Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Twenty

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Twenty

   “Oh my god,” I vaguely heard someone who sounded an awful lot like Ji Soo say. I felt like the voice was coming from far away but with every passing moment consciousness was becoming a real thing. “None of this is okay,” I heard the dim voice again. “She doesn’t get privacy any more.”

Why were people being so loud, couldn’t they tell I was sleeping? I had work in the morning. Why would Emily let people in the room when I was sleeping? Because she was a cold stone—wait, I had a vision of a mop and bucket flying into the air? Well that was weir—and just like that, everything that happened came back in a flash. I’d been walking down the stairs at work when I’d tripped…had I tripped? I don’t remember tripping, I thought as I fought hard to remember the events that had taken place before I’d completely blacked out.

I had gotten dizzy and lost my footing. I hadn’t let go of the mop and bucket of dirty water until it was too late to catch myself and I cracked the side of my face on the floor. As if on queue, I was able remember what had happened. I could feel all the aches and pains in my body, most of which was centered on the right side of my face.

It was at this point I could hear everything happening in the room with clarity, “Is that money?” Was that Dr. Lee? Ok, I definitely needed to open my eyes now, I told myself even though my body was slow in responding to my demands.

I had a terrifying moment of thinking maybe I had lost my eyesight but a sliver of light appeared through the small slit of my eyelid and I knew how ridiculous I was being. After struggling to just open my eyes, what I saw had not been what I was expecting.

The first thing I noticed was an upright body sitting next to me and even with his head turned away from me, I knew it was Jong Hwa. He was holding my hand although I could barely feel it, I tried to squeeze his hand to get his attention but just as with my eyelids, it was a struggle just to get my arm to twitch. Behind him stood Ji Soo and Dr. Lee who were looking very interested in something I couldn’t see.

“Let me see,” Jong Hwa said as if he’d heard my silent plea and I watched in horror as Ji Soo turned around holding the emergency funds I’d put into baggies. They must have been going through my backpack.

I tried to get their attention by lifting my arm but I could barely twitch a finger so I quickly abandoned that attempt and tried my voice next. It hurt to even suck in air through my mouth, no less trying to force air out to speak words but I finally managed on my third try. I think watching Ji Soo start to open one of the bags gave me the motivation to make speech patterns although it sounded pretty jumbled to my own ears.

“Please don’t touch my money,” I think I said. They must have heard me because everyone’s eyes turned towards me and if I could have, I would have cringed back into the bed with the stares everyone pinned on me.

“Lily,” Jong Hwa was the first to recover and he squeezed my hand tightly before gently patting my hair back from my face. “Oh thank you,” he said while he brought the hand he held to his forehead as if offering the thanks to me although I knew I hadn’t deserved his gratitude.

No one said anything else so I took the brief moment of silence to look at my surroundings. It was pretty clear from the tape and IV on the hand Jong Hwa was currently holding up within eyesight that I was in a hospital. If that wasn’t enough, the rather large beeping machine to my right was a dead give away.

“Lily, do you know where you are,” Dr. Lee stood up and came to stand next to the side of the bed.

I tried to nod but the very act had my body protesting in anger, at least I assumed, if the pain was anything to go by. So I cleared my throat as much as I could and hoarsely whispered the words, “A hospital?”

Dr. Lee nodded. “Do you know what happened,” he asked in the same calm voice he’d used with his last question.

“I fell,” I cleared my throat again. “I think I fell down the stairs,” I had to clear my throat again. It felt like I’d spent the last six months in the Sahara sucking in sand from the way my voice sounded and how dry my throat and mouth felt. “Water, please.”

“Ji Soo,” Dr. Lee said over his shoulder and without hesitation Ji Soo left the room to get me some water.

Jong Hwa was rubbing his thumb over my knuckles and it was distracting enough to have me looking at our conjoined hands.

“Does this hurt? Should I stop,” he asked, worry lacing his voice. This time I managed a shake of my head although it did make me wish my head would fall from my shoulders. He registered the head movement and kept trailing his thumb along in slow, gentle strokes.

“Lily are you in any pain,” Dr. Lee asked, bringing my attention back to the tall doctor.

“Yes,” I whispered and God was I ever. As more and more of my body came back online, the more pain I felt. I wanted to say that I was in a lot of pain but I stuck to the easier monosyllabic words I’d been using.

Ji Soo returned carrying a pitcher of water with the doctor close on his heels.

“’Ello, Ril-li,” the doctor said in incredibly broken English as he approached the bed. “My nae-ma iz—“

“She speaks Korean,” Jong Hwa cut the doctor off rudely and informed him.

I blinked quickly to make sure it had actually been Jong Hwa who’d spoken. Jong Hwa was normally never that rude, especially to an elder but it had definitely been him who’d just cut off the older doctor.

There was an awkward silence following Jong Hwa’s declaration. Dr. Lee raised his hand and rested it gentle on Jong Hwa's shoulder; whether it was a warning or an act of reassurance, I wasn't sure. The doctor cleared his throat and began once again in Korean this time. “My name is Dr. Choi. Do you know where you are?”

If I’d had the energy to sigh, I swear I would have. Instead, I gathered my reserves and prepared myself to give the same answers to the questions Dr. Lee had just asked me.

After a few minutes of questions, he finally pulled out his stethoscope and checked my vitals. “Well, your vitals seem to be normal however your labs show that you are depleted of all your core essentials,” he said.

I looked to Dr. Lee for translation but it was Jong Hwa who spoke up in English, I guess he remembered that my Korean language skills didn’t really cover medical jargon. “He’s saying the things your body needs to keep running are gone, vitamins, things like that.”

I nodded and winced at the movement.

“I will have a nurse come in and administer some pain medication, once we’ve gotten some more fluids into you, I’m going to have someone from the psychological department come down to just see where you are at,” the doctor said in a kind voice, like he was talking to a wounded animal.

“Did I-“ I cleared my throat. “Did I hurt my brain,” I asked.

“Your scans show no indication of brain damage,” the doctor smiled nicely.

“Then why-“ I cleared my throat but this time Dr. Lee lifted a cup with a straw to my mouth so I could drink. I would have hugged him if I’d been able to lift my arms more than an inch off the bed. God, it hurt to move. “Why do I need a-a,” I struggled to think of the word but obviously my brain wasn’t working so fast. It was Jong Hwa who finally finished my question.

“Why does she need a neurologist,” Jong Hwa asked and I nodded in confirmation.

“No, not a neurologist,” the doctor said, at first to Jong Hwa but then changed directions and spoke to me directly. “A psychologist,” he reiterated.

“Why,” Jong Hwa asked for me.

“To evaluate her mental status,” he said. I had been taking a drink from the cup Dr. Lee offered me again when he said this and I choked on the water I’d tried to swallow.  If I hadn't been so worried about what the doctor had said, I would have cared about all the water I'd just sputtered down my chin and onto the top of my hospital gown.

    "My mental status," I asked and for the first time since waking up, I didn't feel any pain. It was like my mind completely shut down the rest of my body. "There's nothing wrong with my mental status."

    "It's standard procedure for someone with Anorexia Nervosa," the doctor told me as if I hadn't said anything. "Anyone presenting with this particular disorder needs to be evaluated by the psychology department."

    "What," I looked at Jong Hwa and then back at the doctor. "I'm not anorexic," the look on the doctor's face clearly told me he didn't believe me. "I swear I'm not--" and I stopped. I'm sure everyone with Anorexia Nervosa said they weren't. "Look, give me food right now, I'll eat it in front of you, whatever you give me I'll eat."

    "Doctor, could I see you outside," Dr. Lee asked. The Dr. Choi nodded and walked with Dr. Lee out of the room.

    "I'm not anorexic," I said to the room in general.

    "Lily, it's okay if--"

I cut Jong Hwa off, "I'm not anorexic, Jong Hwa. You have to believe me," I tried to convince him with what little voice I had. What happened to the nurse bringing  me pain meds. Although my body barely registered the pain in light of this new revelation, I could still feel the echo of pain that had been there when I woke up.

    "Lily, what's been going on," Jong Hwa asked me in the same kind of voice the doctor had used. Like I was some wounded animal that everyone was afraid of. I think I could handle it better coming from the doctor, because he didn't know me, but I couldn't handle that voice from Jong Hwa. It made me feel weak and I wasn't weak.

    "Don't speak to me like that," I said to Jong Hwa and tried to take my hand out of his but in an instant, his hand became a steal vise as it closed around my palm and refused to let loose it's grip.

    "Like what," he asked.

    "Like I'm some child that needs taking care of," I said, still attempting to tug my hand out of his. I didn't have much strength to actually use my arm to it's full capacity but I wasn't sure if I would have been able to remove my hands even if I'd had full use of my appendages. "I've been doing just fine on my own and having you sit there and treat me like a naive child--"

Ji Soo's abrupt laugh cut off the rest of my sentence. He had taken a seat and was now rubbing his face with both his hands. His laughter was only somewhat muffled by his hands but clear enough that I knew he was laughing sarcastically. "Now I know you need to get your head checked."

    "Ji Soo," Jong Hwa attempted to admonish but I suddenly felt like fighting. I wasn't sure if that was because I felt so helpless sitting here and basically immobile in this bed or because Ji Soo was the only one to not treat me like a baby.

    "No, Jong Hwa, let him say what he needs to say," I said, my words were thrown out like a challenge. "What did you want to say, Ji Soo?"

    "Oh, Lily, there's so much, I don't know where to begin," he laughed again, but not like he was actually enjoying this. More like he was spoiling for a fight as well.

    "Well, you obviously have something to say so say it," I said.

    "Fine. You are a coward," he spat out. All semblance of humor was gone. He looked me directly in the eye and said it and if I could have, I would have cringed away from the words. "You pretend to be strong and yet here we are, in a hospital that you yourself basically signed into."

    "I don't know what you are talking about," I said defensively.

    "Of course you don't because you are absolutely blind to everything around you right now," Ji Soo said. "You somehow convinced yourself that you don't need anyone and you've shut the rest of us out."

