Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Eighteen

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Eighteen

The days following the night Mae Ri, Ji Soo and Jong Hwa visited me seemed to blur by. I continued the same routine; I'd get up, clean, go to school, come back to the dorms, do homework and sleep only to get up and clean again. After another week passed by, I came to the startling conclusion that I'd managed to put myself on autopilot. I hardly registered the actions my hands were taking or the words that were coming out of my mouth whenever I spoke to someone. I did what I needed to do and moved on to the next step, whatever that was at that moment.

I had started to buy cheap packs of tissues to keep with me at all times because of the frequent nosebleeds I was getting. I used to laugh at the Korean dramas that often showed a student having nosebleeds while studying and hadn't realized that it was a real thing. I kept my waste basket under my desk and tucked behind my chair. Not because I didn't want people, most especially my roommate, to see that all my efforts were beginning to take a toll on my body but because it was gross and no one needed to see it. At least that was what I had convinced myself was the reason, deep down I think I knew I was overworking myself.

My eating habits had changed as well. I was rarely ever free enough to grab dinner and on the days when I worked in the morning, I never stopped to get breakfast so lunch was now my main--if not my only--meal of the day. It was kind of a good thing, I discovered, when I'd realized I'd lost some weight. Enough that I now had to use a zip tie I'd found at work to cinch two belt loops together so my pants didn't hang halfway down my hips. Just you wait, Mae Ri, I'll be your size yet, I thought when I realized how much weight I'd truly worked off.

In the interim since my conversation with Brian on the bus I had done some serious reflection on what I wanted and I had decided what I wanted was to no longer be afraid of failing. I had begun stock piling my weekly earnings into little baggies that I carried around with me and didn't spend any of it unless it was absolutely necessary. Of course, I spared the few bucks it took to replenish my shampoo and conditioner but I'd convinced myself I didn't need the measly things like bed sheets or socks. I continued to sleep with my jacket, despite the warmer weather that said Spring was on it's way and I washed my only pair of socks every night before bed.

If anyone had seen a change in my demeanor, no one said anything and that was exactly how I preferred it. I kept up the minimal contact to keep up appearances but never did more than was required. This seemed to appease Mae Ri but only proved to upset Jong Hwa whenever I sent him reply messages that were only a few words long. It seemed he'd reached his limit two weeks after the last time I'd seen him.

I'm coming to see you tomorrow. We need to talk.

I read the text and felt a small amount of panic flit through me. I didn't want to see him, I'd finally gotten used to not having him around and I knew that if I saw him tomorrow, it'd rip down all the defenses I'd spent the last two weeks building.

Can't. I have a study group until late. Another time? 

It was a lie because tomorrow was Thursday and we'd had our study group today but he didn't know that.

Lily, I know you're avoiding me. I need to see you.

I glanced at the clock and noted that it was nearly ten at night and I had only manged to complete about two-thirds of the homework that was due tomorrow.

I'm not avoiding you. I'm just busy. I'm tired so I'm going to bed. We'll talk later.

I thought he'd push the issue but instead his reply was only one word:

Fine.

I put my phone down and ignored the pain that always seemed to prick at my heart whenever I thought of Jong Hwa.

I worked on my homework until I just couldn't any more, my eyes had started to burn and it was late enough that I knew getting up at two-thirty in the morning was going to be difficult so I took out the small piece of tissue I'd shoved up my left nostril to block my latest nosebleed and went to bed.

Per usual, I zipped up my jacket and ascended the first step of my bunk bed ladder when a wave of dizziness had me reaching backwards to catch myself on the closet door. I managed to stop myself from falling to the floor but my closet door, which hadn't been all the way shut, slammed closed and left a resounding crash that instantly woke up Emily.

    "Wha-" she looked around until she saw me awkwardly standing on one leg with my other leg still on the first rung and shaking my head to try and stop the dizziness. "What are you doing," she shrieked which only made me wince in pain at the volume.

    "Sorry, I slipped," I muttered and tried the first step again.

    "Oh my god," she huffed angrily and laid back down.

You little brat, I thought to myself. Couldn't even ask if I was okay? This time I was able to get to my bed without another dizzy spell and felt all my tension drain away as soon as I put my head on my makeshift pillow.

All too soon my alarm was going off again and I dismissed it quickly in fear of waking Emily up again. Lord only knew what'd she do to me the next time I jolted her out of sleep and I didn't have enough energy to waste on dealing with her.

I was careful as I descending the steps and realized I'd forgotten to pack my bag the previous night. So I gathered my books, my uniform and checked to make sure my money was in my bag before I left.

The walk to work wasn't nearly as bad now that the weather had started to get better, in fact, the spring air was refreshing and made me a little lightheaded. When I got to the club, my mood had taken a drastic upturn and I felt a little floaty. I checked in with the night time security guy and as per usual, started on the upstairs. It seemed like business had been slow the previous night because only four of the eight karaoke rooms had been used. It was always nice when I had less work, maybe, if I finished with work in time, I could even run by the cafeteria at the dorms and pick up something for breakfast.

I had just finished the last karaoke room when I picked up the small bucket of water and the mop I'd used to wash the floors and went to take them downstairs. I only got down three steps when another wave of dizziness overtook me but this time, with my hands full, I didn't have anything to stop me from falling. Everything had gone black by the time I reached the bottom of the stairs.

***

One Week Ago...

I had set up an appointment with the Director since he'd wanted me to come see him. I just got off of school and the only thing really on my mind was to get home and get some homework tonight and sleep but I gathered up the courage to come see him despite all that. I felt like I was tired all the time and since today was a Monday, I didn't have to work in the morning so it was my day to catch up on sleep.

The receptionist waved me towards the seating area and said it would be a few minutes before the Director came to get me. So I sat and waited. True to her word, the Director hadn't made me sit long before he came out of the side door and greeted me with a wide smile. He hadn't changed much in the month since I'd last seen him.

    "Ah, thank you Lily for coming to see me," I stood up and bowed to him respectfully.

    "Hello, Director," I said but left it at that because I didn't really now what else to say.

    "Are you hungry? I'm hungry, let's get something to eat," he didn't even wait for a reply before he started walking towards the front door and out onto the street. "Spring," he said while he took a deep breath in through his nose. "It's close, I can smell it."

    "Yes, Director," I followed a little behind him, unsure of what this was all leading too. If he was going to scold me for having a job, this seemed an odd way of doing it.

    "Do you like fish cakes," He asked me when he stopped at the corner of street and looked left and right.

    "Yes," I told him.

    "Me too, I know a place that sells really good fish cakes," he took an immediate left and steered us towards a street vendor that sold food.

    "I'm sorry, Sir, but what is this about," I asked as I followed behind him.

    "We'll get to it, don't worry," he said which only caused me to worry more. It had to be serious if he wasn't willing to even give me a hint.

He ordered the food and even I had to admit that it smelled delicious and when it arrived, I dug into the fish ball soup with fervor.

    "I was going to say it looked like you'd lost weight since I last saw you but it seems that you have a healthy appetite," the Director said jovially and he continued to eat his soup at a leisurely pace. "Do you like tteokbokki?"

    "You don't have--"

    "Ajumma*," the Director called to the woman behind the small kitchenette. "Tteokbokki juseyo*," he ordered a round of spicy rice cakes before I could decline his offer.

    "Ah, Ye," she called back and brought us the food and gave us each a toothpick to eat it with.

The Director speared a rice noodle and swirled it around the sauce before putting it in his mouth. I did the same because it would be rude to decline the food after he'd ordered it.

    "So I hear you are all by yourself now," the Director said without preamble and had me nearly choking on my own noodle.

    "Yes, sir," I confirmed as I wiped a little sauce from my lip.

    "Is that why you got a job," he asked before he spooned more soup into his mouth.

    "To make money, yes," I answered and put down my toothpick.

    "Ani, meogeo*," he gestured for me to take another bite of noodle.

I picked up another piece of noodle and put it in my mouth and waited to see what he said next.

    "How is the job going," he asked me after another moment.

    "Good, sir," I said simply. There was no way I was going to tell him how tired working actually made me.

    "What do you do," I could tell he was getting to his point because he'd stopped eating his soup and seemed to keep looking off into the distance, anywhere but at me and it made me feel like at any moment the other shoe was going to drop.

    "I clean, sir," I said and put down my toothpick again.

    "Where," he asked.

    "Do I have to tell you," I was getting tired of this interrogation and I wish he'd just tell me what he wanted to tell me already. However I knew better than to be rude, so I made sure my tone stayed even.

    "Did you know I'm well within my rights to remove you from the program," he said nonchalantly like he hadn't just potentially upended my world.

    "What," I asked loudly and the Ajumma turned to look at us.

