Experiences Of A New Mother: Try and Try Again

With my bundle only being just over six weeks old, I have come to realized that a technique that worked yesterday most definitely does not have to work today. I mean, if there was a rule book for new time mothers, that would be like . . . rule number two. Right after "Do not shake your baby."

A Short Story: Secret Love

Secret Love

Two old friends get together for dinner after a long time apart. One of them is secretly in love with the other one.

Experiences Of A New Mother: Sleep When Baby Sleeps

If you are about to have a baby and you--ignorantly--ask for advice, everyone and their mother will say: "Sleep when baby sleeps."

It sounds like common sense and I would automatically reply with "Well, of course!" Maybe you chuckled and maybe you didn't.

Trust me, there is no "of course" about it.

Child of Psychology: A Blessed Curse

Ever had a friend that could relate to any situation? Always had a story that could somehow reflect what was going on in your life? Had some life hack that would help you deal with any problem you encounter? And all you wanted them to do was listen to you and sympathize. Well, that's kind of what it's like when one of your parents is a psychologist and I'll be the first to admit that it gets old . . . real fast.

A Stress-Induced Enlightened State

Reaching the point of stressed-induced enlightened state has been quite the experience. It's not only made me quite freer but it's almost made me understand more of myself. Or perhaps I've just started to spout so much bullshit to keep me going that it's begun to sound pretty darn good to my own ears.

Even My Dad Does Sometimes

I've been listening to Ed Sheeran's "Even My Dad Does Sometimes" almost every day. The song is sad and the picture the lyrics paint is a rather dismal picture but this song has become very importantly to me lately. It's exactly how I feel almost every day. Especially the line "Live life like you're giving up. 'Cause you act like you are." And I feel like that's how I've been acting lately.

Haha, I say 'lately' as if it's just been a week or two. More like five or six months. Such is life.

"It's alright to die, 'cause death is the only thing you haven't tried" is another line that brings me comfort because it's true. Granted, I haven't tried everything I'd like to but death truly is the ultimate challenge and we only get to experience it once. That's why the phrase "Go out like a bang" was created, wasn't it? "Go ahead and just live it up" is another lyric that makes the earlier phrases even more legitimate. You only die once so live it up, do it with style. Death should mean something, any time a person dies, it should mean something. Whether it makes people mourn, cry or feel vindicated, a death should mean something. It's only cruel if they die for no reason. If no one cares about a death, that's truly sad. There are more and more deaths happening that people just don't care about. Is it because we've become to de-sensitized? Maybe...but is everyone de-sensitized? No. At least I'm not...I can say that with 100% percent accuracy.

Today I put my renaissance outfit on for the first time since last October. It was comforting. I imagine a day will come and I'll put my wedding dress on. It would be too sad to put a wedding dress on only once in a person's lifetime. It's been two years--nearly at least--since I've been married and I've warn it a total of..3 times since then...I think... I've mastered zipping it up from behind and everything! It truly was a beautiful dress. Most women think their wedding dresses are beautiful but most think back and go "Oh, I should have went with this type" or wish they'd had a special feature. I guess I'm not completely immune to this sentiment. I wish my dress had a corset tie in the back but alas, the rest of the dress was so perfect that I was perfectly okay with a zipper. And God, I looked beautiful in it. I know that makes me sound conceited but I don't care. I looked so goddamn good in my dress it was amazing. I've never felt so beautiful in my life. I hope and pray ever woman who gets married feels the exact same way I do about my wedding day. Supreme happiness. I was marrying the man I love, I looked beautiful and I felt like a planet for once--in the sense that everyone was there and their focus was all about me--and my husband of course but... What I'm trying to say is I've never felt that before in my entire life. I absolutely cherish that memory for so many reasons...it'd be too hard to count them.

I know I sound like a shallow piece of shit but I don't feel like one.

I listened to the Cavalia soundtrack--I almost said OST, tee hee--today for the first time in a long time and felt like editing my manuscript. Recently my manuscript, or the idea of losing my manuscript, had me in tears with a full blown panic attack. It's made me realize how much that manuscript meant to me. Each word on the 200+ pages is precious to me. Of course that reminded me of the story I've been telling on this very blog--Nae Chingu--and I've felt ashamed for abandoning my characters. Ji Soo most especially, every once in awhile he starts shouting in my head that he's got a confession to make and it's been boiling up inside of him but he needs me to get them out. I suspect the confession, when it does take place, will be rather...boisterous. *shakes head* Poor Ji Soo...but mostly especially poor Mae Ri...she won't even know how to handle it. Thankfully she's got a newly healed Lilliana to help her process it. And of course there are her parents, Lilliana's I mean. Her parents are coming and don't even get me started on how Jong Hwa is going to make Lilliana pay him back. Oh Lilliana...you don't even know.

How did this blog start out by me talking about death and end up with the friends in my head? Haha, life is strange sometimes.

Annyeong Yeoreobun! Saranghae. Totally informal, but what are you gonna do? *shakes head*

A Letter to Firnlambe...

Our friendship came as a bit of a surprise, didn't it? *chuckles* Considering you didn't even like me when we first met. Hell, you don't even remember our first meeting! Bitch...

You were the friend I wished for when I was younger. Don't get me wrong, I had friends that I hung out with and whatnot but I could probably count on my two hands how many "sleepovers" I had. My mom kept us a bit...secluded...and sleepovers only really happened for special events and even then, I had to be home pretty early the following day. 

Now I have sleepovers all the time and they can last for days. Well, we used too any way. Things have been a little too complicated lately to have as many sleepovers as we used too but hey, that's life right? 

You're probably wondering why I am writing this to you but...I have no reason other than to show my appreciate towards you for the whole interwebs to see. Last night--you know what I'm talking about--you kept your head and dealt with my craziness in stride rather than looking at me like "What the fuck..." which means more to me than you'll ever know. This isn't the first time it's happened in front of you, either. You get enough people to look at you like "What the fuck..." and it starts to leave a mark on people's psyche. 

I'm not perfect and you know that. In fact, many things are different for me, *chuckles*. But you accept it even when I can see that it annoys you. 

I'm not saying we won't ever fight in the future or have our days that we literally repel each other--case in point, B.A.P--but knowing that it's temporary and I can always come back to you and know it'll always be alright, means the absolute world to me. 

Kamsahamnida jeongmal, Eonni.

Touch my Kyuhyun though, and I'll forget I ever wrote these words. ;) Saranghamnida.