    "I never--"

    "Oh you knew what you were doing when you were doing it," Ji Soo exclaimed loudly. "You basically avoided us as much as possible. Even Mae Ri; you both used to be damn near inseparable but now look at you two," he flung his arm out as if to make his point. "Has it even occurred to you that she's not here?"

I didn't want to admit it out loud but no, it hadn't occurred to me. I'd been so focused on Jong Hwa and then the doctor that I had barely registered anything else.

    "Didn't think so," Ji Soo said after reading my face. "You are so scared. You are terrified and you're trying to cover it up with-with-with whatever you've been doing these last few weeks, trying to prove yourself to the world but now, look at you." He actually tsked at me. "Is this why you worked so hard to stay in Korea? If it is, then it was a waste of your time and of Jong Hwa's. If this is the best you can do, then you might as well go home."

    "Ji Soo," Jong Hwa said sharply and he stood up abruptly. He turned towards Ji Soo who'd also stood up. I didn't know what to expect except from the looks of it, it looked like they might have actually thrown punches at each other. "That's enough."

    "I'm not saying anything you haven't already thought about but fine, comfort her if that's what you think she needs. Me? I think she needs a reality check," Ji Soo tossed out before turning on his heel and walking out the door.

 ***

 Ji Soo...

I shut the door behind me, leaned against it and just breathed. I couldn't shake the feeling that what Lily needed wasn't comfort. I mean, we had all been comforting Lily since the moment her father left and it obviously wasn't working. With everything that had been found out this morning, I couldn't help but get more and more angry as each new revelation but the final straw had been watching Jong Hwa comfort her.

It was in Jong Hwa's nature to care for others and I understood that but hadn't we let Lily wallow long enough? Of course, she wouldn't think she'd been wallowing but quite honestly, I wasn't sure what she'd been thinking to begin with. None of us had, apparently otherwise we wouldn't have been so shocked. The more and more I thought it though the more I felt like I was right, she needed a reality check.

How she was going to get it, I didn't know but I couldn't go back into that room without either controlling my anger or coming up with a solution. Just what the hell did Lily need?

    "Giving them some privacy," Abeoji asked me as he came back down the hallway.

    "No, I just couldn't sit there and watch them," the more I thought about it the more infuriated I got about the whole situation. I gripped the back of my neck to help ease some of the tension but it didn't really help. "No good will come from me sitting in that room and watching him coddle her."

    "Jong Hwa is only doing what he knows how to do; take care of her," Abeoji said and sat down in one of the chairs that lined the hallway. He patted the seat next to him and since I had nothing else better to do, I sat down. "I know it's frustrating; not being able to help when you want to is one of the hardest part of being a doctor. If this is the field you want to go into, it's best now if you get used to it."

    "But she's my friend,' I said like that made all he difference in the world. Like I was suppose to be able to help her more because of our friendship. It seemed underneath it all, friends or no friends, you never truly understood another person.

    "That's what makes it harder, not easier," Abeoji sighed and leaned back. "You know, when your mom died, it was the most angriest I've ever been. I knew theoretically how to help her but none of the medicines were helping. I had to sit back and watch her get sicker and sicker despite all the knowledge I had." Abeoji sat in silence for a few minutes while he worked through his thoughts.

We rarely ever spoke about mom, not because he didn't want to talk about her, I knew he did but because I was afraid that if he did start talking about her I'd feel, well, nothing. I had vague memories of her but nothing solid, nothing that felt like anything more than a dream I barely remembered. I wanted to pretend that my lack of emotion towards not having a mother was just because I didn't remember the love she had for me rather than a lack of compassion on my part. Because of that I'd always shied away from any stories Abeoji might have told me to avoid the guilt of being an unloving son towards a mom I could barely picture in my head. This, however, was the first time he spoke about her death.

I wondered if Jong Hwa was feeling how my father had felt all those years ago, having to sit around while you watch your loved one getting sicker and sicker. Then I thought about what had just took place and instead of anger, and frustration, I just felt sadness and guilt. I had probably just made things worse with my little tantrum. "Aish," I grumbled and slid farther into the chair.

    "I understand," my father gripped my knee and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "I understand."

***

Lily...

Following Ji Soo's departure, Jong Hwa sat back down and reached for my hand. "Don't worry about him, he's just worried about you, we all are," he said.

    "You say that but you're probably thinking the same thing he is, that I'm crazy," I said. I was still angry; I was angry at everything, my life, God, those damn stairs! If I had just let go of the bucket or mop sooner I could have caught myself and I wouldn't have ended up here.

    "I don't think you are crazy," Jong Hwa said easily. He idly traced patterns on the back of my hand and I found it distracting and maddening at the same time. I wanted someone to yell, to scream or do something I could take my own personal frustrations out on and I almost regretted having Ji Soo leave. Jong Hwa no longer sounded like he pitied me, in fact, a strange sense of calm had come over him after Ji Soo made his rather uneventful departure.

    "Then what are you thinking," I asked defensively. Gah, if he was smart he'd just leave but I couldn't bring myself to tell him to go.

    "I'm thinking he's right," Jong Hwa said in the same, easy tones as before.

    "He's...right," I repeated in shock. I was hurt, it was ridiculously unfair of me but I could feel all the anger I had inside of me, all the frustration and sadness that had just been swirling around me for the past few weeks finally found an escape route and it just happened to be Jong Hwa. "You think I'm a coward? Is that really what you think of me? Well I guess I'm glad the truth finally came out."

I tried to pull my hand away but just like before, he had my hand in a vise-like grip and showed no signs of letting go. "Let go of me," I said dangerously quiet at first.

    "No," he said simply.

    "Let go of me, Jong Hwa," I said again but a little louder this time. "Let go of me and get out," is what I said out loud except the irrational part of me wanted him to ignore me.

    "I'm not going anywhere," he said. His other hand which had been supporting his body on the bed now cupped the other side so my hand was held between both of his.

The movement made my insides clench the familiar feeling of a panic attack was slowly rising into my chest. "Let go of me," I couldn't shake the panic and it gave me a surprising boost in strength. It was, quite literally, fight versus flight, the only problem was I wanted to go in both directions. I yanked my hand out of his and I think I caught him by surprise. "Get out," I said again.

    "No," he reached for my hand again and caught it even though I was trying to push his hands away. I used my other hand to pull myself up higher on the bed so I could get the momentum I needed to push him away. "Lily stop," he said in the same calm voice and it was starting to grate on my nerves.

    "Get away from me, get out," I was like a wild animal with no rationale. I just wanted him gone so I could go back to doing what I had been doing before, surviving. I just needed to keep surviving and I couldn't do that if Jong Hwa was around. "Please, just leave me alone," I pushed at him harder and all he did was come closer and closer until our bodies were no more than a foot apart.

It had been hard to push him away when he was farther down the bed but now that he was so close, I couldn't get the leverage I needed to shove him back, not that I would have if I had the chance. I wanted Jong Hwa gone but I didn't want to hurt him, "Please just go." His proximity did nothing to help the panic that was very quickly threatening to take over, I could already feel the constriction of airflow to my lungs.

Faster than I could have imagined he pulled me up and encircled my shoulders with both of his arms and just held tightly. Time stopped, even my panic attack hit pause as I registered the movement and felt his warmth surround me. "I don't think you're crazy and I don't think you are a coward," he said fiercely into my ear, his earlier calm all but evaporated in that moment. "I do think you need a reality check," he finished.

He pulled back and cupped my face gently while looking directly into my eyes. My usually easy-going Jong Hwa looked anything but as he said the next few words, "So here's reality: I'm not leaving. I'm not ever going to leave, do you understand?" He didn't wait for me to say anything before he continued. "I'm here, Lily. I'm here."

It was like he hit an off switch in my head; I stopped fighting him and just sat there and looked into his eyes.

    "I'm here," he said once more just in case I hadn't heard the last two. "I'm here with you. If you struggle, I struggle. When you are in pain, I'm in pain. I'm not going anywhere so please," he voice cracked and I could see how shiny his eyes had become. "Please stop trying to push me away."

Whatever shaky pillar that had been holding me up these last few weeks crumbled and I just fell into his arms and true to his words, like always, Jong Hwa was there to catch me. He held me tightly as I sobbed out all of my pain and anger and frustration until I had almost nothing left and I was more tired than even before. He supplied me with tissues until I felt like my face wasn't a watery, snotty mess and I could finally look him in the eyes again.

    "Do you want to lay down," he asked me kindly. "Are you still in pain?"

I thought about it and realized that although I was still stiff and sore in places, I wasn't in the excruciating pain I'd been in earlier which surprised me since I'd just wracked my body with sobs and should be feeling even worse but I wasn't. Adrenaline, maybe? I shook my head but laid back down on the bed. "I'm sorry," I said quietly. I didn't even know how to apologize for the last few weeks, and I couldn't even imagine how to begin to make up for all the stupid things I'd said and did.

    "Don't," Jong Hwa said as he lifted himself up enough to pull the covers to my chin. "When you're better, you'll pay me back."

    "I don't even know where to start," I admitted and reached for his hand, he grasped it and brought it to his lips. The move was so cheesy that I couldn't contain my chuckle.

    "I have ideas," He smiled sheepishly and looked down like he was embarrassed. This was my Jong Hwa, I thought. I missed him, it felt like I hadn't seen this side of Jong Hwa in a long time. Before my dad kicked me out, back when things were simple, maybe? Or, I thought, as simple as my life ever got.

    "Should I be worried," I asked.

    "No, it's just--," he shook his head and laughed at himself. "There are things I want to do with you, like date-type things." His face looked a little pink and he looked away from me.

    "I love you," I said. I said it mostly because I wanted to see his reaction and I wasn't disappointed. He looked up at me with surprise in his face. His mouth formed a small 'o' like he was surprised I'd said it at all. I also said it because I should have said it two weeks ago and hadn't. Heck, I should have said it two months ago and just couldn't work up the courage. Jong Hwa had taken all the steps and now it was my turn.