    "Don't worry, I'm not threatening you," he said quietly and looked back at me. "But I will if I find out this job is causing issues with school." He let his words sink in and I felt he'd just slapped me on the hands with a ruler. "In this world, education is the only constant. Things are always changing and evolving and people are constantly learning just to keep up with it."

    "You're special, Lily," he said and once again looked away as he spoke. "I've seen older people than you cave to lesser struggles. Chan Min saw it in you the first time you came to his office and I saw it in you the day I interviewed you. You're special and you've got something about you that makes people want to protect you," he said.

    "I don't need--"

    "You're tough, I'll give you that but even the strongest can fall," he said easily as his gaze came back to mine. "History is proof of that," he finished. "I want to see you excel and I'm willing to jump through all kinds of hoops to make sure my students have all that they need to succeed in this program but it all starts with you."

For the second time in week, I felt like I had just been scolded. First by Brian, and now the Director. What, were the words 'troubled kid' tattooed on my forehead or something? With nothing else I could say I simply nodded and waited in silence until he finished the rest of his soup.

    "Hmm, masissda*," he put a few won on the table and stood up and I followed suit. He waved to the Ajumma who smiled and waved back as she continued to work on another group's order and we headed back in the direction of the ESE building.

    "Thank you for the food," I told him once we reached the building. I hadn't planned on going back inside but he waved me towards the door anyway.

    "Chan Min wanted to see you before you headed back to the dorms," he said.

    "Why," I asked carefully.

    "You'll need to ask him," he said with a smile and waved to me as he continued to talk past the building and down the opposite way we'd come.

I reluctantly reentered the building and told the receptionist to let Chan Min know I was here to see him now. Rather than waiting, she ushered me straight back to him and I walked to his desk without an escort.

He was clicking away at his computer when I knocked lightly on the plastic lining of his cubicle to get his attention. "Ah, Lily, you're here." He hit save on whatever document he was working on and spun around on his chair to give me a smile.

    "You wanted to see me," I said and sat down in the visitor's chair.

    "Yeah, I was going through your file to make sure I had everything for your graduation in a few months and noticed that the form you previously filled out for your emergency contact information listed your father as your emergency contact. Did you," he looked a little sheepish and he carefully chose his next few words. "Did you want to update that information?"

He handed me the paper I'd filled out a month ago. Had it really already been almost a month since I'd been on my own in Korea? I'd say time really flew by when you were having fun except the last four weeks had been anything but fun.

    "I suppose I should," I said and reached for a pen on his desk. I hesitated when it came to crossing out my father's name out but knew I had no other choice. I hadn't heard a peep from him since he'd left and I hadn't even gotten a hold of my mother. I wonder what he'd told her when she realized I hadn't come home with him. Had she even tried to get a hold of me? I wouldn't know since my phone was turned off but I suspected she'd at least tried once. I stared at the blank line and wondered who I'd put, I had no one else in the country that could put on that line.

    "If you don't have anyone else to put, you could just put me," Chan Min said after a minute of struggling to think of someone. "I mean, it doesn't have to be your parent. It could be anyone you would trust to make decisions for you if you ever unable to make them for yourself."

Who did I trust enough to make decisions for me? The first person to pop up in my head had been Jong Hwa. He was still a high school student though so he wasn't eligible to be my working guardian. His mother maybe? No, I couldn't put that kind of pressure on her.

    "Do you maybe have a doctor you trust on the base that you would feel comfortable being your emergency contact," Chan Min suggested and it clicked. No, I didn't have a doctor on base, but I did have a doctor.

I put Ji Soo's father's name on the line. The only problem was I didn't have his cell number. "I'm going to put down a number but it's not his. It's his son's, you'll just have to ask to speak to Lee Kang Bo. But I honestly don't think you'll ever have to use this," I laughed lightly. Or at least, I hoped not.

Chan Min nodded and took the sheet when handed it back to him and put it in my file. "Glad that's taken care of," he said and turned around and just looked at me. "How are you, Lily," he asked.

    "I'm-I'm good," I said and managed to keep most of the tension out of my voice.

    "Dahaengida*," he said and leaned back in his chair. "I don't want to keep you, I know you must have homework but you'll call if you need anything, right?" He made the universal sign for a phone and held it up to his ear.

    "Yes," I affirmed and stood up.

It wouldn't be until later that the importance that meeting with Chan Min would be until I found myself in the hospital.

***

Present Day...
Ji Soo...

My phone rang shrilly by my bedside and woke me out of a deep sleep instantly. I picked it up and noted the time as well as the fact that it was a number I'd never seen before. I debated on whether or not to answer it. I decided that it must be important for someone to call at four in the morning and put the phone to my ear.

    "Yeobeoseyo," I said sleepily into the phone.

    "Is this Lee Kang Bo," a man's voice said on the other end.

I pulled the phone away from my face to make sure it truly was mine and hadn't gotten mixed up with my father's. "Aniyo, jjamkkanmanyo," I got up from bed and slowly made my way to my father's room and opened the door. My father's snores almost instantly stopped the second I called his name. He may not work in the hospital any more but he still maintained the hospital mindset and could wake up instantly and be alert no matter what. I dropped onto the side of the bed he didn't use and passed the phone over even as I swung an arm over my eyes.

    "What is it," he said as he rubbed his eyes.

    "I don't know, someone called for you," I said. "Here," I said, shaking the phone so he'd grab it.

    "Yeobeoseyo," I heard my father say into the phone.

There was silence and then my father shot up in bed and nearly dislodged me from my side when he pulled the covers. "Mworigo*," he said loudly into the phone. I sat up next to him and could tell by the look on his face and the sound of his voice that whatever it was, it was serious. But why would they be calling on my phone, whoever it was.

    "I'm on my way," he said briskly and hung up. He wasted no time in getting out of bed and threw clothes on haphazardly.

    "Abeoji, mwoya," I asked him as he finished putting on clothes. "Who was it," I asked.

    "Ji Soo, follow me," he said and left the bedroom. I got up from the bed and followed my father to his office where he pulled out his medical bag and started filling it with items from his desk.

    "What's going on," I asked again, now I was started to get worried. I glanced at the number again on my phone and struggled to see if anything about it rang any bells.

    "Ji Soo, listen to me," my father said in a commanding tone. "Ji Soo," he said again to get my attention and I looked at him. "It was about Lily. There was an accident, they don't know much but she's at the hospital."

It took a moment for his words to sink in and then I turned around to go back to my room to get dressed but my father stopped me, "No, there's no point in you going to the hospital until we know more."

    "But Abeoji," I said faintly.

    "I will call you if anything happens," my father said as if that was the end of the discussion but it wasn't. I had never raised my voice to my father but I raised it now.

    "Abeoji," I said loudly and brought my father to a halting stop. "She's my friend, I'm going."

My father looked at me and must have seen something on my face because he nodded and went back to packing. "Fine, go get dressed. Call Jong Hwa as well," he said. "Don't," he added loudly. "Don't tell him what it's about. Just tell him to get dressed. We'll swing by and pick him up on our way."

    "What about Mae Ri," I asked. My father thought about it and ultimately shook his head.

    "No, she'll panic," he said and I had to admit that he was right. She would panic and no good would come out of telling her anything before we had more answers. "Okay, go," my father said and shooed me out the door.

I was calling Jong Hwa before I even changed out of my pajamas, "Ji Soo-ya, why are you calling so early?"

    "Something's come up, Jong Hwa. Get dressed, I'm on my way to come get you," I told him.

    "What," he asked in a less sleepy voice.

    "I don't have time to explain but you need to get up and get dressed. We'll be there in ten minutes, okay?"

    "Okay but--"

    "See you soon," I cut off his next question and hung up. He'd get dressed and we'd tell him once he got in the car.

For the first time in a long time, I prayed. I prayed that Lily was alright. It had to have been something major for her to be taken to the hospital but what she could have been doing that would cause her to go to the hospital at four in the morning was beyond me.

To Be Continued...

***

*Juseyo; "Please"

*Meogeo: "Eat"

*Ahjumma: Ahjumma refers to a sometimes older woman, but it could also be used for a woman who is married, doesn't necessarily have to be older. It's just a respectful term for older/married woman.  (On the flip side, you have Ajusshi--older/married man). Word of caution, this word is NEVER used for someone who is younger or unmarried, it's an insult otherwise. You're basically calling them "Old man" or "Old woman" before their time.

*Massida: "Delicious"

*Dahaengida: "I'm relieved", "I'm glad" or "That's good"-as in "That's good that you are doing well".

*Mworigo: "What did you say?"

Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Seventeen

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Seventeen

It seemed easier to get up the next morning than it had the first day even though my body felt exhausted. My arms felt listless as I got dressed but I pushed through. I met no resistance as I walked through the front doors so I knew the Director had faxed over the waiver form as promised. Although it was cold outside, I barely felt it as I walked the eight blocks to the club.

