Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Twelve

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Twelve

Jong Hwa...

I hadn't slept for very long, about an hour or so. My mind was alert but my body felt like I had exhausted it to the brink and I knew I had. I sighed as quietly as I could as I leaned against the wall of the guest bedroom. I'd come in to see if Lily was awake but she was still sleeping. I hoped she stayed like that for awhile or at least long enough for me to figure out what to do.

How could her father just shut her out like that? The memory still made me angry. He had looked so cold and uncaring when he shut the door. I was glad I moved Lily at the last minute because her father would have broken her hand with he force he used to shut the door in her face. I squeezed my eyes shut and let that thought go, it wasn't going to help Lily now. I'd stayed up all night, worrying over her and even more so after she'd briefly woken up and screamed my name. I'd been afraid to sleep just in case she needed me again.

I touched my chest, the spot over my heart and rubbed it to help ease the pain. The second I mentioned the depression her face had closed down. A few minutes before she'd been touching my face and telling me how handsome I was and then she'd just...pulled away. For the first time I cursed myself for speaking English. If I'd known that one day I would have to translate something for her that could ultimately cost me her friendship, I would never have asked her to teach me in the first place.

I walked quietly over to the side of the bed and watched her sleep. She looked normal now; there was no evidence of the trauma she'd experienced or the after affects. I would do whatever it took to make her feel better. Abeonim said that it might take a few days or even a few weeks for the trauma to subside and for her recovery to begin, that was the problem with emotional trauma, it wasn't biological. Emotional trauma only worked itself through at the behest of the victim and their willingness to move on.

I didn't see any reason for Lily to not want to move on but then again, that was before I'd learned about her history with depression. It bothered me that she'd never told me; I'd always felt like she told me everything but it was very obvious from her reaction earlier that she'd had no intention of revealing this side of herself. Did she think it would make me change my opinion of her? Was she ashamed? Depression wasn't uncommon, I mean we all had depressing times in our lives, right? Maybe her's had been harder to bare than most. Scratch that, of course it had. She'd even told me once how hard it had been to move from Germany to Korea and I wasn't as blind as that I couldn't see the effect her mother's abandonment had had on her. And now her father...

I shook my head as all these thoughts swam around. I didn't even know where to begin to fix her. No, I told myself. She wasn't broken, just-just bruised a bit. Lily was strong, she had to be to come to Korea and made a life for herself. She'd become fluent in the Korean language in six months. She self taught herself how to use chopsticks during lunchtime and never hid her face if someone teased her for her nationality. She'd adapted, she was an adapter and I had no reason to think she wouldn't adapt now and it wasn't like she was alone. She had me. No, don't think like that, I told myself. She had us; Mae Ri, Ji Soo and I, she had all of us to help her.

I just needed to make sure she knew that when she woke up. I reached down and moved a stray strand of hair off her forehead. I nearly jumped back in shock when her eyes opened wide and stared straight up at me.

***

Lily...

I had been fighting against consciousness but could no longer ignore that I was slowly waking  up. Especially not when someone touched my forehead. My body froze but my eyes opened wide to see who was there.  Jong Hwa was staring down at me and looked pretty guilty.

I was so happy to see him but I couldn't let him know that. My hand tingled with the need to reach out and touch his skin. I tried to get angry about being so dependent upon his presence but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wasn't sure if that was because it was Jong Hwa or because I was just too exhausted to even make the attempt.

I sat up even though I felt like lying in bed all day. I couldn't have been asleep for every long based off the sun that was still streaming through the window. I looked back at Jong Hwa, who hadn't moved since I opened my eyes. He didn't look much better than he had before but his eyes weren't as red.

    "Did you get some sleep," I asked quietly, unsure of my own voice.

    "A little," he shrugged like it didn't matter but it mattered to me.

    "Stop worrying about me and go get some sleep," I blearily gestured towards the door. "I'm fine," I said without gumption.

    "Liar," he said. "You think I don't know you?" He pushed his hand through his hair and I finally realized why his hair was in such disarray. "I know you're not fine," he muttered.

    "You're right, my head--" I stopped. How could I possibly even describe how I was feeling to him? I didn't even understand it myself. "My head is all messed up and I'm feelings things I've never felt before, I just--" I shrugged and just stopped. There was no way I could describe the confusion I felt.

    "What are you feeling," he asked me.

    "It's nothing," I waved it off. I'd shown him enough of my dark side that I didn't feel like pulling him in any farther. I was lucky he was still here even after everything that happened earlier.

    "Stop pushing me away," he forced out. He let out a frustrated breath and only made me feel worse. I'd made him this way, it was my fault.

    "I have too," I retaliated. My voice came out loud and I quickly looked at the door. I expected someone to come but no one did. "I have too," I told him in a quieter voice.

    "Why, why do you have too," he asked me eagerly. He was trying to understand, I could see that but my muddled brain kept telling me he'd never understand and honestly, how could he? Who would understand this? Even I didn't understand this, whatever 'this' was!

I clutched my temples just trying to get my brain to make sense. I needed Jong Hwa so why was I pushing him away? I needed him like I needed my next breath so why was I torturing myself? Because he didn't need me like I needed him. He'd never need me like I needed him and it wasn't fair to drag him down with me. That's right. I forced this upon him and Jong Hwa was just such a good person that he was allowing me to drag him with me. Just look what I'd done, I told myself. Look at his face, I did that, I thought. He was looking at me in confusion, waiting for me to answer, I supposed. He looked tired, so, so tired. He couldn't even sleep because of me.

    "Why do you have to push me away," he asked me again, pleading this time.

    "Because I need you too much," I looked down and told my hands. I couldn't bare to look at his face. "I feel like the world doesn't make sense if you're not in the same room as me. I feel like I'm never safe unless you're around. It isn't fair to you," I sucked in a breath, tears were already building in the back of my eyes. I felt shame, I felt so ashamed for saying this to him. "I've never been dependent on anyone, for any reason. Because of--" I took a breath. "Because of last night I have become so dependent on you and I can't help it. I know it's an effect of the shock but it doesn't mean it's okay."

    "It's ok to depend on people," Jong Hwa said and reached out to me but I shuffled away from his hand. I was afraid that if he touched me now, I'd give in and cling to him.

    "No, it's not." I shook my head and stood up on the other side of the bed so now the bed was between Jong Hwa and I. "They just leave," I whispered mostly to myself.

    "Lily--"

    "I don't want to depend on you," I said forcefully. "I hate myself for depending on you."

Jong Hwa sucked in a breath.

    "I'm sorry, Jong Hwa, but that's the truth," I said and looked away from his face.

    "Is it so bad to depend on me," he asked quietly.

No! I wanted to yell, I wanted to tell him that I loved that I could depend on him. I loved that he'd never let me down. But then I had the creeping thought: you never thought your mother would let you down either. And she had. She'd let me down so much. And now, with my father... I didn't think I'd live through it if Jong Hwa let me down. I wouldn't give him the chance...

    "Yes," I finally said. I turned around and left Jong Hwa standing in the bedroom by himself. I found the bathroom and locked myself in. I grabbed the hand towel off the counter and covered my mouth with it as I finally let the tears fall. I'd never cried so hard in my life.

***

Ji Soo...

I knocked on my dad's office door just in case he was on the phone with a patient. He called me in almost immediately and I pushed open the door to go inside. I always felt overwhelmed when I walked into my dad's home office. He had certificates and degrees on his wall along with all his academic achievements and I couldn't help being proud of all the work my father had accomplished in his fifty years of life.

I also felt overwhelmed because his office was cramped full of filing cabinets which accounted for the lack of space, well, that and the U-shaped desk he used. There was just enough space to walk comfortable around the desk but the filing cabinets had to be opened from the side since there was no more room.

    "Just one second while I finish this email," my father said as he clicked the keys on the keyboard. When he was done he turned to me and smiled, "What do you need?"

    "Abeoji," I had a fifty-fifty chance that my father would deny my request but I wanted to give it a try anyway. "What's going on with Lily," I asked him.

    "You know if I tell you it's a violation of doctor-patient confidentiality," he told me.

    "I know," I admitted. "Think you could tell me anyway?"

    "Ji Soo," he warned.

    "Think of it as training," I said quickly. "You could present it as a case study, you've done those with me before," I finished. It wasn't uncommon for my father to put a file on my desk and tell me my thoughts on it. He knew I wanted to become a doctor although I had no idea what field I'd enter so he habitually put different types of cases on my desk for me to look through and see what peaked my interest. They were just redacted copies of real patients.

    "My sneaky son," my father chuckled and I knew I'd won.

    "I just want to help, she's my friend," I admitted. I didn't know how much I'd be able to help but maybe if I had some insider knowledge, then maybe I could tell Jong Hwa what to do, he'd be the most help to her anyway.

    "I know, I know, I know," my father waved me off. He thought it over for a moment but eventually gestured for me to sit down. I did what I normally did when I came into this office and sat on the edge of his desk.  "What do you want to know," he asked me.

    "Well, first off, what happened?" I was still unclear on that whole subject. I'd been listening earlier when he explained it to Lily but I was still fuzzy on a few details.

    "It's called emotional trauma," my father took a breath and I could see him flipping through the encyclopedia that was his brain as he tried to find the words to describe the condition. "It's exactly what it sounds like. The patient suffers some traumatizing event that sends their system into chaos. It could be anything from a death of a family member, an accident, or, in Lily's case, the feeling of total abandonment."

I nodded to indicated I was following along.

    "It says in Lily's file that her mother left when she was sixteen, right after they moved to Korea," my father pinched the bridge of his nose. "That's when Lily's symptoms first started. She started to become more withdrawn, it says her father noticed that she rarely left her bedroom except to buy groceries. For awhile he assumed it was because she was in a foreign country but he realized it was something more when she stopped talking to him altogether. For all intents and purposes, she'd become a mute," the person my father was describing was completely unknown to me. It wasn't the Lily I'd met or the Lily I'd grown to know and befriend. "Eventually her father took her in to get evaluated and that's when she started seeing a therapist. He prescribed her antidepressants and she began to improve," my father continued.

