Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Fifteen

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Fifteen

Chan Min insisted on buying my uniform himself rather than letting me use what little allowance I was afforded on the uniform. I had to admit, I was grateful because the price of the uniform would have eaten all but a few won from my allowance and I would have been stuck with nothing until next month. That’s if I couldn’t find a job first, I told myself. I still held hope that someone would hire me but I needed to keep looking. Chan Min wanted to take me around to buy more stuff but I insisted that I needed to get back to the dorms and he reluctantly drove me back.

    “If you need anything, you will call me,” Chan Min said sternly which, admittedly, wasn’t very frightening, what with his glasses being slightly askew, but I gave him kudos for trying. The glasses reminded me of Jong Hwa and I idly wondered what he was doing. Had he left Ji Soo's house yet and gone home? Not for the first time I wished my father hadn't turned my phone off. Had it been on, I don't know if I would have called Jong Hwa but I knew that I wanted too.

I had been mean this morning by not leaving him a note or saying goodbye in person. At the time it had seemed like a good idea, a clean split if you will, after the last two terrible days but now I was only filled with regret. So much regret, I thought, as it settled like a lump in my throat.

    "Lily," Chan Min said my name questioningly and I was pulled back to reality. "Are you okay?"

    “Of course,” I said even though I knew it was a blatant lie. I had asked for help today because it was a matter of survival and I would most likely ask for help again under the same condition but as far as letting anyone get close to me any more, well...let's just say my father had killed that dream for me. 

He said goodbye and I waited until he’d driven out of sight before I headed down the street in the opposite direction than I’d taken earlier. I’d seen my options on the east side of the dorms but now I needed to scope the west side. As long as it was within walking distance, I would pretty much accept any job at this point, that’s how desperate I was. I was also hoping I could find a cellular store down this way as well.

It was only after two hours of searching that I realized how dismal my options truly were. I found a delivery place that was hiring but nothing else. I hadn't taken note of the neighborhood when I first arrived but now I had time to observe my surrounding streets and it was pretty. I assumed that when my mother talked about growing up in the 'ghetto' of Minnesota that it looked a lot like this. Of course, my idea of a ghetto was far different considering I'd had most of my education in Germany and there, well, history had a different description of the word.

The neighborhood looked like it was borderline impoverish with buildings that looked bleak and dirty. It bustled with the movement of people but there was a lot of idle people-watching from some very sketchy looking characters. Of course it was Sunday so most people didn't have to be at work so that might account for the lack of purpose in most people's movement but it still had made me uncomfortable. At least on the east side of town it hadn't been so bad or so...creepy. I was really questioning whether I wanted that delivery job or not.

I walked back towards the dorms and by now it was already well past sundown and I was almost sure I had missed dinner so I stopped at a nearby gas station to pick up a couple snacks. I hadn’t noticed how hungry I was until I bit into the red bean bun I bought. Normally I wasn’t a huge fan of red beans but it tasted delicious today and it was gone within seconds. I took out my list of priorities and crossed off the few I’d been able to get today and decided I would run past the two places that were hiring tomorrow to see if one of them would give me a job. Of course, that would be after school, I sighed. I may not have switched countries this time but once again I was starting at a new school and dreaded it just the same.

I walked back to the dorms and bypassed everyone in lieu of getting to my room as soon as possible. I opened the door to my room and noticed it was empty, which I silently thanked the Gods for. I took the alone time to change back into my gym clothes and wrapped my jeans into my t-shirt and threw it on top of my bunk as a makeshift pillow since I denied the bed sheets Chan Min had suggested buying earlier. I put my jacket back on and carefully climbed the shaky stepladder in my slippers and curled up for the night.

I hadn’t realized I was asleep until I was woken up by the whispered mutterings of my roommate.

    “No, it’s weird. She doesn’t even have a blanket. She has her backpack and as far as I can see, that’s it,” Emily loudly whispered into her cellphone. She waited to hear the reply from whoever she was talking to on the other side of the line. “No, I didn’t ask her, why would I?” More silence, “Who cares?”

    “I can hear you, you know,” I muttered.

    “Look Jaina, I gotta go,” she said and hung up. “I thought you were sleeping.”

    “Kind of hard with you yapping away,” I said and was totally okay with how rude I sounded.

    “Excuse me,” she sounded affronted.

    “I don’t care if you talk about me, but at least have the decency to leave the room first,” I told her.

    “Whatever,” she responded and all I could do was roll my eyes. Yeah, because that was a staggeringly good response, I thought. It was hard to fall asleep after that but eventually, after Emily went to bed herself, I was finally able to sleep.

***

I felt like I’d only been asleep for a few minutes when Emily’s alarm went off in the morning and she grumbled as she descended to the ground level. She opened her small closet door and took out what looked to be a basket and left the room. Figuring she was going to shower, I took the time to descend and change into the uniform. I had to admit, these uniforms were much better than my old ones because at least they weren't tan. They were dark blue with a white border on the lapels. SFLHS hadn't required a tie or bow for the girls but this school did and because I hated the idea of something around my neck, I opted for a loose fitting tie style rather than a bow. The skirt hung a little longer on the legs and was pleated. The only bad part was I no longer had any nylons to go with the uniform so instead I had to bare-leg it. I mentally added nylons to my list of priorities. I checked my watch and realize I still had a little over an hour before the bus would be downstairs to pick us all up.

I  used that time to get breakfast and found it mostly empty of people. There were a few people sitting at one of the tables but I paid them no attention as I picked up a tray. The buffet offered things like eggs, bacon, and limpy looking pancakes, all of which I ignored in lieu of oatmeal and an apple. I snagged a small carton of orange juice and situated myself at the back of the cafeteria and away from everyone else.

I was about halfway through my oatmeal when a tray clattered to the table in front of me and I was broken out of my peaceful reverie. I glanced up only to find Brian sitting down in front of me.

    “Morning, Newbie,” he smiled and I barely refrained from cringing. I could see it now, by the end of the day everyone would be calling me Newbie. “Why are you sitting over here,” he asked me.

Because I’d like to be alone, I thought but said “No reason.”

    “You aren’t one of those girls are you,” he asked me with a cocked eyebrow as he stuffed a whole piece of bacon into his mouth.

    “’Those’ girls?” I regretted the question as soon as it was out of my mouth.

    “You know, loner types, the mysterious girl that everyone wonders about,” he wiggled his fingers when he said ‘mysterious’ and I couldn’t hold back my annoyance.

    “You mean the type that like to be left alone,” I asked.

    “Is he bothering you,” a newcomer asked and I looked over Brian’s shoulder to see Derek coming up from the buffet line.

This morning just got better and better, I thought bleakly to myself.

    “Nah, just getting to know the Newbie,” Brian said between bites of pancake and bacon.

    “Don’t call her that,” Derek scolded lightly.

    “Thank you,” I said in his direction and went back to eating. Aside from getting up and walking away from these two and leaving the cafeteria entirely, I wasn’t going to be able to avoid the stares that were already being directed my way from the other table of students so I might as well ride it out until I was done eating. Just because they were sitting here didn’t mean I had to talk, I told myself.

    “You ready for your first day,” Derek asked me while he started eating his own plate of food.

Of course, if I was asked a direct question, it would only be rude of me not to answer and even though I didn’t want to interact with these people, I didn’t want to be overtly rude either so I answered his question, “Sure.”

    “You don’t sound all that excited,” Brian commented.

    “It’s not my first time at a new school, or my second, or third for that matter. The excitement tends to lessen as times goes on,” I responded blandly and spooned the last bit of oatmeal into my mouth.

    “Yeah but you’re in a different country, doesn’t that make you nervous,” Derek asked.

    “Like I said yesterday,” I stood up, prepared to take my leave. “I’ve been living in Korea for three years. I think my first day will be infinitely less nerve-wracking than yours was,” out of habit I nodded my head in their direction and left the table. I’ll finish my apple in the commons area, I decided.