Much like the first day, I finished work within enough time to the school bus and groggily praised myself for a good job as I hiked back the eight blocks to catch it. I had missed dinner and breakfast again but my stomach seemed oddly quiet, so all-in-all I wasn't doing too bad.

I managed to stay awake for the first part of school and when lunch came, Annabeth was right by my side ready to walk arm in arm. I couldn't find the strength to refuse her. We walked to the lunch room followed by a very quiet Derek and Brian. I had almost forgot about Brian and I's argument until I boarded the bus that morning. Brian refrained from saying anything to me and no one else had given me a weird look, not even Derek as he'd waved to me, so I assumed Brian hadn't shared our conversation with everyone else.

We got in line, loaded our trays and sat down at what I had termed the "Foreign Exchange Table" since no one ever sat in our table--almost like it was always reserved for us only. Much like the previous day I ate my food quickly but this time when I finished, I was uncomfortable. I felt nauseous and although it didn't help very much, I held my stomach hoping that it would stop aching so much.

Brian didn't say more than a few words throughout the entire lunch period and Derek just seemed to be eyeing me closely. This was one of the moments I was thankful to Annabeth because she didn't allow the silence to get awkward. She talked about all sorts of things to fill in the time and it wasn't long before we were being dismissed from lunch to go back to our classrooms. My stomachache didn't ease until school was almost ever and by then, I was ready to go home and sleep.

Just a couple of months, I told myself. It had started to become a mantra in my head earlier when I was cleaning the club but now as I repeated the words, it seemed that the next couple of months could quite possibly be the longest of my life. I waited til the bus was all but empty before getting off.

I hadn't watched to see if everyone got off but Brian called my name as soon as I stood up to get off myself. "Lily, I want to talk to you for a second."

    "Brian, I'm tired," I said and even to my own ears I sounded exhausted.

    "Look, hear me out," he said as he walked up the bus aisle to me and pointed to the seat I had just vacated. "You look dead on your feet, just sit for a sec and listen, okay?"

I couldn't even put up a good argument so I just sat down. I promised myself I wouldn't make the same mistake as yesterday and I would keep my mouth shut and just let him do all the talking. It was the same thing I'd done with my father for years, how hard could it be with Brian?

    "I made a mistake yesterday," he started. "I made an assumption when I shouldn't have so I want to apologize for that but you also made an assumption"

    "Excuse me," I asked him, offended. This was a pretty crappy apology if he was placing blame on me.

    "You know," he leaned back in the seat he was in and looked thoughtful. "This program was my girlfriend's idea. She wanted to come to Korea and I wanted whatever she wanted so we both applied and took the exams. I got in," he shrugged. "She didn't," he finished. "It seems like we've been together since we were in diapers," he continued without prompting. "Our parents are old high school friends and everyone considered us cousins so when we started dating in middle school well, 'shocked' was a bit of an understatement."

I didn't understand why he was telling me all this but I was seeing a whole new side of Brian. I was reluctantly getting sucked into the story and my anger started to ebb.

    "They got used to the idea once they realized how much we loved each other but I gotta say," I looked up at him when he paused and I could literally see the pain etched on his face. "The day we got our letters in the mail was both the hardest and saddest day we've ever had to face. I was going to withdraw my application except she wouldn't let me. We fought," he took a breath and seemed to swallow a lump in his throat. "We almost ended our relationship except neither of us could bring ourselves to do it so I came to Korea and she stayed home."

    "Why," I asked suddenly. It was clear that Brian loved his girlfriend, his eyes shined and I knew he was holding back tears.

    "Because she hasn't given up on her dream," he laughed humorlessly. "She turned a negative into a positive by building an elaborate future for us. Her idea is that I'll get a handle on all things Korean and whens she comes over it'll be an easier transition. She has this expectation that I'll be fluent in the Korean language by the time she gets here," he shook his head in doubt and chuckled quietly. "I wont, of course but for her, I'm willing to try."

    "How are you guys doing now," I asked him.

    "We miss each other," he told me. "We miss each other a lot and it's hard," he added. "Our parents are really supportive so in a couple weeks her and our parents are coming to visit but I haven't decided if I'll miss her more or less after she leaves again."

    "Why are you telling me all this," I had gotten wrapped up in the story and forgot that I wanted to keep a distance from him.

    "Because I wanted to show you that although your story may be different, don't forget that we all have our stories and they're all going to be different. So don't assume that your story is any worse or better than someone else's," he looked pointedly at me.

I just got scolded, I thought. By Brian, of all people. I didn't know what to say so I just stayed silent but Brian must have picked up on my uneasiness. "You don't have to say anything, you don't even have to say sorry. I just," he paused. "Wanted to tell you that you aren't alone even though you feel like you are. From the sounds of it, you've had a tough time of it. Tougher than most but you have the power to change your future," he slapped his hands on his knees and stood up. I craned my neck to look up at him. "That's all I have to say so, I'll just leave you to figure out what it is that you want."

He left me on the bus to think about what he'd said. I wasn't angry or arrogant enough to believe that I was the only one who'd had a hard life. In fact, Brian's story was very eye-opening and it was cause for some serious reflection. What was it I wanted? I thought about it and realized my previous mistake. My goal had been to stay in Korea and although it had been a very good goal, it had also been a very singular goal. I hadn't thought past that goal, in fact I had been winging it since day one and all I'd received in return was obstacle after obstacle. I needed to come up with a plan and figure what I wanted in the long term sense but I wasn't going to do it sitting on the bus, I sighed.

I exited the bus and made my way inside and just like Monday, I'd only made it a few steps before someone shouted my name from across the room. I turned and saw Mae Ri waving from the couch with Jong Hwa and Ji Soo by her side. I had forgotten that they was coming after school today, I glanced at my phone to check the time. I had spent more time than I thought thinking about my life on the bus.

    "Mae Ri-ya," I smiled and walked over.

    "Jong Hwa has something to tell you," she pointed eagerly at Jong Hwa who was looking extremely uncomfortable.

    "Mwo," I looked at him. I think if I hadn't been looking at him, he'd have given Mae Ri a dirty look. Ji Soo patted her hand as if he knew her faux pas. Mae Ri, as usual, was oblivious.

    "I, ah," he scratched his eyebrow. "I'll tell you later," he said sheepishly.

    "But--" Mae Ri started.

    "Mae Ri-ya," Ji Soo chided lightly and squeezed her hand. I would have missed it had I not been looking at them at that moment. Mae Ri looked down at their joined hands and looked back up at Ji Soo. Their eyes connected for a minute before Mae Ri looked away and pulled her hand out of Ji Soo's. Ji Soo looked down, then at me and for the first time I realized he liked her. I purposefully cocked an eyebrow at Ji Soo who gave me one of his cocky little smiles before turning back to Jong Hwa who hadn't, by the look on his face, missed the interaction either.

    "You guys must be Lily's friends, I think I saw you here the other day too," Annabeth came waltzing up and linked arms with me. It had become so normal in the last five days that I barely blinked an eye until Mae Ri stood up and pointed at our joined arms.

    "Ya," she had a look of outrage on her face and before any of us could stop her she pushed herself in between us until Annabeth let go of my arm and then she linked arms with me herself.

    "Mae Ri-ya," I hissed at her rudeness.

    "We haven't even been apart for five days and already you have a new best friend," Mae Ri said fiercely.

    "What are you talking about," I was surprised that she'd even think that. I'd been here for over three years and the only friends I'd really ever made had been these three. How could she possibly think that in five days I'd made best friends with Annabeth? And then it hit me. Because Annabeth wasn't Korean. Technically, we were kindred spirits due to our nationalities and that made me wonder how I'd feel if I saw Mae Ri arm in arm with some other girl? I decided it'd make me feel horrible, like I'd been replaced.

    "Did I do something wrong," Annabeth asked.

    "Not at all, hold on," I told her and turned back to Mae Ri. "You are my best friend, that will never change," I stressed the word never. It was true, I thought. I couldn't imagine my life without Mae Ri, she'd been such a strong presence and a huge support since I met her that I couldn't imagine her not ever being around. "I promise," I told her and stuck my pinky out.

She gave me a doubting eye before linking her pinky with mine and we pressed our thumbs together. "You promised," she said and I nodded.

    "You'll have to excuse Mae Ri, she's very protective," I told Annabeth who only smiled and nodded.

    "Choegoui chingu*," Annabeth asked as she pointed between the two of us and just as I went to correct her pronunciation, Mae Ri shook her head.

    "Aniyo, gajang chinhan chingu*," Mae Ri corrected her.

    "Ga-jang chin, I'm sorry, could you repeat that," Annabeth said slowly.