    "I love you, Jong Hwa," I said it again. "But I'm afraid to."

    "I know," he said.

    "I don't know how to move past the fear," I admitted. "If this," I gestured the space between us. "If this doesn't work, it will break me and I," I cleared me throat. "I don't ever want to feel this pain again."

    "Come here," he said. I was just about to push myself into a sitting position when he laid down next to me on his side and opened his arms. I hesitated for only a moment before I turned into him and let him put his arms around me. "I'll show you I'm not leaving, you'll just have to trust me until then."

And if there was anyone I trusted, it was Jong Hwa. I silently prayed that he never changed his mind before falling asleep in his arms.

***

Minnesota, United States...

I couldn't get a hold of my daughter. The last communication I'd had from her was almost two months ago. I'd even heard more recently from her father, an email he'd sent tell me that he was moving them back to the States. I'd sent Lily an email almost immediately but I hadn't gotten a reply. Not entirely unusual but then I sent another one and then finally a third, all without reply. Unsure of what was going on, I sent her a couple of text messages and then finally called her except her phone at been disconnected. Instead of being panicked, I'd taken it as a good sign--assuming she'd gotten a new, local number and just hadn't called me yet.

So I waited, and waited and now, nearly two weeks after they were suppose to have come home, I still hadn't heard a damn thing from either Greg or Lily. Enough was enough, I thought and that's how I found myself at Fort Ripley on a Friday afternoon asking for Greg.

    "May I ask who you are," the soldier behind the receptionist desk asked me in a polite voice.

    "His wife," I could barely keep my anger out of my voice. I couldn't believe it had come to this, I shouldn't have had to drive all the way here just to find out where my daughter was.

    "Ah," the man looked confused before picking up the phone and dialing Greg's number anyway. "Yeah, Sergeant Smith, your-ah-your wife is here to see you." The man smiled up at me before turning discreetly to the left and said in a slightly muffled voice. "She doesn't look happy." He jerked the phone away form his ear and just stared at it for a second before hanging up. "He-ah-said he'd be right up."

I was willing to bet money that was not the words he'd chosen but the result was the same, I figured. It was nearly thirty minutes before Greg came out to the front desk. I hadn't seen him in almost four years and the rush of emotions that swirled up inside of me was mixed, at best. It did nothing to help my anger however.

    "What the hell is going on," I said as soon as he got close enough.

    "Now, Diane, calm down," Greg said in a pseudo-calm voice.

    "Absolutely not," I pointed my finger in his face. "I have not heard from either you or Lily in weeks, no calls, no texts, nothing. What is going on," I repeated my question in my best 'no-bullshit' voice.

    "There was a bit of a situation, I'm attempting to handle it," Greg said and I felt all the anger flow out of me. This couldn't be good. I almost collapsed but Greg helped me to a nearby chair and I sat down.

    "Oh God, what happened," I asked, my thoughts only on Lily. "Is she depressed again? What's happened with my baby?"

    "It's nothing like that," he waved off my concerns and I felt instantly better.

    "Oh thank God," I sighed in relief. "Is she just angry? Why hasn't she texted me or called even?"

    "Now, Diane, don't get mad," Greg said which told me all I needed to know--whatever he said next was going to piss me off. "Lily is still in Korea."

    "What," I said in complete disbelief.

    "She didn't want to leave," Greg went on like I hadn't said anything. "She's found a program, I don't know. I wasn't really paying attention when I locked her out of the apartment, I was just so angry. I assumed she'd give in and meet me at the airport once she realized the kind of mistake she was making but then she didn't show up, and I had already paid for the plane ticket, her's too actually but they refunded--"

    "WHAT DID YOU DO," I screamed at him. Rage boiled inside of me and I found myself steady on my feet and in Greg's face.

Everyone that had been within a 50 foot radius stopped moving and just stared at us but I couldn't care less.

    "Diane," Greg foolishly admonished. "I told you not to get angry."

The fight that ensued would be one for the ages.

To Be Continued...

Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Eight

Nae Chingu (My Friends)

Chapter Eight

I left Chan Min's office in a daze. I was equal parts happy and equal parts sad; happy because being accepted into the program meant I would be able to stay in Korea but also sad because I was expected to leave SFLHS by week's end which was two days from now. Chan Min had drawn up the transfer papers and I just needed to turn them into the SFLHS administration office tomorrow. Monday would be my first official day at Gyoyug Gudeunghaggyo a/k.a. Education High School. I had to give mild props to the founder of the school--at least he was straight-to-the-point when he named the school. I sighed as I walked out the front door and to the bus stop. I half expected my friends to be sitting in the lobby when I walked out but I was glad they weren't. I still needed time to come to terms with the news myself and I kind of felt like my dad was owed the news first. I wasn't excited about that conversation and I wondered how I was going to go about even broaching the subject with him. The bus ride was short but it gave me enough time to come up with a plan. I would make a nice dinner for my dad first, it would probably be my last cordial dinner with him before I moved out and he moved back to America. As much as my dad liked to make my life hard and I had more than my fair share of resentments towards him, I couldn't help but get a little choked up at the thought of leaving his side for the first time in eighteen years. I was a little terrified actually. I had no doubt that I could live in Seoul by myself but this would be the first time I would actually be by myself.

I stopped at the market by my apartment so I could pick up the supplies for my dad's favorite dinner. He wasn't home by the time I got home, which wasn't unusual and it gave me time to store up my reserves for what was going to most likely be the most difficult discussion of my life.

Cooking always seemed to calm my nerves so by the time he got home, I was feeling like maybe tonight wouldn't end as badly as I thought. That was until my father came home and the first words out of his mouth were "I can't wait to be gone from this place," he groaned as he took off his shoes which were caked with snow.

    "It's snowing," I asked trying to divert his attitude into something more pleasant. I hadn't known it was suppose to snow.

    "Started about an hour ago," he grumbled. "They never know how to plow snow," he said as he walked past me to the table where he slung his jacket onto one of the chairs. "Hmm, smells good, what're you cooking?"

    "Your favorite," I attempted to sound excited, thinking maybe this would help improve his mood.

    "Yum," he said and chucked me lightly on the head. I had to swallow tears at the gesture, it would be a long while before I felt that again so I cherished it now.

    "Go wash up, it'll be done in about ten more minutes," I said. My phone beeped in my pocket and I pulled it out and looked at the screen.

I haven't heard from you. It's bad, isn't it? Are you ok?

In my attempt to keep the peace with my dad, I had neglected to tell my friends the results of my meeting. I was about to send a quick reply to Mae Ri before I remembered I'd promised Jong Hwa that he'd be the first to know. Instead of telling her about my acceptance I told her I'd text her later and that I was fine. My phone beeped again a few minutes later but I ignored  it because my father was back in the kitchen and it was time to eat.

    "Looks good, sweetie," he said and began digging in.

We mostly ate in silence while I waited for the perfect time to drop the news on him but he broke the silence first halfway through his second helping. "How you coming along with your packing? Saturday will be here before you know it."

    "About that, I had something I wanted to tell you," I put my fork down and took a deep breath.

    "Uh-oh, don't tell me you haven't started, young lady," he said sternly. Well, this was off to a great start, I thought sarcastically.

    "It's not that," I said and looked into my father's eyes. I would be direct and not waiver, I told myself. "I won't be going with you back to America." My statement was followed by utter silence so I continued on. "What I mean is, I found a program that will cover my expenses so I can finish high school here," I said. "In Korea," I clarified when he still hadn't said anything.

There was more silence and I could feel my heart pick up pace and my hands started to sweat. My father was utterly calm as he put down his fork and wiped his mouth with his napkin. I think I would have handled him being angry better than this silence, it was unnerving.

    "The program set me up with a room in a dorm and when I graduate, if my grades are good enough, I'll get a scholarship to attend a coll--"

     "Stop talking right now," my father's voice was low but I knew that tone. He was furious, my stomach shrank two sizes and my dinner suddenly made me feel sick.

    "Yes, Sir," I said quietly and looked into my lap. I listened as he took a few calming breaths but the silence lasted a couple of minutes.

    "You are coming back to America with me where you will finish high school and attend college. I don't know what you've been doing behind my back with your little friends but you will be returning with me which is where you belong," he said all this calmly and stood up as if to dismiss himself from the table and if I didn't say anything now, I'd have lost the argument.

    "No, I won't." I said quietly.

    "Excuse me," he whipped around and said at a dangerously low level. At any moment he was going to explode and all I could do was hold on tight for the ride.

    "I've taken care of everything so you won't need to worry about me after you're gone," Ok, so that was a bit of a lie but I didn't want to give him the impression that this was simply an act of rebellion, which I knew was how he'd take it. I stood up and faced him with as much confidence as I could muster considering the circumstances. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before but I thought if--"

    "You are coming with me and that is absolutely final," he shouted at me and took a step towards me and I had to fight the urge to shudder away in fear.

    "I am eighteen years old and I've decided--"

    "You haven't decided anything! You are not allowed to decide anything while you are still living under my roof," he shouted and pushed the chair he had vacated into the table making all the dishes clatter and his water glass to tip over. I grabbed the towel on the counter quickly to clean up the mess but he grabbed it out of my hands and threw it on the table in anger. "Leave it!"

I backed away thinking more space between my father and I would be best but I stayed steady in my decision. "My move-in date is this weekend but I can't take everything--"

    "You aren't moving anywhere but back to America," he shouted even more loudly than before.

    "--so some stuff you'll have to take back with you or store away--"

    "Lily, you aren't listening," my father jabbed his finger into my face. "You aren't staying in Korea!"

    "No, Dad!" I finally lost my calm and shouted right back at him. "You aren't listening!"

He slapped me. The resounding smack and subsequent stinging sensation that resonated on the left side of my face had my eyes instantly becoming watery. My father was looking at his hand in disbelief like he couldn't quite believe himself that he'd hit me. I slowly raised my left hand to my face but quickly jerked it away because my touch only made it sting more. Without waiting for his next words, I whirled around to head towards my bedroom but as I passed by the entry way, I thought better of it and quickly grabbed my shoes and was out the door as my father started to call my name.