    "When was that," I asked, curious. Lily rarely spoke about her first few months here. I knew she hadn't started school right away but that was all I knew about those early days.

    "Ah," my father turned around at his desk and picked up a file. He opened it and began paging through the information. "She came to Korea in November of 2010," he said and continued to peruse the sheet.

If Lily came to Korea at the end of 2010, then she'd been here a full four months before she started at SFLHS, and another six months before she joined the regular classes. Four months before she'd even met Jong Hwa, it made me wonder even more about how she'd spent those four months.

    "It says the therapist started noticing improvement around March and April," my dad said as he continued to look through her file.

So she'd started to improve right after she'd met Jong Hwa, it just further proved that Jong Hwa would be the one to help her now. For some reason, that news reassured me.

    "She had her last therapy appointment in October, 2011 and stopped taking the antidepressants in December of that same year," my father finished.

    "Ok, so she became depressed after her mom left and then she got better, right," I said trying to make sure I understood what he was saying.

    "It's not that simple, Ji Soo," my father said. "She'd felt abandoned; her mother left her with a father who was constantly disrupting her life by moving her and it sounds like he was pretty neglectful based off some of Lily's recorded statements. Her file states she felt "alone", "forgotten", "burdensome". She displayed emotions such as self-loathing and and guilt for the role she played in her parent's lives. She blamed herself for her mother's departure and attempted to make herself as invisible as possible," my father explained and I began to realize that Lily had had a harder time than we'd ever predicted. "On top of all that, she was in a new country with a completely new language and she felt even more isolated."

    "But it also says in her file that she'd met some friends," my father looked up at me. "I would imagine that was Jong Hwa, Mae Ri and yourself," he said. "She eventually showed signs of appreciating her self worth and the therapist saw her fit and able to stop taking the antidepressants. So, as you can imagine, if her mother's absence made her feel all that, what do you think her father's departure will do?"

    "Aish," I rubbed my face. Helping Lily was going to be harder than I'd thought.

    "Smart boy," my father sighed. "I would imagine Lily will go through exactly what she went through before but on a deeper level because now both her parent's are gone, she's more alone than ever. She's going to withdraw, she's going to have feelings of self-loathing and she is going to push everyone away but due to the emotional shock, it's going to pull her in two completely different directions."

    "What do you mean," I asked, confused.

    "In most cases, when someone loses someone and the end result is emotional shock, it causes that person to attach themselves to someone who is close to them. I believe this has already happened," my father said.

I thought about my father's words and understood almost immediately, "Jong Hwa."

    "Exactly," my father confirmed. "I believe Lily has emotionally anchored herself to Jong Hwa and will want to be with him at all times in order to feel safe, in order to feel like she's not alone but her father's actions have compounded the issues of abandonment that Lily already harbored from three years ago."

    "So she's going to want to push Jong Hwa away," I said. "Push him away and still want him near." Oh man, this just got messier and messier by the minute.

    "Take it a step further, Ji Soo," my father prompted.

Take it a step further? I thought over everything we'd talked about. "She's going to push everyone away, she's going to seclude herself. She's going to feel guilty," at this point I was just speculating until I came to the conclusion my father had already reached. "She'll think it's her fault that her father and mother left, she's going to think everyone will leave her eventually but at the same time, she's going to want to stay near people, or at least Jong Hwa, that'll be the shock. She's going to be pulled in both directions," I kept going back and forth, it was enough to make anyone... "Crazy," I said out loud.

My father nodded, "I wouldn't be surprised if Lily had a complete mental break unless we're able to pull her out of her trauma as soon as we can. It's why I wanted to start her on the antidepressants as soon as possible, maybe if we can get the medication into her system before the emotional shock wears off, we can nip this in the bud before she breaks down."

    "How long until the emotional shock wears off," I asked but not entirely sure I wanted the answer.

    "It could be a few weeks, a couple of months," he said. "Or it could be days."

    "Days?" That, I thought to myself, was hardly any time at all. I thought back to another case study my father had me read awhile back about a patient suffering from depression.  I knew that antidepressants could take anywhere from four to six weeks to start to work and that was only if they'd found an antidepressant that worked. Sometimes antidepressants backfired and made the patient feel worse, even suicidal.

    "I'm afraid so," my father admitted after a beat.

To Be Continued...

Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Eleven

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Eleven

    "Lily," Mae Ri tried to get my attention but all I could see was the closed door. I pulled my arm out of Jong Hwa's hand and began pounding on the door.

    "Dad," I called hoarsely at first. "Dad," I called more loudly.

My friends let me continue for a few minutes but it was obvious my dad wasn't going to open the door and my pleas were falling on deaf ears.

    "Lily, let's go," Jong Hwa pulled me back and this time I let him. I barely noticed my surroundings as my friends pulled me to the elevator. I felt cold, despite being bundled in my winter jacket.

    "Lily, gwanchana," Mae Ri asked me hesitantly but I couldn't focus enough to think of an answer.

    "Of course she's not ok," Ji Soo shoved Mae Ri from behind.

    "I was just asking," Mae Ri elbowed Ji Soo back.

    "It was a stupid question," Ji Soo responded.

    "Guys," Jong Hwa said sharply and they instantly stopped talking.

I still couldn't believe that my father had shut the door in my face. He looked at me like I was a traitor, like I'd betrayed him. Maybe I had, I thought. Maybe my decision to stay seemed like a betrayal to him but wouldn't going back be a betrayal to myself? He'd left me with nothing, I didn't have any clothes, my books, my toothbrush. I had nothing. Some how we'd made it to the lobby and I couldn't even remember getting on the elevator. I had...I had...

I pulled my wallet from my jacket pocket and opened it, "20,000 won." My own voice felt very far away.

   "What," Ji Soo called from behind me.

20,000 won...20,000 won, my mind kept circling around that amount, that was..."That's enough for a toothbrush and maybe a shirt," I muttered.

    "Lily, stop," Jong Hwa said quietly and tried to take my wallet away but I cradled it against my chest.

    "Don't take it away, it's all--it's all I have left," I quickly put the money away and stuffed my wallet back into my pocket so no one could take it from me. "It's mine," I warned them.

    "Lily?" Jong Hwa's voice seemed very far away and I didn't know what scared me more, the thought of someone taking the rest of my livelihood or Jong Hwa moving far way from me. I panicked and grabbed onto his arm.

    "You can't leave me too, I couldn't--don't leave me," I buried my face in his shoulder. "I need you," I started shuddering violently. I couldn't shake the cold. It was so cold, why?

    "Jong Hwa-ya," Ji Soo said from somewhere. "I think she's in shock. What did her father say?"

    "Jong Hwa, don't leave," I continued to plead.

    "I really do think she's in shock," Ji Soo said.

    "What do we do," Jong Hwa asked while he tried to dislodge his arm from my tight grip but I wouldn't let him go.

    "No," I clawed at his jacket. "No, don't leave."

    "Lily, I'm not going anywhere," he tried once again to pull his arm out of my grasp but since I wasn't letting go of his jacket he simply pulled his arm out of the sleeve and soon I was grasping at nothing.

    "No!" I screeched and made a pass for his waist. I gripped him tightly, fearful that he'd pull away again and instead he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.

    "Ji Soo call your father," Jong Hwa commanded even as he gently started patting my hair. "Something isn't right," he mumbled as held me.

    "Lily," Mae Ri was crying but I didn't know why or care, I just knew that I had to make sure Jong Hwa didn't leave.

    "Abeoji," Ji Soo said into the phone before falling into a quick slew of Korean that I neither followed nor cared about.

I pressed my ear to Jong Hwa's chest and listened to his heart. Bah-bump. Bah-bump. Bah-bump. It was the best sound in the world, I wish I could just have his heart, he'd never leave me then. My eyes started to droop and my legs started to get weak.

    "...keep her warm..."

    "...she's falling..."

    "...Lily!"

***

    "They spoke in English, I don't know--" a voice broke through my consciousness weakly.

    "He kicked her out, he just--"

...Silence...

    "...will be ok, just needs time..."

    "Jong Hwa!" I cried out but my voice seemed small and weak.

    "I'm right here," I felt a hand grab my own and give it a gentle squeeze. That's all I needed to know before I slid back into sleep.

***

I was warm and it felt good. I could feel the sun rays on my face even thought I hadn't opened my eyes, it was nice. It's Saturday, I thought. The weekends are always the best. Wait...the sun's up? How come Dad didn't--Dad...Dad...

It was like a movie played out before my eyes...Dad slapped me...my packed bedroom..."Then this is goodbye"...and it all ended with a door shut in my face.

    "No," I moaned and pulled my knees up. I just wanted to shrink into nothing. If my dad left like that I'd have no one, I had...Jong Hwa. Jong Hwa!

I must have yelled his name unconsciously because the next thing I heard was Jong Hwa's voice, "I"m here. Lily, I'm here."  The bed creaked to one side and I finally opened my eyes.

Jong Hwa's hair was disheveled and pushed away from his face. He looked pale and his eyes were red like he'd stayed up all night. "Jong Hwa," I threw my arm out looking for his hand and  pulled him close as soon as I clasped his fingers.

I held his arm at such an awkward angle that he finally shuffled until he was laying down across the bed from me which only made me want to pull him closer which I did. I felt a little light headed but I didn't find the feeling completely unpleasant.  It was better than the pain I felt a few seconds ago. I felt safe now that he was here which was saying something since I was coherent enough to realize I was in a bedroom I've never been in before.

    "You can't leave me," I whispered to him. "Ok?"

    "I won't. How do you feel," he asked me, there was such a concerned look on his face. I felt bad for making his eyebrows crinkle that way.

    "Don't frown," I used my index finger to poke the space between his eyes where his brows were furrowed. "You're most handsome when you look happy." I think I took him by surprise because his mouth opened into a small "O" but at least the frown was gone.

    "Lily, are you feeling ok," he looked at me worriedly.

    "I feel weird but it's ok, as long as you're here, I'm ok," and it was true. I snuggled a little closer until my head was just under his chin and breathed in the scent of Jong Hwa. He didn't particularly smell like anything really, which I found surprisingly nice. He smelled like clean clothes and there was a faint soapy smell I assumed was his body wash.