    "Ga-jang chin-han chin-gu," Mae Ri reiterated.

    "Mae Ri-ya, jjamkkanman," Mae Ri nodded and let me talk to Annabeth. "Remember what I said the other day about there being multiple ways to say something. This is exactly what I am talking about. 'Choegoui' does mean 'best' but it means like 'best at'. It's synonymous with 'top' or 'ultimate'. Oh, like 'best in show'."

    "So what does 'gajang chin-chin'," she paused to try and think of the correct phrase.

    "Gajang chinhan chingu," I told her. "Well, 'gajang' means 'most' and 'chinhan' means friendly so when all the words are put together it basically means 'most friendly friend' or, as we would say, 'best friends'."

Annabeth digested this and breathed out a long breath, "Man, this just gets more and more complicated."

I couldn't help but chuckle, "I know. But like I said, it's easier when you see fluent speakers speaking the language rather than reading it."

    "Well, do you guys mind if I watch you talk," Annabeth asked while she looked at all four of us. "I suppose that would be kind of weird, huh?"

    "Not at all, that's about how I learned too. Jong Hwa," I pointed to him. He'd been looking somewhere else when I'd said his name but now I had his attention. "He speaks English so he was able to do a lot of translating to make it easier."

    "What are you saying to her," Mae Ri asked and looked at Annabeth suspiciously.

    "She wants to learn the language and wants to listen to us talk," I told her and she only pouted for a minute.

    "But we can still hang out, right?" Mae Ri asked.

    "Of course," I told her and motioned for her to sit back down on the couch. Annabeth and I snagged a couple of chairs and pulled them up until we were gathered together in a semi-circle. Because I hadn't changed out of my school uniform, I put my backpack over my lap to hide my legs.

    "Omo, that reminds me," Mae Ri said while she groped around for her own backpack. "I saw these and I though they'd be perfect for your school uniform!" She rustled things around in her bag before she pulled out a small package and handed it to me. My jaw dropped as soon as I saw the front picture. There was no way I'd ever get caught wearing these! They were navy blue nylons with big white star patterns in varying sizes up and down the legs.

    "Mae Ri-ya, no," I shook my head and looked at her. She had the biggest smile pasted on her face but it started to dim the moment I said I wouldn't wear them.

    "But come on, they match perfectly," she stood pointed to the picture. "The blue and the white, the white matches your lapel," to illustrate her point, she pointed to my lapel.

    "I am not going to wear these," I told her and tried to hand them back. Ji Soo took them from me and gave them a considering eye.

    "Actually, these aren't all that bad," he said and looked from the picture to my legs and back again.

I had the sudden urge to cover my legs up but I couldn't get my backpack to cover both my lap and my calves at the same time.

    "They might make your knees look less awkward," Ji Soo said and gave my knees a calculating look.

I jerked my backpack over my knees to hide them from Ji Soo's gaze. Jong Hwa, with a smile on his face, lightly elbowed Ji Soo and said, "There's nothing wrong with her knees."

    "Thank you, Jong Hwa," I said quickly as I dropped my backpack in an effort to catch the nylons that Ji Soo tossed back to me.

    "Let me see them," Annabeth said shyly. I handed them to her and she smiled quickly. "Oh these are cute! Are you going to wear them," she asked, not having been able to make sense of our conversation.

    "Absolutely not," I denied quickly. "Have you seen the stuff she wears," I asked irrationally because obviously Annabeth had only seen her twice which was not nearly enough tmes to see the magnitude of some of Mae Ri's outfits. I pointed to Mae Ri as if to prove my point. Much like every other day of the week, Mae Ri was wearing one of her typical outfits. Under the tan skirt she wore maroon and white polka dotted nylons with white socks that had a frilly fringe barely sticking out of her two-inched, beige, Mary Jane's.

    "You wish you had as much style as her," Ji Soo said underneath his breath.

    "Mwo?" I huffed in indignation.

Jong Hwa was too busy laughing to stand up for me this time and it went on like this another few minutes before Mae Ri finally put an end to the conversation, "Ya, ya, ya, settle down." She reached back into her backpack and pulled out another package of nylons and tossed them to me.

I cringed as I looked at the picture on the front. I was relieved when I saw that they were plain, navy blue nylons with no special designs, "Thank you, Mae Ri." I nodded graciously to her.

    "I told you she wouldn't go for the stars," Mae Ri said to Ji Soo who nodded.

    "Indeed you did," he shook his head in mock disappointment.

    "Ya, jugeulae?" I raised my fist slightly as if I was going to hit him and gave him my best angry face but he simply stared at me before looking to Mae Ri. They shared a moment before laughing at my expense.

    "Kyuteu*," Mae Ri pointed at me while she laughed.

    "Ya!" I yelled loud enough to turn heads.

***

It was reaching time for them to leave and I knew I had to get to bed since I'd have to be up in a few hours to get to my job. I debated on telling the others about it but decided against it, all it would do is give them cause to worry and that was the last thing I wanted.

    "Where's the bathroom," Jong Hwa asked when he stood up. I pointed to the hallway that lead to the kitchen where the bathrooms were located. "Second door on the right," I told him. He nodded and left.

While he was away I took the time to try and give the star-studded nylons back to Mae Ri. She graciously accepted them back but turned to Annabeth unexpectedly and said in English, "You like?"

    "Oh, ne," Annabeth responded in Korean.

    "Keep," Mae Ri said and handed the nylons over to Annabeth who accepted them excitedly. I couldn't help but smile. It felt kind of nice to mix my old life with my new one and it made me feel lighter than I had in weeks.

A minute later, Ji Soo pulled out his phone and read a message. "Is that your father," I asked him. He nodded slightly before closing his phone.

    "Well, shall we?" Ji Soo asked as he gestured towards the direction of the main entrance.

    "We have to wait for--" I started to say before Jong Hwa came up behind me, I hadn't seen him come from the hallway. "Oh, hey," I said with a smile.  He looked concerned about something which couldn't have been a good sign if he'd just returned from the bathroom. "Are-are you ok," I asked him.

He looked up at me distracted and just stared. I was just about to wave my hand in front of his face to see if he was even paying attention when he finally nodded and gave me a halfhearted smile, "Yeah."

    "You sure," I asked again to make sure.

    "Yeah," he nodded once again and picked up his jacket from the couch.

He said he was sure, I told myself. No need to worry.

I walked them to the front foyer and gave Mae Ri a hug. Ji Soo did his usual shoulder grab and a quick nod. I turned to Jong Hwa thinking we'd also share a quick goodbye but he waved the other two off who left without so much as a glance back.

Once again we were alone and the butterflies in my stomach made me feel bubbly. "What's up," I asked him once the others were out of sight.

    "I had something I wanted to tell you but--" he stopped and looked behind me at the door. I remembered what had happened the last time when Derek had interrupted our private moment and I knew Jong Hwa was remembering the same thing. "Can you come outside for a second," he asked me.

    "Sure," I said and zipped up  my coat to help block the chilly air. It had started to warm up a little but not nearly enough to consider it actually 'warm'.

We went outside and walked about a block before Jong Hwa stopped and turned to me. "I got accepted into the college I wanted," he told me abruptly.

It took me a moment to let his words sink in before I realized the importance of them. "Jinjja? JINJJA?"

He smiled broadly and nodded. Unable to contain myself I pulled him into my arms and jumped up and down. "Oh my god, Jong Hwa that's great! Oh, I'm so proud of--"

Without warning Jong Hwa pulled me close and pressed his lips to mine and time stopped. My first kiss wasn't anything like what the Korean dramas I had seen depicted which made surprise kisses seem awkward. I was surprised to find it was one of the most natural things in the world. His lips were soft and gentle as they pressed against mine. It only took a couple of seconds before my eyes closed and I eased into the moment. He pulled away after a few more seconds and just looked at my face like he was evaluating my reaction. When I made no moves to push him away, he closed the distance again and this time I responded with less surprise and more feeling.

I clung to his jacket and pulled him as close as our jackets would allow. I turned my face slightly so the kiss could go a little deeper and we stayed like that for what felt like forever. There was no pressure to go further and certainly no burning need like I had read in some of my books but it was simple and natural and...a relief. A feeling of contentment had fallen over me and I didn't want to let it go.

When the moment did finally break, we both pulled away and just stared at each other. I think he had been just as surprised as I had been from the kiss. The look on his face clearly showed that he hadn't meant to take that step but it was also clear we were both happy he had. However, the kiss wasn't nearly as shocking as what he said next.

    "I love you," Jong Hwa said in a huff of breath. After he said it, he looked a little embarrassed, and he looked down and away from my eyes. The way his eyes kept darting back and forth on the ground I knew he was thinking about what he'd just said.