By the time I reached the bottom of the staircase, my phone had started to ring. I knew it was my father and I didn't even bother pulling it out of my pocket. I was on auto-pilot as I pulled my shoes on in the lobby of my apartment building and walked out the door. The bitterly cold February night air felt good against my face even as the rest of my body registered the frigid air. I wandered for only a few blocks before deciding I needed shelter. I would have taken my jacket if that hadn't required I open the closet door and take it off the hanger all of which would have given my father time to stop me. I wanted to wallow in self-pity but I decided I'd had enough of that a couple of weeks ago and didn't need to repeat that behavior any time soon. I made my way to the convenient store and sat down at the usual table. I wondered if my father would find me here but after thinking about it, my father would never have guessed I went here. He barely asked me about my life in Korea so he'd have no idea that this was a common hangout spot for my friends and I.

Speaking of my friends, I remembered that I'd never gotten back to Mae Ri and because I didn't think I'd be going back to my apartment tonight, I'd need a place to stay. It was getting late and if I didn't talk to her now, I would probably spend the night at a spa and those were always uncomfortable for me because it went against everything my western upbringing taught me. I pulled out my phone, which had become silent a few minutes ago and bypassed the six missed calls from my father and went straight to my text messages.

I'd only been gone five minutes but my father had somehow managed to text me eight times telling me to come home right this instant. Yeah, right, I thought. I read the text from Mae Ri wherein she said I should call her as soon as possible. Well, I guessed I would be calling her sooner than we both expected.

I knew almost instantaneously that I was in trouble when her phone went right to voicemail. "No, no, no, not tonight!" I hung up and tried again. When it went to voicemail the second and third time I knew her father had confiscated her phone again. "Aish, jinjja!" I grumbled loudly and got a look from a nearby customer. This time tears did start to well up but not from sadness, more from frustration.

    "Eotteoke*," I looked at my phone as if it'd give me an answer. "Eotteoke," I squeezed my eyes shut so the tears wouldn't fall. Mae Ri wasn't my only friend, I could just as easily call Jong Hwa or Ji Soo. In fact, it was probably more practical to call them because they would't feel compelled to go after my father. Despite being in the store, I was getting more and more chilled by the minute due to the door constantly opening. My fingers were beginning to go numb which made dialing Jong Hwa's number a little difficult.

His phone was on, thankfully, and he picked up on the second ring. "Good new or bad news," he asked and it immediately confused me.

    "What?" I asked and double checked to make sure I had, in fact, called Jong Hwa.

    "Your conversation with the Director, was it good or bad?" He asked but sounded hesitant to hear the answer.

    "Oh, ah, well I have good news and bad news about that but first I have a problem," I said between chattering teeth and sniffles as my nose started to run from the cold.

    "What's wrong," he was instantly alert.

    "The talk didn't go so well with my father and I'm--" I had the grace to be a little embarrassed, why did Mae Ri have such an overbearing father? As if I had the right to complain at the moment, I thought to myself, and instantly regretted complaining about Mr. Kim. "I had to leave the house and I don't--I need a place to stay tonight and Mae Ri isn't picking up her phone."

    "Where are you?" He asked and I could hear things moving in the background.

    "At the convenient store but listen, I'll come to you so don't--"

    "I'm coming to you, just stay put," I heard a door shut on his end. "I"ll be there soon," He said and hung up. Actually, it was probably a good thing he was coming to me because if I went to him, I'd have to walk because I didn't have my bus pass or money for a taxi although I'm sure his mother would have had no problem covering me for the fare considering the circumstances but I would never impose on his family in such a way.

He got there faster than I would have expected. He came bursting through the door as if a horde of zombies were following him. I stood up and attempted to smile to ease the awkwardness of the situation but it didn't work. He walked over and seemed to take in my appearance. "Where's your jacket?"

    "Everything kind of happened so fast that I forgot to grab it before I left," I said sheepishly and tried my best to not appear frigidly cold despite the fact that I was.

    "What happened," he asked as he unzipped his jacket and swung it around my shoulders, holding it closed with his hands. The warmth of the jacket instantly had my skin breaking out in goosebumps but if I was being honest with myself, it wasn't simply the jacket that made me get goosebumps.

I looked up at him to say thank you but the words got stuck in my throat when I realize how close he was to me but all the words died in my throat when his eyes widened.

    "Jong Hwa--"

    "What happened to your face?" He asked forcibly. He unexpectedly grabbed my chin and turned my head and I realized he was looking at the cheek my dad slapped. It must have left a mark, that's--that's awesome, I thought and sighed inwardly.

    "It's nothing, really," I shrugged and tried to pull away but he was still holding onto the jacket too tightly.

    "Lily, tell me," he asked a little more persistently.

    "My dad got a little angry and--"

    "Did he hit you," he asked severely and with anger in his voice this time.

After being backed into a corner with my dad and now being encased in a jacket that I couldn't get out of, I felt the familiar beginning of a panic attack starting. Everything had gotten so out of control and dad hadn't listened to me and now Jong Hwa was demanding answers for questions I didn't know how to answer and--

    "Jo-Jong Hwa," I stuttered. I didn't know what I was going to say but I could already feel my breath shortening uncomfortably which only made me panic more.

    "Lily, did he hit you," he asked again just as sternly and I couldn't take it any more.

I pushed his arms away and let the jacket fall from my shoulders and I felt a little better but nothing was stopping this panic attack, not even remembering that it was Jong Hwa in front of me would stop it.

    "Jong Hwa, I-I-"

    "Answer my--"

    "Would people stop cutting me off!" I shouted in English. My outburst earned us dark looks from the clerk and curious glances from the few customers. "I mean seriously, I can't get one word out before someone cuts me off or hits me me, I feel trapped!" Even to my own ears I sounded hysterical. "I'm trapped. I can't--I can't--" For the first time in two years I was having a panic attack and I couldn't stop it. I kept meaning to say I couldn't breath but I ran out of breath before I could finish the sentence.

    "Ok, Ok," Jong Hwa, ever calm as was his nature, he pushed me into a chair and pulled out his phone.

My gasps were becoming more infrequent as my oxygen intake became less and less. I felt like there was something lodged in my chest and despite knowing  what was happening, I couldn't make it go away. I kept telling myself to breath but it was like my body wouldn't listen. I was very aware of the people staring at me now which only made me feel more panicky. I was vaguely aware of Jong Hwa speaking to someone on the phone but I didn't know who or why so I just focused on breathing.

Before I knew what happened, Jong Hwa pushed the back of my head down and I was suddenly sitting at a 90-degree angle with my head resting on my knees. it was highly uncomfortable and compressed my chest even more. I stopped gasping for air and struggled against the hand that was holding me down.

    "Stop fighting, Lily," Jong Hwa's voice was soothing and echoed inside my head as his other hand rubbed smalls circles between my shoulders. The calming affect of his voice and the rubbing along with the compression made quick work of calming me down and soon I was able to think and breathe clearly.

I waited until I was completely back to myself before talking. "I think I'd like to get up now," I said quietly to my knees.

    "You sure," he asked and stopped rubbing my back.

    "Well, that depends," I looked quickly to my left and right but my view was obscured by my long hair. "Are there people staring," I asked.

Jong Hwa let out an unexpected bark of laughter, "No, just the clerk. She cleared the store a minute ago."

    "Then could I get a napkin," I sat up a little but kept my face hidden and looking downward. "Unlike Mae Ri, I'm an ugly crier."

Again, Jong Hwa laughed. "Mae Ri is an ugly crier too." But he got up and grabbed me some napkins so I could mop up my face.

After I'd had a chance to wipe down my face and make sure I didn't have any embarrassing snot coming from my nose, I finally looked up into Jong Hwa's face. He was looking at me with such concern that it made my chest tighten but for a different reason this time. Jong Hwa had always been nerdishly attractive to me but there were moments like these where he was just breathtaking. It wasn't so much his good looks but him as a whole; he was kind and good and caring. he was understanding even when he had no reason to be, like now. I'd basically dragged him out of his home on a cold night,  yelled at him in front of strangers, and then sobbed all over him and probably embarrassed him in front of a bunch of people and yet, he was still here. Still handing me tissues and looking at me as if he didn't care about what had just transpired in the last ten minutes.

I felt so low, like I had no right to be his friend after tonight. "I'm sorry," I said and looked away from his face.

    "Do you feel better," he asked innocently, obviously having no idea what was going on in my head.

    "Sure," I stood up and threw away the tissues and apologized o the clerk for my abhorrent scene before walking outside. This time the cold air felt refreshing even as it was making my skin prickle.

Jong Hwa followed me out and stood in front of me with his jacket open and waiting for me to shrug into it. "No, it's yours. You wear it," I pushed it back towards him but it looked like his patience with me had worn thin because he sighed and forcibly shoved my arms into the sleeves and had me zipped in the jacket before I could really stop him. As soon as it was zipped up, I tried to reach for the zipper to pull it back down but his hand closed over mine and gave me a stern look.

    "Leave it," I nodded once and he smiled at me. "Good girl," he laughed at my expression and let go of my hand. My handle tingled where he'd touched me but blamed it on the cold in my denial.

    "That is so condescending," I muttered but I was still very grateful for the warmth even though I knew he must be cold now.

    "Mian*," He smiled that sweet smile of his and my heart stuttered in my chest. "Shall we get going?"

    "Going?" I asked and tried to forget about my fluttering heart and tingling hand.

    "Yes," I tugged the hood of the jacket up. "We're going to my house, remember?"

    "Oh," I'd forgotten post-panic attack the purpose of calling him out this late at night. I glanced in the direction of my apartment and wondered if I shouldn't head home instead. I could simply give Jong Hwa the jacket back and go home thought I doubted Jong Hwa would let me leave that easily. But more importantly, did I even want to go home? I'd have to face my father... It was a thought that brought me no joy.

    "You're not going back home," Jong Hwa said a little forcibly as he looked in the direction I was looking.