No one bothered me after that and I was able to board the bus in peace, except for the background noise. I would have given anything to have my iPod at the moment just to—wait a minute, I thought. I desperately grabbed at my backpack and opened the small pocket on the side. I wanted to cry as soon as I saw the white cord of the headphones, it was the best thing that had happened to me in as many days. I pulled out the iPod and slipped the ear buds in my ears. The sound of VIXX in my ears almost brought another wave of tears, I could drown everyone out now, or at least until my battery died, I remembered. My iPod cord had been plugged into my laptop back at the apartment which had assumingly been packed up and sent back to the States with my father. Well, that was great, I thought. I’d just have to pick up another one.

The bus ride was short, thankfully, and I was halfway to the front entrance when someone grabbed my elbow and swung me around hard enough to dislodge the earbuds from my ears and I took a quick step back from whoever had done it.

    “Don’t,” I said loudly enough for the people near me to look in my direction. Derek was standing opposite of me looking confused. “Don’t ever touch me again.”

    “I’m-I’m sorry, I just—“ he lowered his hand and did truly look sorry. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I needed to tell you that you need to go to the Administration’s Office before you come to class. I forgot to tell you that yesterday,” he finished lamely.

    “Thank you,” I said tensely and walked away from him and towards the entrance.

Unlike the first time I transferred to a Korean school, I no longer had problems reading the placards and found the Admin’s office fairly quickly. The woman registered my file, took a photo for my student I.D., walked me to the library to pick up my required text books and escorted me to class. When she knocked on the door, I prepared to give another introductory speech, one that would be better than my last attempt.

    “Students, this is our new student, Ms. Lily Smith,” The teacher said in perfect English despite her relatively thick accent. “Lily, won’t don’t you tell us a little about yourself.”

Here goes nothing, I thought. “Annyeonghaseyo Yeoreobun, Jeoneun Ril-Li-imnida,” I spoke the rest of my introduction in Korean and watched as the faces changed from idly curiosity to amazement as I spoke in clear and concise Korean. "I moved to Korea almost four years ago. I transferred here from Seoul Foreign Language High School and my only goal is to finish high school in Korea without incident. Thank you."

    The teacher let out a nervous chuckle, "Well, that is impressive, Lily but," she awkwardly patted my shoulder. "You might you want repeat that all in English. This classroom is English oriented so Korean is rarely used and only during the Korean teaching lesson."

Oh. I refrained from sighing and repeated everything I'd said in English. Here I'd been thinking I could avoid any awkwardness and not only had I just walked into an already awkward situation but then I'd compiled it by trying to avoid it. After I'd finished, the teacher ushered me to a desk that was near the back and effectively moved on with her lesson plan. 

For the first time since I’d left Ji Soo’s yesterday, I missed my friends. I could picture Mae Ri, clear as day, sitting in front of me twisting the end of her hair around her finger as she listened to the teacher talk. I could only imagine what her outfit looked like today. Ji Soo would be sitting in his classroom by now doing only God knew what. And Jong Hwa…if I closed my eyes, I could see him sitting at his desk looking intently at the teacher and taking in every word that the teacher spoke. Every once in a awhile he’d look down to hash out a few notes but then he’d be back to focusing on the teacher.

I didn’t notice I wasn’t paying attention until everyone began pulling out books from their backpacks and I had no idea what the teacher had said. I paid attention from that moment on and didn’t think about my friends after that. They were off doing their own thing at their own school and I was here and I couldn’t afford to waste time not paying attention, not when my entire livelihood was riding on my academic success.

***

The morning classes breezed by and I was happy to find out that my expensive education at SFLHS had paid off. We had been much farther ahead and although I felt like my final semester of high school would be a breeze, I didn’t want to get too cocky and let down my guard.

When the class was dismissed for lunch, I opted to head somewhere quiet rather than face my peer’s scrutiny. It seemed I wasn’t so lucky when Brian stopped me in the hallway, standing next to him was Derek and another girl I hadn’t met yet. She looked at me curiously. She had short brown hair that some how managed to be messy and cute at the same time. She looked rather small standing next to Brian and only reached about shoulder height. I hadn’t seen her around the dorm but then again, I hadn’t seen much of anyone really.

    “Newbie, the lunch room is over here,” he called after me when I’d gone in the opposite direction.

    “I wasn’t planning on going to the lunch room,” I said as I turned around.

    “Why not,” Derek asked, looking concerned.

    “I was attempting to be ‘mysterious’,” I put emphasis on the word and looked pointedly at Brian. There was a moments silence before Brian’s loud guffaw echoed down the hall.

    “Touché, touché,” he nodded as he said it. “Well you’re welcome to join us if you feel like not being mysterious.”

    “Duly noted,” I said.

    “You’re not even going to introduce us,” the girl said from in between the two boys. “Fine, I’ll do it myself.” She took a few steps forward and very boldly stuck her hand out for a handshake, “I’m Annabeth and you must be the new kid on the block.”

I debated weather to take her hand and opted for not being completely rude so I took it and introduced myself, “What tipped you off?”

She laughed openly,“That was quite an impressive speech you gave earlier, not that I understood a word of of the first part, mind you.” She smiled sweetly at me and let go of my hand. “You must have picked up Korean really quickly."

    “Well, like I said, I’ve been living in Korea for three years, kind of had to learn it to survive.” I informed her. She didn’t seem so bad, I thought.

    “Really,” She sounded impressed and looked back at the two boys. “Looks like I found my new language tutor,” she looked back at me and sidled up next to me. “I struggle over the littlest pronunciations but you obviously have them down pat,” she hooked her arm with mine and started walking towards the lunch room and I had no choice but to go with her. I glanced at the boys after we walked past them, hoping they’d offer me some assistance but Brian simply waved at me and Derek looked like it was better me than him.

    “Careful, she’s sneaky,” Brian whispered at me as Annabeth kept prattling on about the Korean language.

Needless to stay I spent the entire lunch period sitting next to Annabeth as she talked at me about everything she experienced since coming to Korea. Rather than finding her annoying, I found her to be a pleasant distraction from missing my friends. In between her ramblings, I tried to imagine what my friends would be doing right now. I’m sure Mae Ri was doing her own bit of rambling to Ji Soo and Jong Hwa about what Kdrama she’d seen the night before and Ji Soo and Jong Hwa would make noncommittal comments just to appease her. I smiled at the thought.

    “What,” Annabeth asked innocently.

    “It’s nothing, keep going,” I told her and she happily complied.

When lunch was over, Annabeth and I walked back to the classroom arm-in-arm which I assumed she did because she knew I'd just as soon as walk away from her than stay glued to her side as I currently was. However, her luck ran out as soon as we hit the classroom because my desk was clear across the room from hers. I disengaged from her arm as soon as I was able and took refuge at my desk until the teacher announced the start of class.

***

I had learned from my previous experiences at every school I had ever attended that there were several universal truths and one of them was this: when the school bell rang, the students all vacated their desk as soon as it was possible. It didn't matter if it was Spain, Germany or Korea, every student wanted out of the confines of school as soon as they could. I was no different, except that when the school bell rang, my first order of business wasn't to get up and leave the classroom, it was to immediately put headphones in my ears to avoid the awkward after-school-chatter. Back at SFLHS, it wasn't never an issue because I'd been with Jong Hwa, Mae Ri and Ji Soo but here was a totally different circumstance.

With the sound of Infinite's "Before the Dawn" playing in my ears, I packed up my backpack and left for the bus that would take me back to the dorms. I needed to run by the delivery place that was hiring as well as the gentleman's after hours club; I hoped one of them hired me otherwise I'd have to go farther than a mile out to find a job and that would be a lot of walking since I didn't want to use whatever money I had left stored on my bus card on anything that wasn't borderline emergent.

I didn't notice that Derek had been trying to catch my attention until he jumped in front of me. Annoyed, I pulled out my earbuds, "What?"

    "Sorry, it's just that you, um, told me not to touch you this morning and I didn't want to make you angry so," he stopped midsentence.

    "Okay," I dragged out the word indicating I was waiting for him to continue.

    "Well, we have an after school study hall, um, I was--we were wondering if you wanted to join," he asked and ran a hand through his hair. The gesture reminded me of Jong Hwa because it was his usual habit and I unconsciously softened my tone for what I said next.

    "Thank you for the offer, really, I can't," I said. "It's just that I've got these errands that absolutely need to be taken care of today. Rain check?"