I felt a pain in my chest, I had hoped when someone had finally told me they loved me that it would be a for sure thing but Jong Hwa looked like he was debating whether or not he'd made a fatal mistake. I took a slow step back from him and tried not to show my inner pain. The heat that had just warmed my lips turned to ice and chilled me to the bone. If I could have disappeared in that moment, I would have.

    "Look, Jong Hwa," I swallowed to keep my voice from cracking. "I won't hold you to that. You were in the heat of the--"

    "No," Jong Hwa reached out and gripped my wrist. "I love you. I said it thoughtlessly but I do love you." He closed the distance between us and touched my cheek. I couldn't help turning my face into the palm of his hand. "I love you, Lily Smith."

I felt a hot tear splash down my face and I hastily wiped it away. I had thought I would feel over joyed in this moment but all I felt was fear and sadness. It was like a war was waging inside of me, I wanted Jong Hwa to love me because I loved him and had for so long but I was afraid that he'd leave me just like everyone else had. I knew that if--when, I corrected--when Jong Hwa left, it would kill me inside but it had all changed tonight, I thought. Now that he'd said it out loud, I knew when he left, it would kill me for real.

    "No, Jong Hwa," it took all my strength to pull away from the warm hand that was gently cupping my cheek. "I can't-we can't." I shook my head and stepped away from him.

    "Lily," Jong Hwa said my name hastily as his grip tightened on my wrist. "Why can't we--"

    "We just can't," I said fiercely and pulled my arm free. "I'm sorry," I said before turning away and jogging back to my dorm.

I tried not to be disappointed when he didn't follow me right away but I also didn't wait around in the front foyer to see if he would. I flew through the common room to get to my room as fast as I could.

I had just been told everything I'd ever wanted to hear from a guy and I couldn't even trust that what he was saying was true. I was so screwed up. Even if he had been telling me the truth about loving me, after my frantic retreat outside, it would be sure to scare him off or at the very least make him question whether he wanted to love a messed up girl like me.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I knew there was no hope of helping them tonight. Emily sat at her desk typing on her laptop with earbuds in her ears. She's spared me a glance when I'd come into the room but now she was fully engrossed in whatever she was doing at her desk to pay attention to me. I changed into my make-shift pajamas, compete with jacket, and crawled up to bed.

The kiss and the confession of love kept replaying over and over in my head and I feared that I might go crazy before the sun even rose in the sky the next morning. Concentrate on falling asleep, Lily, I told myself. I had a job to do in a couple of hours and I needed to worry about making a living and providing for my future. Brian's earlier words had struck a cord with me and I decided I would forget about tonight and work on building the future I wanted.

I was counting sheep in my head for the third time in an attempt to fall asleep when my phone beeped next to my head. I picked it up and saw I had received a message on Line. I bit my lip when I saw that it was from Jong Hwa and debated on whether to open it or not.

Now I'd really never get to sleep if I didn't read it, I hesitantly opened it up and read his words carefully:

I don't know exactly what happened tonight but I do know some things. I don't regret kissing you. It's probably one of the best moments of my life and I hope it was for you too. I don't know if I'm any good because I've never kissed a girl before.

It was, I thought as I put my phone back on the bed. It was for me too Jong Hwa. Thinking that was all he'd wanted to say, I was surprised when my phone went off again. The next message was longer:

I also know that I love you. I have been in love with you for a long time and I know I will continue to love you for a long time to come. I think I know why you're scared of that and I'm sorry that you felt the need to run away from me tonight. Watching you go, it was hard. Really hard.

I knew that couldn't be all he'd had to tell me so I waited as he sent his next text. Another minute later and my phone beeped once again:

 Please don't run away next time. Please talk to me. Think about what I said, hmm? Sleep well. Love you.

I knew that would be the last message from him so I put my phone away and curled into my pillow and cried. My fingers itched to pick my phone back up and tell him I loved him too. That I had loved him probably from the moment he convinced his mom to put me in his classroom but I didn't pick up my phone. Instead I convinced myself that his feelings had only sprouted from his concern for me after what had happened with my father. As time when on, he'd realize this and he'd be horrified by the things he said tonight.

I tossed and turned for the next four hours until my alarm went off again. Nevertheless I groggily got up and told myself that I didn't have school today which meant that once I was off from work, I could come back and sleep more. It was the only reason I was able to get myself out of bed that morning. The events of the previous night were a bit hazy as pure exhaustion clouded my mind and muddled my thoughts.

It's only for a few months, I told myself. It's only temporary...

***

Jong Hwa...

The last two hours with Lily was refreshing, to say the least. She seemed to be back to her old self and even made a new friend. Annabeth was nice and sweet and I was glad that her and Lily had connected with each other. Mae Ri even seemed to warm up to Annabeth once she got over her jealousy of not being able to stay by Lily's side all the time. I glanced around a few times to see the two boys that had been by Lily's side the last time we visited but they seemed to be keeping their distance tonight. However, I did catch them watching us a couple of times and it made me clench my fists whenever I saw that Derek guy watching Lily closely. It took all my strength to not reach over and take a hold of her hand.

When it was time to go, I asked Lily where the bathroom was in order to stall for a little more time. When I reached the bathroom, I pulled out my phone and sent Ji Soo a text message saying I wanted to tell Lily my news alone. I hoped they said their goodbyes before I left the bathroom, I thought. I was idly leaning against the counter of the six-stalled bathroom waiting when the door swung open again and Derek came through.

Of all the people to come to the bathroom in that exact moment, I hadn't wanted it to be this guy. I pushed off the counter and cleared my throat as I stuck my hands in my pockets.  I nodded my head and said, "It's all yours," before attempting to make my way towards the door he'd come through.

    "Wait," Derek said and held up a hand. "I just--I wanted to say something."

    "What," I said and tried to keep my annoyance out of my voice. Under normal circumstances I considered myself a rational person and I wasn't quick to emotion but this guy seemed to get under my skin. "I'm sorry, what do you need?" I asked in a somewhat more normal voice, I hoped.

    "I know you've got something going on with Lily and I respect that," he said first. "I just--this is weird." He sighed and chuckled as he ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I just wanted you to know that you don't have to worry about Lily while she's here. I won't, ah, I won't infringe," he stuck his hands in his pockets.

With nothing else to say really, I just nodded and said, "Thank you." I still couldn't bring myself to like the guy, or even be friendly with him only because I knew that he still liked her. Despite understanding that Lily was extremely likable, I still didn't like the idea that anyone else liked Lily besides me. I turned around to leave the bathroom, hoping that this little discussion had given the others enough time to say goodbye but he stopped me again.

    "Hey, just one more thing," he said and cleared his throat. "Does-does Lily not eat a lot?"

That was a weird question, I thought. Was this guy a pervert? Something on my face must have given away my inner thoughts because he jumped in quickly to explain his question.

    "It's just that, well, I don't actually see her eat a lot. She's only been to dinner twice since she got here, that was her first day and tonight and breakfast," he looked at the wall behind me as if thinking about something. "I've only actually seen her eat breakfast once."

I stopped to think about his question. We had eaten all the time when we were together, I remembered. We'd eat ramyeon or stuffed buns at the convenient store after school. Sometimes we'd splurge when we felt like it and got something a little more fancy at a pojangmacha* like tteokbokki* or fish cakes but from what I could recall, Lily liked to eat.

    "The only time I really see her eat is at lunch when we're at school and she eats her food so fast that she looks like she's starving every day when she comes to lunch," Derek tacked idly on after a moment.

Now that got my attention, "Lily eats fast at lunch?"

    "Yeah, like, really fast. Her food is gone within minutes," Derek nodded as if to confirm his own words.

That wasn't like Lily at all, she never ate quickly. She'd once told me that she felt self-conscious about her weight so she would eat slowly as if to appear like she wasn't 'stuffing her face', I think, had been her term. Even now, years later, Lily was always one of the last to finish her food regardless of what kind of food it was.

    "Thank you for telling me," I said slowly to Derek and brushed past him to exit the bathroom. Lily and the others were still where I'd left them and Ji Soo and Mae Ri hadn't said their goodbyes. I caught Ji Soo's gaze first and pointed to the pocket that had my phone sticking out. He got the hint and pulled out his own  and read my message. By the time I reached them, he nodded at no one in particular and put away his phone.

    "Well, shall we?" Ji Soo raised his hands as if to usher everyone towards the doors.

    "We have to wait for--Oh hey," Lily said to me when I came back. She must have seen the concern on my phone because she asked me if I was okay. I told her I was and we eventually made our way to the front foyer. The other two said their goodbyes and left immediately, Ji Soo must have told Mae Ri at some point that I wanted to be alone with Lily because she left without hesitation.