    "Eung?" It always surprised me how quickly Jong Hwa could read me, or rather, any of us really. He was always so intuitive.

    "Do you really--have you seen your face?" Jong Hwa asked me incredulously and looked at me. He shook his head in exasperation which caused his glasses to fall down his nose until they'd almost dropped off his face altogether. He angrily pushed them back up and I couldn't contain a giggle. Panic attacks always left me feeling a little exhausted which caused me to laugh or giggle frequently, as was the case now. It didn't take long before he started laughing too.

    "Jalsaenggin*," I said absentmindedly between laughs before coming to a stuttering halt. Oh my god, I thought. Did I just call him handsome? To his face? I wanted to curl into the fetal position and die.

    "Mworago*?" Jong Hwa stopped laughing and just stared at me.

No, no, no, this couldn't be happening! My brain quickly thought of a retort, "Ani, Ani, seong gasin*!" Oh geez, if there was ever a moment to face-palm, this was it. I went from calling him handsome to calling him annoying and I couldn't tell which was worse.

He looked at me for another second before breaking out into a smile. I was about to say something else when my phone went off. I pulled it out thinking maybe it'd be Mae Ri but it wasn't. It was my father. I'd ignored his previous texts and calls but I didn't feel like I could ignore this one. Who knew what my father would do at this point and it would be best to see if his anger had abated any so I picked it up.

    "Hello," I said cautiously into the receiver.

    "Come home right now, young lady," my father barked into the phone and I jerked it away from my ear. I guess he was still angry, lucky me, I thought.

    "Dad," I thought of a quick lie. "I'm already at Jong Hwa's house for the night, I'll be back--"

    "I don't want to hear it, I want you home now," he shouted into the phone again.

To my complete astonishment, Jong Hwa jerked the phone out of my hand and spoke quickly in English. "Mr. Smith, Lily isn't coming home tonight," without so much as a goodbye, Jong Hwa hung up the phone and removed the battery before my father could call back. I was speechless, I'd never seen Jong Hwa be so openly rude to an elder, or rude to anyone for that matter. He always made a point to be respectful. It really was the quiet ones you had to be careful of, I thought.

 "Kaja*," he said nonchalantly.

    "Jong Hwa-ya," I made a pass for the phone but he grabbed my hand with his left and tucked the phone into his pants pocket with his right. He didn't let go of my hand but simple gripped is tightly and smiled down at me like the phone call had never happened. "Kajagu*."

And that was the end of the discussion.

To Be Continued...

***

*Eotteoke: Literal translation is "How" but can be used for the purposes of asking "What do I do?" "How do I do something?"

*Mian: informal "Sorry", think of Mianhae(yo) as "I'm Sorry" and Mian as just "Sorry"

*Jalsaenggin: "Handsome"

*Mworago: "What?" Or "What did you say?"

*Seong gasin: "Annoying"

*Kaja: "Lets Go"

*Kajagu: "Let's Go!" or "I said let's go" by adding the "gu" it puts more of an emphasis on the word.

Nae Chingu (My Friends) Chapter Seven

Nae Chingu

Chapter Seven

Thursday came without word from Chan Min Wednesday night and I could feel myself start to become panicky. I could barely focus during school and often caught myself looking out the window at the tall buildings of Seoul. God, what if I didn't get in? I really needed to figure out my options, Mae Ri's parents hadn't come to a decision yet which surprised me and if I was being honest, I was a little hurt. For three years I'd been Mae Ri's best friend, had spent countless nights at Mae Ri's parents and they'd never given me any indication that they didn't like me but then again, I'd never asked for them to let me move in. I guess that was slightly different than a weekend sleepover... Regardless, if they chose not to let me stay I wouldn't allow myself to be eternally hurt by it; they were good people and I would trust they had their reasons. I just needed to make sure Mae Ri understood that so she didn't do anything stupid, like actually run away. I sighed and didn't notice that our chemistry teacher was calling my name until Mae Ri turned around in her seat and knocked on my desk.

    "Huh," I looked up at Mr. Gu, who looked at me with his shrewd eyes and told me to answer the question. The only problem was, I hadn't actually heard it. "Joesonghamnida*," I apologized. "Could you repeat the question?"

    "Maybe you'd find your time better spent elsewhere, perhaps the hallway until class is over," he pointed to the door. It took me a second to realize he was serious. I gave him a hesitant bow before making my way to the door. It was no secret that Mr. Gu didn't like me, he hadn't since the day I transitioned to the regular classes. He'd never told me why but I suspected it was because I was a foreigner but since I couldn't do anything about that, I chose to stay out of his way.

Being out in the hallways wasn't all that bad, besides the embarrassment that came along with everyone knowing you got kicked out of class, it gave me time to reflect more on my options. Despite my many efforts last night to think of a plan B, nothing was forthcoming so I had to start thinking of the possibility of me not being able to stay at SFLHS. If that was the case, I could drop down to a regular public school and work part time jobs to pay for the hostel, that wouldn't be too bad expect the amount of hours I would have to work to pay for a hostel room would be a lot and wouldn't leave much time to study. But then again, if I dropped down to a public school, the chances of me needing a lot of study time also dropped considerably. So there was that; the only problem with that solution was I would be without my friends...but it was better than the alternative which was moving back to the States. The word "but" kept traveling around in my head and I eventually shook it to get it out. There would be no 'buts', I needed to find a solution and commit myself to it. If dropping down to a public school and working a part time job to cover hostel costs was better than the alternative then I guess I would bite the bullet and transfer. There, I nodded in self assurance. I had a solid plan B.

    "You look like you just came to a conclusion," a voice said from behind me. Ji Soo was standing there with his hands in his pockets looking at me. He looked somewhat conservative today and hadn't added much to the standard SFLHS ensemble except for the two asymmetrical earrings that dangled petite-looking skulls from his ears. One was longer than the other which made it look slightly odd but still completely Ji Soo.

    "I did," I smiled at him. His class must have been released early if he was showing up outside our classroom. After chemistry was lunch and luckily we had the same lunch hour as Ji Soo.

    "And what was it?" He asked as he scrubbed at the floor with the tip of his black tennis shoes.

    "If I tell you, you'll only tell Jong Hwa who won't like it so I think I'll keep this one to myself," I teased halfheartedly. It was true however and we both knew it, there wasn't anything that Jong Hwa and Ji Soo didn't tell each other so if I was going to keep this plan B to myself, I wouldn't be able to tell anyone, except maybe Mae Ri.

    "Now I want to know even more!" Ji Soo whined just as the doors to my classroom burst open indicating the class had ended. "What're you doing out here anyway?"

    "I got kicked out," I said sheepishly.

    "Jinjja? You never get kicked out," he looked genuinely surprised. "What happened?"

    "Exactly what I'd like to know myself," Mae Ri burst in as soon as she found us standing in the hallway.

    "Daydreaming," I covered quickly.

    "Daydreaming," Ji Soo scoffed. "You daydream in the middle of class, now I've seen it all?"

    "What, am I not allowed to daydream?" I pretended to sound  hurt.

    "I've never seen you do it before," Mae Ri said. It was about then that I noticed Jong Hwa had never come out of the room.

    "Jong Hwa eodiya*?" I started back for the classroom, I needed my wallet anyway if I was going to buy anything for lunch. I almost ran into Mr. Gu as he came out of the classroom but I sidestepped quickly while he only sniffed at me snootily. God, what crawled up your butt today, I wanted to ask.

By the time I turned to head through the door Jong Hwa was already heading out and we collided head first into each other with enough force to knock me on my butt. I didn't have time to stand back up and straighten my skirt before Mae Ri was in Jong Hwa's face and yelling at him about his terrible manners.

    "Mae Ri," I tried to pull her back. "Mae Ri-ya!" That finally got her attention. "We just bumped into each other, I'm fine. No need to go all Edward Elric on Jong Hwa, it was an accident." I patted down my skirt while Mae Ri pulled herself together. Yeah, I thought, sometimes she was a handful but she always had my back.

    "Here," Jong Hwa passed my purse off to me. "For lunch," he muttered before heading towards the cafeteria and suddenly I felt bad for Jong Hwa. I hadn't done anything wrong but sometimes Mae Ri was over protective and ever since she found out about the possible move, her protectiveness had gone into overdrive. Also, it couldn't have been easy to like Mae Ri, the girl was a landmine just waiting to be stepped on. That thought brought up another one from a few days ago of Jong Hwa insisting that Mae Ri and Ji Soo start dating. Why would he say that if he wanted to date Mae Ri himself?  That thought process left me feeling slightly queasy and I rubbed my stomach to help ease the feeling.

    "Well if you stopped daydreaming, we could head to lunch," Mae Ri pointed at my hand which was currently rubbing my abdomen. "Kaja," she turned around and headed for the lunch room.

After waiting in line and getting our food we all sat down and started to eat. This was the most quiet we ever got, mostly because Mae Ri's mouth was usually full of food instead of talking but today it seemed extra quiet. Before I knew it, my thoughts were back on the tests I had taken for the ESE exams and going over my answers again. This process had been on an endless loop in my head since Monday and the longer and longer it took for Chan Min to call me, the more and more I worried.

It went by like this for a few minutes before Mae Ri gasped in shock suddenly. I turned my head just in time to see Cho Geun Ma spill her milk down Mae Ri's back. If it had been any other student, it would have been considered an accident but since it was Geun Ma, we knew it was purposeful. One look at Mae Ri's face and I knew she was about to explode. Geun Ma and Mae Ri had been rivals since middle school when Mae Ri starting dating Geun Ma's crush. It was before my time, but from what I'd heard Mae Ri was quite the playgirl back then and often flitted from guy to guy. Since I'd known her, she'd only had one boyfriend and it hadn't lasted very long at that.

    "Mae Ri--" I tried to get her attention but it was too late.

    "You little--" was all Mae Ri got out before she was up from her seat and pushing at Geun Ma who was all too happy to fight with Mae Ri. The problem was, fighting was absolutely prohibited and if Mae Ri threw the first punch, she'd more than likely be expelled or at the very least suspended which would probably cost her the scholarship she needed to keep going to this school.