    "Maybe I should get Dr. Lee," he said hesitantly and began to pull away.

    "No, no," I tried to keep my voice low. "Where are we anyway?" I felt I should be curious about where I was but I wasn't. I just wanted to make sure Jong Hwa didn't go anywhere so this was my attempt to keep his attention.

    "Ji Soo's house. You, ah," Jong Hwa shuffled a little farther away from me and I shuffled with him. "You fainted after-after what happened with your Dad."

    "Ah," I could feel the pain of abandonment try to rise up but I dismissed it. I had Jong Hwa, I didn't need anyone else. As long as Jong Hwa didn't leave...

    "Lily, I'm going to get Dr. Lee," Jong Hwa sat up but I wouldn't let go of his hand. "I'll be right back," he gave final tug and I lost my grip.

    "You'll be right back," I asked desperately.

Jong Hwa, who was never one to be overly touchy-feely, completely took me by surprise by gently cradling my face between his two hands and looking me straight in the eye, "I'll be right back."

I nodded, completely mesmerized by his brown eyes, and felt reassured that he would be true to his word. He let go of my face and I suddenly felt cold again. I pulled the blanket closer as he left the room and I finally took in my surroundings.

The room looked typical of a "guest" bedroom meaning there was nothing more personal in it than a picture of the ocean on the wall across from the bed and a night stand. The walls were painted a gray-blue that took the word "neutral" to a whole new level and I wondered how I'd ever thought Jong Hwa's house filled with brown was anything other than homey. Even the bedspread, white with traces of the same gray-blue, looked cold or maybe that was just some residual after effect of Jong Hwa's absence. Where was Jong Hwa?

It was another minute or so before Jong Hwa and Dr. Lee came back into the room. Ji Soo's father wasn't a big man but he had such a large presence that I felt like he took up the room and I became instantly uncomfortable. The feeling confused me because I'd never been uncomfortable with him before. In fact, he was the first parent who I felt didn't judge me the minute I walked through their door. For me to be uncomfortable with him was like not being uncomfortable in my own skin. It was my first clue that something was seriously wrong with me but even as I was telling myself that it was just Dr. Lee, I pulled slightly away from his approaching form until I was on the opposite side of the bed-almost off of it. If I moved any more, I'd have to stand up.

Dr. Lee must have seen my apprehension because he stopped coming closer to the bed but the smile on his face never ceased. "How are you feeling, Lily," He asked me gently in a voice you would normally use to calm down pets.

    "I feel strange, I don't know why," I clutched the neckline of my shirt just above my heart. I was trying to tell my fast beating heart to calm down. Mae Ri and Ji Soo had came into the room but they stayed near the door. Mae Ri looked like she'd been crying and Ji Soo just looked tired. I felt terrible, I knew it was because of me. I looked to Jong Hwa who was standing a little bit away from them but now that I really looked at him, he looked terrible.

I glanced at the window and estimated that it had to have been sometime after eight in the morning which meant I had been out for several hours, twelve or more hours. "What time is it," I asked.

    "A little after nine in the morning," Dr. Lee answered me. I nodded, not knowing what else to do. I did the math in my head, I had been out for nearly fourteen hours. That wasn't normal, I thought.

    "Could you kids give Lily and I some privacy,' Dr. Lee lifted his arm as if to usher the other three from the room but my response immediately cut off their departure.

    "No, wait--" I immediately looked at Jong Hwa. The words "stay with me" were on the tip my tongue but I bit them back. He truly looked terrible, his eyes were more red than I had originally thought, his face was pale and he just simply looked tired especially with his shoulders hunched down like he was barely standing upright. I couldn't, in good conscious, ask him to stay with me. However...

    "Can-can Mae Ri stay," I asked hesitantly. Jong Hwa's body shut up straight but I didn't think any thing of it as I stared at Dr. Lee with pleading eyes.

Mae Ri burst into tears and came running at me. I shuffled so fast off the bed that I nearly tripped and would have if the wall hadn't been as close as it was. Mae Ri didn't notice my panic though because within seconds her arms were around my neck and I was in a hug tight enough to threaten my oxygen intake.

Normally I would have hugged her back almost immediately but I found myself hesitating this time. I was confused by my reaction but after a few moments I did hug her back.

    "I was so worried," Mae Ri said loudly and she continued to hug me.

I barely listened to her words as I watched Dr. Lee usher Ji Soo and Jong Hwa from the room. Jong Hwa looked at me and our eyes met for a moment before he looked to the floor and quietly shut the door behind him. I felt hollow and probably pushed Mae Ri away harder than I had intended because soon she was standing a foot away from me looking at me curiously.

    "I couldn't-" I pretended to cough. "Breath," I touched my throat to make it look believable.

    "I'm sorry," Mae Ri said nervously, like she wasn't sure if she should believe me.

I tried to put a smile on my face but it felt weak so I just sat back on the bed and look towards Dr. Lee waiting for him to tell me what happened. "Lily," and that was pretty much the last thing I understood from that moment on. I nodded along as if I understood but I felt like he was speaking a foreign language which, awkwardly, made me giggle because that's exactly what he was doing. He was using so many Korean words that I didn't know that I couldn't even keep up with the details of my condition. For some reason, this knowledge sent me into such a fit of giggles that I feared I would faint again due to light headedness.

    "What's so funny," Dr. Lee's smile dimmed slightly as he continued to watch me try and fail to contain my laughter.  Which only made me laugh more, one glance at Mae Ri's face and I could no longer contain myself. I laughed in such loud guffaws that it echoed throughout the room.

There was a knock on the door, "Dad, is everything ok," Ji Soo's voice sounded from behind the door.

Dr. Lee walked over to the door and pulled Jong Hwa inside and spoke quickly to him but I just kept wiping the tears of laughter out of my eyes.

    "Lily, did you understand what Abeonim* was trying to tell you," Jong Hwa asked me in English.

    "Jong Hwa-ya," I threw out my hand and he instantly took it and I felt better. He came and sat next to be on the bed but said a few words to Dr. Lee. I could only concentrated on the feel of Jong Hwa's hand in mine. His slim fingers encased my palm gently and I began to draw circles with my thumb on the back of his left hand.

    "Lily, can you look at me," Jong Hwa asked me and I instantly looked up. "I'm going to tell you something and I need you to pay attention to what I'm saying." It was like a weird role reversal of my conversation with Mae Ri the previous day.

I smiled at him, "I always pay attention to you. You're all I ever see," I slapped a hand over my mouth. "Oppsy," I giggled again.

    "Lily, the strange feeling you are experiencing is due to the emotional trauma that was inflicted last night," Jong Hwa told me slowly in English.  "It's called emotional shock, you experienced something so emotionally traumatizing that your body was unable to provide enough oxygen to the rest of your body that you fainted."

    "That doesn't sound good," I said and sobered up a little bit. Dr. Lee said more big words to Jong Hwa that I wasn't able to understand and I waited for Jong Hwa to translate it for me.

    "He said the symptoms you are experiencing, the manic hysteria, um," he asked Dr. Lee something and Dr. Lee nodded. "The laughing, is part of that manic hysteria. He said you might feel like you are floating, that will all disappear as the shock wears off." Jong Hwa squeezed my hand reassuringly and I nodded even though I had a hard time comprehending. I guess I did kind of feel like I was floating, now that I thought about it.

Dr. Lee said something to Mae Ri and Ji Soo  and they left the room and shut the door leaving me with Jong Hwa. Dr. Lee then began saying something more to Jong Hwa who nodded along but  then looked at me abruptly as if he was confused.

    Go ahead," I said and blinked hard. Now that I realized that even though I felt good, it didn't necessarily mean it was a good thing and I was trying to move past it. "I'm-I'm paying attention," I nodded for him to keep going.

    "He said that he was able to contact your doctor at the military base hospital and he forwarded your medical records to Abeonim," Jong Hwa looked back at Dr. Lee for the next installment of information. "He's most concerned about what will happen once the manic hysteria wears off. Your history with," Jong Hwa squeezed my hand again. "With depression."

Nothing could have sobered me up faster than Jong Hwa finding out I had been clinically depressed. It was like all the laughter in the world disappeared in that moment and my heart shrank two sizes. That had been a secret I never intended to tell any of my friends, it was a bad period in my life but I had considered it done and over with and planned on never bringing up. The sudden shame that filled me only made me feel worse.

Dr. Lee started saying something more but I instantly threw up my hand, "Hajima*, Jebal*." I looked between Jong Hwa and Dr. Lee and tried to figure out what to do next. I obviously needed help with the translation and no one else spoke Korean and English other than Jong Hwa so I had no choice but to continue to let Jong Hwa translate but was I ready for Jong Hwa to find out about all my dirty little secrets? I slipped my hand out of Jong Hwa's and moved to the other side of the bed before standing up and moving as far away from him as the room would allow.

    "Lily," Jong Hwa looked like he was going to follow me but I put out my hand to tell him to stay.

    "Ok, continue," I said in Korean to Dr. Lee who simply nodded. It wasn't a surprise when I only caught a few words since most of it was medical jargon I'd never learned before so I had no choice but to wait for Jong Hwa translate but I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

    "He said he'd like to start you back on your antidepressants to avoid a relapse until you feel you are well enough to go without them," Jong Hwa translated.

    "Why am I not at the hospital," I asked. For some reason, I was just realizing this conversation should be happening at a hospital. Why was I not waking up in a hospital bed?

    "Well, we thought it might be better to bring you here since, I mean you hadn't actually gotten hurt and," Jong Hwa looked down at his feet like he didn't want to be here any more than I wanted him here, at least not for this particular conversation. "The hospital bill would have been expensive and we--"

    "I understand," I wished I could just fall into a hole and disappear. They'd known I wouldn't have been able to pay for the bill. It was a good thing Ji Soo's father was a doctor otherwise I would have been royally screwed but then again, I felt like I was royally screw now so it really wouldn't have mattered. "I'm fairly sure my 'manic hysteria' is gone now," I admitted. There was no way I could feel worse so I might has well get all the information, even if I had to get it through Jong Hwa.