I hadn't known at the time how different the night would become just by asking Lily to come outside with me. I certainly hadn't expected to kiss her or tell her I loved her. But by far the biggest surprise of the night had been when she'd walked away from me without a second glance.

To Be Continued...

***

So, we've all heard of Konglish--it's English but with a Korean accent, well the following is Korea's version of Konglish, it's an English word that's made to sound and be spelled as if it is Korean.

*Kyuteu: "cute"

*Pojangmacha: Korean's have, what I refer to as New York-esque, street vendors that sell snack type foods.

*Tteokbokki: Snack that commonly served at Pojangmacha's. It's a rice noodle in sweet/spicy red-pepper paste. (It's very good!)

Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Sixteen

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Sixteen

The next couple of days flew by quickly; I felt like I blinked and already it was the end of the school day on Wednesday. Where had the time gone? I packed my backpack and headed straight out the door without looking back. I had a lot of homework I needed to finish before I could go to bed and I needed to get to bed early because tonight was my first day on the job. I had just gotten down the stairs to the main floor when someone yelled my name. It was Annabeth and she was calling for me from the top of the stairs with a wide smile on her face.

I liked Annabeth, I really did. To a certain extent she reminded me a bit of Mae Ri--the life a the party kind of personality--but sometimes, she was just too happy to be around. It seemed she was always in a good mood, she was always peppy, happy-go-lucky, life was good for her and I hated it.

Nevertheless, I headed back up the stairs in her direction anyway..

    "Derek said you were coming to our study session today, I figure we could walk together," Annabeth told me.

Crap, that's right. I had said I would come today, I winced inwardly. Too late to back out now, I guess and resigned myself to my fate. At least I'd get homework done, I thought. "Awesome, I'll follow you." I kept my arms tight to my sides whenever I was near Annabeth, she had a bad habit of wanting to link arms whenever she was walking with someone. That was one thing I could say about Mae Ri; Mae Ri might be overly zealous when it came to her friends but she was never ridiculously touchy-feely and it made me miss her all the more.

Annabeth led the way to a classroom that, if the boxes and dust were anything to go by, looked abandoned. Light streamed through the windows and made the otherwise depressing room look somewhat less dreary but of all the classrooms to be studying in, this is the one they'd chose?

    "Hey guys, I brought Lily," Annabeth announced as soon as we stepped into the room

I was shocked to see how many people actually took part in this study group. There had to have been more than fifteen people here, I thought as I started counting heads. 18 to be exact. I had envisioned a group of maybe seven or eight but eighteen? And they were all students that were part of the program, did these guys never hang out with regular students?

    "Hey, Lily," a few people I recognized from the dorm said but otherwise I mostly just got curious glances.

Derek and Brian were already there sitting huddled over a book they were sharing, Derek waved earnestly while Brian just nodded his head in greeting before giving his attention back to the book.

    "Hey," I waved awkwardly, wishing all the more I'd been able to back out.

    "Come sit over here," Annabeth patted the floor next to where she was sitting. Only a few people actually used the rickety looking desks that the room had, otherwise most of everyone were either sitting on the floor with books in their laps or laying on the floor with the books in front of them.

I sat down next to her but didn't move to take out my books; I was too busy watching what everyone else was doing. I just observed the atmosphere for a few minutes and found it relatively pleasant. Once in a while someone would ask out a question and someone else would give an answer but mostly the room was quiet and everyone was busy doing their own homework.

Almost a full ten minutes after I arrived, I finally pulled out my books and laid down comfortably on the floor to start my own homework but I didn't get very far before Annabeth grumbled in frustration next to me. "What's up?"

    "It's nothing," she looked at me with a smile that was a little strained at the corners.

    "Maybe I can help, what is it?" I asked again wondering what could have possibly cracked her ever-so-happy mood.

    "I just--ugh, I don't know how you did it," she exclaimed with a loud sigh and pushed her book over to me. She must have been working on the Korean homework Mr. Do had assigned us today--an assignment I was going to put off until last because I knew it'd be the easiest homework for me. "I can learn the individual words but putting them together to form a sentence is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do!"

    "Believe it or not, it was for me too, don't worry," I told her and looked at some of the sample sentences the book offered. "Well first off, just remember that the sentences they use in these books are a bit over the top--no Korean ever speaks this--" I searched for the right word. "--precisely."

    "What do you mean," she asked me with genuine confusion.

    "Well, no sentence structure ever looks the same in Korean. With the amount of suffixes and prefixes in the Korean language, it is never a sure bet as to what will come out of the mouth. Actually, Koreans tend to omit of lot of information when speaking to each other because the information isn't required. So very rarely will you hear sentences structured like this."

    "Okay," she nodded like she understood but her tone said otherwise.

    "Okay, so as an example, in English, 'Sa-gwahn-neun ppal-gan-saeg' would be translated to "The apple is red" or "Apples are red" but in Korean is just means "Apple red". It's a statement of fact. Actually, the word "saeg" literally means color. So "ppal-gan" means..." I let it dangle.

    "Red," she said hesitantly.

    "Yup," I nodded. "And 'neun' is just a topic indicator. Ah," I thought of a better way of phrasing it. "It indicates that the apple is the subject of the sentence, it's what you're talking about. So 'sa-gwahn'  means apple, well actually," I backtracked. I knew I was making a complicated concept more complicated but I had the sudden urge to explain. "It could mean 'apology' too, which happens a lot in Korean. A lot of words sound exactly the same which is why you have to listen to the whole sentence. Anyway," I waved the air in front of my face in order to get back on topic. "so 'sa-gwahn neun', apple plus the topic particle 'neun' combined with 'ppal-gan' literally means 'apple red', the 'saeg', which indicates the color red as opposed to, lets say, a red 'dress'. This is what turns the English translation into 'apples are red'."

There was a moment of pause while Annabeth digested the information before she nodded once again and said, "Okay, I'm starting to get it."

    "They don't have words for 'the' or 'is', so when translations from Korean to English happen, those words have to be placed there in order for it to make sense to us. Do you get what I'm saying now?" She nodded. "So don't beat yourself up for having a hard time putting words together. It's different when you're actually speaking to a Korean and can hear how they put words together."

    "So how did you do it," she asked me curiously.

I thought about it for a moment. "Well, when I came to Korea I didn't have a program like this to fall back on. It was sink or swim," I told her honestly. "It's nice that you've got people," I gestured around and realized that almost everyone was looking at me. "--What?"

    "Nothing, we're just listening," Derek said while some of the students pretended like they hadn't been eavesdropping on our conversation.

    "It's weird because it's like you're from here except you aren't," Annabeth said although I felt like she was stating an obvious fact. "I mean, it's just nice to have insider information without feeling like you look down on us."

    "Look...down...on you, what do you mean?" I asked.

    "Well, it's hard to talk to the students here, you know," another girl I didn't know said.

    "Have you tried," I asked.

    "It's hard when you don't know the language," someone else said.

I understood what they were trying to tell me; they were scared to ask anyone for helping because they feared getting laughed at or rejected. I knew the feeling, probably better than most but I couldn't help feeling a little bit better about my own personal circumstances. I hadn't been so lucky as these students who had others who spoke their language to help support them. I'd been virtually alone; my mother hadn't been here long enough to help me learn anything about Korea and my dad had strictly wanted to keep it American inside the apartment so everything I'd learned had come from Jong Hwa or Mae Ri. Heck, even Ji Soo had helped a little. In some ways these students had been luckier than I but in others, I'd definitely gotten the better part of the deal.

    "Well, do any of you have questions," I asked tentatively, not expecting anyone to actually ask me anything. I was wrong, almost immediately I was accosted with questions about the Korean culture and language, I could hardly keep up with my answers.

    "What's with the whole "hyung"-"oppa" thing," a girl asked me a little while later, I think her name was Chelsea.

    "It's all part of the hierarchy, in Korea there is an order to everything and there are levels, these titles are all a part of that," I told them.

    "What do they mean," Chelsea asked.

    "Well, younger males call older males "Hyung" as a sign of respect--it's an indicator of their age. In Korean society, there are roles; elders help guide their juniors--sunbae's and hubae's--while the juniors show respect to their elders so 'hyung' really just shows a hubae acknowledging his place in the relationship," I told them. "It's the same for "oppa" just for girls addressing older males," I tried to keep it simple but that was the difficult in the Korean culture, one thing was always connected to someone else, there was a reason for everything, I'd learned.

It continued on like this until someone noted the time and we all had to rush to pack our bags to make it to the last pick-up bus that would take us to the dorms. There was a lot of chatter about the Korean culture when we all climbed the steps to board the bus and I couldn't help but feel a little excited that I'd been able to help someone else. Instead of being the one that didn't know anything, I had now become the knowledgeable and the idea made me feel good.