    "Ji Soo, grab her!" I shouted and we all left our food abandoned at the table in an attempt to get Mae Ri away from Geun Ma. Ji Soo got a hold of Mae Ri around the waist and began hauling her towards the door but that didn't stop Mae Ri from attempting to get a kick in. Having no other option, I jumped between Mae Ri's foot and Geun Ma and took the kickin Geun Ma's place.

Because I wasn't fully prepared for it, Mae Ri's kick knocked me to the side and the sharp corner of the lunch table found a nice little home behind my right shoulder and the pain knocked the air out of me. I mean, I could breath but I tried not to hoping the pain wouldn't be as bad. There were a group of people around me, all staring down at me but no one offered to help me up. At least not until Jong Hwa pushed his way through the pulled me to my feet. He must not have actually seen me fall because he pulled me up by my right arm and I nearly passed out from the excruciatingly sharp pain that shot down my arm.

    "Ah!" I yelped and he instantly let go of my arm.

    "Where are you hurt?" He asked almost frantically while looking for signs of bleeding.

    "My shoulder, I'm ok," I gasped out and cradled my arm to my chest. "Where's Mae Ri?" I could no longer hear her.

    "Ji Soo has her, lets go to the nurses office," He started pushing people out of the way, the cafeteria was abuzz with chatter and I was actually starting to feel a little woozy, like I was too warm all of a sudden.

    "No, lets find Mae Ri first, she's going to be too much for Ji Soo to handle," I pushed my hair out of my face and took several deep breaths to try and pull myself together.

    "But you're hurt," Jong Hwa said but I ignored him and headed for the cafeteria doors. I didn't know where they had gone but based off the stares and quiet tittering of gossipers, I just followed the trail until I could hear their voices.

    "You know you can't get into fights, she's only provoking you to get you expelled!" Ji Soo was saying loudly to a crying Mae Ri--or at least I assumed it was her crying, I couldn't confirm it until I turned the corner.

    "My uniform," she gasped between sobs. "It's ruined, Ji Soo!"

    "I know, Ma Cherie*," Ji Soo said quietly right as I turned the corner. 'Ma Cherie', I didn't know French but I knew enough that it made me wonder why Ji Soo used that term for Mae Ri. I shook my head and decided it wasn't important right now and focused on what had happened.

Mae Ri was huddled on the ground with her SFLHS jacket lying in her lap. Even from ten feet away I could see the huge milk stain on the back of it and I cringed silently to myself. These uniforms weren't cheap and neither was a good dry cleaner. Chances were that stain wasn't going to come out fully. Ji Soo was sitting on the balls of his feet in front of her trying to console her but not doing a very good job of it based off his last statement.

    "Hey, Mae Ri, it's ok," I pulled out a tissue from my pocket. "You know, a stain like that I can get out without a problem." I attempted to cheer her up, no idea if I actually could get the stain out or not. "Here, just wear my jacket and I'll take yours home to wash," I started to ease my jacket off but as soon as I moved my right arm, the shooting pain started again and I sucked in air.

    "Oh Lily, I kicked you," Mae Ri forgot all about the jacket was busy looking over me in an attempt to find a wound. Little did she know it was my shoulder that was wounded. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean--I mean I did, but it wasn't meant for you!"

I forced out a laughter as I finally got the jacket off my left arm but it didn't get much further before both Ji Soo and Jong Hwa reacted to something behind me. "What, what is it?" I tried to turn but Jong Hwa just pulled down my jacket more until it was hanging off my right elbow.

    "That's it, we're going to the nurse's office," Jong Hwa didn't even wait for an answer before he hauled me up by my left arm and the sudden altitude change made me gag.

    "Wait," I choked out while I breathed through my mouth.

    "Oh Lily," fresh sobs erupted from Mae Ri and I had the feeling something terrible had happened and everyone knew it but me.

    "What--" I felt weak and was extremely warm by now. "I don't feel--" and that's the last thing I remembered before waking up in the nurses office nearly fifteen minutes later.

***

When I woke up I noticed a few things first: 1) I was lying on my stomach in the infirmary with my uniform shirt pulled halfway down my arms and; 2) my friends were all whispering behind the pulled curtain. I tried to listen but couldn't hear what they were saying because it was too low and definitely too fast.

Instead of trying to figure out what they were discussing, I decided to do a self check. It was my first experience fainting and I assumed I'd feel even worse after waking up but I actually felt better. I wonder if fainting is a lot like restarting a computer? I reached for my right shoulder and felt a gauze pad over where I'd gotten hit. I moved my arm and although it still hurt it was no where near as excruciating as before.

They must have heard me move because my friends quickly shushed up and three human sized shadows appeared just beyond the curtain.

    "Lily, are you ok?" Mae Ri asked tentatively. "Can I open the curtain?"

    "Just a sec," I called before sitting up and pulling my shirt all the way up. It took another moment to button the shirt back into place but when I felt like I had been put back to rights, I said "Ok."

Mae Ri pulled the sheet back and the first thing I thought was that she looked awful. Her eyes were puffy and her face was blotched like she'd been doing some serious crying, her face hadn't even looked this bad when we found  her in the hallway after the Geun Ma incident. "Oh my god, Mae Ri, what happened?"

Fearing the worst, that perhaps she was going to be suspended or expelled, I grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the bed to sit next to me. "What happened?" I asked again and was shocked to see Mae Ri burst into tears. This was absolutely not what she needed. "Ya, ulji maseyo*," I said and pulled her into a  hug. I looked over at the other two and Ji Soo was leaning against the opposite wall with his hands in his pockets and Jong Hwa was looking out the infirmary window. What he was looking at, I didn't know. It was clear I wasn't going to get an answer out of them.

    "Ok, ok," I pulled back from Mae Ri and wiped her face clear of tears but because I didn't have a tissue, I had to wipe my hands on my skirt. "Ok, Mae Ri-ya, nae chingu Mae Ri, what happened? Did you get suspended?"

She sniffled a few more times before shaking her head. Uh-oh, "Di-did you get expelled?"

She shook her head again and I felt relieved and I laughed excitedly. "Then why are you crying? This is good!"

    "I hurt you," she mumbled while still trying to compose herself.

    "Oh I'm fine," I emphasized the word "fine" because I was. I was a little achy but it wasn't like permanent damage had been done. "Really, I'm fine."

Jong Hwa took an audible breath at the window and Ji Soo pushed off the wall and walked towards the desk and picked up what looked to be like four passes. "Why don't we head back to class, we're already late."

What the heck? All of my friends were acting very weird and it instantly raised my shackles. What had I missed while I was out? "Is something going on I should be aware of?" They all said no at the exact same time which only proved that I had truly missed something. "What is it?"

    "It's nothing," Ji Soo said before handing out the passes to each of us and putting a half-assed fake smile on his face. "We're late, we should go." He nodded at Mae Ri who silently nodded back.

    "I'm going to run by the bathroom first," Mae Ri said and pushed off the bed.

    "I'll go with you," I said and stood up but she shook her head.

    "No, it's ok. I just have to wash my face, I'll see you in class," she said and was out the door.

    "Kaja, Jong Hwa," Ji Soo said and Jong Hwa finally turned around. He didn't look alright either, I couldn't tell what was going on by his face. He just seemed different than earlier. I was about to ask him what was wrong when he swept past me and headed out the door. Ji Soo gave me another forced smile and headed out the door as well. With no choice, I followed after them but I lagged behind intent on figuring out what happened. Since we were walking behind Jong Hwa he didn't notice when I pulled on Ji Soo's sleeve to keep him from going into class.

    "I'm not an idiot, Ji Soo, something is wrong," I looked at him pointedly.

    "Look, it's just better if we all act like nothing happened and go back to normal," he said.

    "Ji Soo--"

    "We're all upset about what happened in the lunch room but we'll get over it," he said which sounded mostly true. He still looked like he was keeping something back though. You didn't get to be best friends with someone without knowing the person well. And I knew my friends well...

    "Did Jong Hwa say something to Mae Ri," I asked and Ji Soo sighed so I must have been right.

    "Why do I even try," Ji Soo muttered to himself and then said something in French. "Jong Hwa may or may not have been upset enough to say some things to Mae Ri."

    "Like what," I asked.

    "Like saying that Mae Ri could have killed you if it'd been your head rather than your shoulder that was hit," Ji Soo sighed.

He what--! Why would he say that, I asked myself.

    "Listen, he was upset after you fainted in the hallway, he'd thought you might have hit your head," Ji Soo continued. "The nurse said you fainted due the pain and the sudden adrenaline drop but that you were otherwise fine. It just shook us all up, that's all."

    "And that's the whole truth," I asked him.

    "The whole truth," he nodded. "Can I go to class now, some of us has a rank to maintain," he joked. I nodded and he left to go back to class.

After he was gone, I headed back to my own class but I waited for Mae Ri before I went back in. When she finally made it back to class, she looked much better than she had in the infirmary. It was amazing what cold water did to the face. I smiled at her and she smiled tentatively back.

    "Look, don't listen to Jong Hwa," I hugged her again and pulled back, afraid I'd make her cry again. "I'm fine, we're fine, we're all going to be fine, so lets just put it all behind us."

    "Ok," she nodded.

    "Just one more thing," I said and took off my jacket. I started to push Mae Ri's off her shoulders before she protested.

    "No, Lily, it's--"

    "It's not ok, I can't have my best friend going back into a class with a milk stain on the back of her jacket," I said before saying, "it doesn't go well with those green nylons of yours." That earned me a laugh and the jacket.

Honestly, I didn't mind wearing a milk stained jacket, even after all the stares I got when we went back into the classroom. I'd been an outsider for so long that people staring at me no longer had an effect on me. Besides, the glare we got from Geun Ma more than made up for it. As we sat down, I shot a thumbs up to Jong Hwa who gave me a small smile before turning back to the front to listen to the teacher. He too, had a rank to consider.