Jong Hwa translated my words and I waited for Dr. Lee to say something.

    "Abeonim said, with your permission, he'd like to order a prescription," Jong Hwa continued to listen to Dr. Lee's words. "He said he could get you started on them today."

    "Sure," I agreed. He was after all the doctor. My embarrassment kept rising and I just wanted to be alone. "Are there any other side affects," I asked but not like I really cared but I waited for an answer anyway.

    "He said you might feel overly tired for awhile but that things like this usually work themselves through," Jong Hwa informed me. "He said you might grow overly-attached to someone, someone you're close too. He said it's a coping mechanism for losing someone so abruptly," Jong Hwa finished.

Well that explained my irrational need to keep Jong Hwa by my side. He was the first person I latched onto yesterday and the first person I asked for when I woke up. His touch calmed me and made me feel safe, in fact, he'd always felt safe which is probably the reason I latched onto him in the first place.

    "Abeonim also said he could set you up with someone," Jong Hwa said.

    "Like a therapist," I asked and finally looked at Jong Hwa. He looked unhappy, yeah, well me too buddy.

    "I think so," he admitted.

    "No thank you," I'd had enough of therapists. The therapist from three years ago just kept asking me how I felt and wanted me to keep talking and talking but I hated one sided monologues. Eventually I had just told him exactly what he wanted to hear which wasn't too hard to make believable because who really wanted to listen to a sad sixteen year old talk about how sucky her life was? Even I'd grown tired of it and it was my life!

    "Lily, if it would help--"

    "No, I'm fine. I'm-I'm back to normal," you're a liar, I thought to myself. You are so not fine, but if it would get me out of this conversation, then I would lie like a rug.

    "Lily--"

    "Really, Jong Hwa-ya," I put a bright smile on my face and decided I should have gone into acting because I was putting on the performance of my life right now. "I'll take the pills if it would make Dr. Lee feel better but now-" I crossed my arms to help keep myself from falling apart. "Now that it's all been explained, I feel much better."

I couldn't tell if he believed me or not but he related my words to Dr. Lee just the same. Dr. Lee nodded and smiled in my direction. I switched back to Korean and thanked him for all his help and made sure I gave him all the respects he deserved as both a doctor and my friend's father. I bowed deeply which caused me to keel forward a little but I caught myself on the edge of the bed. Jong Hwa jolted up but I cringed away before he could touch me.

    "I'm fine, just a little dizzy," once again, I smiled at him and made sure I was out of touching distance despite wanting to touch him so bad.

They both left shortly thereafter to let me "rest" but I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep for awhile. Sleeping for fourteen hours straight probably didn't help either, I thought to myself after I'd laid back down on the bed. I was staring out the window and tried to figure out what to do next.

I had no choice but to stay here for the day, I couldn't even go home since I no longer had a home to go too. In fact, my father was probably at the airport this second getting ready to board a plane back to the States. He'd taken all my belongings out of spite, I knew that now, but it still didn't change the fact that I had nothing to my name other than the 20,000 won in my wallet. The only thing I had going for me was the fact that I moved into the dorms tomorrow which was only reassuring because I could get away from the sad and pitiful looks my friends were giving me. It also got me away from Jong Hwa even though every fiber of my being wanted to be with him. Even now, I could feel his absence. Who was I kidding, even knowing what was happening hadn't alleviated the desire to be near him one bit.

I was eventually able to close my eyes and sleep some more and I happily sank into the darkness that would take me away from the confusing mess my life had just become.

***

Ji Soo...

In the ten years Jong Hwa and I had been friends, I'd never seen him look so bad and I didn't know how to help him.  I couldn't stop picturing the look of panic on his face after Lily collapsed yesterday or even the panic I had felt during the situation. My father always told me that being a doctor required the ability to keep a calm head in a crazy situation and that's what I'd done. Mae Ri had become hysterical trying to wake Lily up while Jong Hwa just cradled her in his arms and kept asking me what to do.

Even now I was trying to keep calm while my friend sat there on the bed looking confused and well, just not normal. When my father told Jong Hwa and I to leave, I felt relieved that at least Mae Ri would be with her even knowing that Mae Ri would most likely make the situation worse--she wasn't the calm type. It'd only been a few minutes later when we heard the laughing that abruptly erupted from behind the door.

Something wasn't right, she wasn't ok, was all I could think but for Jong Hwa's sake I didn't voice my opinion out loud. He looked like he was ready to collapse at any moment. Mae Ri had at least slept a little bit in the last fourteen hours and I had finally crashed around five in the morning only to be woken up about twenty minutes ago. As far as I could see, Jong Hwa hadn't slept at all.

It was another fifteen minutes of silence while Mae Ri and I stood out in the hallway waiting for the bedroom door to open. When it did, I don't know how Jong Hwa could look any worse. I watched as my dad shut the door behind himself.

    "Is she going to be ok," I asked even before Mae Ri could.

My dad nodded and sighed, "She'll be ok, she just needs time. She seems to be adjusting rather quickly," my dad said.

    "She's lying," Jong Hwa said quietly and he leaned against the wall of the hallway.

    "You don't know that," I said, wanting to reassure him but he simply looked at me with desperate eyes.

    "I know her, she's lying," he said and I believed him. If anyone knew her, it was Jong Hwa.

    "You kids stay here while I go and get her prescription," my dad instructed as he continued to walk towards his home office.

    "I can bring it to the pharmacy, Abeonim," Jong Hwa said and stood up straight.

    "I don't think so," I said and shook my head. "You're going to fall asleep halfway to the store, Mae Ri and I will go get it," I said and waved off his protests even before he could make them.

    "Ji Soo-ya, I--"

    "She's our friend too," I said to him quietly, warning him. Everyone was on edge and I wasn't about to watch my best friend run himself into the ground and collapse out of exhaustion. "You want to help her, you need to take care of yourself too."

    "He's right, Oppa*," Mae Ri said and I tried to bite back a smile. The only time she used the term "Oppa" was when she wanted something and I couldn't fault her for using it now. "Get some rest otherwise you will be of no help to her."

Jong Hwa didn't look like he appreciated our opinions but he kept his mouth shut which was just as well. "Come on," I said as I clapped his shoulder and pushed him into my room. "Try to get some sleep," I said as I went to grab my winter coat from my closet.

    "Did you know she'd been depressed," Jong Hwa asked me quietly as he sat down on my bed.

    "No," I answered. Lily had always seemed fine so I never once thought she seemed depressed but considering the life she'd had prior to moving to Korea, I guess I wasn't surprised. "No, I didn't."

    "Me either," Jong Hwa said. "She grabbed onto me like I was her lifeline and then she just," Jong Hwa shrugged halfheartedly. "Let me go," he finished.

I could understand the pain in his voice. The way Lily had clung to him yesterday, like she desperately needed him had probably made Jong Hwa feel like he was helping in some small way. Then to have her reject him just as quick, and taking the fact that he was in love with her into consideration probably compounded the rejection. "Don't hold it against her, she's just confused right now, I mean," I shrugged into my jacket. "Wouldn't you be?"

Jong Hwa shrugged again while he rubbed the back of his left hand. When he caught me staring, he stopped immediately. "I'm going to lay down," he said and did just that.

    "Good idea," I said. "We'll be back soon."

As I shut my bedroom door I just hoped he slept. There was a lot of questions I wanted to ask my father but it would have to wait until after we got back. It was enough to know that both Lily and Jong Hwa were resting and I did my best to comfort Mae Ri while we walked to the local pharmacy.  The last twenty-four hours felt like they had been a dream, or rather a nightmare that I was all too willing to wake up from.

To Be Continued...

***

*Abeonim: Abeoji means father but the "nim" adds a level of respect to the title and when conjugated it comes out as "Abeonim". Korean's call their friend's parents by their title of "Mother" and "Father.

*Hajima: "Stop" quite simply

*Jebal: "Please" in pleading form. It's normally used when emphasis is needed.

Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Ten

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Ten

I jerked awake as soon as my alarm went off. Of course, it was pressed to my face so the alarm was exceptionally loud in my right ear. I dismissed it quickly so I didn't wake the rest of the house and groggily sat up. I checked the time and remembered I'd set it for two hours earlier than my normal time which would explain why the sun wasn't even up yet. The previous day's events came at me in a rush and I remembered why I was waking up on Jong Hwa's couch rather than my own bed at home.

    "Aish," I moaned and stood up. I felt like I could have slept for another ten hours but I had things I needed to take care of. First of all, I needed my school uniform and my backpack. Second, I needed those transfer papers so I could turn them in. Then and only then, would I go to school so if I was going to get that all done in two hours, I would have to leave now.

I folded up the sheets and blankets and put the couch back to rights. I found some paper and a pen in the desk in the living room and I left a note; firstly thanking Jong Hwa's mom for letting me stay; and secondly telling Jong Hwa I'd see him at school. Satisfied with that, I retrieved my shoes from the foyer and left as quietly as I could.

It hadn't warmed up much over night and was still frigidly cold the next morning which left me holding my arms to try and provide warmth while in my jacketless state. I only had to walk about five or six blocks to reach a busy street and from there I could hail a taxi to get home. The only hard part would be hailing a driver willing to take me home and wait for me to get my wallet from my apartment to pay them.

It took three taxi driver's before I found one willing to take a chance on an American 18 year old. I think he mostly took pity on me since my teeth were chattering so badly while I explained my circumstances. The warmth of the taxi hadn't even abated all the chill from my limbs by the time we reached my apartment building.

    "I'll just be a minute," I told the taxi driver who nodded at me. "Ok, I"ll be right--" My phone went off.

I got out of the taxi and pulled my phone out of my pocket to discover it was Jong Hwa. "Yeobo--"

    "Where are you," He asked--demanded. Whoa! Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I entered the code to enter the building and pressed the up button for the elevator.

    "I'm just getting out of the taxi and heading upstairs," I told him not realizing this would upset him.

    "A taxi? Upstairs where? Your apartment," he asked.