    "Sure, yeah, sure," he smiled widely and nodded. "We meet Mondays and Wednesdays, just, you know, so you know," he finished.

    "Great, um, count me in," I cringed inwardly. The words had left my mouth before I could think to change them and now it was too late. Crap!

    "Awesome," he said and walked away.

 Double crap! Ugh, did I really just join a study hall group, I asked myself. Yep, I nodded, sure did.  I decided to blame Jong Hwa and his endearing mannerism. I sighed and logged it as a problem for another day.

***
Nearly two hours later, I walked out of the gentleman's club feeling like I'd finally won the lottery but only to find out that it was only for $20. The delivery place required a mode of transportation so I couldn't even apply but the gentleman's club had no such requirements. In fact, I left the building with the job but the only problem was--I had very little time to work with. The manager hired me with the understanding that I could work whenever I wanted during the day as long as I got the job done by the start of the business night. In order to do that, I'd have to work at the wee-hours of predawn since I'd be in school all day. My only saving grace was that the club was closed on Mondays and Tuesdays. That meant Wednesday through Friday I'd have to wake up around three in the morning just to clean the whole building by the time I needed to be back at the dorms to catch the bus to school.

My inner child wanted to sit on the floor and complain except I couldn't and it wouldn't help me even if I did. So instead, I walked back to my dorm and all the while making a schedule in my head. I hadn't been paying attention to anything around me until I hit the common room and heard my name shouted clear across the room.

I looked up to see the source of the voice and was nearly floored when I saw Mae Ri jump off one of the couches and come towards me. Actually, I was pretty sure my mouth had been hanging open because when Mae Ri swung her arms over my shoulders in a tight hug, her shoulder gentle nudged my mouth close. As if seeing Mae Ri wasn't astonishing enough, watching as my other two friends stroll over at a much slower pace had me looking around the room in confusion just to make sure I was, in fact, actually at my dorms.

    "Mae Ri-ya," I gentle hugged her back.

    "Bogoshipeo*," she whined into my ear and pulled back. "Jeongmal*!"

    "Na du*," Ji Soo said once he'd gotten closer and he reached out and squeezed my shoulder in true Ji Soo fashion.

I looked at Jong Hwa who nodded and quietly whispered a "Na du" as well. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, I couldn't believe he was actually standing in front of me, especially in a place as foreign as this. It had only been a day since I'd last seen him but it had felt much longer. My fingers itched to touch him but I refrained, mostly because I knew everyone else in the room was watching the four of us. I could almost feel their beady little eyes staring and it was enough for me to be very conscious of my actions.

    "Yeo-yeogiseo*?" Even though I had been speaking Korean much longer than I'd been speaking English, I still had to consciously switch back to Korean after speaking in English for 99% of my day.  "Wae*?"

This obviously had not been what Mae Ri was waiting to hear because she looked at the boys questioningly before looking back at me and said in a much less excited voice, "We missed you and wanted to see how your first day went."

    "Oh, it was-it was fine," I said and nodded somewhat encouragingly but it was clear that I'd made a mistake just by the look on their faces. "What?"

    "'It was fine'," Ji Soo repeated. "That's all you can say about it?" I think he tried to make it funny except it wasn't funny to me. In fact, this whole situation was incredibly uncomfortable which was something new for me--for us, even. I'd never been uncomfortable with them but I was completely caught off guard.

    "Well, what do you want me to say Ji Soo? It was exactly like every other first day of school I've ever experienced," I said, maybe a little too coldly because his half-smile was completely wiped off his face after I was finished talking.

    "Hey, Lily," Brian walked up to my group and nudged me on the shoulder. "Who are these guys?"

Your timing couldn't be worse, I silently shouted at him. Ugh, I so didn't need this right now. "They are my friends from Seoul Foreign Language High School, my old school," I said after a moment. "Jong Hwa, Ji Soo, and Mae Ri." I pointed to each person individually and if Brian was smart he would see the tension that was etched on all of our faces and walk away.

He wasn't smart. He smiled and said "Nice to meet you" instead. If enunciating each word loudly as if my friends were deaf wasn't bad enough, he stuck his hand out for a handshake to top it off. First off, every Korean was taught basics of English and second, shaking hands was a very western custom and although Jong Hwa shook Brian's hand out of sheer politeness, Ji Soo wasn't feeling as generous. Actually, Ji Soo just stared at it as if the very act of touching it would give him AIDs and an already awkward situation just got more awkward. Wonderful.

    "I'm sorry, Ji Soo is moody, don't take it personally," I said to Brian which earned me a surprised looked from Ji Soo at the sound of me using his name.

    "What did you tell him," Ji Soo asked quickly. When I didn't answer, he looked at Jong Hwa, "What did she say?"

Jong Hwa and I just looked at each other and just like that the tension eased. We laughed freely at Ji Soo's expense. I didn't bother to explain the situation to either Brian of Mae Ri or even fill Ji Soo in on what I'd said.

    "Sorry," I said and wiped a humor-induced tear out of my eye. "They're my friends," I reiterated to Brian just as Derek came walking up to the group. We were creating quite a stir in the common area since no one had even bothered to hide the fact that they were all staring.

    "What's goin' on over here," Derek asked with a smile as he mosied up closely next to me but with Brian on my other side, I couldn't move and had to remain wedged between the two.

    "Lily here was just introducing me to her friends," Brian informed him.

    "Oh, it's nice to meet you," Derek also held his hand for a handshake although I had to give him kudos for not raising his voice like Brian had. Jong Hwa once again shook hands but did so out of politeness, I assumed. When Derek moved to shake hands with Ji Soo, Brian slapped his hand away.

    "Don't bother with that one," he said.

I looked at Jong Hwa and we both looked at Ji Soo at the same time before breaking out into fits of laughter again.

    "Ya! What did he say," Ji Soo asked indignantly while gripped Jong Hwa's shoulder to try and shake an answer out of him.

***

It was nearing the time for the last bus when I finally said good bye to my friends. I had showed them around my dormitory but I managed to steer them clear of my room. Mae Ri had asked repeatedly to see my room but I'd always been able to distract her with something else. The last thing I needed was for them to look at the room and realize I didn't even have bed sheets, not to mention that having my friends meet the venomous Emily would only end in disaster.

I was walking them to the front of the building when Mae Ri exclaimed loudly, "Oh, I almost forgot!"

    "What," I asked as we walked through the door that separated the dormitories from the main entrance.

    "Let me see your phone," she held out her hand as if me giving her my phone was a sure thing.

Which it was, I thought to myself as I reached for my phone automatically. I didn't even know why I still had the thing considering it didn't actually work outside of a zone with wifi but I handed it to her nonetheless.

    "You have wifi here right," she asked me while clicking on the touch screen.

    "Yeah," I said as I peeked to see what she was doing.

    "I know your phone is turned off, but," she left the rest of her sentence dangle and she waited for something to download.

    "Mae Ri what are you putting on my phone," I reached to pull it out of her hands but she stepped back quickly out of reach. "Ya, Mae Ri-ya," I warned.

    "There," she said and handed me back the phone. I looked at it and all I could see was a green screen with a speech bubble with the word "Line" in it. I'd heard of it but I'd never understood the use, as far as I knew it was a messaging system and that was all.

    "Mae Ri, I can't use my phone, it's disconnected," I told her but she kept smiling.

    "I know, but Line lets you use the text messaging feature as long as you have wifi," she said excitedly. "As long as the other person has it as well and today we all downloaded it onto our phones."

She pulled it up on her phone and showed me. I looked from her to each of the boys and they both nodded to confirm her words.

    "This way you can get a hold of us at any time," as if to prove her point she shot me a quick text with the word 'daebak*' in it. "As long as you have wifi, I mean."

My heart lurched in my chest uncomfortably and I had to rub the spot of my heart just to ease the tension, my voice sounded thick even to my own ears as I said, "Thank you."

    "No problem," she came in for a quick hug and I hugged her back graciously. "We better get going before my dad calls out the police," she joked.

    "You're right," I let her go and turned to the boys. "Make sure she gets home safe," I pointed at each of them in turn.

