Even My Dad Does Sometimes

I've been listening to Ed Sheeran's "Even My Dad Does Sometimes" almost every day. The song is sad and the picture the lyrics paint is a rather dismal picture but this song has become very importantly to me lately. It's exactly how I feel almost every day. Especially the line "Live life like you're giving up. 'Cause you act like you are." And I feel like that's how I've been acting lately.

Haha, I say 'lately' as if it's just been a week or two. More like five or six months. Such is life.

"It's alright to die, 'cause death is the only thing you haven't tried" is another line that brings me comfort because it's true. Granted, I haven't tried everything I'd like to but death truly is the ultimate challenge and we only get to experience it once. That's why the phrase "Go out like a bang" was created, wasn't it? "Go ahead and just live it up" is another lyric that makes the earlier phrases even more legitimate. You only die once so live it up, do it with style. Death should mean something, any time a person dies, it should mean something. Whether it makes people mourn, cry or feel vindicated, a death should mean something. It's only cruel if they die for no reason. If no one cares about a death, that's truly sad. There are more and more deaths happening that people just don't care about. Is it because we've become to de-sensitized? Maybe...but is everyone de-sensitized? No. At least I'm not...I can say that with 100% percent accuracy.

Today I put my renaissance outfit on for the first time since last October. It was comforting. I imagine a day will come and I'll put my wedding dress on. It would be too sad to put a wedding dress on only once in a person's lifetime. It's been two years--nearly at least--since I've been married and I've warn it a total of..3 times since then...I think... I've mastered zipping it up from behind and everything! It truly was a beautiful dress. Most women think their wedding dresses are beautiful but most think back and go "Oh, I should have went with this type" or wish they'd had a special feature. I guess I'm not completely immune to this sentiment. I wish my dress had a corset tie in the back but alas, the rest of the dress was so perfect that I was perfectly okay with a zipper. And God, I looked beautiful in it. I know that makes me sound conceited but I don't care. I looked so goddamn good in my dress it was amazing. I've never felt so beautiful in my life. I hope and pray ever woman who gets married feels the exact same way I do about my wedding day. Supreme happiness. I was marrying the man I love, I looked beautiful and I felt like a planet for once--in the sense that everyone was there and their focus was all about me--and my husband of course but... What I'm trying to say is I've never felt that before in my entire life. I absolutely cherish that memory for so many reasons...it'd be too hard to count them.

I know I sound like a shallow piece of shit but I don't feel like one.

I listened to the Cavalia soundtrack--I almost said OST, tee hee--today for the first time in a long time and felt like editing my manuscript. Recently my manuscript, or the idea of losing my manuscript, had me in tears with a full blown panic attack. It's made me realize how much that manuscript meant to me. Each word on the 200+ pages is precious to me. Of course that reminded me of the story I've been telling on this very blog--Nae Chingu--and I've felt ashamed for abandoning my characters. Ji Soo most especially, every once in awhile he starts shouting in my head that he's got a confession to make and it's been boiling up inside of him but he needs me to get them out. I suspect the confession, when it does take place, will be rather...boisterous. *shakes head* Poor Ji Soo...but mostly especially poor Mae Ri...she won't even know how to handle it. Thankfully she's got a newly healed Lilliana to help her process it. And of course there are her parents, Lilliana's I mean. Her parents are coming and don't even get me started on how Jong Hwa is going to make Lilliana pay him back. Oh Lilliana...you don't even know.

How did this blog start out by me talking about death and end up with the friends in my head? Haha, life is strange sometimes.

Annyeong Yeoreobun! Saranghae. Totally informal, but what are you gonna do? *shakes head*

Truth or Dare

One of my husband's cousins is getting married next month; this past weekend was the date of her bridal shower and bachelorette party. My mother-in-law, who is usually the first to say the oddest things, called me after the bridal shower and told me she had a bet going with my sister-in-law, her daughter. Apparently my sister-in-law argued that most newlyweds do not use every item a woman receives at her bachloerette party. The following was our conversation:

Mother-in-law (MiL): "Aunnie? Did you use every gift you received at your bachelorette party?"

Me: ". . . *Silence* . . . *chuckle*. . . Why?"

MiL: "I'm just curious."

Me: ". . . *Silence* . . . This isn't like the circumcision question, is it?"

MiL: "*Laughs* No, no, no."

Me: "Yeah, we used all of them."

Sister-in-law: "Well, no normal people use all of the gifts!"

The implication that my husband and I were abnormal was something I took as a compliment. However, the conversation took me back to my own bachelorette party and I dug up one of the more...abnormal gifts we received: a "Cosmo's Truth or Dare; Our Naughtiest Sex Game Ever!" I do not see a copyright stamp but I give full rights to the creator because this game is cool.

There are one hundred and twenty cards in all and each card has a truth or dare question/challenge. I've gone through a few--not all because I do not wish to ruin the game for any who might be interested--and some of the questions/challenges are entertaining and sometimes...a little enticing. If you're into that sort of thing.

One such card read:

• Truth: "Neck? Ear? Collarbone? Which of those body parts do you prefer me to nibble on?"
• Dare: Nibble on my earlobe for two minutes. 

...huh...I daresay those are interesting. 

Another:

• Truth: "What physical trait of mine first caught your eye?
• Dare: Choose one part of your body, and I'll massage it for thirty seconds--but only that one part, so choose wisely?

If a woman picked that card, she may take a minute to answer because nine out of ten, she'll pick a spot that actually needs to be massaged--shoulder, back, leg, are just a couple examples. A man? A man will, nine out of ten times, pick one area--if you catch my drift. Stereotypical? Maybe, but there are stereotypes for a reason. 

Last card before I close out the blog: 

• Truth: How long would your ideal quickie last? Describe every moment.
• Dare: Write an explicit note to me, then hide it someplace where I'll find it.

Dare kind of sounds like a fun, scavenger type game--also known as the "safer" route to travel.  Truth sounds like the preemptive strike that would start World War III. I know I can not be the only one to think this...

Well, I hope I entertained some people. See ya next time!