Well, duh! "No, the Namsan Tower, of course my apart--"

    "Lily," he huffed out a breath. "Why didn't you wait? Or wake me up, we could have gone back together," his voice resumed it's normally calm state even though it sounded a little forced.

I stepped off the elevator on the ninth floor and felt glad that Jong Hwa had called me. As I neared the door, I realized I may have made a mistake in coming back this morning without him. "You're right, I should have," I told Jong Hwa as much. Now, because I hadn't thought ahead, I might have to face my father. Under normal circumstances he'd be at work by now but after last night, he may have opted to stay home. It was his last day, after all.

But then again, after having Jong Hwa hang up on him, it might not have been a good idea to bring him anyway so I gathered my confidence and entered the code for my apartment without hanging up with Jong Hwa.

    "Are you inside yet," he asked me. I heard some shuffling on his side of the call but didn't think about what it could have been as I pushed open my door and listened intently for any sound coming from inside.

    "Yeah, but I think it's empty," I muttered. It was true, the apartment was eerily silent so it was a safe bet that my father wasn't home. The farther I walked into the apartment the more sure I felt about it being empty. "No, he's gone. He must be at work," I heard Jong Hwa sigh in relief. Honestly, I did too. I told Jong Hwa I'd call him back once I was done paying for the taxi and hung up.

I went to wear my backpack lay on the floor in the living room and pulled out my wallet and the money I needed to pay for the taxi and quickly headed back downstairs. The taxi driver thanked me with a lot of enthusiasm and pulled away from the curb.

As per my promise, on the way back up I pulled out my phone again and called Jong Hwa back.

    "I'm sorry I left without telling you this morning, I just needed to grab things from my apartment and didn't want to wake you up," I said as soon as he picked up.

    "You still should have woken me up, what if your father had been home," he asked and I didn't have an answer for him so I simply let it drop.

    "Well I just need to grab my uniform and my back--" I stopped as soon as I opened my bedroom door.

    "What? What's wrong," Jong Hwa asked when my silence dragged on.

My father had been busy all night but not worrying about where I was. I looked around my room one more time and could barely believed my eyes. My father had packed all my belongings over night. Not one thing was left unpacked, even my bed frame had been disassembled.

    "Lily, are you ok?" Jong Hwa asked frantically into the phone.

    "Ah, um, yeah, I'm-I'm," I had a hard time stringing words together and I completely blanked on my Korean  "It's all packed," I finished in English.

    "Packed? What's all packed," he asked back in English.

    "My room, I cant--I don't know where all my stuff is," I started looking at the boxes to check for some sort of description of what each box contained but it was like my father wanted me to be confused and left each box completely blank.

    "Hang on, I'm just getting out of a taxi now," there was a muffled exchange before he was back. "I'm on my way up." And he hung up. It was only a few minutes before he was standing next to me looking into my room.

    "Well let's open them up and see what's what," Jong Hwa said nonchalantly.

    "Okay," I agreed and we started opening boxes.

    "What do you need," he asked me as he opened his third box.

    "I guess, I just need my school uniform for right now," and that's when I remembered the milk stain from yesterday's lunch debacle. "Scratch that, I need my gym uniform too."

    "Well your gym uniform is in this box but I didn't see your school uniform at all," he checked the boxes again and I did the same. My school uniform was nowhere to be found. Hmm, maybe I left it in the living room? I wouldn't normally leave it there but maybe I had.

Soon we'd checked the whole apartment, even the inside of my backpack and we couldn't find it. There was no where else it could be except--oh no.

    "Oh please, don't tell me it's--" was as far as I got before I opened the trash to check the inside. And there it was. sitting right on top of yesterday's dinner was my school uniform. Well, my skirt and Mae Ri's jacket, that is.

Jong Hwa was silent as I pulled it out of the trash but it was pretty clear it was unwearable, at least for today but possibly forever depending on how deep set the stains were. Suddenly my transfer didn't seem so bad, considering I wouldn't ever have to wear it after today. I let it slunk back into the trash and closed the lid.

    "Ya," Jong Hwa went back to get it but I stopped him.

    "I won't need it," I told him quietly as I walked back to my bedroom for the gym clothes. Luckily the gym clothes were a pair of red sweatpants and a black T-shirt that had the letters SFLHS stamped in red across the chest.

    "What do you mean you 'won't need it'," he asked as he followed me to the bedroom.

    "Remember when I said I had good news and bad news yesterday," I asked him and he nodded. God, it seemed like a millennium had passed since that conversation. "Well, I got accepted into the program.

    "Chugha*--"

    "But," I said, cutting off his congratulations. "I'm transferring to a different school started Monday."

And it was like watching a balloon deflate. In a matter of seconds, Jong Hwa's face went from smiling and happy to sad and down trodden.

   "Yeah, that's about how I feel too," I chuckled at his expression. "Now leave so I can change," I shooed him out and quickly changed from yesterday's clothes to my, thankfully, clean gym clothes. I often wished I could wear these every day rather than the skirted uniforms but the school had a policy about wearing your gym clothes on days when you don't have gym. Considering today was my last day at SFLHS, I didn't think it mattered too much.

As soon as I was done, I opened the door and found Jong Hwa standing in the living room looking...almost sick?

   "Hey, you ok," I asked him as I bent down to retrieve my backpack. I checked to make sure the transfer papers were still in there and they were. Thankfully my dad hadn't thought to throw away my back pack too but I think it being in the living room is the only thing that saved it from the trash bin.

    "Of course," he answered a little too strongly but I ignored it. It'd been a weird couple of days and everything was changing so fast that even I had a hard time swallowing it so I assumed he did too. Well, that and it was still incredibly early in the morning. I went back to my bedroom and packed another set of clothes so I could change after school and wouldn't have to keep walking around in these bright red pants--comfortable as they may be--and draw attention to myself.

    "Want to stop at the store before heading to school, I usually do but--"

    "Sure," he said.

I grabbed my coat this time and we headed out to the store. The usual ahjumma* behind the counter noted I was in earlier than I normally was and I told her I had some things to take care of at school. She rang up our purchases--canned coffee and a blueberry muffin we agreed to share together--and wished us well as we left the store. We ate while we sat on the bench waiting for the bus.

    "Have you told Mae Ri yet," Jong Hwa asked as he broke off a piece of the muffin.

    "Ani," I shook my head and broke off a piece for myself. "Haven't had the time and honestly, I don't see her taking the news well so I wanted to wait."

Jong Hwa chuckled, "No, neither do I." He broke of a piece just as I reached for my own. Instead of eating it, he just handed me the piece he'd taken. I was about to smile and thank him when my heart started to flutter again. No! I commanded it to stop and quickly looked away from him without thanking him and shoved the piece into my mouth.

We didn't talk for the rest of the time we waited for the bus and even on the bus, we didn't say anything more personal than deciding where we'd sit. We silently sipped out coffees and despite me not wanting my heart to keep fluttering, this non-talking thing was pretty comfortable. Jong Hwa himself was just comfortable. I don't know what it would feel like if he started dating Mae Ri but I promised myself I would do my best if they did. But then again, it wasn't like Mae Ri had shown any interest in Jong Hwa either so I guess it wouldn't be Mae Ri I'd have to worry about but some other nameless, faceless girl he dated. But at least I could openly not like that girl, unless of course she's was great. Even then, ugh, stop it Lily, just stop it, I thought to myself. If and when Jong Hwa started dating, just give him well wishes and leave it at that, I chided myself.

Or you could tell him how you feel, I thought. I swished the option around in my head but eventually decided against it. First, for the sake of the friends I shouldn't say anything. What if things got complicated or weird? I wouldn't want to be responsible for that. Secondly, not having Jong Hwa in my life was scary and if I made things weird, I would definitely lose him.

My inner ramblings took me all the way to school. Jong Hwa and I got off the bus and meandered our way to the front doors.

    "Hey, I gotta head to the office, I'll see you in class ok?" I told him. He nodded and left.

I headed of towards the office and dismissed the weird look the front desk lady gave me. It wasn't very often you saw a student come into the main office this early in the morning and certainly not wearing gym clothes so I understood the look. I sat in the admissions office and waited for Ms. Choi to come back to her desk. She must have been in a meeting because it was more than twenty minutes before she returned.

    "I have transfer papers I need stamped and faxed over to," I pointed at the number Chan Min had written on the bottom. "That number," I handed the papers to her for her to look at.

    "Transfer," she asked questioningly as she looked over the documents. "To this school," she looked up at me like it was a prank.

I understood that Seoul Foreign Language High School was very prestigious, granted not the most prestigious school in Seoul but high enough that any transfer to a lower school would be considered a serious downgrade in social status and here I was asking to be transferred willingly.

    "Ne, Seonsaengnim," I nodded and pursed my lips. After the night I'd had and this morning, I found I was very low on patience. Also, I didn't want to transfer so having someone question my transfer as if I was being ridiculous made me feel very irritable.

    "Geurae," she said and if it would have been politely acceptable for her to raise her nose at me, I think she would have. I sighed and proceeded to pick at nothing on my pants to pass the time.

Almost fifteen full minutes later she got up and made copies of the documents and assumingly faxed it over to Chan Min at the ESE before handing me back my own set of copies.

    "As of Monday morning you will no longer be a student here at Seoul Foreign Language High School and will be an attendee at Gyoyug Gudeunghaggyo. Understood?" She asked in a clipped tone.

I envisioned punching her in the face, "Understood." I got up and gave her a halfhearted bow before leaving the main office.

What a--I can't believe--ugh, as if I wanted to leave! I thought this angrily to myself even though I wanted to say it out loud.

The next thing I did was go to my locker to pull out my textbooks. Since the school provided the textbooks to us, we had to return them at the end of the year. In this situation, I supposed I needed to hand them over today. It was only after I grudgingly handed over my textbooks that I headed to class.

I still managed to get there before Mae Ri did, which really was a shocker given the fact that I was much later to class than I normally was. Ji Soo was there, however and he was huddled in close with Jong Hwa.

    "Morning, Ji Soo," I said before setting my backpack on my desk and sitting down.