    "Of course," Ji Soo said and did something completely unexpected. He hugged me. In the past three years, all I'd ever gotten from Ji Soo was a shoulder nudge so to say I was completely taken aback was an understatement although I understood his reasoning as soon as he started whispering in my ear.

    "You are taking your pills, right," he whispered so only I could hear.

    "Yes," I whispered back and felt grateful that he had known I wouldn't have wanted him to ask me that in front of the other two, especially Jong Hwa.

    "Good girl," he teased and pulled back. He had such a look of concern on his face that I had to swallow hard to keep back the tears I knew wanted to spring into my eyes. He nodded at me as if he understood and patted my shoulder.

The moment was broken the second I looked at Jong Hwa though. He'd been exceptionally quiet all night but then again, it might have just been because Mae Ri had been doing most of the talking, as usual. Ji Soo must have sensed the difference in the air because he clapped Jong Hwa on the shoulder and said, "We'll head out first. See you at the bus stop." He took Mae Ri by the arm which was a good thing because she looked like she was about to protest. "Come on beautiful, let's get going."

    "But--" and they were gone.

Jong Hwa simply nodded and never took his eyes off mine. As soon as Ji Soo and Mae Ri walked through the doors we were in each other's arms. I'd wrapped my arms around Jong Hwa's waist and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and gently held the back of my head with the other. It felt like the most natural thing in the world even though we'd never hugged like this before.

Maybe Jong Hwa and I had always been headed towards this change in our friendship but I had never even considered it a possibility. How had he become my world? And so quickly. I breathed in his clean scent and realized I didn't care how we'd gotten here as long as we'd gotten here. I buried my head further into his neck and was unwilling to let him go until I absolutely needed too. Had it really only been two weeks ago when all we'd been was friends and now it seemed like we were so much more.

    "I miss you," I said into his neck and felt him hold me tighter. "Everything seems to hard now, I can't even control my emotions, I'm mad all the time. Sometimes I just feel like falling asleep and never waking up again, it's so hard."

    "I know," he said and pulled back just enough to see my face. "I know but you'll be okay."

The tears I'd held back with Ji Soo flowed freely now, "You can't leave me, okay?" I gripped the back of his jacket, not willing to let go until he'd promised me he'd never leave my side.

    "That will never happen," he said and kissed my forehead.

Which is the exact moment that Derek walked through the door behind us. "Hey Lily, it's last--oh," he stopped talking abruptly and just stared at us.

We didn't exactly jerk back from each other but we did drop our arms and stepped back from each other. My shoes looked really interesting all of a sudden, I thought, as I picked at something on the tiled floor with my toe.

Derek cleared his throat and said in a much more subdued tone, "It's, ah, it's last call. The security guy is going to lock the door so you better come back inside."

    "Alright," I said and nodded. Derek looked at Jong Hwa once more and nodded before walking back inside.

It seemed strange that we hadn't felt awkward moments ago but now, with Derek breaking us out of our reverie, we could barely manage eye contact. "I'll text you when we get Mae Ri home," Jong Hwa said and I bit the inside of my cheek and finally looked at him.

    "Thank you," I said. He reached up and gently stroked my cheek with his thumb before turning around and walking out the door. When the cold blast of night air hit my face I had a sinking feeling. He'd just promised to not leave me but experience had taught me that everyone left so it was only a matter of time before I would be forced to say goodbye to Jong Hwa. The thought hollowed out my chest and my heart ached.

I shook my head to shake the thought loose. It hadn't come to pass yet and I would deal with it when it did, I told myself. I walked back inside the dormitories and immediately headed for the stairs that would take me to my room. I hadn't changed out of my school uniform even though it had been several hours and I was dying to not only get into something comfy but take my mind off everything that had just transpired even though I knew when I closed my eyes for the night, all I would be able to see was Jong Hwa's face.

I saw Derek watching me out of the corner of his eyes but since I didn't want to answer the questions I knew he wanted to ask me, I pretended like I hadn't seen him and left without even uttering a goodbye. Emily was asleep by the time I got to my room and I quietly thanked the Gods above.

***

Jong Hwa...

At first I cursed at Derek for breaking in on the moment that Lily and I had shared but as I walked to meet up with Ji Soo and Mae Ri at the bus stop I chalked it up to being a blessing in disguise. I hadn't liked the fact that in only a day she'd somehow attracted the attention of two boys. I knew she hadn't done it on purpose, the look on her face when they had come over to us had all but confirmed that she'd felt anything but affection for them but the relief hadn't lasted very long when I realized that Derek obviously didn't feel the same. When she hadn't been looking, Derek would watch her and I felt the pangs of jealous deep in my stomach.

I decided he walked in at the right moment, at least he'd have no question about who I was in Lily's life. Hopefully he would take the hint. I'd never been a possessive person but I wanted to stake my claim on Lily even though she wasn't technically mine to claim. Yet, I hoped. Things had changed tonight whether Lily and I had expected it to or not and I couldn't help but feel a kind of exhilaration at the realization.

I felt like I had secretly like Lily for so long that I didn't know how to actually like her in the open, in front of our friends, much less strangers. Walking away from her had been the hardest thing, especially when I knew that Derek guy would be waiting for her beyond the door. I wished I could just take her hand and bring her home with me but that wasn't possible so I had done the only thing I could, I left. Mae Ri waved to me as I got closer and it broke me out of my train of thought.

To Be Continued...

***

*Bogoshipeo: Literal translation "I want to see you" but more accurately means "I miss you"

*Jeongmal: "Really" or "Seriously" it is interchangeable with Jinjja.

*Na Du: "Me too"

*Yeogiseo: "You're here?"

*Wae: "Why"

*Daebak: Korean slang for "Awesome"

Avoiding The Bullsh*t

I was recently accused of maintaining friendships that are way beyond their expiration date--I find this to be completely untrue. (There will be another blog on this concept later) However, I have managed to maintain a few friendships that, in-eloquently put, are pretty awesome. One of them happens to be with an old high school teacher of mine; every once in a blue moon we send each other emails with updates on the course of our lives since graduation (some years ago, *sigh* I'm getting old) and I thoroughly enjoy this process. However, one our most recent email exchanges had a very strange twist; as he told me about a situation his youngest child found herself in, he said "...you seemed to have avoided all that bullshit in high school, if memory serves." Well, his memory didn't serve because I did not, in fact, avoid "all that bullshit". I was roped into the drama of my teens as much as anyone else, if not more so. I often tell people that my high school years were probably, by far, the worse years of my life--maybe only because at the time I hadn't acquired the knowledge I have today to make my life better.

Nonetheless, his words have swirled around my head for the past two months and I finally decided I would get my thoughts down and maybe they will help someone else.  I could probably write a book on how much my high school experience was absolutely the worst four years but I won't. Instead, I will simply say I have scars, both physical and mental, that will follow me the rest of my life and leave it at that. Let your imagination draw what it will...

I would look at people around me, people that were smarter, prettier, and infinitely better equipped than either myself or my friends were and be jealous. Friendships were being made and broken daily in my circle of rejects and going to school every morning was always a challenge because I didn't know what I would be walking into. It wasn't all bad; I don't want to leave the impression that I have no happy memories from those four years, I have plenty, but it was a challenge--one that I caved too more times than I'd ever willingly admit to. 

However, seven years later, I am able to objectively look back and realize the mistakes I'd made and, of course, would change if that were possible. I have a few pieces of advice that I'd like to pass on to anyone who is maybe experiencing the same things as I had.

I've learned that although it may not look like it, all high school students experience the same things in high school. They experience loss, they experience pain, they experience anger, jealousy, hatred but they also experience happiness, love, and friendship. These experiences are almost, if not more so, important as what the teachers are trying to drill into your head such as math, English, economics, etc. Everyone, at one point or another, will experience these emotions so the phrase "You are not alone" is not simply something people tell suicidal teenagers; it is a statement of fact. You. Are. Not. Alone in your pain. It's how we cope with it that makes us different. Some wear it on their shoulder like a badge of honor--others bury it deep until it morphs our view on the world and makes it harder to bear. 