***

Despite the excitement of the day, the rest of school passed by incredibly uneventful for which, I'm sure, we were all grateful. We were all walking out of the school together, somewhat subdued than we usually were but still, we were all together despite the mess that happened during lunch. We all headed for the city bus that would take us to the convenient store. It was like secondhand nature to us so although we were all a little awkward around each other, it was comforting to know that we were all still on the same page.

What would it feel like if we all stopped being in sync? I shuddered to think about it. TVXQ's Mirotic started playing and I quickly removed my gloves so I could answer my phone.

    "Yeoboseyo?" I didn't recognize the number.

    "Ms. Ril-Li?" a deep voice asked.

    "Ne," I answered. Who was this?

    "Ah, Hello. This is Soo Gae Sik," He said which meant nothing to me.

    "I'm sorry, I don't know who--"

    "I am the Director of the Educational Student Exchange," he provided with a small chuckle.

I stood up so quickly that I hadn't realized I'd done it until I was already on my feet. "Oh! Ah-Annyeonghaseyo, Soo Gae Sik-ss!" I bowed even though I knew he couldn't see it.

    "Annyeong," he laughed again. "You just got out of school, no?"

    "Yes," I chirped excitedly.

    "Do you have time to come down so we talk about the program," he asked.

    "Yes, I can head there right now," I checked my watch and looked at my friends who were all staring at me curiously.

    "Good, good," he said. "I'll see you soon." And he hung up. I had long since gotten used to the Korean version of saying goodbye on the phone which consisted of just hanging up when there was nothing else to be said. I put my phone away and turned to my friends.

    "I'm sorry, I have to go," I told them. "That was the Director from the ESE, he wants to see me right now."

    "Really?" Mae Ri said.

    "What're you talking to us for, go," Ji Soo commanded.

    "Call me," Jong Hwa said as I rushed across the street to catch the bus that would take me to the ESE. I got there just in time to get on the bus, all the while waving at my friends who were cheering me on from across the street.

That's when it hit me, we were truly going to be ok.

***

When I got to the ESE, I was pushed through to Chan Min almost immediately who greeted me with a big smile. I rushed to him and gave him a hug, which I'm sure surprised the heck out of him. I pulled back quickly so I didn't make him more uncomfortable than he probably already was.

    "I'm sorry, I just had to do that," I apologized quickly.

    "It's ok," he gave me a small laugh.

    "The Director called me, that's a good thing right?" I asked him.

    "It's a good thing," he nodded and ushered me through the door that lead to his office. We made our way back to his desk and we sat down. "Your scores on the tests were incredibly," he said first.

    "That's good news, my education wasn't a waste, then, huh?" I was giddy and I told myself to calm down.

    "No, quite the opposite," he sat back and crossed his legs. "The Director was also very impressed by your essay but I don't want you to get too confident."

    "Oh, I'm not. I'm just glad I've come this far," and that was all I needed to hear to close down all sense of excitement. Now I was just nervous.

    "The Director is a fair man and I think the interview is just so he can meet you in person but he's been known to turn away potential students despite their exam scores so just remember that," Chan Min nodded to make sure I understood and I nodded back. "Smile and be honest, you ready?"

Suddenly I felt like I didn't want to meet the Director. My palms had become sweaty and I rubbed them on my jacket to try and get rid of the moisture. "Yeah, I think I am."

Chan Min showed me the way to the Director's office and gave me one last piece of advice, "Just breath," he said. I had to suppress a laugh because his advice reminded me of my favorite movie, "Ever After" where the leading lady tells her self to just breath before revealing herself to the prince and it was enough to calm me down again. Chan Min knocked on the door and waited for the Director to tell us to come in.

The office wasn't fairly big which surprised me. In fact, it was downright humble! There was a small, wooden desk that the Director sat at which had piles of papers on it with a computer and a lamp. Although it was standard to have higher ranking executives to have plaques on their desk to indicate their name, it was usually something stylish but not this time. This time it was just a piece of wood with his name etched into it in fancy lettering. There were two chairs sitting in front of the desk that were spindly looking by comparison to the plush chairs that were sitting in the lobby. The most impressive thing in the office were the letters of certificates and awards that were hung on the wall behind the Director and the Director himself, not at all what I expected.

I expected a man in an expensive suit of about forty years old, based off his voice, but what I got was a man of about sixty in a knitted sweater and black dress pants. His face had clear lines of old age, and he looks quite homely. His thinning hair was swept off to the side in a borderline messy fashion and he had a pen behind his ear. His appearance shocked me but it must not have been surprising because Chan Min entered the office and didn't hesitate in introducing me. Going with the flow, I gave a respectful bow and introduced myself.

    "It's nice to meet you, Ril-Li," he said and gestured to a chair in front of him. I nodded to Chan Min who nodded back and walked back out of the office and shut the door. "How are you doing?"

Listening to Chan Min's advice, I was honest. "I'm nervous, Sir," I told him and took a sit in front of the Director.

He laughed and sat back in his swivel chair and looked at me and I felt like I was being inspected. I was just glad I didn't have to take my jacket off because then he would see the milk stain. "Why are you nervous," he asked me.

    "For several reasons," I admitted. "I-I really need," I back tracked. "Want. I really want into the program." I tried not to stutter but whenever I got nervous, I stuttered.

    "Any other reasons, I should know about," he asked inquisitively. It wasn't in a mean way, but like he was honestly curious as to why I was nervous.

    "Honestly, because what I decide next depends on the outcome of this interview," I told him.

    "How so," he replied.

    "If you decide to decline my application then I'll have to start working on my plan B because either way," I took a deep breath. "Either way, I'm staying in Korea."

    "Hmm," he said noncommittally.  He took a few moments before he pulled some papers off his desk and began reading them.

I squeezed my eyes shut, I just messed up. I shouldn't have been honest, why couldn't I have just said I was fine! My chest tightened but I beat it back, if I was going to freak out, I'd freak out when I was out of this office. When I opened my eyes, he was still reading from the papers and I waited to be dismissed.

    "In your essay, you wrote you deserved to be accepted into the program because you "found a home in Korea"," he quoted. It must have been my essay he was reading from.

    "Yes," I concurred because I did, in fact, say that. Maybe I wasn't finished after all...

    "Why?"

Why? Why what? Why did I write that? I was confused, "Why, Sir?"

    "Why is Korea your home?" He clarified and dropped my essay onto his desk.

Why? That was a good question, one I had an answer for. "When my father moved me from Germany, I was upset. I was leaving my friends, I was leaving my school, but it wasn't until I started living in Korea that I realized I was never upset because I was actually leaving Germany." I said and looked down at my fingers. I'd never spoken about it because once I accepted Korea, there was never any need too. "When my father said we were leaving Korea, of course, I was upset because I would be leaving my friends again and my school but I was mostly upset because I was leaving the district I lived in, I was leaving the view outside my bedroom window, I was leaving the people at my local market. I was leaving the streets of Seoul and the buses, the taxis, "I stopped talking because I could have honestly kept going. "My point is, I was leaving a country I loved, a country that was as much a part of me as my own soul and what more could be considered home than that?"

When I was finished, he gave a nod of acknowledgement and pursed his lips. "Well, that's it then."

That's it? Did that mean the interview was done, or that I was accepted? Why did this man keep using such cryptic sentences? "Sir?"

    "Chan Min will help you with the paperwork," he said dismissively and waved towards the door.

    "Th-the paperwork?" I asked, confused.

    "Oh, Ms. Ril-Li," he chuckled which only added to my confusion. "You were accepted before you even walked through that door."

***

When I left the Director's office, I was in a daze. So dazed that I couldn't even feel excited. It had happened, I had been accepted. I was staying, I was--

I had to brace myself on the wall while I waited for the feeling in my legs to come back.

    "Ril-Li?" Chan Min came around the corner with a concerned look on his face. "Gwaenchana?"

    "How did you know I was here," I didn't even bother answering his question. I felt hot and I was wondering if I was going to faint for the second time that day.

    "My father called me and said you looked unwell," he said and checked my forehead.

    "Yo-your father?" I asked him.

He looked kind of sheepish, "the Director is my father," he told me.

Following that little revelation, Chan Min helped me back to his desk and by the time I sat down I was feeling better and in fact, borderline ecstatic. I had gotten into the program! I had actually done it. I felt like I could give Chan Min another hug by I refrained. I'd hug Mae Ri later.

    "As far as paperwork goes, it's just a temporary contract and school placement documents," Chan Min told me and he pulled out two forms. "I'll just explain the contact briefly; It's an agreement between the Educational Student Services and yourself that state that as long as you keep your grades at a minimum GPA of 3.8 and agree to stay out of any trouble while attending school, we will cover all room and board costs and educational costs as well as providing a small amount for allowance that will be given monthly."

I nodded as he continued.

    "You will be required to move into the dorm, as soon as next week. Since the semester has already started, we have already paired you with a roommate from America, her name is Emily. I'll provide you with a list of items you'll need but not much is allowed in the dorms beyond that. If you have any questions on items you'd wish to bring, you can always ask me." He flipped a few pages. "The contract also pertains to your post-secondary education obligations. Assuming you've read about the elite high school program, you know you have to major in education, right?

    "Yes," I said.

    "Good, then, that should be all the key points. Stay out of trouble and keep your grades up and everything should be fine," he smiled and gave me the contract along with a pen. I signed my name and dated it. He took the contact from me and placed it in a blue file that had my name on it. "Ok, next on the agenda is picking a school."

    "Picking a school, like a college," I asked. It seemed a little early to be picking a college but then again, maybe it was all part of the program.

    "No, a high school," he said and looked up at me. "You'll be needing a pick a high school to attend from here on out," he told me.

My stomach bottomed out as I realized I wouldn't be able to continue to attend school with my friends...it seemed I would be transferring anyway. How was I going to tell the others?

