotional-release fix and Im on my way.
Not very many people understand cutting besides those who have taken part in it but let me assure you, we do get something out of it. Its akin to taking a deep breath and saying "Whoo-saaa". However, the feeling and reasons behind cutting differ for everyone.
I promised mh husband many years ago--never thought Id be in a relationship long enough to say "many years ago" but that is a pure sign of me getting older--anywho, I promised my husband that I wouldn't cut anymore. I have relapsed a couple timea over the past eight years but have (for the most part) kept my end of the bargain.
I have found an alternative! Tattoos! Same level of pain, same level of emotional release but eirh artwork instead of scars. Ive also heard of "scarification"--the act of slicing the skin with the intention of decorative scarring.
That would be a long way off because I very much doubt that when my husband said "We'll discuss it in the future" that he actually had any intention of letting me allow someone to purposefully cut my skin.
I suppose by now I sound positively insane. *shrugs* Im not but then again, I suppose every insane person denies their insanity.
Maybe thinking that we arent insane is insanity itself.
Fuck philosphy. I took it in college my first semester. Surprised the heck out of me when I passed. Math, on the other hand, I had to take twice. But not philosophy.
My father told me I should be a psychologist because I have pretty good insight but I think all psycologists are either 1) have spent their life trying to self-diagnose themselves; and/or 2) are trying to hide their own fucked up nature.
I put little to no stock in it, depending on the subject. If we are talking actual mental development issues, Im all for using psycology as a way for helping people. If we are talking about why "mommy/daddy didnt love me"-type situations, then please leave me out of it.
Which type of psycologist do you think are in my family?
Yup, that about sums it up.
-Aunnie
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