How can you avoid the bullshit? It's way easier said than done, that's for sure. Even now, I find myself occasionally getting roped into the BS and it's hard to extract yourself from the tangled webbing once it starts closing in on you. However, if you remember the following phrase, you'll be halfway there. Ready? Here it is...Never underestimate the power of "No". Seems too simple, right? It's really not... It's not easy, it's the hardest thing you'll learn in your life. "No, I am not doing this" is a scary thing to say to your friend. It's a scary thing to say to your parent! I know this because I've had to say it in both instances. 

Choosing not to get roped into the BS is as simple as saying "No, I'm not going to get roped in" and walking away. We fear losing our friends because life would be harder to bear without people by our side to help us stay upright. It was this very fear that kept me from realizing how dangerous my willingness to keep these friendships had become. I would say "Yes" even though my mind would scream "No"--and I'm not talking about anything sexual, I'm simply saying that my friends wanted to and did things that I felt were unacceptable. I followed their footsteps because I felt I had no other choice. It was either follow them or lose them.

In high school, I felt like my friends were the only sane thing in my life; losing friends nearly crushed me which is why I went out of my way to maintain my tenuous friendships. We hear adults say "If they were truly your friend, they would understand" and much like the bratty, little snots we are(...or were, in my case 0.o) we ignored their advice and said "They don't understand" but there is one thing to remember: friends are only as important if they feel the same way you do. Our parents, much to my dismay, were 100% right.  

As an example, I have a friend (I shall use her nickname), Firnlambe. We met only a few years ago but even now it seems that if I lost her as a friend, I would be broken. Luckily for me, she feels the same way. We've agreed, however, that we have no idea how or why we are friends. Her views on love, life and religion, are completely different than mine! But we make it work because we are choosing to be friends. We're not friends simply because we fear losing each other. We don't always get along. Sometimes she's annoyed with me and vice versa however, there is strength behind our friendship because I choose to be her friend and she chooses to be mine. Friendship is not something that just happens--or at least, not very often--a friendship, much like a relationship, must be maintained with conscious care and love just like any other relationship you'll ever have in your life. 

As far as avoiding the bullshit, it all comes down to the same concept. Nothing ever just happens to someone--we always have a choice. We are our own beings, our own consciousness and we don't owe a damn thing to anyone else but ourselves. Cheating yourself out of something you want does nothing but a disservice to you. Man, had I known that, I would have, hands down, been one of the most awesome people in my high school! I would look at other people and think "I wish I was like them..." and now, that very phrase makes my skin crawl. 

I used to hate myself, I didn't like anything about myself but I assumed that was just how I was built, how God had made me and I couldn't change it except..."who you are" is a concept that is molded by our own hands. I would blame my parents or my situation for the terrible things happening to me except I needed to look no further than the mirror to realize who was really to blame. This all comes back to what I said before--everyone experiences the same happiness and sadness in high school, how we deal with it is what separates us. Instead of wishing you could be someone else, make yourself into someone you like--or, if it sounds better--make yourself into someone to be jealous of. Make yourself into someone even you would look at and say "Man, I wish I was like that!" 

You will, inevitably, lose friends somewhere along the way. It is not something to be feared but something everyone learns to embrace. Some are more difficult than others, I'll admit. The idea of losing a friend, most especially in high school, is terrifying. Someone once told me that I will get more and better friends after high school and I believe I responded with "I don't want those friends, I want these friends" and let me tell you...I most definitely did not want these friends. I feared that future friends wouldn't be as great as the friends I had then but now, I can freely admit, I have great friends now. New friends will come along, the really great friends will take time but they will come. Nothing is free and if it is, it should be questioned (which is actually a really great rule of thumb, FYI) and this includes friendship. Great friendships must be earned and, more often than not, the price is time. So sit tight, kiddies, because great friends are on their way to you even as you read this.

If who you become is not someone your friends want to be friends with, then that is their sincere loss because you are awesome. If that means you dye your hair blue and wear funky knee-high socks that in no way match your outfit, then so be it. You'll be exactly like...well...me! My sister dresses like she head dives into a pile of clothing each morning and grabs the first things her hands touch--I'm talking different colored socks, tie-dyed leggings, a tutu and more often than not, she has hair ties that are--quite literally--bought directly from the kid's section at Target. Even me, with blue hair, had a moment of pause whenever I walked around with her in public but you know what...if she's comfortable in whatever she's wearing on any particular day, then why do I care? Not gonna lie, however, some of our outfits are a bit much for even our parents to swallow and yet they proudly walk beside us no matter who happens to be staring.

Of course, if you prefer button down shirts with jeans, then that's just as perfectly fine--if what sets you apart is your unwillingness to conform to what is expected of you, then you are just as "far out there" as I am with the blue hair. My point is, enjoy who you are, don't think of yourself as someone you have to be because if you do...you will be miserable for the rest of your life and that is unfair. Unfair to your parents who made you, unfair to your friends but more important unfair to the person you could be. 

My sincerest hope is that someone who is unhappy in their life will read this and realize their potential and come full circle into themselves. I hope that my words can touch at least one person because then I will feel like my hardships in high school will have been worth it, if for no other reason then to share my experience and knowledge and use it to make someone else's life better. 

Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Fourteen

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Fourteen

Three Years Ago...

Well what the hell was I going to do now? I thought as I looked around at the buildings near me. I had absolutely no idea where I was. I contemplated going into one of the buildings and asking someone where I was but my Korean wasn't nearly proficient enough for me to ask, let alone understand the answer. How could I have been stupid enough to get on the wrong bus? Why had I gotten off even after I noticed I'd taken the wrong one? Surely the bus would have eventually taken me back to my original stop. I'd panicked, that's why, I told myself. Plain and simple, I panicked and now I was somewhere in Seoul without a clue as to where I was or how I got back. I could have taken a taxi but I didn't have much left of my allowance and I sure and heck wasn't going to call my dad.

I sat on a park bench and tried to think of how I could get myself out of this. Jong Hwa! Jong Hwa would know how to get me home and he spoke English so all I had to do was...was call him, I finished lamely. Call him on a cellphone I didn't know the number too. That was so...so...unhelpful, I smacked my forehead with my hand. Ah! But I knew where he was...

I pulled out my cellphone and found the SFLHS number and waited for the receptionist to pick up.

    "Hello. This is Seoul Foreign Language High School. How may I direct your call," the receptionist chirped into the phone.

    "I need to speak with Kim Jong Hwa in classroom A-2136," I stuttered into the phone with shabby Korean.

    "I'm sorry, that class is currently--:

    "It's an emergency," I cut in.

    "Ah," she sounded confused.

Please, lady, just do it, I silently begged.

    "Hold for a moment," she said before putting me on hold.

I hoped she was getting him. If not then my only other option was to hail a cab and get a ride to the military base and pray that my father wouldn't kill me afterwards. He hated being inconvenienced and I knew he would be furious.

After I'd been on hold for five minutes, I almost gave in and hung up but then Jong Hwa picked up.

    "Yeobeoseyo," he said hesitantly into the phone.

    "Jong Hwa," I nearly cried in relief.

    "Lily," he asked in English. "Is that you?"

    "Yes," the weight on my chest disappeared and for some odd reason, I knew it would be ok. No matter how I got home, I'd be ok and I felt like laughing at my earlier panic.

    "Why are you--what's going on," he asked.

    "I'm completely lost and I don't know how to get back, I just--I don't know," now that I had him on the phone I could see the holes in my plan. How would he even help me, he was in school--where ever that was at this point.

    "Where are you?"

    "Um..I don't know," I answered honestly. I stood up and started looking for the nearest cross section or a sign that would give me some sort of an indication of my location. "I see a sign that says Bukhansan National Park, ahh," I kept looking. "Oh, oh, Deongneung-ro and Samyang-ro, does that help?"

     "I know where you are. Stay there," he said.

    "Wait, no, don't leave school! Just tell me how to get home from here, I think I should be able to figure it out after that," I rushed. I didn't want him to get into trouble.

    "Stay there," he said simply and hung up.

It took a little more than an hour but Jong Hwa finally found me and took me back to school. I felt bad for dragging him out of school but he'd acted like it was nothing. He was just glad he'd found me. As it turned out, Deongneung-ro was the same street our school was on just a few miles east of where I was. The next day, Jong Hwa brought a map to school and gave it to me during lunch. On it was a color coded list of buses that ran by my house and where in Seoul they would take me. He said he gave it to me to help me from getting lost the next time I got on the wrong bus. On the back of the map was a list of taxi companies that had English translations available at the behest of the caller. I had carried that map with me for a year before I no longer needed it.