    "Oh, ah, morning, ah, Lily," Ji Soo really sucked at keeping things hidden. I mean really, really sucked at it.

    "Might as well spill it, you two, unless you want Mae Ri to find out when she gets here--"

    "Mae Ri is already here," Mae Ri said from the doorway and we all turned to look guiltily at her. "What's going on," she asked suspiciously.

    "Exactly what I'd like to know," I said and turned back to the two boys. The few students who were already sitting in the room stayed quiet and just watched us.

    "Ah," Ji Soo looked completely at a loss. It was actually quite comical watching him try and come up with a satisfactory lie.

    "What's up is that you didn't answer your phone last night," Jong Hwa quickly covered their tracks.

    "Yeah, where were you when Lily needed you," Ji Soo chimed in and Jong Hwa elbowed him hard.

    "What're you trying to do," Jong Hwa muttered to Ji Soo who shrugged and looked panicky. "Well shut up. Stop helping me," Jong Hwa instructed Ji Soo who quickly pulled his furry winter hat down to hide his face.

    "Ji Soo," I dragged out the 'o' and caused him to jump up guiltily.

    "It's class time," he announced and started walking towards the opposite door, the one that Mae Ri wasn't standing by but because of the lowered hat, he tripped over the leg of a desk and almost crashed to the floor before catching himself and continuing on out of the room.

At that point, I could no longer contain my laughter and buried my face in my backpack to attempt to contain the sound.

    "Lee Ji Soo!" Mae Ri called and ran out of the door to follow him.

When I had finally composed myself enough to lift my head, I caught Jong Hwa staring at me. "What? Am I not allowed to laugh?"

    "I've just never seen you do it so openly," he glanced around the room. "Usually you're just more...reserved, I guess."

It was true. Normally I did everything I could not to stand out and laughing loudly in the middle of the classroom did seem a little out of character for me, even I had to admit that. The thought sobered me a little bit.

    "No, don't," Jong Hwa shook his head vigorously. "I mean, it was nice to see you laugh like that."

Bah-bump. There went my heart again and I looked away from his eyes. I pasted a smile on my face, "I wonder what Mae Ri is doing to Ji Soo right now."

    "Probably beating him--"

    "Lily Smith!" Mae Ri shrieked and everyone looked at her. She had tears in her eyes and her face was blotchy. Oh no...oh no...

    "Ji Soo can't keep a damn secret," I said in English and quickly got up to try and waylay the tears. At least now I knew what Jong Hwa and Ji Soo had been talking about earlier. Jong Hwa must have told him about my transfer, wait...Jong Hwa wouldn't have told him about my dad too, would he?

I stopped halfway to Mae Ri and looked back at Jong Hwa, "Dd you tell Ji Soo...about my dad?" I censored myself enough to not announce to the whole class that I'd been slapped. I'd taken a glimpse of my face this morning and knew whatever mark had been visible last night was gone but--

    "I-yes," he admitted and did truly look guilty but I had Mae Ri to contend with so Jong Hwa would have to come later. Question was, how much did Mae Ri know?

I turned back to Mae Ri and pushed her out into the hallway which I soon realized gave us no privacy as students were swarming to their classrooms. I did, however, see Ji Soo standing outside his classroom looking just as guilty as Jong Hwa did. I shot daggers in his direction and tried to think of a place to have this conversation with Mae Ri. Well, I hoped she liked rooftop stairwells because that would probably be the only quiet place at this time of the day.

I held onto her wrist and pushed my way through the throng of students and towards the back stairs. It took a few minutes but Mae Ri was able to contain herself long enough to get there before completely breaking down into tears.

Ok, now to find out what she knew...

    "Why are you crying," I asked. There, I thought, that was a good question to lead off with.

    "I'm sorry," she blubbered.

Ok, that was of no help...

    "Sorry for..?" I probed.

    "My dad took my phone last night and I tried to tell him I was waiting for an important call but he wouldn't listen and then I never got it back," she kept crying and normally, her being emotional didn't bother me--she was just an emotional person but right now, I needed answers and fast because class was going to start relatively soon and we needed to get back.

    "Did Ji Soo tell you about my dad," I asked her tentatively while trying to wipe her face off with my shirt.

The seemed to snap her out of her reverie and she eagerly started touching my cheeks. "Which one was it," she asked and inspected them both thoroughly. "Was is this one," she asked while looking at my right side.

Ok, now we were getting somewhere.

    "Ji Soo told you my dad slapped me," it as more of a statement than a question.

    "Of course, what else would he tell me," she asked shrilly as she continued to touch my face.

Well, wasn't this going to be pleasant, I thought. I grasped her hands and held them in her lap. "Mae Ri-ya," I said calmly. "I have more to tell you but you need to stay calm, can you do that?"

    "No need to talk to me like a child, Lily," she pulled her hands out of mine and crossed her arms.

I laughed at her pose and it seemed to break the tension and she calmed down. I let her wipe her face and pull herself together. "You ok now," I asked when she was done.

    "Yeah, sorry, I just--I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," she grumbled.

    "Don't worry about it because you can be here for me now," I said. "I got accepted into the program but--" That was all I got out before she pulled me into a hug and squeezed  the air out of me.

    "Omo, omo, omo," she kept hugging me and I kept trying to pull away.

    "Mae Ri-ya," I said loudly and she finally released me. She pulled back far enough to see my face.

    "What," she asked cluelessly.

    "I got accepted but," I took a deep breath. She was on such an emotional rollercoaster now, God, how would she react when the real news came? "I have to transfer schools. Today's my last day at SFLHS."

One, I counted.

Two.

    "Mwo!" She shrieked.

***

Needless to say we were late to class and Mae Ri had another round of crying under her belt this morning. The front of my shirt looked like a wet paper towel. I cringed to even think about  how much snot had made it onto my shirt. We each paid the class fine for tardiness and sat down at our desks. It was pretty obvious that Mae Ri had been crying so it garnered us many curious looks but luckily no snickers. Jong Hwa tried to get my attention before we sat down but I promptly ignored him.

My plan had been completely dashed by him. I was going to wait until after school to tell Mae Ri, when there would be no one staring or curious questions about what had happened between Mae Ri and I. Instead, I sat at the beginning of the school day with tears and most likely a ton of snot on my only good school clothing with a sniffling, inconsolable Mae Ri on my hands.

Wait til lunch, Kim Jong Hwa, I thought as I glared at the side of his face. Just you wait...

***

As soon as Mr. Gu dismissed the class for lunch, I was up and out of my seat as soon as was possible. I bowed to Mr. Gu and headed straight towards the hallway that lead to Ji Soo's class with Mae Ri and Jong Hwa following close behind. As soon as Ji Soo came out of his classroom I hauled him by the earlobe over to where Jong Hwa was standing looking astonished at my actions. I let Ji Soo go and grabbed a hold of Jong Hwa's earlobe and pulled down sharply which caused him to wince.

    "You two," I used my best scolding voice. "You," I pointed at Ji Soo. "Learn how to hide a secret," I pointed at Jong Hwa next. "You, learn how to keep them to yourself."

    "Isn't that the same--" Ji Soo started to question but I cut him off with a glare.

    "Alayo," they both said in unison.

    "Good, now can we spend two seconds being happy that I got accepted," I asked shrilly and I think I caught them all by surprise.

    "De,"all three of them said and we shared a group hug.

***

After that, it was just a regular day at school. What came after would come but for the moment, everything was ok.

    "When do you move in," Ji Soo asked while we ate our lunch.

    "Chan Min-ssi said I should meet him at the dormitory on Sunday and he'd get me settled," I answered around the rice in my mouth.

    "What time does your dad leave," Jong Hwa asked hesitantly.

    "Um," I ignored the pain in my chest at the thought of saying goodbye to my dad on such terrible terms. "Tomorrow afternoon, I think," I never actually saw the plane ticket.

    "Where are you going to stay Saturday night," Mae Ri asked me.

    "Probably just the apartment," I contemplated the logistics. I'd have to carry a bux on the city bus to get to the dormitories but the buses weren't really busy on Sundays so I didn't think it'd be a problem. I never did take a look at the list but I supposed I could take a look at it tonight when I got home.

    "Stay at my place. I can have my dad take us over in the morning," Mae Ri suggested, which would certainly take care of the traveling inconveniences but I couldn't impose on her father until after she asked him.

    "Well ask him first," I told her and she pulled out her phone to shoot him a quick text. He never really minded when I stayed over and we normally had a good time with her parents. They wold tell me about their history and culture--in fact, most of what I learned about Korea came from her parents.

    "What are you going to do about tonight," Jong Hwa asked me while he picked at his food.

    "I don't know, talk to my dad, I suppose," it wasn't something I was looking forward too. Odds were he hadn't calmed down over night.

    "Not alone," Jong Hwa piped in.

    "I doubt he'd," I looked down at my own plate, ashamed that I even needed to feel fearful of my own father. "I doubt he'd do it again."

    "Still," Ji Soo said.

    "We'll all go with you," Mae Ri added.

And that's how I found myself at my apartment with my three friends behind me trying to build up the courage to enter the code.

    "Want me to do it," Mae Ri asked and pushed herself to my side.

    "Ani," I took a deep breath and entered the code.

Beep.

Ok, that was weird. I'd entered the same code for nearly four years, how could I have gotten it wrong this time? I tried again.

Beep.

    "What the--"

    "Let me do it," Mae Ri scooted in front of me and entered the code.

Beep.

    "Did you guys change it," she asked me.

    "Ani," I answered absentmindedly while I thought of the different scenarios for why the door wouldn't open but only one made any sense. My dad must have changed it. Between this morning and now, which meant, he was probably looking at the door screen and laughing at me at this exact moment.

    "Dad," I pressed the doorbell and waited for him to answer it. "Dad," I called again and knocked on the door this time. It opened a few seconds later.

    "You're home," he said quietly as he stood in the doorway. "And you brought your friends."

    "Yeah, we were going to," lie, I told myself. Lie. Lie. Lie. "Work on homework together," I finished.