To Be Continued...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Eodiya: Where or Where is
*Ma Cherie: French for "My Dear"
*Ulji maseyo: "Do not cry"

My Sister and I

Chapter Two

I woke up groggy the next morning. I glared evilly at my alarm clock as it read seven a.m. Honestly, the school system had it all wrong; elementary age children naturally woke up at early hours so why elementary school didn't start until nine-thirty or ten in the morning completely boggled me. Luckily, fate had been on my side when my parents bought this house because not only did it take me less than ten minutes to get ready for school but I could be in school in less than five minutes. So I usually slept in as late as possible, as long as I woke up within twenty minutes of the first bell.

This morning I got up and slowly got ready for school like I normally did and it wasn't until I was putting my boots on that I remembered I had a meeting with Reggie before first period.

    "Hell," I muttered and dashed out the door and ran up the hill to the side door of school. I made it to the front office with only five minutes to spare before my first hour.

    "You're really trying my patience, Melissa," Reggie said without looking up from his paperwork. Reggie was an intimidating man, or he would have been if he wasn't one of the most fairest faculty members at the school. Reggie was the kind of teacher that tried to work with students rather than make students follow a strict set of rules. He also didn't put up with any bull. He was in charge of Student Affairs so basically he was the ultimate guidance counselor, you had to be pretty messed up to merit a meeting with him. I guess I was one of the lucky few.

He was a tall man with skin as dark as my black boots but when he smiled, man, it was the friendliest smile you'd ever get from a teacher--as long as you didn't give him any lip. Reggie and I had become fast friends almost from the very first day of school, of course I had been skipping class at the time and he'd caught me which gave me my first lesson on Mr. Reggie Lanfield. Ever since then, we'd been on a first name basis.

    "Lucky for you, however," he continued and finally looked up at me. "You got out of lunch duty today."

    "Is there anything else I lucked out on," I asked hopeful. Wishful thinking I knew but it was worth a try.

    "In fact, yes there is." Reggie smiled at me, all white teeth ad gums. It was kind of unnerving in this situation, he was never this nice.

    "Really," I asked hesitantly. "What is it?"

    "You do realize you have about a hundred and ten hours of detention, not including yesterday's--unexcused--mishap, right?" He said all this without losing his smile but I had a sudden sinking feeling this was leading nowhere good.

    "Yeah..." I answered.

    "Even if you did an hour a day of detention, you still wouldn't be able to complete your hours before graduation," he said. Still speaking cheerfully, when was the other shoe going to drop, I thought.

    "Is my punishment suppose to be standing here listening to you berate me," I asked irritated. I knew full well I was giving him attitude which Reggie never took positively but I didn't know where he was going with this line of thinking.

    "Careful, Melissa, I'm about to do you a huge favor," he warned. I failed to see how and asked him as much.

    "How so," I asked.

He shifted some papers around on his desk and pulled out what appeared to be a completely random sheet and handed it to me. I took the paper and looked at it carefully. It was my transcripts, dating all the way back to sixth grade.

    "What are you--"

    "Take a look at those English grades," he instructed.

A-A-A-B-A-C-A-A..."What about them," I asked and shrugged at the same time.

    "You excel in English, why?" He waited for an answer even though the warning bell rang indicating we had one minute to get to class.

    "I don't know, but class is--"

    "Don't worry about class, I'll write you a pass," he said and waved it off with his right hand.

    "Ok, but what does my English grades have to do with me getting rid of my detention hours?" I was still at a complete loss, when would he get to the point?

    "I want you to start a project," he sat back in his chair which creaked under his weight. He wasn't fat by any means but he was solid. He looked at me closely before saying, "Starting today, I want you to keep a diary."

I stood there in complete silence waiting for him to start laughing. When he didn't, I knew he wasn't joking.

    "Excuse me," I asked stunned.

    "Yeah, that's about what I thought your reaction would be," he chuckled and opened up a drawer in his desk and pulled out a medium sized book. It was lime green and looked rather simple but I instantly disliked the thing. "Your favorite color is still green, right?"

    "It was before this exact moment," I said slowly and continued to stare at the book. "What is that?" I dreaded his answer even though I already knew.

    "Your new diary," he smiled brightly and I had the sudden vision of me punching him in the face.

    "You're joking," again, this was said with attitude. "Right?"

    "Not to sound like Thor or anything but do I look to be in a jesting mood," his smile never faded but it did become more threatening.

    "Was that rhetorical," I asked honestly.

    "Mel," he warned.

    "Sorry! I just don't know what you expect from me," I said defensively. A diary, I mean, come on!

    "I'm so glad you asked," he said brightly."I expect you to write in this book every day starting from today until the Friday before graduation," he said. "If," he enunciated that single word. "If you wish to graduate on time," he finished. He handed the book to me and I took it as gingerly as I wold have if it was dynamite.

I was surprised to find it was heavier than it looked. I opened the first page and had to appreciate the design. The paper was compressed and matted, kind of like the paper you could make yourself at the renaissance festival. It looked pretty cool, I had to admit actually, but I still wasn't sold on this idea.

    "Reggie, I don't--"

    "This is your only chance, Melissa," he said. "You can't serve more than two hours of detention a day and even if you started today, you'd never serve all your hours."

He had a point, sadly. What was the saying again, hindsight was twenty-twenty? I shouldn't have skipped so much, I mentally scolded myself.

    "Mel," he sighed and sat up straight again. "All I'm asking you to do is write your thoughts down, once a day and bring me the book every Monday. Let me check the entries and I'll erase your detention hours at the end of this semester," he said reasonably.

    "Are you going to read all the entries," I asked. I wasn't sure what bothered me more, the fact that I was being made to do this or the fact that he'd be reading all my thoughts.

    "Yes," he said simply.

    "So what stops me from discussing the weather or what I've eaten on any particular day?" Because if there were no restrictions, that's about all he'd get from my entries.

He laughed, "Because if I feel like you're just writing nonsense, I won't delete your hours and I'll see you at summer school. Simple as that."

    "So, I just need to write my thoughts and feelings," I clarified.

    "Yup," he nodded. "Everyday."

    "Everyday," I muttered.

    "I know it'll take some time to really get into a flow but I know you'll get it," he reached into his desk again and pulled out his hallway pass pad. He wrote me a pass to my first hour but stopped me halfway to his office door. "Remember, Melissa," he tapped the calendar sitting on his desk. "Everyday and please, go to math today."

    "Sure thing, Reg," I called over my shoulder with a mock salute.

***

True to my word, I stayed for math class and even took it one step further and didn't start a fight with my teacher.

After school I went home and immediately started my homework so by the time my parents came home, I was completely done. We were about halfway through dinner when my father cleared his throat indicating he had something to say.

    "So, I got a call from Reggie today," he said and I groaned.

    "What? Why? I even stayed for math class," I whined and put down my fork, thinking I was about to get chewed out by my parents.

    "He said he gave you an assignment," he scooped more hamburger helper into his mouth. "Wanna tell me about it," He muffled through the food in his mouth. Both my parents looked at me expectantly. I was going to get back at Reggie...

    "Not really," I mumbled and my mother raised her eyebrows. "But I will," I added quickly. "It's not anything, really, it's kind of like...a writing thing," I trailed off, hoping that would be enough information.

    "He said something about a diary," my father said.

Yup, I was going to TP Reggie's desk first thing in the morning. Hardcore TP, the wet, gross, impossible-to-get-rid-of kind of TP too. "Can we not call it that, geez," I rolled my eyes. "It's a journal, let's call it a journal, ok?"

    "Ok, so he wants you to write in a dia-" my mother quickly retracted her words after I shot her a warning glare. "Dia-journal, but why?"

    "To help with graduation," I said. No need to mention--

    "It's for the detention she's accumulated the last four years," my father supplied.

    "Dad!" I interjected, irritated that he outted me to my mother. "If you already knew all the details, why did you even ask?"

    "Because I wanted you to tell your mother," he said innocuously.

    "Well, how much detention did you accumulate," my mother asked.

    "Just a couple--"

    "One hundred and ten hours," my father answered for me.

    "Dad!"

    "A hundred and te-how?" My mother's voice raised about ten octaves and I cringed. I didn't even have to look at her to know her face was bright red with anger.

    "Mom, it's not a big deal," I tried to pacify her. "Reggie said he'd cancel all the hours if I wrote in the diary," I said.

    "I thought we were calling it a journal," my father asked innocently.

I whipped my head to the left to glare at him. I didn't even bother to shout but I gave him my most intimidating look which I probably failed miserably at, "Thin ice, Dad."

    "Ok, Ok," he gave in and put more food in his mouth.

    "Well, I guess you should keep up with the diary," my mother said.

    "It's a journal, God!" I groaned and dropped my head onto the table hard enough to rattle the silverware.

***

The rest of dinner passed by peacefully but when I headed back to my room, the first thing I did was pull out the journal. Reggie wanted me to write my feelings, well here went nothing:

Dear Reggie,

        Thanks for ratting me out to my parents. I truly appreciate it. can you sense the sarcasm dripping from my written words? Well, let me assure you, there is heavy sarcasm. Dinner with the 'rents was quite delightful. She said with heavy sarcasm again.

I was hoping he'd get the picture...

How am I feeling? Besides, irritated, I feel stupid writing this. I hope you don't expect much to come from this exercise of yours. I mean seriously, who do you think I am? Anne Frank? She at least had World War II to write about. What am I suppose to write about? I'm a teenager from Mid-America, nothing exciting happens here. I could write about the war on terrorism except well, isn't that was newspapers are for?  We had hamburger helper for dinner...Oh! I went to math class and didn't start a fight with Ms. Jano. Although I still don't understand why I can't do the math problems my way as long as I get the right answer, seems stupid to me. 

I was quickly running out of ideas to talk about. How was I feeling? Bored...Stupid...that about summed up my feelings, actually. I wanted to get back to my cultures book so I decided to close out my entry with that.

Well I have a book I want to get back too. It's about the different cultures around the world. It's pretty interesting, actually. So, with that I'm going to say....goodbye? Ugh, this is too weird...

I debated on whether I should sign the bottom but felt too foolish and just dated the entry and left it at that. I put the book in the drawer of my nightstand and pulled out my cultures book.

***

I didn't dream that night...