***

Present Day

The night had passed relatively uneventful and I think that was due to everyone being so tired. It gave me time to think over my options and if I was being honest with myself, time to wallow in my own self-pity...again.

The next morning I made breakfast again, mostly because I was up before everyone else and had nothing else to do. I was feeling overly hyper and antsy; I was more than ready to leave the house and seclude myself at the dorms. I changed from my SFLHS gym clothes to the extra pair of clothes I had, thankfully, packed before I'd left my apartment that last time. I was going to have to figure out what I was going to do about clothes because not only would I not be able to afford the new school's uniform, but I was down to one pair of underwear and I couldn't even begin to think about how I was going to fix that particular problem. I didn't know when my ESE allowance would begin but maybe I could explain my circumstances to Chan Min and he could give me an advance. I thought that when I was accepted into the program, I wouldn't need to work a part-time job but now, I would need to start looking almost immediately if I was going to pay for new clothes and necessities. While the porridge cooled and I waited for the household to start waking up, I made a list of all the things I would need in the coming days, starting with the most important first.

I pulled out my smart phone to see if I could find any salvation army type stores only to find out I no longer had internet access despite my phone's 4g network capabilities. A sinking feeling set in and I hoped I was wrong. I dialed Mae Ri's number and got a loud beeping tone before my phone ended the call. I had to suppress the urge to not throw it against the wall. My father had disconnected my cell phone service and left me without a way to communicate with...well...anyone. Instead of throwing it, I gripped it and squeezed my eyes shut to stop the tears from falling.

    "Why are you doing this," I muttered to myself and wiped away the tears that wouldn't be stopped. This seemed extra cruel of my father. What, did he want to prove that I wouldn't last without him? Well, he'd be sorrily mistaken, I thought to myself.

It took me awhile to pull myself together but when I did, I immediately wrote Phone on top of the priority item list. I began having an insane internal debate on which was more important underwear or a phone when Dr. Lee walked into the kitchen.

    "Joheun Achim*, Abeonim," I stood up immediately and slipped the piece of paper into my jeans pocket.

    "Ah, morning, Lily," he said while he rubbed his stubbled chin. "Did you make breakfast again?"

    "Yes, I-ah-couldn't sleep and had nothing else to do," I admitted.

    "It looks good," he said. "What time are you suppose to be at the dorms?"

    "Actually," I thought about it. I wasn't suppose to meet Chan Min until this afternoon but I needed to get a head start on my list of priorities and I needed to do it fast. "I'm suppose to meet him at nine," I lied. I felt bad about lying to Dr. Lee but if I told him what I was thinking, he would either try to help me or stop me and I didn't need either so lying was my only option.

He checked the clock and I knew I'd only given him about forty-five minutes before I had to "meet" Chan Min. "Just let me get dressed and we'll head out," he said and started to walk out of the kitchen. "Did you want me to wake up Jong Hwa?"

    "No!" I shouted before I could stop it. I immediately put a hand over my mouth, "I'm sorry, no, he needs to sleep."

Dr. Lee just looked at me for another moment before he nodded and headed out of the kitchen. I hurried to the back bedroom to get my backpack. I looked down at Mae Ri's sleeping form wondering if I should wake her up or not and decided against it. If I woke her up to say goodbye she'd want to talk and she'd be loud and probably wake up the boys and that I definitely didn't want. I settled for leaving her a note from a page I'd ripped out of a notebook in my backpack:

Mae Ri-ya, I'm heading to the dorms. Don't be mad for not waking you up, I know you must be tired. Take care of the boys. Don't get into fights at school either. Graduate so you can get into college. Take care.

I put the piece of paper on the nightstand where I knew she'd see it when she woke up and left the room. Dr. Lee was waiting for me in the living room when I came out.

The drive wasn't too bad since it was early on a Sunday morning but it did surprise me just how far the dorms were from where I had lived previously. The dorm itself was a four story red brick building. In fact, it didn't stand out at all, it looked to nondescript.

    "Are you sure this is it?" Dr. Lee asked me while he both looked at the building.

    "Let me go see," I started to get out of the car.

    "I'll go with you--"

    "No, no," he stopped unbuckling his seat belt. "It's okay, I'll just go see if Chan Min is inside," I smiled a bright smile. If he came in now and Chan Min wasn't there, he'd insist on waiting with me and I knew very well Chan Min wasn't in there. "I'll be right back."

    "You sure," he asked dubiously.

    "Of course," I nodded and got out of the car. I hoped he stay put.

I opened the front doors and walked into a small foyer. There was a small wooden bench on the right side with a miserable looking bush sitting next to it. Straight ahead was a glass windows with small opening for passing things across the barrier and a disheveled looking man sitting behind it wearing a gray t-shirt. If his red hair wasn't a dead give away, the very English "Good Morning" he said  told me he wasn't Korean. He had thick glasses on and looked to be in his thirties. I walked up to the barrier and gave the guy a smile.

    "Good morning," he smiled back. "Are these the dorms for the Educational Student Exchange?"

    "Sure is, how can I help you," he asked me nicely.

    "Let me tell my driver that we found the place, I'll be right back," I told him and went back to Dr. Lee who'd gotten out of the car and was leaning against it waiting for me.

   "Is this the place," he asked me.

    "Yes, thank you for the ride Dr-Abeonim!" I bowed to him and hoped he took the hint and left.

    "Will you be ok, Lily," he asked as he walked around the car and towards me. I had to hide my disappointment.

    "Of course, Abeonim." I lied but nevertheless I kept the bright smile on my face. "They give me an allowance and school starts on tomorrow, I'll be taken care of here." Did I sound reassuring enough?

    "You just remember that our house is always open," he clapped me on the shoulder and waited until I nodded before he got back into his car and drove away.

My shoulders slumped and I felt relieved. This was the first time I was alone in two days and some unknown tension I didn't even realize I was carrying just flowed out of me. I took my first big breath in as many days and went back inside.

    "Sorry about that, I'm Lily Smith, I know I'm early but I'm moving into the dorms today. I'm meeting Chan Min at one," I told the guy behind the window.

     "Ahh, yeah I recognize the name. It's nice to meet you Lily, I'm Ryan. Do you want me to call Chan Min and tell him you're here?" He already started reaching for the phone and I stopped him.

    "No, I'll be back at the scheduled time, I have some errands to run before then anyway. Um, do you know where the nearest cellular service store is?" I asked thinking about my list of priorities.

     "Unfortunately, I do not. I'm sorry," and he genuinely looked apologetic.

    "That's alright," I said. "I'll be back."

    "Ok, I'm only scheduled until noon, after that Derek will be here," he informed me.