    "So you're still planning on staying in Korea," he asked. I looked back at my friends, Mae Ri had sidled back behind Ji Soo who, I could see, put up a protective hand in front of Mae Ri. Luckily I was standing in front of him and my father couldn't see it. It would probably make him angrier to know my friends were afraid of him as well.

    "Dad, we should talk about--"

    "Yes or no, Lily," he asked in the same quiet voice.

    "I'm staying," I said after a moment of pause. Nothing good was going to come after this moment.

    "Then this is goodbye," he said and started to shut the door.

    "Dad, wait," I grabbed the door jamb and prayed he didn't close the door on it.

    "Lily." Jong Hwa grabbed my arm to pull me away but I jerked away from him.

    "Dad, let's talk," I pleaded.

    "I have nothing to say to you," he said harshly.

    "Ok fine, but what about my stuff--"

    "You mean the stuff you bought with my money," he sounded almost normal then, like he was really asking me a question. "It's coming with me. I bought it, I'm keeping it."

    "But, Dad--"

    "Move your hand before I close the door on it," without waiting for me to reply he went to close the door and if it hadn't been for Jong Hwa pulling me back at the last moment, I really think my father would have slammed the door on my hand. Before I knew it, I was staring at a closed door.

To Be Continued...

***

*Chugha-: "Chughahamnida" or "Chughahaeyo" means Congratulations

*Ahjumma: is a term used for older ladies. Basically it's the "Mrs." or Senora to the younger term "Ms." or "Senorita--or as the Koreans would say "Ahgasshi" which literally means "Young lady"

Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Nine

Nae Chingu (My Friends) 

Chapter Nine

Two Years Earlier...

It was Jong Hwa's special night and I wanted to look appropriate so Mae Ri was helping me get dressed or rather, she was dressing me completely since I mostly had nothing but jeans or sweatpants in my wardrobe for when I wasn't in school--none of which was particularly appropriate for tonight's events. Jong Hwa would be receiving an award for his exemplary math skills during the National Math Olympia wherein he won first place. That's how I found myself at this god awful clothing store that held absolutely no clothes I would buy if it wasn't for these special circumstances. It was also the night I would meet Jong Hwa's parent's for the first time so I wanted to leave a good impression--unlike the first impression I'd left with Mae Ri's parents. I still shudder when I thought about it and could still see Mae Ri's horrified face in my mind. It was a miracle that her parents had accepted me at all; not only had I walked into their house with my shoes on, huge faux pas number one, but then I'd been completely informal when delivering my introductory speech and then capped it off by holding out my hand for a handshake. At the time I hadn't been able to coherently switch between formal and informal situations in the Korean society but fortunately after Mae Ri frantically explained the situation to them, they'd forgiven me in lieu of my western upbringing. However after that day, I'd made sure that I never made those mistakes again.

    "What's wrong with this," Mae Ri asked while holding up a dress that was completely against everything I believed clothes should look like. First, it was floral; second, it looked like something my grandmother would have worn in the sixties. It was a long-sleeved dress with a crew neck line that had solid black lapels with little flowers embroidered on it--as were the black cuffs at the end of the sleeves. The skirt itself was black and pleated which wasn't so bad if it hadn't been attached to the top. To make matters worse, it was pink floral. I didn't do pink, in fact, I didn't own even one article of clothing that was wholly pink.

    "What isn't wrong with it," I muttered and she pouted as she put it back on the rack.

    "I liked it," she grumbled.

Yeah, and you also like standing out, I though to myself. I kept looking for things that would be appropriate but every item I picked out, she deemed depressing. Granted, most of the pieces I picked out were black but to me black was fashionable--and slimming. I had lost about twenty pounds after coming to Korea but I still hadn't achieved the slimness that most Koreans exhibited which was much to my dismay.

Our shopping continued on like this for another hour before we finally found something that we both could agree on. It was a chocolate brown dress that perfectly matched my dark complexion and hung to my knees which would make it bearable in this August heat. It had half-length sleeves and was surprisingly light despite it's opaque appearance. Mae Ri wasn't satisfied with just the dress and made me buy an orange scarf to add color. I actually liked the swooped neckline of the dress but bought the scarf to shut Mae Ri up. I drew the line at the orange heels she insisted would match the scarf.

    "Absolutely not," I said for the fourth time as the cashier rang up my purchases.

    "But Ril Li," Mae Ri kept insisting and even tried to get the cashier to agree with her--which she did--but I was entirely sure it's because she wanted the sale and not because she actually thought the shoes matched.

    "Ya," I warned her. I loved Mae Ri but she wanted everyone to be as colorful as she was and I just...wasn't.

    "Joh-ah*," she finally put them back and came back with a pair of brown heels instead.

    "What are those," I stared at them as if they'd bite me.

    "The shoes you're wearing tonight," she said snottily and put them on the counter.

    "Mae Ri-ya," I said in my best warning tone.

    "Ril Li," she emphasized my name by slamming her hand on the counter. "They're brown, they match your dress and you're wearing them even if I have to buy them," because I still wasn't as fluent as to catch fast Korean, I didn't understand every word but I did understand one thing, I was wearing them tonight so I grudgingly added them to my pile of purchases. At least they weren't orange, I thought.

We went our separate ways after that to get ready for the ceremony and decided to meet back up at the school later along with Ji Soo. I wasn't much of a make-up girl so I simply applied blush, eyeliner and some lip gloss--fancy way of saying chapstick--and called it a night. Originally I had planned on leaving my hair down but felt it didn't really go with the style of the dress and put it back into a bun instead. I checked the internet for different ways to wear a scarf and settled on letting it hang off one shoulder. Even I had to admit it looked cool.Then I slipped on the surprisingly comfy heels and headed to the bus stop.

Per usual, I arrived earlier than the others but I was okay with that because it allowed me time to find a nice, quiet corner to--

    "Ril Li!" Mae Ri called my name loudly from across the auditorium and it echoed around the room. So much for quiet, I thought as I turned around to greet her.

    "Mae Ri," I smiled at her. She was, after all, my closest friend in Korea. She pulled a not-so-smiling Ji Soo behind her. "Annyeonghaseyo, Lee Ji Soo-ssi," Ji Soo and I weren't very close but since he was Jong Hwa's best friend, I tried to be as friendly as I could be but he mostly treated me indifferently.

    "Eung, Annyeong," Ji Soo nodded in my direction before actively looking elsewhere. I sighed inwardly but didn't say anything else to him and focused on Mae Ri.

    "I like the scarf" Mae Ri adjusted the scarf slightly and gave me a thumbs up.

    "I had to look up how to wear it and this seemed the coolest so--"

    "It goes with the dress," Ji Soo said quietly in my direction before looking over his shoulder again. I would have disregarded his comment except Mae Ri's face broke into a big smile and she nodded excitedly indicating I should say something back to him

    "Geurae? Kamsaham--"

    "I said it went with the dress, not that it was the best ensemble ever," Ji Soo said, cutting me off. "Stop being so formal, I hate formalities. Aren't you older than us?"

I was so taken aback by his harsh demeanor that I didn't think before I said, "It's called being polite, you might want to learn it."

Mae Ri, for once, stayed absolutely quiet and Ji Soo looked at me like he'd never seen me before. Luckily, I was saved from a retort when a woman walked up behind Mae Ri and Ji Soo and said hello. Ji Soo stared at me for another second longer before embracing the newcomer.

When the woman pulled back, she exchanged pleasantries with Ji Soo and Mae Ri for a few minutes during which time I contemplated the different ways I could slip away unseen before the impending introductions that were bound to come my way. Ugh, why did I wear such an eye-catching scarf again? Oh right...Mae R. I glared at the back of her head which was the exact moment that the woman looked at me.

    "Is something wrong," the woman asked me directly. I would have given up my soul to pagens to disappear right then.

    "What? Oh no," I had unconsciously switched back to English and she simply stared at me. "I mean," I quickly thought of the translation, "Ani." Mae Ri grimaced at me and I caught myself and tacked on "eh-yo!" to make it formal. I pretended to be coughing but I don't think she bought it for a second.

    "Ji Soo, who is this," she asked but not like she actually wanted to know the answer.

    "Nae Chingu, Lily," and the best I could do was stare at Ji Soo who smiled at me like we hadn't just had a rude exchange earlier.

    "'Nae...Chingu'?" I stuttered while Mae Ri broke out into a huge smile again.

    "Mulloniji*," Ji Soo chucked me on the shoulder as if introducing me as his friend wasn't a completely surprising turn of events.

I found out later that the woman was Jong Hwa's mother. Ji Soo also confessed to not liking me before that evening because he found me uninteresting and therefore didn't put forth the effort to getting to know me. Luckily for me, that changed when I spoke back to him and we've been friends ever since. Jong Hwa received his high honors that night and his parents treated us all to dinner. After I'd gotten home, I cried and thanked whatever higher power was listening for giving me such good friends in Korea.

***

Present Day...

I could have swore it dropped another ten degrees by the time we reached Jong Hwa's house but he refused to take the jacket back despite the temperature. It only added to my guilt and I swore I'd make this up to him. During the bus ride I had tried to convince Jong Hwa to let me go to Mae Ri's instead but he kept saying it was too late. Granted, nine p.m. wasn't too incredibly late, it was still later than was politely acceptable and plus, Jong Hwa insisted his mother wanted to see that I was ok with her own eyes which sounded like his mother. She was strict and stubborn, more so than she looked, and no one in her family disobeyed her. I wasn't going to be known as the friend Jong Hwa had who disobeyed her either so I kept my mouth shut after that and resigned myself to my fate.

When we reached Jong Hwa's house, the first thing I did was take off my shoes and slip into the slippers that were reserved for guests and followed Jong Hwa into the foyer which lead to the rest of the house. Jong Hwa's house wasn't very extravagant but it was very..homey. My mother would have called the decor warm because it was mostly filled with neutral browns. The living room had a couch but it was pushed against the far wall, when I asked about why it was so far away from..well...anything else in the room, Jong Hwa said it was because they mostly sat on the floor around the table which was in the middle of the room resting on a well worn artisan rug. I knew without looking that there was a memorial under the window that had a picture of a young girl on the stand with a place holder for incense. I knew better than to ask who it was for but I gathered from the strong resemblance to Jong Hwa's mother that it was her daughter, whether it was Jong Hwa's older or younger sister, I didn't know. I figured if Jong Hwa wanted me to know then he'd tell me on his own and he never had so I left it alone. Jong Hwa asked me to wait while he went to grab his mother and I tried not to feel awkward standing in the living room by myself.