My happiness was short lived when we got back to the dorms and I realized tonight was my first night of work. I had to give Annabeth a quick goodbye so I could head up to my room to get my homework done as fast as possible. Although I got through most of it within a couple hours, Math always seemed to elude me, at least without the assistance of someone else. ...And that someone else was no longer by my side. I pulled out my phone and debated if I was really going to send a message to Jong Hwa in order to get help with my math homework.

We hadn't had any communication since the last time we were together. I'd pulled out my phone several times to text him but I'd resisted because I needed to get used to not having him around. That would make his eventual departure easier. Mae Ri, on the other than, had texted me several times throughout the day for the past two days. I'd texted her back when I could but Jong Hwa, so far, had been utterly silent.

It was because of that silence that I decided to not ask him for help and I put my phone away. I glanced at Emily's alarm clock and noted that is was already well past dinner time and I hadn't eaten anything since lunch. My stomach gurgled loudly but I ignored it. I needed to get to sleep and set my alarm for 2:30 so I could get a few hours of sleep before having to be at work.

I turned the light off at my desk and made my way to the closet where I'd hung my jacket. I still hadn't been able to convince myself that I needed bed sheets so I continued to sleep in my jacket, sweats and slippers. I knew eventually I'd have to break down to get them but I wanted to save my money where I could and right now, bed sheets were not an expense I could afford. I wrapped my jeans up in a shirt again and climbed the step ladder.

Because I was so used to falling asleep later a night, it was hard for me to sleep so early which is probably what accounted for me feeling miserably tired the next morning when my alarm went off at 2:30. Emily grumbled loudly but turned over and fell back asleep as soon as I shut off the alarm. Even though every fiber of my being wanted to stay in bed, I needed the job so I dragged myself out of bed anyway. I changed into my jeans and a plain white t-shirt and packed my school uniform into my backpack before quietly leaving the room. The bright, fluorescent lights in the hallway nearly blinded me as I made my way to the stairs and down to the common area.

As soon as I stepped outside the first door I was stopped by the security guy and I was surprised to find out he was Korean.

    "Omo, where are you going," He asked me in severely broken English so I decided to just respond in Korean.

    "I work in the mornings," I told him.

    "You need to have a special waiver form in order to leave the dormitories this early in the morning," he told me.

    "Oh," I hadn't known that, well now what the heck was I gonna do? "Can you let me go for today and I will call Chan Min about the waiver," I asked him with pleading eyes. "It's just, I really need the job."

He hesitated for a moment, not sure what would get him into trouble but eventually he nodded, "Just for today."

I bowed and thanked him before I headed out into the cold, March morning. I didn't know when Spring was finally going to come to Korea but it couldn't come soon enough, I thought as I bit down on my lip to avoid shivering. I fast-walked the eight blocks and was almost out of breath when I finally reached the club. I entered the passcode and introduced myself to the over-night security guy. He seemed nice and showed me where I could find the cleaning supplies before leaving me to my work.

***

The club had two floors; upstairs held the karaoke rooms and downstairs was where the bar was located. I couldn't tell which floor was the worse to clean up. Downstairs, probably, I decided since there were no walls to keep the mess enclosed.

After nearly three hours of sweaty, grueling work, I finished my work day by cleaning the bathrooms. I checked back in with the security officer and he ran through the checklist before giving me the thumbs up which left me with about thirty minutes before the buses would arrive. I used that time to wash up in the bathroom at the club before heading out.

I arrived ten minutes before the bus got there and I silently patted myself on the back. That wasn't so bad, I thought. I even felt somewhat refreshed after working so much before school, I didn't feel tired at all.

Of course, that was before I reached third period and nearly slammed my forehead onto my desk after almost falling asleep. The student next to me must have saw me struggling because she asked me if I was ok when the teacher's back was turned.

    "Gwanchana," I whispered back and hoped I was telling the truth. I had to keep shifting in my desk to keep myself awake but no one was more happy than I was when the lunch bell rang. My stomach had been gurgling since the first hour as if to remind me that I hadn't had dinner or breakfast. Not that I needed the reminder, I thought.

Which is how I found myself arm-in-arm with Annabeth walking at a clipped pace to the lunchroom. Once I'd gotten through the lunch line and sat down, I didn't even wait for the others before I started shoveling rice into my mouth.

    "You're a hungry little lass today, aren't'cha?" Brian asked a few moments later while he openly stared at me. His fork dangling in his hand.

    "Hmm," was all I said as I continued to eat quickly.

    "You do realize we have a total of thirty minutes to eat, there's no rush," Brian said teasingly as he finally started on his own food.

    "So, whats up," Derek asked as he carefully chewed his food.

    "Nothing, I was just hungry," I began to feel a little self conscious. I had just piled a whole bunch of food into my face like Ms. Piggy, I thought silently.

    "I didn't see you at dinner last night," Derek hinted once again. "Or at breakfast this morning," he finished.

I decided that actively ignoring him was my only way out of this situation, "Hmm, hey Annabeth, did you ever figure out your Korean homework," I asked her and only felt a little guilty about using her. I knew she'd perk up and ramble on about her homework which would effectively shut Derek up and I was right, it was a useful strategy.

She kept talking until it was time to get back to class and for once, I didn't mind her cheerful happiness.

***

Because there was no study hall after school I snagged a spot on the first pick-up bus and headed back to the dorms after school. During the ride I checked my phone for new messages and found five new messages from Mae Ri alone.

    "Aish, Mae Ri-ya," I chided and read each one thoroughly. She wanted to come by the dorms to see me after school today but I quickly sent a reply saying I had too much homework but that she could come by tomorrow. That would work because I'd have the whole weekend to do my homework. Tonight I needed to do the minimal amount of homework and get some sleep.

She sent back a cheery response--I could tell by the smiling cat emoticon she used--and I put my phone away. I just wanted to go home and sleep, I was so tired. I leaned my head up against the window of the bus and closed my eyes.

The next thing I knew Derek was sitting in the spot in front of me, staring. "Kkamjjakiya," I jumped back as far as the seat would allow.

    "Sorry, sorry," Derek raised his hands. "I tried to wake you up by calling your name, then I was going to shake you but," he made an "X" with his fingers and reminded me that I'd told him to never touch me. I had to give him kudos for following orders, even to such extremes as this.

    "No, it's fine. Look, forget what I said the other day, I don't like being manhandled, that's all," I told him and he looked confused. "Just don't, you know, jerk me around abruptly."

He nodded his head fervently, "You got it."

I looked around and realized the bus had stopped moving, "Are-are we at the dorms," I asked.

    "Yup, got here about ten minutes ago, I was trying to wake you up to tell you we were here," Derek told me.

    "Oh, thank you," I picked up my backpack and slid out of the seat. Derek followed me off the bus and walked side by side with me towards the dorms.

    "So, ah, you know, I meant to apologize for walking in on you and your, ah, friend the other night," Derek said with a lot of hesitation.

    "It's ok," was what I settled on. He chuckled nervously, waiting for more of a response but I had none to give him.

    "So, is he-is he your boyfriend," Derek asked.

We had reached the front entrance to the dorms when I stopped to consider his question and how much information I was willing to share. I guess I had nothing to lose by being honest and saying we were best friends. However, something didn't feel right about making it look like Jong Hwa was only a good friend when he was so much more than that. "He's--someone I'm interested in."

    "So you two aren't dating," he questioned.

    "It's complicated," I told him.

    "Complicated how," He kept pushing for an answer.

    "Why do you want to know," I asked, letting my annoyance leak through my voice. Couldn't he take a hint?

    "Because I don't want to be attracted to another man's girl," he said exasperatedly.

I had been taken by complete surprise and I was unsure of what to say to that. "Are-are you always this honest" is what I settled on.

    "I try to be," he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. I had to look away because it reminded me so much of Jong Hwa. "I didn't mean to make things uncomfortable, but I've been thinking about that moment...and," he took  deep breath. "Nevermind, I'm sorry I brought it up," he pulled open the door as if to leave but I stopped him.

    "He isn't my boyfriend," I told him quickly. "He--I love him," saying the words to someone who wasn't Jong Hwa hurt more than I thought it would. "I love him, a lot actually, but it's complicated right now."

    "Because you switched schools," Derek asked as he let the door slide shut.

    "No, because--look, he's a good guy, he's kind and gentle, he's honest and hardworking," I hadn't meant to spill everything to Derek and yet here it was all coming out of my mouth. "He's the kind of guy every girl wants as her boyfriend but," how could I explain so he'd understand. "I'm not--he doesn't love me, I mean, not like that anyway."

    "Didn't look that way the other night," Derek said quietly. He was right and deep down, I knew he was right but I had spent the last three days telling myself that what had happened in the front foyer didn't mean anything and I had done all I could to make that memory seem less important. It wasn't working very well, but I was trying.