    "Thanks!"

~~~

Three hours later and I still hadn't found a cellular service store but I did find a few places that were looking for workers. Just menial work but two of the three places required day hours and the third place, well it wasn't a job I relished. It was at a gentlemen's after hours bar but luckily the position was for maintenance so I'd most likely be a janitor that cleaned after closing. I told them I was interested and they told me to stop by tomorrow when the boss was in to see about the job. I kept looking but either no one wanted a high school student working for them or a high school foreigner working for them which made being my situation even more difficult.

As far as getting the necessities, I found a convenience store that sold travel sized toothbrushes and toothpaste for relatively cheap. I also bought a travel-size bottle of detergent so I could at least wash the clothes I already had. I walked back to the dorms and sat on the bench while waiting for Chan Min to show up. It was about twenty minutes later when a brown haired kid walked up to me.

    "Are you Lily Smith?" He asked.

    "Ah, yeah," I admitted hesitantly.

    "Hi, I'm Derek. I'm the Educational Service's student representative. Chan Min called and said he'd be late. He said I should show you to your room," he said. He was tall, I thought, as I crinked my neck to look at him. He was tall and had bright blue eyes. His hair was long enough to cover his forehead and be pushed behind his ears. I stood up and took a step back.

     "Ah, thanks," I said lamely. He was wearing a black, long-sleeved shirt and jeans and...hot pink sneakers? I couldn't contain a chuckle.

     "Dormitory prank, don't worry, these aren't mine." He laughed with me and wiggled his toes which made the top of the shoe ripple.

     "Too bad, I thought they matched your pants nicely," I teased

     "Well I do like to be stylish," he said and then gestured with his hand to follow him. We headed towards a door I hadn't noticed earlier. "I'll show you around the building before taking you to your room, ok?"

     "Sure," I shrugged, as we walked up a flight of stairs.

    "Well you saw the foyer, looks grand, I know. The second floor is the commons area," he said while he pulled open the second floor door. "Here you'll find the vending machines, a pool table, ping-pong, and a table soccer that no one plays," he pointed to a decrepit looking foosetable sitting in the corner that looked like it had seen better days. The room itself was fairly large and open; there were a few couches stationed around a small TV and the vending machines were strewn around the room.  There was one student laying on her stomach on the couch reading from some sort of a textbook.  "That's Anna, she's our resident over-achiever. She's from Sweden. She's a good kid."

    "Kid? Why do you say it like you're so much older than the rest of us," I asked him.

    "Well I'm one of three seniors here, everyone else is either a freshman or a sophmore. Anna, over there, is a freshman. Oh, we do have one junior," he tacked on idly. "Speaking of, what are you?"

    "I guess I'm your fourth senior," I told him.

    "Ahhh, another senior in the house, the dorm might not be large enough for the four of us," he joked.

    "Better watch your back then," another guy said from behind Derek has he nudged Derek's shoulder as he walked past.

    "Same to you, Bromo," Derek said back to him.

    "Who's this lass?" Bromo turned his icy gray eyes on me. He was relatively large but not in the sense that he was fat. He was solid muscle, the kind of muscle that makes you think he's compensating for something. His hair was cut short, too long to be called a buzz cut but close. He had an diamond stud in one ear and a chain around his neck that was tucked into his sleeveless tank.

    "This is Lily, she's our newest senior. Lily this is Bromo," Derek introduced us.

    "Not really, the name is Brian but this dude started called me Bromo--short for Brother from another Mother," Brian chuckled.

    "Hello," I bowed out of habit which earned me an all out laugh from Brian.

    "No need to do that Korean shit here," Brian waved it off and I had to hold back my annoyance. I could already tell that Brian was an arrogant person and earned him no points with me.

    "By the way, when did you get here," Derek asked and I'm sure my face showed my confusion. "Korea, I mean."

    "Three years ago," I told him.

    "What?" Brian and Derek asked in unison and I would have laughed except Brian's arrogant attitude had put me in a not-so-joking mood.

    "Yeah, I moved to Korea three years ago. Could you show me to my room now," I asked as pointedly as I could. I just wanted to be alone and Brian's presence made me uncomfortable.

    "Ah, yeah, sure," Derek waved to Brian and we started walking away. "Hey, don't let Brian get to you, he's a good guy. Not always subtle though," Derek said as he took me through a door and down a hallway that eventually lead to what looked to be the kitchen area. It was relatively small for a cafeteria and held only four tables that sat 12 people at max. There was a small buffet like serving area and a few trash bins around the room. The bottom half of the room was designed with baby yellow tiles while the top half of the room was painted a plain white. It kind of gave the room a sickly look and I hated it.

    “This is where we eat, it serves breakfast and dinner, lunch on the weekends when we’re not in school but,” he made a pained face. “Don’t expect gourmet. The food is edible but not by much.”

I only nodded because I just wanted out of the room. The sickly glow was making my stomach clench uncomfortably. He nodded and we left after that. He led us back through the commons area to a door on the opposite end.

    “The buses pick us up at the front doors around six forty-five in the morning, don’t miss them because the administration will have your ass otherwise. Attendance is very important to the program directors, I wouldn’t mess with it.” Derek warned.

We walked two more flights of stairs until we reached the top level. "The third floor is reserved for the boys and this," he pulled on the handle of the door to open it. "Is this girls's floor." 

Because I had never seen the inside of a dorm before I had no idea what to expect but somehow the sheer lack of noise was somewhat unsettling. I had seen movies with dorms and they always seemed so active but when we reached the fourth floor landing, there was just…nothing. We went out into a small entry way where there were two cabinets. One cabinet held small holes for shoes which were labeled by name and the other cabinet held slippers that were also labeled by names. A majority of the slippers remained in their cubby holes while the cabinet for street shoes was fairly empty.

    “This is where you’d leave your shoes and switch to slippers but no one ever really does,” Derek informed me as he took a step towards the sliding door that lead out of the entry way.

    “Why not,” I asked as I slipped my shoes off and purposefully put them in an empty cubby hole with no name to it. I also pulled out a pair of slippers and put them on. It was obvious from the first moment that these slippers had rarely been used, if at all. I hadn’t liked Brian’s attitude from downstairs and it made me defensive of Korea’s culture.

    “I guess people just aren’t used to the idea, I mean. It’s not really normal for us,” Derek scratched the back of his neck and looked a little sheepish.

    “Well I would think that people who are hoping to teach in this country would be a little more open to experiencing the new culture,” I said and even to my own ears I knew I sounded snobby.

    “Look, I’m sorry for what Bromo said downstairs,” Derek’s shoulders slumped and I felt bad. “He doesn’t mean anything by it.”

    “No, I’m sorry,” Derek was just trying to be polite and I was chewing him to bits. “It’s been a rough couple of days for me, I’m sorry.”

    “So, can I ask you something?” Derek asked hesitantly.

    “You mean besides that question,” I teased and it earned me a chuckle.

    “Why do they wear slippers?” As he asked, he took off his shoes and replaced them with slippers.

    “Let me ask you a better question,” I hooked hands in my backpack straps because I didn’t know what else to do with them. “Do you wear shoes inside your home?”

    “Well no, but—“

    “It’s pretty much as simple as that. Koreans don’t necessarily always wear slippers but the point is, you don’t bring dirty shoes inside a clean house. They sometimes wear slippers just to keep their feet warm. Most Korean houses don’t have carpet so feet can get quite chilly,” I said.

    “That makes sense,” He nodded and actually looked like he was thinking about the simplicity of the slippers.

    “How long have you been here,” I asked, thinking maybe he’d only been here for a semester.

    “I’ve been here for about five months,” he smiled and looked like he was proud of that. I, on the other hand, was flabbergasted that he didn’t know the significance of the slippers, something that was very common.

    “Five months,” I repeated, still shocked. “Do you not have any Korean friends?”

    “I mean, I talk to people at school but I guess not really. I mostly hang out with people at the dorms,” he admitted.

    “That’s a shame,” I didn’t want to sound pompous and I was already well on my way to sounding like a know-it-all so I decided to keep my mouth shut after that. I really just wanted to get to my room and shut everyone out.

Derek nervously chuckled after that and immediately showed me the rest of the dorm. The floor was built like a rectangle with the bathrooms in the center and the rooms surrounding it. The bathroom itself was fairly large with several toilets and six showers and although it was empty at the moment, I wondered how busy it got in the mornings. I’d have to carve out a scheduled time to shower when no one was really around. The floor itself held 12 rooms with two people in each room and in one of the corner rooms was the floor captain. Derek said he’d introduce me to her a little later, she could get quite grumpy if woken up before her alarm on the weekends.