I bowed as soon as they came down the hallway, "Annyeonghaseyo Eomeonim," I said politely. Jong Hwa's mother had always kept her reservations about me but I liked her, I found her no-nonsense attitude to be refreshing and totally belayed her giving nature--I mean, obviously, that's how I ended up here under such circumstances.

    "Annyeong Lily," she nodded at me and gave me a calculating look. "Have you eaten yet," she asked.

    "Ne, Eomeonim," I responded. Truthfully, even if I hadn't eaten earlier, I wouldn't have been able to eat now, not with everything that had happened tonight.

    "Are you lying," Jong Hwa asked me and watched my face intently.

    "No, honestly I--"

    "I'll just make you something small," Jong Hwa's mom cut me off and I knew better than to be upset by it. "It will make me feel better."

And what do you say to that besides, 'yes ma'am'? Nothing, which is how I found myself sitting in Jong Hwa's kitchen eating leftover bean sprout soup. It wasn't my favorite dish but it certainly made me feel better and calmed my stomach down a bit. Jong Hwa was also eating with me though I suspected he was only doing so to make me feel better. We ate in silence for a few minutes before it was broken by Jong Hwa's mother.

    "What happened to your face," she asked abruptly. Like I said, she was no-nonsense but obviously my face was messed up enough that even after an hour later, it was still clearly visible that I'd been hit. I needed to see a mirror as soon as possible.

    "Oma!" Jong Hwa lightly chided his mother.

    "I'm just asking if she's ok" his mother defended herself and look at him briefly before turning back to me. "Are you hurt," she asked me.

    "Aniyo," I tacked on a smile. "Thank you for letting me stay the night," I bowed again for emphasis.

    "Mullon*," she actually waved her hand. "Just one second," she disappeared back into the living room and was gone long enough for Jong Hwa and I to finish our soups.

I washed the bowls while Jong Hwa dried them and put them away along with our silverware.

    "You two look good together," she said easily from the doorway behind us and I nearly choked on my own saliva.

    "Oma!" Jong Hwa turned abruptly and stared at her.

She shrugged lightly but I stared at Jong Hwa's back. He almost sounded outraged that she'd said that. Did he think I'd read into her words and find a secret meaning? Was it so bad that we looked good together? I didn't get a chance to think about it because he was soon turning around and I went back to studiously cleaning out the sink. My heart, which had been fluttering since we left the convenient store, became quiet and felt like a heavy lump in my chest now. Maybe I had been reading into Jong Hwa's actions a little too much without knowing it. Jong Hwa had reacted like any friend would have, there had not been anything special about the way he'd helped me, I told myself. Besides, he likes Mae Ri, don't forget that, I reminded myself.

    "You'll be on the couch tonight," Jong Hwa's mother cut short my depressing revelation.

    "Eung? Ah, thank you," I said and wiped my hands on the towel by the sink.

    "I'm going to bed, don't stay up too late," she pointed at each of us individually before leaving the kitchen.

    "Jalja*" Jong Hwa said before kissing his mother on the cheek.

   "Annyeonghi Jumuseyo*," I said and bowed as she exited the room.

If things weren't already awkward, they sure were now after she'd left. My mood took a drastic downward turn and Jong Hwa wouldn't even look at me. Thinking of anything to break the silence, I remembered Jong Hwa still hadn't given me back my phone.

    "Do you think I could get my phone back," I asked quietly. He nodded and handed me back the phone along with the battery which still hadn't been put back in.

    "Are you going to call your father," he asked me as he watched me replace the battery.

    "No," I answered simply. I didn't feel up to conversing with anyone, especially my father. I didn't think I could feel worse than I did but the more I thought about Jong Hwa's reaction earlier, the worse I felt and now I was stuck in his house for the night. "Actually, I think I'm going to set my alarm and go to bed, I'm really tired."

    "Oh, okay," he walked into the living room and I saw that the couch had been made into a makeshift bed by his mother and further compounded my guilt just by looking at it.

    "That was nice of her, she didn't have too," I said quietly.

    "Lily, are you okay," He asked from behind me.

I didn't have the nerve to turn around, "Yeah, just tired."

    "Okay, because you seem--"

    "I'm just tired," I added a little impatience to my words to get him to leave me alone. Couldn't he see I just wanted to be alone. Luckily he took the hint and left for his bedroom after that.

I laid down on the couch and pulled the blanket over me while I turned my phone back on. I had three voicemails, two of which were my father demanding that I return home and the third was from my mother.

Your father called me. He sounded worried. He said you two had an altercation, whatever that means, and that you had run off. I hope you're safe. *sigh* I know it's tough living with him sometimes but he loves you. I hear you guys are coming home soon, I can't wait to see you. You know, when you're home, you could always come live with me. Anyway, call me when you can and please, call your father. I love you.

I was crying by the time the time I deleted the voicemail. He'd called her but hadn't told her what the 'altercation' was about, he hadn't told her he hit me either. Worried? Yeah, right, I thought. My mother would have been outraged to find out he'd slapped me, no matter how unintentionally and he purposefully left it out. Her voicemail also reminded me that I had to tell her I wasn't going back to America. In my fear of telling my father, I'd forgotten about her. It also reminded me that I hadn't told Jong Hwa either. I couldn't get the tears to stop as one thing compounded the other, god, could this night get any worse?

Aish, don't ask that, Lily, you idiot! It could always get worse, I thought to myself and knocked on the hard food floor beneath the couch to un-jinx myself. Between the fight with Geun Ma earlier, my sore shoulder and then being slapped, today had just gone from bad to worse. With the exception being my acceptance into the program, of course.  I was excited and sad and nervous and, ugh, it was all just too exhausting. I needed to sleep.

I sent my mother a quick text saying I was fine and that I would call her tomorrow and set my alarm for two hours before my usual time. It would give me time to get back to my house and grab my school uniform and backpack and if I was lucky, by then my father would be gone for the day. I pulled the blanket over my head and continued to wipe my tears away. I told myself that tomorrow would be better, it had to be and fell asleep.

***

Jong Hwa...

Maybe she really was tired because by the time I went to check on Lily thirty minutes after saying good night, she was asleep. Of course, I had to pull the blankets back to check because she'd had them over her head but she was in such a deep sleep that she didn't stir at all.. She'd been crying, I could still see the tear streaks on her face, well, that and the pillow was damp. I wanted to wake her up and ask what she'd been crying about but I let that irrational thought go because I knew she needed sleep more than I needed to appease my curiosity.

Her cheek still had the faint hand mark on her face and my anger boiled to the surface again. It had been much brighter when I'd gotten to the store earlier. So bright, in fact, that you could clearly see how big his hand was and could measure it accurately just based off the imprint on her cheek. No matter how she'd broken the news, it could not have been bad enough to merit a slap that hard--or at slap at all. I had to close my eyes and concentrate on breathing normally so as not to wake her up. The last thing I needed was to have her wake up while I was looming over here like a creepy peeping tom. I pulled the blanket back over her and stood up. My phone buzzed in my pocket andI looked at the caller I.D., it was Ji Soo.

    "Eung, Ji Soo," I said quietly as I walked back to my bedroom.

    "She back at your place," he asked.

    "Yeah, she's sleeping on the couch," I shut my bedroom door and went back to the desk where my homework lay unfinished. "Thank you for the help earlier, with the panic attack, I mean."

    "No problem, I'm just glad she's okay. What caused it, do you know?" Ji Soo asked.

    "I know that she broke the news to her dad, about her staying in Korea, and that he didn't take it very--" I took a deep breath and pushed the anger away again. "He hit her, that's all I know." Ji Soo was quiet and let me work through my feelings.

    "Are you ok," He asked after a few moments.

    "I'm angry," I admitted. "And relieved."

    "Relieved?"

    "That she called me," and I was. I was so relieved that she hadn't stopped at trying to call Mae Ri and went home instead. I'm glad that she felt comfortable enough to call me with her problems as well. I'd always been protective of Lily but today was the first time that I realized I couldn't always protect her from everything and it was a hard pill to swallow. I decided I didn't like the feeling.

    "Well, she's safe and that's all that matters. Mae Ri is going to be a bear to handle tomorrow," Ji Soo sighed but not like he was annoyed, in fact, his voice sounded slightly excited. I stifled a chuckle.

    "She's all yours," I said.

    "Don't I know it," he sounded like he was smiling. "Ok, well good night. I'll see you tomorrow!"

    "De*," I said and hung up.

Tomorrow would be interesting. Mae Ri would be a bear but she'd also be upset and feel guilty for missing the events of tonight. At least she could be there for Lily in a way I couldn't be. As long as Lily was ok, I didn't care how awful Mae Ri was tomorrow. I had forgotten to ask about the Lily's discussion with the director and whether or not she'd made it into the program. And if she had, there were a lot of things we'd need to figure out, like how we were going to get her stuff out of the apartment without her father being around to try and stop her. If tonight had proved anything, it was that her father wasn't going to let her stay without a fight and I didn't relish the thought--for Lily's sake. Personally, I was more than happy to go a few rounds with her father except I'd probably get pummeled. I was just some nerdy guy and he was an U.S. Army personnel. I'd most likely get beat into a coma. Either way, we'd all figure it out tomorrow and I went back to doing my homework.

To Be Continued...

***

*Joh-ah: depending on how it's used could mean "Like" or "Fine"--in this instance it's "Fine"

*Mulloniji: "Of course" usually used when trying to convince someone of something.

*Mullon: Same thing, but informal "Of course"

*Jalja: Sounds like Jalga which means good bye but Jalja is the informal version of good night.

*Annyeonghi Jumuseyo: Formal "Good night"