    "Maybe not but all the same, we're just friends," I said.

    "So I'm confused, are you telling me it's okay for me to like you or are you telling me you're unavailable," he asked me, point blank.

I didn't want to hurt this man's feelings but I also didn't want to lead him on. "I'm unavailable." I didn't apologize because I wasn't sorry and I didn't belittle either of us by saying 'we can still be friends'. Yeah, there was no way around this ensuing awkwardness that was bound to sprout up between us. Why couldn't he have just not said anything at all?

    "I"m glad we got that all cleared up," he said and nodded briskly and opened the door. "Let's go in, it's cold out here."

I nodded and followed him in, I just needed to escape to my bedroom as soon as possible.

    "By the way, when does spring usually hit Korea, 'cause man, I really want to throw around a baseball," Derek said and effectively broke the awkwardness all on his own.

We spent another ten minutes chatting about the normal weather patterns in Korea before I finally disengaged to go to my room. He seemed absolutely normal, despite our previous conversation and I thought, maybe things wouldn't be so uncomfortable after all. I could pretend like that conversation never happened.

When I reached my room, I felt lighter somehow and the feeling wasn't entirely unpleasant. I pulled out my backpack and attacked my homework with more motivation than I'd had previously. It wasn't until almost an hour later when I remembered that I needed to get a waiver from Chan Min.

    "Aish," I muttered as I searched for my phone and started to put in the passcode that when remembered that I didn't have service. "Aish," I said more loudly as I headed for the door. I was heading for the front desk when I passed by Brian in the stairway. "Hey, Brian could I--" I'd been going down the stairs at such a fast pace that I missed the fact that Brian had actually been using his phone.  "Oh, sorry, never--"

    "Baby, hold on," Brian said into the phone and put his hand over the receiver. "What'd you need," he asked me.

    "I was going to ask to use your phone but you're on it," I told him and waved off my request.

    "One sec," he said before moving his hand away from the phone. "Baby, go take your shower and call me back afterwards." He was silent as he listened to whoever 'Baby' was. "Nah, it's okay. Okay, love you too." He hung up the phone and passed it to me.

    "You didn't have to do that," I said humbly.

    "Nah, she had to get ready for school anyway, she just had a late start this morning," he explained.

    "I'll just be a minute, I promise," I held up one finger for emphasis before taking the phone and dialing Chan Min's number. I prayed he was still in his office. He wasn't, the phone kicked me to the front desk where the receptionist answer the call.

    "Is-is Soo Chan Min-ssi still in the office," I asked her.

    "Aniyo," she said in clipped tones and I envisioned the snarky-looking receptionist that sometimes manned the front desk. "He's left for the day, would you like to leave a message?"

    "Um, do-do you have his cellphone number by chance, it's kind of an emergency," I said.

There was a pause on the other line before she responded, "Unfortunately I can't give out personal numbers, what kind of an emergency is it, I could connect you to the Director."

I had an intense internal debate on whether I wanted to ask this kind of a favor from the Director himself but I had no other choice otherwise I'd miss work tomorrow and I would lose the job. I was already starting to feel the panic rising in my chest. I squeezed my eyes shut to try and control the urge to hyperventilate. "Yes, please."

    "One moment," she said and a moment later a piano started playing in the background.

Oh please, oh please, I begged to whatever higher power was listening.

    "This is the Director speaking," the Director said after the piano cut out.

    "Oh, Annyeonghaseyo," I squeaked into the phone, I was so nervous. "Jeosonghaeyo, It's Lily Smith," I was even more scared of asking for a favor from him than I was of Chan Min, what had I been thinking when I asked to be transferred to him?

    "Oh. The receptionist said it was an emergency, what's going on," he asked but not like he was mad. He actually sounded worried.

    "It's not an, I mean, it kind of is, but--" my words came out jumbled.

    "Slow down, Lily," he said in a soothing voice and I took a deep breath.

    "I have a job but it requires that I leave earlier than allowed in the morning, so I need--"

    "A waiver," he finished for me when I stopped to take another deep breath.

    "Yes, sir," I confirmed.

    "When do you need it by," he asked gently into the phone.

    "Tomorrow morning, I know it's such short notice but I was caught doing homework and I--"

    "It's okay, it's okay, I'll have one faxed over," he said.

    "Kamsahamnida, jeongmal kamsahamnida," I was so relieved I actually bowed before I remembered that he couldn't see it.

    "Cheonmaneyo*," he said. "Hey, Lily, let's get together sometime next week."

And all my happiness evaporated in that moment. Why would he want to meet up with me? This whole call had been a mistake, it didn't matter if I didn't have a job if I was kicked out of the program. There went school, college, everything, I thought to myself and felt all the panic drain out of me as depression set in. The only reason he'd be calling me in to meet with him is if I'd made a fatal mistake in this phone call.

    "You still there," he asked and there was a muffled sound on the other side.

    "Yes," I reassured him.

    "So you'll come see me next week," he asked again.

    "Yes, sir," and we said our goodbyes and hung up. I handed the phone back to Brian and thanked him for letting me use it.

    "What was all that about," he asked as he pocketed the phone.

    "It's nothing," I told him as I started back up the stairs.

    "Well, it's obviously something," he said. "Hey, wait" Brian grabbed a hold of my wrist and effectively cut off my ascent. "What happened/"

    "It's none of your business," I shouted and yanked my wrist out of his hand. "It's-it's none of your concern," I repeated in a much milder tone.

    "You know, Lily, we're all going through the same stuff here," Brian gestured towards the common room door.

    "I doubt that Brian," I rolled my eyes and started back up the stairs.

    "We're all in a different country," he said through clenched teeth. "We all feel alone, it's an adjustment for all of us but we don't have to go through it alone, and neither do you. I know you want to be 'mysterious' but cut yourself a little slack. It might make the adjustments easier," he finished with a long sigh.

I had the sudden urge to scream but I refrained, just barely. "You don't know anything about my situation, I'm not like you guys. I was never like you guys, so don't force us all into the same category. It's an adjustment?"  I laughed condescendingly and took one step back down. "My father left me here! With nothing! No money, no clothes, I didn't even have a toothbrush! I had a pair of sweats in my backpack and what amounts to twenty dollars in my hand. We are not the same."

    "Lily--"

    "No, you want to know what we have in common? The only thing we have in common is that we are both in this program. That's it and this conversation is done." I waited to see if he'd say anything else and he looked like he was going to but his phone went off in his pocket. "It's probably your girlfriend, you should pick up."

I didn't wait around to see if he'd actually pick up his phone or not because I quickly ascending the stairs and was out of sight within moments. I locked myself in the dark room where I could breath a little. I hadn't meant to explode on Brian, and I also hadn't meant to give away so much information about myself. Knowing his big mouth, he'd probably tell the whole common room about the conversation he'd just had with the 'mysterious' newbie and I'd have to face all of them tomorrow.

I slapped myself on the forehead, how could I have been so thoughtless? I went back to my desk and packed up all my books and put my uniform in the backpack as well. It was only a little after five but I got ready for bed anyway. I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone for the rest of the night, I just wanted to escape into sleep.

A little while later the sound of knocking broke me out of my dreamless sleep but I ignored it. It was either for Emily and she wasn't here or it was someone wanting to talk to me and I didn't want to talk to anyone.

    "Lily, are you in there?" I heard Derek ask through the door. Yeah, I definitely didn't want to talk to him. I stayed  perfectly still until he left a few minutes later.

***

Derek...

Lily hadn't been at dinner tonight either, I thought to myself. Maybe she'd gotten so distracted by her homework that she'd forgotten when it was served. I snagged a dinner bun, a small milk carton and an apple to bring to her. It wasn't the best meal but it was all I could carry in my hands.

    "Yo, where you going with that," Brian called from the table he was sitting at with a few of the other students.

    "Ah, Lily didn't come for dinner and I thought she might be hungry," I said. I expected Brian to make some sort of innuendo but he didn't.

    "Ah, I see," Brian said. "Make sure she eats, eh?"

    "I'll try, I guess we'll see," I said. Brian seemed out of character tonight, I wondered if something happen with his girlfriend back home. I know he'd left on tense circumstances, maybe they'd broken up, I wondered.

I left the cafeteria and made my way up to Lily's room, I didn't see any light coming from under the door but I knocked anyway. After almost five minutes, I gave up. She was either already asleep or not even in her room. I debated on whether or not to leave the food lying outside her door but decided against it, no one wanted to eat an apple or a bun after it'd been sitting on the floor. There was also no guarantee that she'd come out tonight at all and see it.

But...what the hell was I gonna do with a bun, an apple and a carton of milk?

To Be Continued...

***

*Cheonmaneyo: "No problem" of "You're Welcome"