    “Normally, if she’s not sleeping or studying, she’ll have her door open so anyone can enter if there are issues but when the door is shut, it’s best to leave her alone,” he turned around and walked a little ways down the hall. “And here is your room, number 412.”

He knocked on the door and waited. It was only a few seconds before a quiet “come in” came from the other side. Derek took out a key from his pocket and opened the door.

The first thing I noticed was that the room was small, claustrophically small, in fact. There were two bunk beds that were lined up against the walls across from each other. Under one bed was a futon and the other held a very small, portable TV. There were two built-in desks that sat across from each other and opposite the door was a window. At first I didn’t see anyone inside but finally a saw the comforter on the bed to my left move slightly and I knew that the person must have been up here.

    “Emily, your new roommate is here,” Derek announced and leaned against the door jam.

    “Yeah, and?” A voice said from beneath the comforter. “I’m trying to sleep.”

    “Emily, Lily, Lily, Emily,” Derek said half-heartedly. The girl beneath the covers sighed rather obnoxiously and sat up in bed. She had long blond hair that seemed to move like silk so it had to have been very fine. Just by her face I could tell she was slim despite the bulking sweater she was wearing. She was pretty, I thought, but that was before she opened her mouth.

    “Hi, Lily, I’m Emily. It’s nice to meet you, there are two rules in this room,” She said without preamble. “First, you and me, we’re not friends. Second, you and me, we’ll never be friends. Got it?”

Whoa! What I wouldn’t give to have Mae Ri here, she would have—I stopped that train of thought. Mae Ri wasn’t here because I hadn’t wanted her to be here which reminded me that my phone was still shut off and I couldn’t even call her if I’d wanted too. Not…that I wanted too, I told myself.

    “Come on, Em, don’t be like that,” Derek said beside me and it brought me back to the present.

    “No, it’s alright. Hello Emily, I’m Lily. I think we’re going to get along just fine.” I told her in my sweetest voice.

    “What,” she looked taken aback.

    “I don’t want to be your friend and I don’t need to be your friend, I have friends of my own. So let’s just agree to mind our own business and get through this semester. Sound like a plan,” I asked confidently.

I think she wanted to smile because the corner of her mouth twitched but instead she nodded her head once and flounced back and went back to sleep.

    “Ok then,” Derek said and handed the key to me. “Talk about an uneasy tru—“

    “Ah, here you are Lily,” someone said from behind me. I turned around and saw Chan Min walking towards the room.

    “Oh, Annyeonghaseyo, Chan Min-ssi,” I said and bowed politely.

    “Thank you Derek for showing Lily around, Lily I’m sorry that I was late,” Chan Min said in English.

    “Animnida, gwanchanayo,” I replied in Korean, I didn’t care if it was rude to Derek or not. I had the sudden need to set myself apart from these people.

    “Have you met your roommate yet?” Chan Min asked me in Korean and pointedly looked into the room.

    “Yes, she seems great,” I lied.

    “Ah good, good,” He nodded happily. “Where’s your stuff, is it downstairs yet? Do you need help?”

    “Ahh, no, it’s-it’s just me and this,” I pulled on the strap of my backpack awkwardly.

Chan Min looked at me and the backpack solemnly, “Ah, geuroguna*.”

    “Actually, Chin Min-ssi, I have a question,” I said but I looked pointedly at Derek. I doubt he’d understood a word we’d said by the utter confusion on his face as he’d looked between Chan Min and I but I still didn’t feel like asking for money in front of him either.

    “Why don’t we head downstairs first, you can leave your bag up here, if you’d like. “ Chan Min said. I thought about it for two seconds before I opted to take the bag with me because one: I wasn’t entirely sure Emily wouldn’t look through my stuff and two: since I had no reason to go back to that room other than to sleep tonight, I decided it should stay with me anyway.

    “Thanks for showing me around,” I told Derek and followed Chan Min towards the stairway.

***

I was dreading this conversation the whole way down the stairs and I honestly didn’t know how Chan Min would take it. If I’d had any other choice, I would never have asked for money at all but my father had left me with nothing and I’d already used most of what I had on the necessities I’d bought earlier. We reached the common area which had filled with a few more students but was still relatively empty. Chan Min ushered me towards the quietest area of the lounge which garnered us a few curious looks but everyone stayed away, thankfully.

    “What did you want to ask me?” Chan Min asked once I sat down.

    “I know this is going to sound bad but, I honestly have no other choice,” I started. “The allowance that is given to the students in the program, is—is there anyway I could get it now?”

    “What happened, Lily?” Chan Min asked me quietly.

    “What—what do you mean,” I asked even though I knew what he was asking.

    “What I mean is, you don’t seem to have any of the items on the list of things you could bring to the dorms, so what happened? Did you just not want to take them on the bus?” He asked me gently.

    “No,” I looked down at my hands that kept twisting in my lap. “There was a situation with my dad and—and I don’t have any of it.”

He was quiet for a few moments before he responded, “Do you have clothes?”

    “No,” I thought I couldn’t feel any more shame than I had yesterday but apparently I was wrong. This spiraling descent into shame and embarrassment seemed to be never-ending.

    “So it’s safe to assume since you’re asking me for money, that you have none, right?”

    “Yes,” I admitted.

    “You don’t have your uniform for tomorrow, do you?”

    “No,” I felt like someone had carved out my insides and left me hollow.

    “Do you want to tell me what happened?” Chan Min asked me kindly but I certainly didn’t want his kindness.

    “No,” I answered.

He nodded as if he expected that and when I looked up he didn’t seem angry. “Well, let’s get going then.”

This took me by surprise, “What?”

    “You can’t go to school without the uniform and if I’m going to give you that allowance, I need to stop by an ATM,” he stood up abruptly and started towards the door. When I still hadn’t moved he turned back around. “Are you not coming?”

    “Yes,” I jolted upright. “I’m coming.”

***

Jong Hwa…

My body felt stiff when I woke up but that didn’t surprise me after the restless night I’d had. It’d taken me hours to finally get to sleep and even then I could barely get comfortable. When I finally admitted it was time to wake up, I’d noticed that Ji Soo was no longer in the bedroom.

I got up and made my way towards the kitchen but the voices had me stopping in my tracks.

    “'Take care', what does that mean? Is that a good bye?” Mae Ri asked tearfully from the kitchen.

    “I don’t know,” Ji Soo said quietly. “Have you tried calling her?”

    “Her phone is disconnected,” Mae Ri said.

This last bit of news had me running into the kitchen. Ji Soo and Mae Ri jumped back in surprise; Mae Ri had a slip of paper in her hand that she tried unsuccessfully to hide behind her back.

    “What is that,” I demanded.

    “Jong Hwa,” Ji Soo tried to distract me.

    “No, what is that,” I demanded again and held my hand out for Mae Ri to give it to me.

    “Mae Ri,” Ji Soo nodded towards my hand to indicate she should give me the paper and she did after a moments hesitation.

I read it twice and it still didn’t make sense. Was Lily really saying good bye? “Where’s Lily?”

    “I called Dad at the clinic, he said he’d taken Lily to the dorms this morning to meet someone,” Ji Soo told me.

    “She wasn’t suppose to meet him until this afternoon, why did she leave so early or wake any of us up?”

    “I don’t know,” Ji Soo said and clamped a hand down on my shoulder. “But I think maybe its best that she went alone. She needs time to think about things.”

    “No, she shouldn’t be alone, she should—“

    “Jong Hwa, listen to me. She’s fine,” he said. “She’s probably embarrassed, she’s tired, and she needs time so let her have her time.”

    “Ji Soo’s right, Jong Hwa,” Mae Ri spoke up.

    “You said her phone was disconnected,” I remembered.

    “Well I can’t be sure but it doesn’t bring me to voicemail any more like it used too,” Mae Ri informed me and dialed Lily’s number and put it on speaker phone.

    “The number you are trying to reach is no longer available, please hang up and—“

Mae Ri hung up the phone and the room was quiet.

    “You don’t think her father would disconnect her phone do you,” I looked at the two of them.

    “Her father shut the door in her face and left her with no money, clothes or even her toothbrush, I don’t think he’d have any problems disconnecting her phone if it meant punishing her.” Ji Soo admitted.

    “So what are we going to do,” Mae Ri asked desperately.

I could feel Lily slipping between my fingers and I didn’t know how to stop it.

    “We ride out the storm,” Ji Soo said. “Isn’t that the saying? ‘Ride out the storm’ and we help her in any way we can but first, we give her space to figure things out. She’s safe, that’s all we can do for now.”

Not for the first time, I was glad that Ji Soo was my friend because without him I’d be going crazy right now looking for Lily. And to a certain extent, Ji Soo was right. She had a place to live, she started school tomorrow, she’d be taken care of long enough for the rest of us to figure out what to do. In the meantime, I needed to calm myself down because otherwise I’d be no help to Lily and right now, she needed all the help she could get.  

To Be Continued...

***

*Joheun Achim: Literal Terms - Joheun = Good, Achim = Morning so "Good Morning"

*Geuroguna: "I see"